Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How to forgive someone who cheated on you?

263 Answers
Last Updated: 06/08/2022 at 5:05pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.

Top Rated Answers
specialDancer66
June 27th, 2018 2:09pm
just be happy because if they don't care about u why should u care about them they are happy in there own world they don't even know how many tears u shed for them so just stay happy and forgive them
beautifulMonkey87
June 29th, 2018 7:55pm
You honestly can’t. If you do it’s hard. You shouldn’t though. They messed up with a special person.
wonderfullSummer84
June 29th, 2018 10:00pm
Well, it really starts with forgiving yourself. Sometimes you blame yourself for things like not being good enough or not doing certain things to keep them away from other people. Please know, you did nothing wrong. Then you can move on to forgiving them, and that’s a long process. First you’ve got to accept what they did to you, and that it hurt you, then you’ve got to admit your personal feelings about it. Then I would suggest talking to a trusted adult or friend about these feelings cause you’ve got to let it out. Find outlets for the negative emotions, and as long as you feel those emotions keep using the outlets. Seriously they help a ton. That’s all I’ve got.
Olivia9959
July 15th, 2018 11:25pm
If someone cheats on you; the best way to forgive them would be to let go, and to not Blame yourself.
insightfulCaramel21
July 20th, 2018 4:56am
As a listener I can see that you’re hurt and you want to forgive them. show them that you’re you’re no longer hurt that you have pushed yourself past that zone that you have bettered your self, better than you ever could’ve if you never forgiven them. show them that you no longer hold on to that hurt or to the bad past memories that you have let you go and show them that yes I’m willing to forgive you but that does not mean I’m willing to let you back into my life and let you hurt me I’m going to show you that I am capable of forgiveness and I am capable of forgiving myself
Thanarys
July 22nd, 2018 4:04pm
It's hard to let go of the feelings of pain and anger, and it's completely okay to feel that way. However, anger is a poison that will eat you from the inside the longer you hold it in. You have to realise that by forgiving them, you are opening up a pathway towards peace. Of course, most hurts never really go away, but time heals and you will get better. If not soon, then eventually. You have to realise that it wasn't your fault, and to accept things for what they are. Forgiveness is moving on and taking care of yourself, but it is not justifying why your partner cheated. Please remember, you are worthy of a love that will last, and forgiveness is the first step in moving forward.
Tianna17
July 25th, 2018 9:44am
If they do it once then they’ll do it again. Once they see that you let it slide the first time, they start to get comfortable. People don’t change, they just get better at hiding it
generousRabbit93
August 2nd, 2018 5:23am
it'll come on its own, dont force it because you fully wont move on with the hate or anger you have towards them
itgetsbetter567
August 2nd, 2018 4:05pm
You just have to let it go. Honestly, it’s just holding you back from your full potential, maybe even in you entering into another relationship. Let it go so you can rest well and let them have sleepless because they are the one who chose to be unfaithful.
Anonymous
August 29th, 2018 6:06am
In order to forgive someone who cheated on you, you have to understand that it was not your fault and accept that. Once you understand that it was not your fault, then you can move onto understanding why they might have done this. Forgiving someone is no easy task and cheating is a bit more difficult. I believe it takes time, but once you have forgiven someone for hurting you, you will feel better. Holding onto hate or grudges is only painful for yourself and will weigh heavy on you in the long run. The old saying forgive and forget still has meaning today but in the sense of forget what was done and move on with your life.
Anonymous
August 29th, 2018 8:03am
When someone cheats on you, your mind and emotions scream at you to hate, punish and never forgive. It’s hard to let go of those feelings. Nonetheless, forgiving someone for cheating will actually benefit the faithful person more than the cheater. The anger we feel after infidelity is like a poison that lives in us. Forgiveness is the antidote and the only way to move on. You should try to forgive someone for cheating, but only once you understand what forgiveness means and how you can achieve it.Even when you know you should forgive and why you should do it, taking that step can seem almost impossible. Be patient and know there is nothing wrong with seeking help.
Anonymous
October 11th, 2018 3:21pm
The best way to be able to forgive is to have an open and honest discussion with each other especially with a therapist present. In order to heal and get over this, you must take the necessary steps to get better separately and as a couple. Personally, It would be very hard for me to forgive my partner for cheating but I would do my best to see where everything went wrong or could have been better. It is important not to blame ourselves for other people's actions and/or reactions. We should also not lose our core values and stand by what we believe. If we let people walk all over us, we will never achieve full happiness. Boundaries are important.
GEMINIALDRIDGE8D
October 13th, 2018 10:18pm
You shouldn’t feel you have to. It isn’t wrong to feel betrayed by someone who has cheated on you. You aren’t wrong for not forgiving them. In my eyes, they shouldn’t be able to forgive themselves. You may be able to forgive them eventually, but you may also never forgive them. It’s one of those things where only time will tell. This is because it can depend on many factors, including your connection to who it was with and how much you have been hurt by it. For example, if it was a drunk one night stand it may be easier to forgive the cheater than if it was with your best friend. Don’t feel you have to forgive them. And don’t promise yourself that you can. Many people can’t. As I said it can depend on a lot of things.
Anonymous
October 20th, 2018 6:54am
The easiest way to forgive someone who hurt you in any way is to realize that attachment is the root of suffering. If someone cheated on you, try to look in the mirror and ask yourself "Why did they do it?" Did you do something to provoke their actions? Did you try honestly communicating with them. If you really feel you haven't done anything, then you can be certain to understand that whatever you went through is only a reflection of who cheated/hurt you. This may not be the most pragmatic way to deal with this situation however, it certainly is the most sensible - to avoid further conflict and bursts of rage and bring some clarity in mind.
GazelleOfGaz
November 23rd, 2018 7:22pm
if someone cheat on you, that means the love you gave wasn't enough for him. or you are no more what he desires. if he cheat on you that means he is confused or unsure about the relationship. if he cheats on you means your relationship was weak. if he cheat on you just forgive him and move on. because feelings change and it is okay to let go of what hurts you. if he cheat on you try to remember the happy moments and forget the bad. forgive and forget is the key of a healthy lifestyle. talk to the person who cheated on you. ask for a reason and then if you can fix the problem it is good to continue with trust. just don't hurt yourself and blame your fate for his actions
haveyoumetJuliet
November 28th, 2018 11:42am
I guess to forgive someone who cheated on you, who hurt you, who betrayed your trust is to first try to recognize that it is not your fault why did they do it. You are so much enough for anyone and you don't deserve to be treated like that. Second, is to think that at the end of the day people still make decisions that will benefit them more. This may looks selfish, but it is sadly true. We, people try to make decisions that will make us more happy, that will benefit us more. Probably that's where survival of the fittest comes in. Third, is to recognize that this person who have cheated in you, either they said sorry or not, still learn to forgive them. Not because they deserve it, but because you deserve inner peace and freedom from pain.
happylistener333
December 16th, 2018 5:27pm
Firstly find out the situation and understand why they did it. Once you are able to, see if they are genuinely sorry and that they’re able to show more respect for you and your relationship. If you’re able to move on from the situation then you will be able to forgive. You don’t want to constantly hold it over your partners head and use it against them. Resentment isn’t a healthy thing, but being cautious is completely understandable. Work through your problems together, see if your relationship is tenable and see if this cheating was an anomaly or something that can be forgiven.
Anonymous
January 11th, 2019 5:28pm
Forgiving someone who cheated on you can be hard. You just need tot ale it day by day. Forgiving someone is very important to do. I can not give you any advice but try and think of what you would do if you were the person that cheated on them. You want to think about all of the things and times in the relationship taht made you happy. When you talk to the person tell them how you feel first. You also have to give the person a chance to explain why they did what they did. The best thing you can do is to talk about it with the other person.
Anonymous
January 16th, 2019 1:10am
The key to forgiving someone who has done such a thing to you is acceptance. Try to figure out why it happened so you can get a better grip on the situation. Once you have gotten a grip, try to look at it from their perspective. Once you have done that you can be able to accept their decision thus letting you forgive them. You must also realize the difference between forgiveness and toxicity. If they cheated on you, it may be helpful to re-evaluate your relationship with them. If you feel that you are not compatible with each other, it may be best to end that relationship. Forgiving someone will always help you, but learn from what happened as well.
Anonymous
January 19th, 2019 2:10am
In order to forgive them, you have to see a genuine change in their personality. They must be willing to truly become more committed and loyal - only then can the healing process truly begin. From there, you can forgiveness becomes possible, because in a way, you know that the person made a mistake and is repenting for it. Being with someone who merely talks without backing up their words with actions ultimately leads to only further pain and suffering down the road. That's why I think you have to observe a genuine change in a person before you can forgive them and move on.
twopeasinapod
February 8th, 2019 12:38pm
It's really not easy but ultimately forgiveness doesn't mean that you condone their behavior. Forgiveness is a way to allow your self to accept and move. Forgiveness frees you from being a prisoner of anger and bitterness and means that you will not allow the person to have that hold onto you anymore. It really is'nt easy and cannot happen overnight , but it's a journey of discovery and realization along the way . Taking the first step is the hardest but it does get easier once you've decided. Forgiveness allows you to bring love again into your life because we're looking forward to the future and not lamenting on the past .
Anonymous
February 10th, 2019 4:37pm
Well, I would say to you set yourself free from this person actions. Because it does not do you any good to try to be mad at this person. It's all about you and not this person because in the long run you are actually hurting yourself with stress and unwanted anxiety. It want be easy but you can muster up the strength to let it go or to even move on from this relationship. I know too many people that have wasted years of their life with hate. The one thing I would say to you is do you still believe that you can have a life with this person if not you probably just want to walk away before you get hurt even more.
Nakshatra
March 20th, 2019 1:34pm
When someone cheats on you, our mind becomes a chaotic place. You blame yourself, you blame your partner, you blame the person they cheated with, you blame the relationship. It is most important to first talk yourself out of blaming yourself for the actions and choices of another person. Once you are confident about that, you embark on the journey of forgiving your partner. Know that what they did was circumstantial/impulsive/irrational. Understand that as human beings, we tend to convince ourselves to do things we normally wouldn't- and these thoughts are probably driven by negative emotions. Condemn the incident, but forgive the doer- to protect your energy as well. Holding onto the hate/anger will only wreck your peace of mind. Why should you go through negativity that you aren't responsible for? Forgive the thought process that led them to commit that mistake but know that their mistakes don't define them. Concentrate on how they see their doing- are they sorry about it? Do they want to work it out? If you want to work it out as well, concentrate on how to go back to being happy. Treat the problem as an opportunity/wake up call to fix/come up with beautiful solutions to work through together.
GodwithinU
April 17th, 2019 6:39am
Forgiving is the only option you have I guess if you understand the true nature of reality. Whatever happens in one's life is entirely controlled by one's destiny and not by people and places. Though we have this perception that people and things in our life makes us feel the way we are feeling but that is nothing more than an illusion created for us to evolve and nothing else. For you to better understand that you need to know that you were to have an experience of being cheated and that was your destiny. The person who cheated upon you could have been different but you were meant to experience it. Similarly the person who cheated upon you had to have an experience of cheating someone which was again controlled by his/her destiny. So understand one thing today that noone else is responsible for the happenings in your life. It is you who accumulated certain good and bad deeds which are now shaping your life. So take life with open heart and don't blame anyone or anything as the things which happen in your life are purely controlled by your own destiny. And one may find different answers to this question but better to understand life in it's true form otherwise different things will have different answers and whole of your life will be spent finding the answers to useless question. Know yourself and you will understand that answer to each question lies inside you.
Anonymous
May 2nd, 2019 5:06am
Take small steps to find your trust in that person. Let them know how much they mean to you and how valuable they are in your life. Keep communication open. You don't have to talk about what exactly happened but how you both can be better partners. Find the interests you both share and try to plan more time doing them together. You don't have to let your guard down right away but set a goal albeit small ones you both can work on. Make sure he/she knows he/she can trust you and you value that. Then let yours build as well.
MacSouLight
May 7th, 2019 8:50pm
In my experience being treated as a state of mind. sometimes something that seems like the worst thing that can happen and that being the best later on. In my life I always think that I do not lose, I learned. I only lose if I feel like a loser. And never should anyone feel like a loser for being granted a way out of something that in the end may not have been best for them. Life is about perception, and if you see yourself as blessed instead of cheated or gifted instead of taken from you leave the situation with more positive than negative. And those people exit your life because he knows they don't deserve your time. You have to allow that to happen, and know that it's not about you, it's about what they don't think they deserve and you should be grateful that they saw something in you that needed to be released to someone who can better accommodate them and their emotional needs.
Kara13
May 9th, 2019 1:07pm
Forgiveness can come in a lot of different forms. We can forgive them by respecting that they made a choice that changed and shaped their life. By thinking of a time when we ourselves were impulsive and irrational. Forgiveness doesn't have to be staying with someone who cheated on you, it doesn't have to be staying in contact. It can simply be an acceptance and a release of all of the negative emotions we have. I learned long ago that forgiveness is actually not for the person who hurt us, but forgiveness is for ourselves. Let that negative energy and emotion go, and you yourself will walk lighter.
Anonymous
May 25th, 2019 6:34pm
Speaking from personal experiences the best way to forgive someone who cheated on you is to first accept the fact that it actually happened , i was in denial for days when this happened to me and somewhere deep down it feels like it's our fault , that we are not good enough , but buddy that's not the case i assure you that :) So after you have accepted that someone had cheated on you , now accept the fact that you are amazing as you are and THIS has nothing to do with you , this is all on the other person and their choices and decisions :) After we have ourselves in a much clearer light , things become a little easy to look upon and reflect, nobody is perfect but we try nonetheless :) Reflect upon yourself and how you can make yourself better , engage yourself and over some period of time you'd see for yourself that forgiveness for the other person comes from within and on it's self. All you need to do is just breathe and let it all flow/run it's course first ! Hope that was of help :D keep smiling and be brave :)
resourcefulFreedom38
June 15th, 2019 2:23pm
Forgiving is difficult for most of us. We feel betrayed by someone we trusted. Something that you could do is sit down and think about the incident to see where things may have gone wrong. Try to determine what it is about the betrayal that affects you the most. After that has been determined speak to the person about it, if possible. Tell him/her how you feel and exactly what it was that hurt you the most. If you cannot speak to the person, try writing it down or practicing the speech in the mirror. Writing and verbalizing helps to release the feelings that we have inside. Actually say, I forgive you for ... This should help you feel better.
Anonymous
June 21st, 2019 4:44pm
You have to remember no one is perfect and you did nothing wrong, don't blame yourself in the situation. It's all on them. Never beat yourself up over something like this. Remember that everything will be okay, it just takes time. I've been this kind of situation before. You'll get through this just fine, no worries. Just try to relax and love yourself. You are better off without them if they decided to treat you so badly like that. You deserve love and respect, not to be treated like dirt. Never think otherwise. Everything will turn out okay in the end, just you wait