Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How to get closure from my ex? I feel I need it.

176 Answers
Last Updated: 12/23/2021 at 3:59am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda King, PsyD


I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.

Top Rated Answers
October 13th, 2018 7:05pm
It is nice to see that you’ve come to a decision and trust your judgement. Before you contact your previous partner, you might like to take some time to reflect and reevaluate your past relationship in an objective frame. This is valuable so that you have a clearer view on the real relationship, unclouded by guilt or blame, and ultimately figure out which questions will bring you closure. Some elements you may like to consider are the expectations and ideals that you had from your partner in the relationship, whether they were met, whether it was reasonable and how the end of the relationship began. You may also want to decide if it was healthy for either of you. Throughout this, remember to respect yourself and that some relationships end simply because of incompatibility.
April 12th, 2020 7:53am
I totally understand how you’re feeling. Sometimes it’s easier to just accept a apology we may never receive. Often I’ve had to come to terms with and accept the fact that some situations won’t ever make perfect sense or feel fair and we just have to leave them where they are. It’s better to let a wound heal than to pick at the sutures. The most helpful thing that I’ve experienced is trying to find the lesson in that experience/relationship. What did you learn about love and life from that person or the pain it caused you? People look for closure in the hands of their ex but often it’s within themselves.
January 1st, 2021 8:40am
Getting closure from your ex why she ended things or why she did something which hurt you is very important to some people. If you don’t get closure on things, you’ll forever (long termly) be worrying what you did wrong or what they think they done wrong.. this can eat you alive (metaphorically of course). I think best way to get closure is just to ask them, be honest about what you want and why you want it, they would probably tell you why things happened as they happened then. Then after you have found closure, you will feel a lot better hopefully :)
July 14th, 2016 8:43pm
Decide that the relationship is over in your own mind. Once complete, look forward to the next person you welcome into your life.
August 5th, 2016 2:16am
If you have any mementos, it may feel satisfying to put them away in a private place for some time, or destroy them, if you're feeling any violent urges.
August 13th, 2016 6:18am
Take the good things and the bad things and separate them. The good ones can stay in your heart as long as its in the past, while the bad things should disappear
September 29th, 2016 11:42am
It can take a long time to get over an ex, and sometimes it can feel that getting closure can help with that. Lots of things can help with closure. Some ideas include writing a letter and then burning it or tearing it up, or even making a box of things that remind you of the relationship and putting it away somewhere safe.
October 9th, 2016 6:46am
Talk to him about it. Whatever youre feeling you should adress it, Im sure he will understand. Ask questions aswell!
January 22nd, 2017 1:28pm
I hear you! It would be absolutely wonderful if each relationship that ends comes with closure for both people. Why do we think closure exists outside our own hearts and minds, though? If we couldn't get what we need from our ex during the relationship, what makes us think we can get what we need from them when it's over? I think pampering oneself is a great form of closure, and also doing an "exit interview" with yourself, in a journal perhaps. What questions would you ask yourself as a "former employee" in the relationship? What were your strengths and weaknesses? What can you take with you into better relationships?
February 2nd, 2017 3:04am
I would suggest simply getting out! Whether it's going to the mall, out with friends, or even for a walk or run. I've found that getting in the habit of doing this can help break a possible need for closure. Don't expect for these things to dissapear immediately, but over time that need for closure becomes less and less! :)
May 27th, 2018 5:45am
Sometimes you will never get closure from your ex. The closure comes from within you when you've moved on and you're ok with your life on your own. It can be a daunting though but it's critical that you see yourself as the soul responsibility for your happiness. When you focus on yourself you no longer need that closure because it's in the past. I always take a learning lesson from each relationship. Choose one thing that I could have done better and work on it for the next one. I don't put myself down, I am realistic.
May 31st, 2018 2:42am
As the saying goes" no revenge is the best revenge" . My dear time geals and patience is the key. Dont have any expectations. Learn to accept that whatever the case may be ut was destined to happen this way .accepting is the first step. By becoming aware of that it will help you to grow as a person .from experience playing the waiting game never worked in my favour instead i learnt to love myself and unexpected when i have completely gotten over the "waiting for a closure " to be at peace, i became mY own peace and happiness then they come slong vack.only then it alll up to you to realise your worth .
January 8th, 2021 3:06pm
In many situations it is not possible to geta direct closure, meaning not everybody gets to have one on one conversation with their ex where they can say all the things they didn't get to say. In those cases, there are various possibilities that can give you some form of closure. One of those forms is writing a letter, something like Lara Jean did in "To all the Boys I've loved before", and if you feel it's too risky, you can easily burn or destroy the letter. In the letter, you can write anything you want to say to them. And if writing is too hard you can try other mediums as some form of art where you will get your emotions out.
July 14th, 2016 2:18am
Talk to them about your feelings and think of it as a normal conversation with sentimental values!!!
July 27th, 2016 1:14am
Understand that not every small detail from your relationship that meant a lot to you will get closure. Sometimes closure only comes with time and moving on. I've been in a relationship for two years and still didn't feel closure until my ex came crawling back to me - and when I said no politely, I still felt empty without it. But time helped the most, and growing apart helps even better.
August 6th, 2016 1:49am
He best closure from a relationship that has ended is through friends and family, for example go to the movies or bowling with some friends to get your mind off things.
August 6th, 2016 11:02am
You could try talking to them, asking them what you feel you should, although sometimes it's not possible to get closure from an ex.
August 7th, 2016 10:45pm
Closure is hard trust me I know. Maybe telling him or her how you feel and treating yourself to things like cake or to the movies with close ones do stuff that makes you feel better and free. Go on dates, love and live and be the person you want to be without him there
August 14th, 2016 2:44pm
Tell him/her what you really want to say, be honest about it, and if your ex lacks the social maturity to be confronted, then perhaps telling a listener here may help
August 18th, 2016 7:58pm
You just need you. Not anyone. Start becoming independent my friend In the end its you who matters. Stay blessed
August 31st, 2016 2:35am
Well first, acknowledge that you are taking this step and stay focused. Next is to realize you can't get closure from your ex themselves. Spend time with friends, talk it out, cry it out, write it out and vent it out. Once you get all your feelings out and reminiscing, then can you start replacing daily conversations between the two of you with hobbies and activities you would do on your own as an individual. Realize that there was a reason why you broke up and look ahead based on that! It's not the end of the world but do seek for help from other people if you can. Even on 7 Cups!
September 7th, 2016 6:52pm
Time, sometimes it takes them cheating on you are doing something awful and hurtful to fee closure, but those things are painful to deal with. Maybe moving on will give you the closure you need
September 20th, 2016 6:32pm
A close reminder on how the relationship has negatively affected is an essential step . Secondly, realising that the fact that there is no future with a person who has impacted in a negative way to your life..Last but not least ,being aware that a right person would make you feel back in track because you are an amazing person and you totally deserve to be happy.
September 21st, 2016 2:12am
Whenever a romantic relationship ends, we tend to only remember only the good times. I personally kept a dairy of all the bad time and fights after we broke up :) I made a list of what did not go so well in the relationship and reasons why he is now an ex. I find that helped me get closure.
October 6th, 2016 3:19am
The best way to get closure from your ex is to go out with friends, and don't check on his/her social media. Make sure to surround yourself with positive people, and go out and do all the things you might not have been able to before!
October 7th, 2016 11:48am
Good question! In order to get closure, you need to see the reason clearly of why you broke up. Was it harmful? Loosening up? His feelings changed? If so, know that when you think of the reason why, and how it was for the good, you would eventually realize that is it time to move on. Hope this helps! :)
October 9th, 2016 7:01am
Just remember the good times that you had together, and don't dismiss them with the bad, because they were still times you enjoyed, and time that you should never see as wasted.
October 9th, 2016 9:09pm
Not having closure from your ex can be a daunting and lingering feeling, and from my experience I decided to not ask in order to keep good relations. But, I do believe that asking for closure is something you should listen to your gut for; if you think it is appropriate to ask, do so. If not, wait until you feel you can. You may even find that you don't need it after a while.
October 26th, 2016 3:13am
Personally, I find closure in just knowing that I am going to get through it and that this does not mean life is over. Burn a few pictures, read a book, and start working on the real you!
November 3rd, 2016 9:08pm
I think the best way of getting closure from an ex is maintaining a healthy distance from said ex and investing more in yourself and improving and making plans alone or with friends and family. It’s important to have a good supporting system too with people who cares about you. Also finding a way to express yourself – through a journal or talking to friends/therapist/listeners.