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How to get closure from my ex? I feel I need it.

143 Answers
Last Updated: 10/01/2020 at 11:23am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
Moderated by

Sara Radford, MA Clinical Counseling

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Within the context of a supportive, collaborative relationship I help clients to explore themselves in a effort to create healing and lasting positive change.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
October 9th, 2016 6:46am
Talk to him about it. Whatever youre feeling you should adress it, Im sure he will understand. Ask questions aswell!
floofypuppers
February 2nd, 2017 3:04am
I would suggest simply getting out! Whether it's going to the mall, out with friends, or even for a walk or run. I've found that getting in the habit of doing this can help break a possible need for closure. Don't expect for these things to dissapear immediately, but over time that need for closure becomes less and less! :)
RayvenNightfall
May 4th, 2017 8:22am
Oh goodness this one hits me hard because i was with a guy 3 years. we had known each other seven things ended with abuse of every kind towards me and then he left me for an underaged girl. this resulted in alot of legal actions and hes behind bars i never got my answers as to why things went bad and to this day i wonder why itall happened. Today im engaged, running a charity, two businesses and im on my way to getting a deree. these things are way more inportant to me than knowing why i was a punching bag or why i wasnt good enough in general so my answer to you is that you need to focus on bettering yourself and moving forward with your life. Sometimes life doesnt give us the answers to everything and thats alright becuase its better to let it go and close that door than it is to wallow in sadness over something that in the long run is just something small.
Anonymous
March 7th, 2018 10:19pm
You can try writing down your feelings in a form of a letter to him. Instead of mailing it, after writing down your feelings, destroy the letter.
MissNadia
May 31st, 2018 2:42am
As the saying goes" no revenge is the best revenge" . My dear time geals and patience is the key. Dont have any expectations. Learn to accept that whatever the case may be ut was destined to happen this way .accepting is the first step. By becoming aware of that it will help you to grow as a person .from experience playing the waiting game never worked in my favour instead i learnt to love myself and unexpected when i have completely gotten over the "waiting for a closure " to be at peace, i became mY own peace and happiness then they come slong vack.only then it alll up to you to realise your worth .
WrenSimon
April 12th, 2020 7:53am
I totally understand how you’re feeling. Sometimes it’s easier to just accept a apology we may never receive. Often I’ve had to come to terms with and accept the fact that some situations won’t ever make perfect sense or feel fair and we just have to leave them where they are. It’s better to let a wound heal than to pick at the sutures. The most helpful thing that I’ve experienced is trying to find the lesson in that experience/relationship. What did you learn about love and life from that person or the pain it caused you? People look for closure in the hands of their ex but often it’s within themselves.
sweetredamancy
July 14th, 2016 2:18am
Talk to them about your feelings and think of it as a normal conversation with sentimental values!!!
allnaturalUnicorns70
July 14th, 2016 8:43pm
Decide that the relationship is over in your own mind. Once complete, look forward to the next person you welcome into your life.
uniqueMango45
July 27th, 2016 1:14am
Understand that not every small detail from your relationship that meant a lot to you will get closure. Sometimes closure only comes with time and moving on. I've been in a relationship for two years and still didn't feel closure until my ex came crawling back to me - and when I said no politely, I still felt empty without it. But time helped the most, and growing apart helps even better.
MakenaPatterson
August 5th, 2016 2:16am
If you have any mementos, it may feel satisfying to put them away in a private place for some time, or destroy them, if you're feeling any violent urges.
Brandi4life
August 6th, 2016 1:49am
He best closure from a relationship that has ended is through friends and family, for example go to the movies or bowling with some friends to get your mind off things.
NumberEleven
August 6th, 2016 11:02am
You could try talking to them, asking them what you feel you should, although sometimes it's not possible to get closure from an ex.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2016 10:45pm
Closure is hard trust me I know. Maybe telling him or her how you feel and treating yourself to things like cake or to the movies with close ones do stuff that makes you feel better and free. Go on dates, love and live and be the person you want to be without him there
slightlyodd99
August 14th, 2016 2:44pm
Tell him/her what you really want to say, be honest about it, and if your ex lacks the social maturity to be confronted, then perhaps telling a listener here may help
Anonymous
August 18th, 2016 7:58pm
You just need you. Not anyone. Start becoming independent my friend In the end its you who matters. Stay blessed
Anonymous
August 19th, 2016 1:22am
You're one heartbreak less from a happily ever after. If they can't see the beauty in you, they don't deserve you
adorableVision7
August 31st, 2016 2:35am
Well first, acknowledge that you are taking this step and stay focused. Next is to realize you can't get closure from your ex themselves. Spend time with friends, talk it out, cry it out, write it out and vent it out. Once you get all your feelings out and reminiscing, then can you start replacing daily conversations between the two of you with hobbies and activities you would do on your own as an individual. Realize that there was a reason why you broke up and look ahead based on that! It's not the end of the world but do seek for help from other people if you can. Even on 7 Cups!
thoughtfulPomegranate86
September 7th, 2016 6:52pm
Time, sometimes it takes them cheating on you are doing something awful and hurtful to fee closure, but those things are painful to deal with. Maybe moving on will give you the closure you need
lovelyWind28
September 20th, 2016 6:32pm
A close reminder on how the relationship has negatively affected is an essential step . Secondly, realising that the fact that there is no future with a person who has impacted in a negative way to your life..Last but not least ,being aware that a right person would make you feel back in track because you are an amazing person and you totally deserve to be happy.
Anonymous
September 21st, 2016 2:12am
Whenever a romantic relationship ends, we tend to only remember only the good times. I personally kept a dairy of all the bad time and fights after we broke up :) I made a list of what did not go so well in the relationship and reasons why he is now an ex. I find that helped me get closure.
Anonymous
October 6th, 2016 3:19am
The best way to get closure from your ex is to go out with friends, and don't check on his/her social media. Make sure to surround yourself with positive people, and go out and do all the things you might not have been able to before!
SpreadYourWingsAndLearnToFly
October 7th, 2016 11:48am
Good question! In order to get closure, you need to see the reason clearly of why you broke up. Was it harmful? Loosening up? His feelings changed? If so, know that when you think of the reason why, and how it was for the good, you would eventually realize that is it time to move on. Hope this helps! :)
lindsaytuckm
October 9th, 2016 7:01am
Just remember the good times that you had together, and don't dismiss them with the bad, because they were still times you enjoyed, and time that you should never see as wasted.
Lorencio
October 9th, 2016 9:09pm
Not having closure from your ex can be a daunting and lingering feeling, and from my experience I decided to not ask in order to keep good relations. But, I do believe that asking for closure is something you should listen to your gut for; if you think it is appropriate to ask, do so. If not, wait until you feel you can. You may even find that you don't need it after a while.
Anonymous
October 26th, 2016 3:13am
Personally, I find closure in just knowing that I am going to get through it and that this does not mean life is over. Burn a few pictures, read a book, and start working on the real you!
Anonymous
November 3rd, 2016 9:08pm
I think the best way of getting closure from an ex is maintaining a healthy distance from said ex and investing more in yourself and improving and making plans alone or with friends and family. It’s important to have a good supporting system too with people who cares about you. Also finding a way to express yourself – through a journal or talking to friends/therapist/listeners.
paul1982
November 9th, 2016 12:30pm
Closure is a difficult one in my opinion as so much can remind you of an ex from hearing their first name to going to a place where you liked to go on dates. Whilst in love we are blinded to the negatives of a person so take time to think what was bad about this person. The negatives may then counter the positives.
RumpleSteeleSkin
January 4th, 2017 10:03pm
Closure is different for everyone. Getting rid of all things that are your ex's. Joining a craft class. Writing in a journal. You know time is the best thing though. And to feel what you need to. To cry and let things go. You will know when the chapter is closed fully from your ex.
AutumnLeigh
January 18th, 2017 9:20am
Closure from an ex is a healthy thing. But 'how to' is dependent on the circumstances. Who initiated the break-up? Was it harsh and painful or do you both agree and do you keep in contact? Often, it is helpful to write your feelings in a journal and also your future goals. Try to overcome your feelings one by one until you've reached closure. And please give 'time' a chance. It's difficult to be patient, but very effective! Good luck!
purpleRaven76
January 22nd, 2017 1:28pm
I hear you! It would be absolutely wonderful if each relationship that ends comes with closure for both people. Why do we think closure exists outside our own hearts and minds, though? If we couldn't get what we need from our ex during the relationship, what makes us think we can get what we need from them when it's over? I think pampering oneself is a great form of closure, and also doing an "exit interview" with yourself, in a journal perhaps. What questions would you ask yourself as a "former employee" in the relationship? What were your strengths and weaknesses? What can you take with you into better relationships?