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How to get closure from my ex? I feel I need it.

176 Answers
Last Updated: 12/23/2021 at 3:59am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda King, PsyD


I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.

Top Rated Answers
March 4th, 2018 6:47am
Remember the good things and forget about the bad things. It is very hard, especially humans are likely to remember and focus on the bad things more often. But I really think this is the trick - be thankful! Thanks for the blissful memories in that relationship! There is always a good reason for a relationship.
March 8th, 2018 8:34am
Remind yourself why you aren't together. Say it was good while it lasted, remember the good memories. But always remember you can make more. :)
April 5th, 2018 8:00am
Take time to spend with yourself and tell yourself that you don’t need someone to make you feel happy.
April 12th, 2018 7:50pm
I can totally relate to using closing as a means of moving on. Your feelings are telling you to go forward in your life.
April 15th, 2018 12:27am
One way to possibly get closure from your ex would be to write about your feelings in a journal or in a letter. You wouldn't necessarily have to show him what you've written, but it gives you access to express your feelings without necessarily speaking to him. If you feel like you need to verbally tell him certain things to have closure, you could always do that as well, whether it's by calling, texting, or other ways. I hope this helps!
April 15th, 2018 5:34pm
There's a poem that frequently comes to my mind as relationships ebb and flow in my life. Each time I reflect on it, I find a different meaning that helps me grow in the direction I need.
May 2nd, 2018 10:45am
Inorder to do that you need to talk to your ex and finlize the situation in order for you to move on with your life
May 19th, 2018 6:01am
I am sure you dont neet it, you just need you! He is not going to make you feel better. Trust me, you can do this on your own
June 2nd, 2018 6:12am
When you start loving someone that boy/girl becomes your lover. You give a tag on them and they become very important to you because of that tag. Now when you are no longer with the person you give them a tag of ex-lover. They still play an important role in your thoughts. The moment you remove the tag, and see them as just an individual and not think about the memories together you will feel less sad when you think of them. I have tried this and it has worked.
June 5th, 2018 2:11pm
The only way to get closure is to talk to your ex. Ask the questions you want answers to. If your ex won't allow this than at least you know you tried.
June 20th, 2018 2:34am
Tell them that you feel like you need confirmation about it. If the person doesn't know this then things won't change. The best way to receive closure is to tell them how you feel and that you feel you need it.
June 29th, 2018 2:33pm
Both of you should get together and have a small meeting confirming to each other that it is over. Be open to his thoughts and then accept its been done with
July 4th, 2018 9:51pm
You can write a letter/journal about why it is good it has ended and why it is better if you go your separate ways. You can send the letter, rip it apart or burn it. It helped me.
July 18th, 2018 5:10am
Sorry to say but they may never happen. It depends on so many factors. How bad was the break up. Have you talked since. Is there still anger and resentment. So much.
July 18th, 2018 3:55pm
Getting closure is difficult. It is different for everybody. I, for example, am a very symbolic person. I like to give meaning to everything. I also like always saying what's on my mind, I am very honest and transparent with my feelings. I tried talking with my ex to tell her thanks for the time we spent together, thank her for what she helped me grow though and say sorry for what I knew I did wrong... but she didn't wanted to talk. So I wrote her a letter. I concentrated my attention on making that letter the final step for closure. I wrote EVERYTHING, always respecting her and in a tone that would make that letter good for both of us. Eventually I left it in her car. That was my closure to that breakup.
July 18th, 2018 8:35pm
I think communication is must here. Without letting your partner know about what our want you can't expect them understand.
July 22nd, 2018 6:26am
Consider if you really want closure, or if you're trying to restart the relationship. If you truly need the closure, be direct in telling your ex your need for closure. It's hard, but try to be satisfied when that closure is given and respect whatever answer you receive.
July 24th, 2018 2:11am
try to talk to him and tell him how you feel,explain that you want to try and make it better and that you need someone right now
July 25th, 2018 1:13pm
It is best to pinpoint what happened, that is where you get the real closure from. It would be best not to force it from him but to think of what might've been of the decision
August 12th, 2018 8:26am
How to get closure from your ex,in my personal experience I never tried to get in contact with them I deleted all the contacts and messages with them to make sure I don't think about them anymore
September 13th, 2018 5:11am
What works for your friend, may not work for you, remember that. Everyone takes a different amount of time to feel and reach closure. One thing you can do is to meditate. It clears the mind and allows for more clear thinking. You can write a letter, but not intend to send it. Don't hold back while writing it either, say everything you've wanted to say and then throw it away. You also need to realize that forgiveness is not condoning. You have already forgave your ex by moving on. There's no need to say it in words, when you've already done it in actions.
October 21st, 2018 1:54am
When experiences linger like this it often points to some kind of pain that we have been ignoring. It's kind of like a bruise you forgot you had and then accidentally bumping it. Your ex has left (I assume) and you are by yourself in these moments of pain. What I am trying to say is that you are still reacting to something that isn't physically or actively bothering you. What ever fear or worry exists is coming from within you entirely. One way to approach this is to ask yourself "If this pain had a voice what would it say?". Then be ready to listen! It might be hard but you can't change what you can't see, right? Find out what it is in you that is holding on and why.
October 27th, 2018 6:41am
It’s normal to have questions or just things you don’t understand after a break up. If at all possible you could always get closure from the ex, you both could sit down and talk it out. If not you can also find some sort of closer from yourself and understanding your role in the relationship and if you played a part in its ending. There’s two sides to every story so i think it’s best to figure out yours first, and then try to understand someone else’s side. Also please understand your feelings are completely valid and you have a right to feel the way you do.
December 2nd, 2018 4:48pm
It depends what you need closure about. If you want closure about why he or she ended it then just ask it will not hurt if you do not try. If it is about anything related to why you guys broke up just figure out what happened that may have made him or her unhappy. Think about your happy memories and the unhappy ones. Ask his or her friends why you think he or she ended it. If they do not know I feel you should ask him or her and just allow the response from them to be understood or ask for more details if they are vague.
December 26th, 2018 4:23am
You should take a step back and think about yourself. What do you want for yourself? Your future? Also focus on what an amazing experience you had with that person, do not focus on the end result. All good things must come to end, leaving only the memories. Think about how much you have changed since the relationship began. What things about you have been changed for the better? I honestly do not know what else to say, just use your experience to make you a BETTER you! I know losing anyone you care deeply about can be tough, but cherish the memories and learn from your journey.
January 30th, 2019 3:40pm
The best way from my personal experience, is to find in yourself what you found in them. Getting over an ex is a really difficult thing, and it may take some time. If they’ll agree, talk through what went wrong and why you’re broken up so you’re not left hanging. If you know why, but feel like it didn’t make sense ask about that as well, or anything you’re feeling unsure about. Closure is a good thing, especially if you feel like you need it from the relationship. Make sure you give yourself time to recover from the relationship as well, before going into a new one, to make sure you got the closure you were looking for.
February 7th, 2019 9:02am
Accept it. i have been down the same path in the past couple of months with a guy who i was in a relationship with and the thing is you never know you have closure until you do. surround yourself with people you love and things you love / enjoy to do. when you distract your mind from things that remind you of him / her they will slowly fall to the back of your mind without you even realising that it’s happening and when you do notice it will be in second nature to have them in the back of your mind.
April 26th, 2019 6:35pm
I feel that it really helps to have personal understanding of why the relationship ended. And in order to get there, it helps to answer a few questions honestly. Are you looking for ways to get back with your ex? If yes, do you think that whatever problems you had before can be solved? If you feel hurt by the way your ex departed from the relationship, did you tell them about your feelings? Are you going to feel better if you share that with them? Did you leave anything worth-saying, unsaid? There are other things to consider, but I often found that these questions usually kept you wondering if they lingered unanswered.
July 6th, 2019 12:15pm
I feel that in order to get the closure that you need from an ex can be a difficult situation to approach, but something like this needs time, yourself and your ex both need time to adapt to the changes that you are both going to experience at a world wind force, the heartbreak and the loss of a relationship that was once so familiar and warm, you’ve got to let yourself heal before you can step forward and have the closure that you need in order to move on and feel loved again. But subconsciously when you’ve learned to heal in time you’ll have already gotten the closure that you need without seeking it
August 8th, 2019 3:34pm
I don't know if closure exists. I think we all have our own idea of what closure means- Do you want to find out why? or who? or what? Ask yourself what closure actually means. If you feel like you found your answer and you need it, you should communicate that to your ex. Get to the bottom of it and ask for what you need. The most important thing here is to ask for what YOU need and what YOU want. Not the other person. Maybe look at it as "feedback" for your next relationship or where you think you can change and help yourself but you have to be prepared if it doesn't go your way, or the answer is not what you want to hear.