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How to get over someone you never dated?

186 Answers
Last Updated: 06/15/2022 at 1:11am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Evelyn Coker, MSW, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I am down to earth and enjoy working with all clients. I have a special passion to support teen girls and women. My work is nonjudgmental and provides a safe space to grow.

Top Rated Answers
lifegivesulemons
April 17th, 2020 2:52am
Oh girl did this hit home for me. I completely get you, a guy maybe even leading you on or just some intense crushing. Here are things that worked out for me when I needed to get over a guy that barely knew I existed. 1) snap more friends. the more you talk about things with them, the more you'll forget about this. 2) i'm not saying REBOUND, but maybe find some other guys to talk to, but don't play them, that's just rude. 3) honestly if he's bugging you, block or ignore all forms of social media and contact. that way you won't remember about it as much or be reminded of it. 4) most important: do the things you love. this will help you think about what ur doing that u love rather than some stanky ass boy or girl that didn't give u attention and love even tho u deserve it.
luxvision
April 19th, 2020 3:44pm
Once you've really acknowledged that you deserve to be happy, think about this: what do you really want? What attracted to you this person? If this person isn't interested in you, think about what characteristics about them you found were drawn to and keep that in mind as you figure out what you want out of a relationship. remember that this person might not be interested in you, but so many other people will be. “In a world of over seven billion people, it is astonishing sometimes to consider how we are able to convince ourselves to settle or stay in relationships that produce more hurt and pain than our inherent wholeness and a state of deep peace, There's nothing more frustrating than the "there are plenty of fish in the sea" line when you're trying to get over someone, but it is true. You might not be ready for the other fish just yet, but one day you will be.
bountifulRainbows18
April 24th, 2020 4:15pm
I think it's important to first validate your feelings and recognize that regardless of whether or not you had a romantic relationship, a friendship or admiring someone from afar that the feelings you experienced are very real. We have to feel to heal so acknowledging that you had feelings for this person will help you move through the stages of grieving the loss of something you hoped to have happen and allow you to move forward in your life. As you process your feelings it's important to be patient and kind yourself without denying or diminishing how you feel. Surround yourself with supportive people to talk with and be aware of the negative stories you may be telling yourself that are not true. Use healthy distractions and hobbies to give yourself a way to refocus and release the stress of your emotions and remind yourself that you are worth loving by someone who can truly appreciate you!
jadesupport101
April 25th, 2020 6:46pm
It's easy to blame yourself for the things you could have done or the things you think you did wrong. However, acknowledge that you may not have been right for each other or it wasn't the right time for a relationship. Getting out of a cycle of thinking about them can be really hard. A few ways to get out of the cycle may be starting a new routine or a hobby that can take your mind off of them. All things take time, so try not to push yourself too hard when it comes to moving on. It's all about your mindset.
Anonymous
May 13th, 2020 10:01am
Getting over someone you have never dated is hard because there is no closure. However, I found reassurance and closure with the thought that I never dated that guy for a reason. He did not want me even though I did my best to be there for him and support him. I did my best, yet he did not. It gave me closure knowing that I gave my all. It comforted me knowing that I deserved someone who would put their 100% into me too. It helped knowing my self worth and effort I put into the person. Their feelings is out of my control so I was able to heal knowing that there were no “what ifs” since I tried my best.
helpfulpanda2468
June 17th, 2020 6:43pm
It can be hard because you feel like you have had such a strong connection with them. For me, it took a while because it felt as if we were dating. I had to find other things to distract myself. I would watch Netflix and exercise. I would do things to not have my mind on that particular person. I stopped contacting them. I did not want to see their text or stories on social media. It was hard but eventually, I got over them if I can do it so can you! I focused on myself and my friends and family. I gained weight and lost weight. I focused on my academics. I believe in you sand I am so proud of you reaching out for help!
Anonymous
June 21st, 2020 12:40am
This is a frustrating experience to go through because you can't even figure out why it's so hard to get over people you never dated. The way I got over that person was restricting myself from seeing their posts on social media because the more I see them, the harder I fall. When I come across things that are associated with them, like a song or an object, I try to re-associate it with a better memory. There are other ways that you could get over that person but these are just some of the ones that helped me the most. I hope it helps you too ! :D
Lunamoon2004
January 30th, 2021 4:21am
I think the best way is to think about yourself. I know it sounds very selfish, but look at it as an opportunity to grow and learn. I've gone through this many times and it sucks to know that they probably won't choose you. The first step is always the hardest and it is to accept to move on. Accept the feelings as feelings, not as anything more (if that makes sense). Ignore the "what if" questions and just breathe. You can't control your feelings and that's ok. After getting over the hardest step, it's kind of up to you how you would like to move on. Self-care? Learn a new hobby or educate yourself. I don't know. Do something that makes YOU happy
TheBorderlineKitty
May 1st, 2022 12:04pm
Rejection is difficult to manage even if the relationship was onesided. Friendships or relationships end. And grieving is a natural part of that; what might have been and what wasn't. These 'what-ifs' can make us sad and bog us down. You can push past this by accepting you might NOT do these things with that person but you CAN still do them regardless. Starting small is good; choose something you have wanted to listen to or watch and do it with all your heart. Recognise that, while that person isn't with you, you are forming an experience for yourself as well as working through difficult feelings. It is okay to feel down, rejected, or frustrated that your feelings are not being validated externally but allowing yourself to feel them freely is a step towards acceptance too.
OneHome212
April 8th, 2022 9:44pm
Practice self-care and compassion! Now, these two ideas may sound the same; however, one revolves around routine while the other is an occasion: you practice self-compassion by going out to eat instead of staying in (in this case, you go out with friends or treat yourself to a haircut). Self-care involves you taking time out of every day for yourself! That could mean watching a tv show episode or spending time with your pets or roommates! Getting over someone you never dated can hurt and make you feel lonelier than ever. The best thing you can do in this scenario is to learn how to be happy with yourself-- and self-care is an effective way to reach that goal. It not only impacts your live life, but your job, relationships with friends, and family as well. If you take the time for yourself, you are better able to make time for other people-- maybe even a new person to date!
Anonymous
March 24th, 2022 11:22am
I know it can be hard to get over someone you have never dated. I’m sure there are tons of questions in your mind. I know it can be hard to want to get someone out of your head. One of the best things you can do is reach out and talk about it. Get others perspective and just keep busy. Keep busy with things that will keep your mind off of this person. I know it can be hard and something’s are just at the mercy of time. As someone who as experienced this I can empathize on how frustrating it can be to want to get over someone that you never had a chance to date. I hope some of the things I said can help you.
tranquility03
March 19th, 2022 4:26am
Take a maximum of one day to "wallow". You know what I mean ;) After that, keep it moving forward. Get strong again, even if you start out just "pretending" but just do it. Use one task, one small goal at a time. Focus, conquer, never look back and never doubt yourself. I know I am supposed to write more, but really, this is all you need. Keep it simple, stay focused and go do you. Conquer the next challenge. You already made it past this one. Of course it hurts...and that's okay. They were a lesson, not a life. You've got this!!!
Anonymous
March 12th, 2022 9:27am
Distracting yourself with work, keeping yourself busy with daily chores, avoiding thinking about that particular person, utilizing time in productive activities, giving time to people who are closer to your heart. Spending time with friends and family. Moving on and getting over someone is difficult when you don't wanna do it. therefore, make up your mind that you really wanna get over that person, and instead of wasting time on that person, give yourself that time and enjoy your own company sometimes. Never give up on yourself. I am sure you'll be ale to move on and get over that person.
Kpopcat2020
March 10th, 2022 1:05pm
Getting over people you wished you had dated is a very hard thing to do, as you most likely have feelings for them still. ways to get over people are simple: -Put some distance between the two of you. -Try to keep the conversation light and keep it calm. -Put more focus on other things, where your crush will not be. -Find a hobby or something to keep you not thinking about them. -Stay positive about the experience, and think about how you are better off without them or how they don't deserve you. -Like I said, distance is very important.
awesomepiano101
January 28th, 2022 4:41pm
Speaking from experience, it really hurts if someone doesn't reciprocate your feelings, especially if you've got really strong feelings for them. But its important to realize whether you've fallen for them or an idea of them you've made up in your head. Be real and and get them off the pedestal you've put them on. Cutting off contact and engaging in other things that make you happy is effective too. Realize that you didn't date the person so you don't REALLY know how they'd be in a relationship with you. If someone doesn't value your feelings, the best way is to cut off contact, it'll feel sad and melancholy for a while, but it eventually gets better. Best of Luck!
Anonymous
December 19th, 2021 4:54am
It is not easy to stop thinking about someone you once loved but could not date, i know it must be very difficult for you. Try explaining yourself why it is important for you to get over this person and tell yourself why you did not date the person. When you know this it will be easier to get over the person. engaging yourself into something productive and important can help, spend more time with friends and family. Try doing something creative and which makes you happy, you always liked doing. This will really help you get over that person.
Anonymous
December 15th, 2021 12:54pm
Try to be honest with yourself. it's a very hard thing to do, but if you manage, you will know yourself better and understand your patterns better. I did it myself and worked pretty well, despite it was painful at first, it liberated me. So I did these things and hope it will work for you as well: ask yourself why you fell for this person? what good feelings aroused when you imagined them or fantasized about them? those are the feelings we lack the most and which we must give to ourself at first in order to receive it from other person.
Anonymous
November 14th, 2021 12:17am
From experience, I slowly stopped looking at their social media, didn’t mention them in conversation and I listed why I was better that we never actually dated. It was hard to get over them but I realized that there are reasons we didn’t date and I always had a friend to turn to when I felt bad about them. Having a support system helped me get through the stress and heart ache of not being with them or never being with them. Knowing that someone better was out there for me kept me strong and let me go through the healing process.
sstarr
November 5th, 2021 12:08pm
I actually just went through this myself. I think the biggest and most helpful thing that you can do for yourself is block all contact. Do not text, call, stalk their social medias, or warp your memories of that person. Sometimes humans have the tendency to only remember the things that made them the happiest while making memories with someone. But that isn’t the case. Most likely, if you fell in love with, or had feelings for, a person you never dated, there were a lot of painful memories to go with it. I specifically remember crying almost every night. See this boy was my best friend, and he had a seizure and almost died. He started on medication for his seizure, and it completely changed the boy I knew into someone else. He’d lose his temper, and when I’d try to help him he’d tell me to “stop playing the victim.” That was an example of a memory I chose to ignore for the sake of missing him. I also think it’s important to feel good about yourself. Act like there are always “someone you never dated” watching you. Look so amazing you don’t care. And slowly, over time, you’ll realize that all of the memories, the good and bad, mix into a bittersweet remedy.
AdiJ
October 6th, 2021 5:58am
I’ve been through these situations several times. The key is to not force it (the change) immediately. The faster you expect results, the less effective it might be.. List out why you like the specific person, particularly what qualities you’ve identified in them that you may want in your prospective partner.. identify the latter as general characteristics and specific ones.. most importantly, identify whether the infatuation is toxic to your mental health.. (this is one of the most common reasons people attempt getting over a crush) Lastly, weigh out the possibilities and realistic outlooks on whether or not you would date them in the future, and how said relationship would go based on past experiences with people inhibiting similar characteristics.. keep in mind your proximity/relationship with them. If you’re platonic friends, the friendship could be at stake and in these cases, if the other persons view is clear and unfavored to yours, its best to remain friends and keep it at that. If it bothers you or affects your mental health, limit exposure and communication with them for a while until you’ve set things straight. All in all, you could also have a conversation with friends about this topic.. They know the best about you and for you and usually have the best advice for similar situations..
HelpfulRahul
July 10th, 2021 3:08am
I personally have had quite a few crushes in my time, most of the time the other person did not even know I existed. It hurts to see a crush with another person, but you have to understand that over time wherever you go, there will always be another person you find attractive. I hate to get into clichés but the saying "there are plenty more fish in the sea" is true. There are many other possible partners that will come into fruition, eventually you will find the one for you, and that one will like you back and date you as well.
Anonymous
July 8th, 2021 6:41am
As painful as it can be to not have your feelings towards someone reciprocated, keeping hope and keeping contact can often deepen your attraction with them and hurt you even more than you were already hurt. My advice would be to do your best to detach yourself from that person by ceasing contact if you feel like they are causing you pain. Moving on can be difficult and holding onto hope will only deepen the pain as time goes on. Try to stop thinking about them and restructure how you think about them. If a romantic relationship isn't possible, thinking about them in that way will not help.
gloriousCandy1782
June 13th, 2021 9:01am
it would be best to focus on hobbies, work, friends and family. understand that having a crush is normal but dont let it take over your mind, you dont want to become obsessed. you also dont want to miss out on that special someone that may be a good candidate for a date because you are stuck on someone that is not your boyfriend or girlfriend. Writing down your thoughts in a journal may also help you clear your mind of everything. express your feelings and why you feel the way you do about this specific person youre thinking about.
Anonymous
May 12th, 2021 7:51pm
I too, have been obsessed about someone that I never dated. After a long time, I understood that what has caused this. Loneliness. At least that was the thing for me. I craved affection and love, so I started to like someone that I kind of barely knew. I would think about them 7/24, make scenarios in my head about them. How do I get over them? I busied myself with new things. I started watching anime (Which I thought I would never do it) and just accepted that I felt like this because I was lonely. Maybe you should tune in with your emotions?
prettypinkpony
April 16th, 2021 2:22am
Even if I have not been in a relationship with someone i still sometimes feel a strong connection towards them. Focusing on other things or people helps me distract myself from the person. Putting space between myself and the person helps too. A big part of what you need to do to get over them is realize that you will be better without them and your liking towards them holding you back. You also need to stop telling yourself that it was the wrong time or checking in on them. Also remember that is is normal and okay to kiss them or be sad.
Damla7cups
April 2nd, 2021 10:26am
It is possible to get over someone even though you may have never dated. There was a time I thought I am in love with this person that is my dream boyfriend. Indeed, that was the person that I imagined in my mind, healthy looking with blondie hair and blue eyes. Yes, I saw that person in the gym, and I found myself in love. I felt excited; i.e., butterflies in my stomach. I had an even stronger imagination that we were going out, I was pushing myself to be more in love with him. A was setting a new goal to achieve for me. I was tired and asked myself. How can I stop this; being madly in love with him? By accepting that it is me my imagination makes him a perfect love match for me.
Anonymous
March 27th, 2021 3:06pm
Don't rush things, take time for yourself because you deserve it. Never forget that you are your own priority. People come and go, but you are here, and will be here for a long time. Try your best to not stress out too much, eventually you'll have to let go. Because it's the only way to move on in life. As hard as it is, it does take a lot of strength but regardless, it's possible and never impossible. Don't give up yet because there will be much more beautiful things that will come in the coming future, don't forget that.
ph14
September 18th, 2020 6:26am
Whether or not people are in an "official" relationship, the feelings one person has for another are just as valid as any feelings between people in a relationship. When those feelings aren't returned for any reason, it can be difficult not to feel some rejection, and probably many other emotions, like anger or sadness (or many others!). I found it best to acknowledge those feelings first, allow myself to feel them, and know that those feelings make sense. Then, I usually try to focus on improving some part of my life, like schoolwork, or work, or a hobby, or other relationships. It's okay that these emotions don't always go away right away, but I also try to honor my worth by not focusing too much on the feelings of rejection, and instead continue to live life. There were times when I gained a friendship after talking about how our feelings differed. I have also sometimes had to ask for space from that person for a while while I processed my feelings and thought about whether we made a good friendship match. Sometimes I had to end the relationship altogether. Eventually, I got to a place where I could be open to new connections again. It's okay if that doesn't happen right away. The experience is valuable, and usually I learned something new about myself or gained some positive experiences because of this person.
Salorana
September 9th, 2020 7:05pm
Try to focus more on yourself. You're closest to yourself and you know yourself the best. Just take some time for yourself, do some self-care days and just calm down. Watch fun movies, meet up with friends who will help you focus on different things. Listen to your favorite music, go to the park, take a walk, admire nature or art, just focus on your life and your future. Because that's the most important thing you should focus on. Go to the cinema, read a book, find out about new artists, go to a concert, do everything you ever wanted without any regrets. Just do the best things possible
Anonymous
September 11th, 2020 6:13am
First of all, I would tell him or her about how I feel. If you have already and that person doesn't feel the same, don't bring yourself down. Don't blame yourself for him or her not feeling the same way, because it isn't your fault. I once had a crush on a guy who felt nowhere close to how I did for him and I found this article called "If He Wanted To Be With You, He Would Be With You" by Kim Quindlen on ThoughtCatalog. After I read it, it helped me cope with the heartache I felt and it made me realize the hard truth. I'm incredibly thankful I came across it and I eventually got over him. Here's the link: https://thoughtcatalog.com/kim-quindlen/2016/03/if-he-wanted-to-be-with-you-he-would-be-with-you/