Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How to get over someone you never dated?

178 Answers
Last Updated: 12/19/2021 at 4:54am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
Moderated by

Theresa Gulliver, Registered Clinical Counsellor

Counselor

Problems cannot be solved using the same level of thinking that created them. We must try something different. Gently, we turn your challenges into opportunities for healing.

Top Rated Answers
Salorana
September 9th, 2020 7:05pm
Try to focus more on yourself. You're closest to yourself and you know yourself the best. Just take some time for yourself, do some self-care days and just calm down. Watch fun movies, meet up with friends who will help you focus on different things. Listen to your favorite music, go to the park, take a walk, admire nature or art, just focus on your life and your future. Because that's the most important thing you should focus on. Go to the cinema, read a book, find out about new artists, go to a concert, do everything you ever wanted without any regrets. Just do the best things possible
Anonymous
September 11th, 2020 6:13am
First of all, I would tell him or her about how I feel. If you have already and that person doesn't feel the same, don't bring yourself down. Don't blame yourself for him or her not feeling the same way, because it isn't your fault. I once had a crush on a guy who felt nowhere close to how I did for him and I found this article called "If He Wanted To Be With You, He Would Be With You" by Kim Quindlen on ThoughtCatalog. After I read it, it helped me cope with the heartache I felt and it made me realize the hard truth. I'm incredibly thankful I came across it and I eventually got over him. Here's the link: https://thoughtcatalog.com/kim-quindlen/2016/03/if-he-wanted-to-be-with-you-he-would-be-with-you/
ph14
September 18th, 2020 6:26am
Whether or not people are in an "official" relationship, the feelings one person has for another are just as valid as any feelings between people in a relationship. When those feelings aren't returned for any reason, it can be difficult not to feel some rejection, and probably many other emotions, like anger or sadness (or many others!). I found it best to acknowledge those feelings first, allow myself to feel them, and know that those feelings make sense. Then, I usually try to focus on improving some part of my life, like schoolwork, or work, or a hobby, or other relationships. It's okay that these emotions don't always go away right away, but I also try to honor my worth by not focusing too much on the feelings of rejection, and instead continue to live life. There were times when I gained a friendship after talking about how our feelings differed. I have also sometimes had to ask for space from that person for a while while I processed my feelings and thought about whether we made a good friendship match. Sometimes I had to end the relationship altogether. Eventually, I got to a place where I could be open to new connections again. It's okay if that doesn't happen right away. The experience is valuable, and usually I learned something new about myself or gained some positive experiences because of this person.
Anonymous
September 20th, 2020 12:19am
I've been here before, it can take awhile but it's not going to last forever! I found that talking about it with others helps, Also getting into hobbies or focusing on something to stop you from thinking about them helps, also watching rom coms with a tub of ice cream and a box of tissues can help, I really hope you feel better soon and that you find someone who loves and values you, we all want to fall in love and have a fairy tale ending, you will get this! Don't give up hope, good luck ❤
RainbowRosie
October 3rd, 2020 8:02am
Firstly, this can be just as hard as getting over someone that you’d dated. The reason being is that the feelings can be much the same. Keeping yourself busy can help as it gives less thought to the person you were thinking of. If you haven’t got any interests or hobbies in mind, then now is the time to find one. Something that interests you can be a great substitute. By this time hopefully your feelings will have subsided and you think of them less and less. Finally, please don’t beat yourself up about it. You won’t be the first to feel this way..and won’t be the last.
Anonymous
October 22nd, 2020 8:37am
I just stop talking to him , stop replying there messages for some time until I am sure I am over them. In most cases it hurts more when the person is in your proximity or you talk to them often so trying to avoid them helps a lot It is also important to acknowledge it is not easy to do but you try . However, when the argue comes to reach out, no need to fight it cause it hurts the more so better to reach out once in a while Also making myself busy would help like do the things I love
Anonymous
October 22nd, 2020 9:13pm
Just think about it youve never dated person and they show no interest in you but theres someone out there who has interest in you just waiting for the right one Just like you are. The right person Will come along when you least expect it so stop thinking about that person that you never even dated when theres someone in the World whos down for you. Your soulmate Will always find you somehow and you might already now them but you just dont know that yet. Time is everything be patient and wait. The right one for you is somewhere out there
Anonymous
October 31st, 2020 5:12am
The first step is to accept your humanness -- neediness and insecurity are part of the human condition - and part of heartbreak.To reverse the self damage, actively engage in radical self acceptance -- accept yourself unconditionally, warts and all. Don't expect to be perfect. Perfectionism sets you up for self-disappointment -- an insidious form of self abandonment. Stop looking to other people, including your ex, to validate your worth. You must do that yourself, especially at this painful time of heartbreak when the person you seek validation from has disposed of you. No one is responsible to make you secure, but you. Accept that now is the time to institute self love. Don't expect this to happen buy osmosis. Vow to stop laying your needs for love and acceptance at your lover's feet, and take 100 percent responsibility to give yourself the love and esteem that you need (that's why they're called self love and self esteem). Take advantage of this time of heightened insecurity to learn how to give yourself security. Realize that it's nobody else's job - especially now that your lover has abdicated this role in your life. Only you can do this. To promote emotional self-reliance and comprehensive healing, implement the tools of abandonment recovery. They will help you take self loving actions that build toward an empowering new relationship with yourself.
kammack
November 7th, 2020 9:04pm
write a letter like you two dated. cause.. what makes you feel like it is a wrong thing to do? see? nothing. tell them how you feel in that letter, all you need to let out! get angry, maybe sad. ‘losing’ them, whatever it means can be hard, so acknowledging it can be life saving. i, personally, have wrote several letters like these and believe me or not - after crying over few of them i just accepted that maybe we just don’t match. another thing that you can do is talking about it with someone - cause seriously, we all have fallen in love with someone we never dated at least once. it’s hard! and i’m sure there are people that your can reach out to!
acboard123
November 29th, 2020 7:41am
This is probably one of the hardest feelings that exists. Getting over an unrequited love is never easy and there are a few approaches to overcoming this. The first is: Realist Approach Take some time to really think about WHY you like this person? What about them makes you drawn to them and is this something that you can only get from them. If these are feelings you can get from another person (I promise you can) then why not start seeking someone who will reciprocate your interest? Realize you might just be falling in love with a concept of a person who your mind thinks would fulfill your needs. You deserve to be with someone who makes you just as happy as you'd like to make them. Also it may be worth considering that you haven't really lost something that you did not have to begin with, your brain might just be caught up on the idea of them and the fantasy relationship you might have desired. Reframing Reframing is a concept where we take ourselves outside of the emotions that surround a situation or concept and view the situation objectively. In this instance, emotionally you might feel drawn tot his person as a partner who you've lost, but in reframing it you can view it objectively. This means saying: "Well, I never actually really dated this person. Does it make sense I am seeing them this way?" Your logical brain will likely tell you that this is not the case and that it might be a little strange you're attaching these feelings to someone who you've never dated or maybe in some cases hardly even knew. Journaling and Reflection Sometimes just writing down our feelings and reflecting on them can really help settle down the chaos in our minds. Journaling is a great way to organize our thoughts in a way we can really visualize them and reflect on them in order to come to terms with and rationalize them. These strategies may be useful for you when used together or individually. Regardless, always remember that your feelings are valid and it is okay to miss people. Also remember you are worth love and you should ideally try to seek it from someone who is just as interested in you as you are in them, so maybe try to put your focus and mental energy on finding that person who could be out there waiting for you.
Anonymous
December 5th, 2020 12:42am
Distractions are one of the best ways to do this. Even if you never actually dated, you probably still have similar feelings as a proper breakup, so you should seek breakup advice. When I went through a bad breakup I got an incredible piece of advice: Learn a new language. When you learn a language, you shift the way your brain thinks. At first, you literally don't have the words to describe your love life! I always recommend this now to friends who are going through a time like this, because I did it myself and it totally turned my life around.
Anonymous
December 9th, 2020 4:15pm
For me, it helps to think of it this way. Love is what two people build together. If you have unrequited feelings for another person, then the other person is actually saving you from worse pain and heartache. They don’t return the feelings because in some shape or form they sense that this is a relationship that won’t work out. Which saves you a lot of time and effort. Certain relationships are meant to teach us something and sometimes the lack of a relationship can teach so emerging more important, the difference between infatuation and the love built between two people.
Anonymous
January 14th, 2021 9:07pm
It's not really said often but I believe that trying to get over someone you didn't date can hurt as much as someone you did date. No matter how large of a role they played in your life physically, that impact is still the same on you. You caught feelings, whether it was reciprocated or not and you were essentially attached to these feelings for a long time. I was rejected by someone I didn't even date, I shot my shot and missed. In all honesty, it took me a good half a year to finally stop thinking about them and what they did to me. The answer however, plain and simple is time. As cliché as it sounds, time actually allows you to heal and is the best way to get over someone. Never force yourself to rid those feelings in a day! It's not worth it and they will eventually come back. Allow yourself to sit with your feelings, recognize your anger and your pain. Let yourself think about them as painful as it seems. One day, these feelings will subside. You will dance once again to those songs that made you cry about them.
Anonymous
January 16th, 2021 3:21pm
I think it might be a good idea to accept how you feel. A lot of people will feel ashamed about feeling that way, and the shame might make the whole thing harder. After accepting, it could feel good to talk about it with someone. But the most important thing is to listen to yourself, and your own needs. There isn't a set way to get over someone. You might have to try a few different things. I believe that our hearts and minds will try to do whatś best for us. Sometimes that means seeking love, which might make you fall in love. Other times it is understanding that you have to let someone go. But doing what is best for us isn't always the most comfortable thing to do. I always tell myself in those situations that; feelings aren't dangerous, only the acts we make because of them can be.
Lunamoon2004
January 30th, 2021 4:21am
I think the best way is to think about yourself. I know it sounds very selfish, but look at it as an opportunity to grow and learn. I've gone through this many times and it sucks to know that they probably won't choose you. The first step is always the hardest and it is to accept to move on. Accept the feelings as feelings, not as anything more (if that makes sense). Ignore the "what if" questions and just breathe. You can't control your feelings and that's ok. After getting over the hardest step, it's kind of up to you how you would like to move on. Self-care? Learn a new hobby or educate yourself. I don't know. Do something that makes YOU happy
generouswings
February 3rd, 2021 9:37pm
I think it’s the hardest thing to get out of a one-sided love or relationship. I guess I’m eligible enough to talk about it since I’ve loved someone since four years, and I’m dealing with the same too. It becomes even harder when you’re friends with this person, since you can’t live without talking to that person, so ghosting isn’t a favourable option. Such relationships are more on our heads than in reality. We have certain things in our mind, and usually we consider this person to be perfect. We’re so blindly in love that nothing about that significant someone seems to be imperfect. You have this imagine of that person on your mind, which may or may not be true. But in this case, there’s an advantage. Since you’ve never dated this person, I’m guessing that you aren’t very close to that person, or do not have a lot of memories with him/ her. It’s untrue that one-sided love can’t be passionate. I’d say that it’s the purest and most passionate of all, since we don’t expect a lot in return. All we want is our feelings to be validated, and maybe reciprocated back a bit. Being into a relationship without sharing love mutually can be quite emotionally draining, so I guess you’re lucky that way. I guess you can divert your mind by focusing on your hobbies and the things you love. It’ll help you to change your primary focus into something good and productive. I feel like you should give that person his/ her own space, maintain a bit of distance possible for him (if you wish to) and not lose hope. There are more than seven billion people on this planet, and I’m pretty sure that you’ll find your tailor-made partner very soon who’ll love you from his heart and soul, for who you are treat you well. You deserve all the love in this world. Let’s be optimistic! Cheers🥂 Take care❤️
Anonymous
March 27th, 2021 3:06pm
Don't rush things, take time for yourself because you deserve it. Never forget that you are your own priority. People come and go, but you are here, and will be here for a long time. Try your best to not stress out too much, eventually you'll have to let go. Because it's the only way to move on in life. As hard as it is, it does take a lot of strength but regardless, it's possible and never impossible. Don't give up yet because there will be much more beautiful things that will come in the coming future, don't forget that.
Damla7cups
April 2nd, 2021 10:26am
It is possible to get over someone even though you may have never dated. There was a time I thought I am in love with this person that is my dream boyfriend. Indeed, that was the person that I imagined in my mind, healthy looking with blondie hair and blue eyes. Yes, I saw that person in the gym, and I found myself in love. I felt excited; i.e., butterflies in my stomach. I had an even stronger imagination that we were going out, I was pushing myself to be more in love with him. A was setting a new goal to achieve for me. I was tired and asked myself. How can I stop this; being madly in love with him? By accepting that it is me my imagination makes him a perfect love match for me.
prettypinkpony
April 16th, 2021 2:22am
Even if I have not been in a relationship with someone i still sometimes feel a strong connection towards them. Focusing on other things or people helps me distract myself from the person. Putting space between myself and the person helps too. A big part of what you need to do to get over them is realize that you will be better without them and your liking towards them holding you back. You also need to stop telling yourself that it was the wrong time or checking in on them. Also remember that is is normal and okay to kiss them or be sad.
Anonymous
May 12th, 2021 7:51pm
I too, have been obsessed about someone that I never dated. After a long time, I understood that what has caused this. Loneliness. At least that was the thing for me. I craved affection and love, so I started to like someone that I kind of barely knew. I would think about them 7/24, make scenarios in my head about them. How do I get over them? I busied myself with new things. I started watching anime (Which I thought I would never do it) and just accepted that I felt like this because I was lonely. Maybe you should tune in with your emotions?
gloriousCandy1782
June 13th, 2021 9:01am
it would be best to focus on hobbies, work, friends and family. understand that having a crush is normal but dont let it take over your mind, you dont want to become obsessed. you also dont want to miss out on that special someone that may be a good candidate for a date because you are stuck on someone that is not your boyfriend or girlfriend. Writing down your thoughts in a journal may also help you clear your mind of everything. express your feelings and why you feel the way you do about this specific person youre thinking about.
Anonymous
July 8th, 2021 6:41am
As painful as it can be to not have your feelings towards someone reciprocated, keeping hope and keeping contact can often deepen your attraction with them and hurt you even more than you were already hurt. My advice would be to do your best to detach yourself from that person by ceasing contact if you feel like they are causing you pain. Moving on can be difficult and holding onto hope will only deepen the pain as time goes on. Try to stop thinking about them and restructure how you think about them. If a romantic relationship isn't possible, thinking about them in that way will not help.
HelpfulRahul
July 10th, 2021 3:08am
I personally have had quite a few crushes in my time, most of the time the other person did not even know I existed. It hurts to see a crush with another person, but you have to understand that over time wherever you go, there will always be another person you find attractive. I hate to get into clichés but the saying "there are plenty more fish in the sea" is true. There are many other possible partners that will come into fruition, eventually you will find the one for you, and that one will like you back and date you as well.
AdiJ
October 6th, 2021 5:58am
I’ve been through these situations several times. The key is to not force it (the change) immediately. The faster you expect results, the less effective it might be.. List out why you like the specific person, particularly what qualities you’ve identified in them that you may want in your prospective partner.. identify the latter as general characteristics and specific ones.. most importantly, identify whether the infatuation is toxic to your mental health.. (this is one of the most common reasons people attempt getting over a crush) Lastly, weigh out the possibilities and realistic outlooks on whether or not you would date them in the future, and how said relationship would go based on past experiences with people inhibiting similar characteristics.. keep in mind your proximity/relationship with them. If you’re platonic friends, the friendship could be at stake and in these cases, if the other persons view is clear and unfavored to yours, its best to remain friends and keep it at that. If it bothers you or affects your mental health, limit exposure and communication with them for a while until you’ve set things straight. All in all, you could also have a conversation with friends about this topic.. They know the best about you and for you and usually have the best advice for similar situations..
sstarr
November 5th, 2021 12:08pm
I actually just went through this myself. I think the biggest and most helpful thing that you can do for yourself is block all contact. Do not text, call, stalk their social medias, or warp your memories of that person. Sometimes humans have the tendency to only remember the things that made them the happiest while making memories with someone. But that isn’t the case. Most likely, if you fell in love with, or had feelings for, a person you never dated, there were a lot of painful memories to go with it. I specifically remember crying almost every night. See this boy was my best friend, and he had a seizure and almost died. He started on medication for his seizure, and it completely changed the boy I knew into someone else. He’d lose his temper, and when I’d try to help him he’d tell me to “stop playing the victim.” That was an example of a memory I chose to ignore for the sake of missing him. I also think it’s important to feel good about yourself. Act like there are always “someone you never dated” watching you. Look so amazing you don’t care. And slowly, over time, you’ll realize that all of the memories, the good and bad, mix into a bittersweet remedy.
Anonymous
November 14th, 2021 12:17am
From experience, I slowly stopped looking at their social media, didn’t mention them in conversation and I listed why I was better that we never actually dated. It was hard to get over them but I realized that there are reasons we didn’t date and I always had a friend to turn to when I felt bad about them. Having a support system helped me get through the stress and heart ache of not being with them or never being with them. Knowing that someone better was out there for me kept me strong and let me go through the healing process.
Anonymous
December 15th, 2021 12:54pm
Try to be honest with yourself. it's a very hard thing to do, but if you manage, you will know yourself better and understand your patterns better. I did it myself and worked pretty well, despite it was painful at first, it liberated me. So I did these things and hope it will work for you as well: ask yourself why you fell for this person? what good feelings aroused when you imagined them or fantasized about them? those are the feelings we lack the most and which we must give to ourself at first in order to receive it from other person.
Anonymous
December 19th, 2021 4:54am
It is not easy to stop thinking about someone you once loved but could not date, i know it must be very difficult for you. Try explaining yourself why it is important for you to get over this person and tell yourself why you did not date the person. When you know this it will be easier to get over the person. engaging yourself into something productive and important can help, spend more time with friends and family. Try doing something creative and which makes you happy, you always liked doing. This will really help you get over that person.