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How to look okay when you meet your ex and deep inside you still loved him/her?

15 Answers
Last Updated: 07/13/2020 at 1:27am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lisa Groesz, PhD


With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
January 14th, 2015 9:56pm
Being who you are is more important than looking okay. If you are conflicted, feel bad, still love them--if you are a mess--it IS okay. But love yourself and the mess you are rather than trying to pretend things are all good when they aren't.
June 1st, 2015 7:23pm
When meeting someone you used to share an intimate relationship with, it can be really hard to cope with all the overwhelming feelings that fill your body, at the precise instant. Things are even more difficult if you still love the individual. The thing is, that person is your ex. Which means something didn't go well between the two of you, which led to the end of your relationship. Maybe he dumped you. Or maybe it was you who chose to end you intimacy. In both situations, one of you was feeling uncomfortable, not to say bad. Taking your distance allowed both of you to preserve yourselves from something much stronger and devastating than a healthy relationship. Still loving your ex is okay. It means you cared for them and still do. They might as well love you too. And dealing with the fact that the two of you can't be together just permits to exteriorize that love and respect. Looking okay can be difficult as you may feel that little remorse or sadness pain in your chest. No worries tho. If you really still love the person, then you wouldn't want them to feel bad, would you? Show them respect. Make them understand that you are aware of what happened between the two of you but that time allowed you to think about it and consider your separation as a good choice, for both of you. Wish them happiness, luck, health etc. Think about your past relationship as a gift and do not focus on its bad parts. Every experience is a benefit and a privilege and express them your gratitude.
May 2nd, 2016 1:36am
You act like you're completely over them. From personal experience, it will kill you on the inside but it will make them think you're over them and you'll eventually get over them
June 17th, 2015 1:55pm
Meeting up with your ex can be so stressful, especially when feelings are involved. It might be helpful to go through breathing exercises right before meeting up, practice your composure and repeat positive thoughts to lift your self-confidence!
January 14th, 2015 5:15am
Focus on something else something happy and not them focus on puppies cats your best friends just not him.
August 7th, 2018 7:42am
It probably isn't the answer you wanted, but you don't have to be okay. That's perfectly alright. If you don't feel ready to see them, it's also okay to avoid this until you're further in your healing journey. You can try to smile and seem chirpy, but if they know you at all they'll see through that. Focus on what you need to really be okay, rather than just seeming okay for their benefit. Good luck and take care of yourself ♡
November 19th, 2018 9:43pm
Don't worry about what the person might think of you. Always remind yourself that you're more powerful than that person, so you're not the one that should feel bad, no matter if you like the person or not. In the moment you see your ex, remember that your brain has a magical cloud with all negative words in it, and the only one that can destroy that cloud away is you. You cannot destroy the cloud, you can only calmly blow it away. Innhale deeply and exhale. By the time you exhale, imagine the cloud going away. You're better than you think.
February 7th, 2015 5:12pm
Take a deep breath and look away. If you're a girl, then kind of shake your head in a nonchalant way so that YOU are convinced your hair is messed up/hot looking kind, and make sure that YOU feel beautiful like this. Smile at someone far off, wave or engage in a conversation with someone else. Make sure you don't look at him/her, but if you happen to catch them looking at you, give them a slight smile and look away quickly. You can really look okay that way.
April 28th, 2015 12:04pm
Well for me I haven't seen any of my ex boyfriends but I would ask can we still be friends that is my idea.
November 10th, 2015 5:35pm
Just act like you dont act like you dont need them. Tell them how good you are doing and how happy you are now.
November 11th, 2015 7:00pm
Thats the hard one...i cant control my feelings too but anyway we got to act strong..what is gone its gone forever and we should move on
April 26th, 2016 2:39am
Remember he/she is your ex for a reason, let it go and be happy for him/her. Growth happens when u truly accept where u are and move forward.
February 20th, 2018 8:52pm
You just should breathe and think why the things didn't go in the right way the last time. And if you are really in love with him, ask an help to a friend
June 1st, 2020 6:22am
What's more important than looking okay is FEELING okay! Self care, self confidence and learning positive self talk is a step you can take towards overcoming those bad feelings when you see/think of your ex. Dwelling in the past is less effective than focusing on your future. From my experience, I think every past relationship taught me a lesson on how I want to be treated and how I could treat my future partner better. If I were to meet an ex I would make sure I would have taken the time to heal before I go out there! Hope this helps
July 13th, 2020 1:27am
It should put you at ease knowing that it will not be easy for your ex either and they are still probably thinking about you as well. Show yourself and your ex that you are a strong individual and that you have been doing well for yourself while you two haven't been together. If it helps, try to remember the reasons why you two are not together anymore and the goals that you set out for yourself since the breakup. Remember your self worth and that you are a strong individual and that you don't have to only look okay, you need to actually be okay and comfortable to see your ex again before you prematurely do something you might regret.