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How to stop hating yourself after cheating?

233 Answers
Last Updated: 05/31/2022 at 8:53pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Polly Letsch, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
June 12th, 2016 8:55pm
You should think possitive, even if you did it. It's already done, you can't do anything about it, you can't change past.
Greatlistener87
March 24th, 2016 1:50am
Forgive yourself for doing what you did and learn from your mistakes. The idea is to learn from your mistakes and never repeat them and only move forward for the future. Heating yourself will not change anything, but will prevent you form moving forward.
GreenGalaxy21
May 27th, 2016 7:44am
Distract yourself. Don't fill your mind with hurtful memories or ideas, etc. Read books, watch movies, do anything you love that will make you happy and take your mind off things :)
LittleLemon96
September 3rd, 2016 9:46am
everyone has his own mistakes, you may cheat on someone and your friend may not, but be sure that he has faults that you don't have, everyone makes mistakes, but be sure if you do it a lot to try to solve the problem because it is not normal to be a cheater in general. try to not tell your beloved about it if you are sure that it is your first AND last time, you will avoid having useless problems, it is important to you to forgive yourself because even if your beloved has forgived you, you may keep in hating yourself if you haven't forgive it yet.
DarkPiT23
January 15th, 2021 6:04pm
Did you realize something about yourself when you cheated? Did you notice a feeling within yourself afterwards? That feeling is a part of the consequences of your actions. To experience consequences to our actions is how we learn. Earth is a school. If you fail a test, how do you feel about yourself? You realize something. You realize more work must be put into study. Should you think of yourself as a failure, or as a student? Our challenges do not define us. They offer us understanding and strength. We are all students of life. Each experience we have teaches us how it feels. How if feels directs our course forward. Either we will do it again, or we won't. If your cheating has taught you the value of honesty and commitment, then it has served its purpose. Now you must move on as a student of life. You must realize that actions you put into life come back to you so you can experience how they feel. If you regret cheating, you have learned your lesson. You now know more than you did before. You have altered your behavior. You cannot expect others to find cheating acceptable, so you gracefully understand and allow them their response. We cannot continually judge ourselves for what we did not realize before we learned something. Whomever you cheated on deserves better and will get better in the future. You have learned how people respond to cheating and that it is not a positive experience. You have learned, hopefully, not to cheat. So, as a student of life, you move on to get an A in the next challenge. That is how you deal with the fact you cheated. You make it count. You look forward, not behind you, and you set your sites on better behavior.
ColorfulDays
July 15th, 2016 7:43pm
Through your journey of self forgiveness, it is important for you to not let what you have done completely redefine yourself. YOU ARE NOT YOUR MISTAKE. Do good things. Help people. Find something to do that gives you a sense of reward, and let it heal you. Be the person you want to be through your successes, not your mistakes.
Pleiades924
July 30th, 2016 7:18pm
You made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, but learning from them is what makes all the difference. Re-frame painful and regrettable experiences as learning opportunities. Everyone experiences painful things at times, but finding opportunities for personal growth can help you move past the hurt and regret. The first step, I assert, would be identifying why you felt the need to cheat in the first place, and progress from that point.
likewolves
May 22nd, 2016 6:47am
there is no way to change the past. what's done is done. all you can do is learn from it. learn to forgive yourself. we are all human and we all make mistakes. terrible mistakes more times than not. but we practice progress and we learn to move on.
Hazikk
April 21st, 2016 6:02pm
Cheating is wrong. But we humans are not perfect, sometimes we end up doing things we regret latter. Most important thing is to realise and identify our shortcomings . Once you do that you are already a better person. One should always try not to repeat mistakes they make and learn from ones which are already made.
Anonymous
March 9th, 2018 1:13pm
You move on. Don't stop and beat yourself up. Keep moving and think of the present and future, not the past.
JelayMe
April 7th, 2016 7:49am
Accept that you cheated. Then accept the fact that you no longer can change whatever you did before. If you keep on hating yourself because of one thing you did in the past, you allow that thing to affect you now and the coming days of your life. Do not let it affect you more than once.
Anonymous
August 27th, 2016 4:41pm
In my experience, I have cheated before.. I hated myself for doing it after awhile I had lost both of them and with time I worked up the guts to apologize to both of them for what I did and life moves on and I knew I couldn't just stay for my entire life hating myself, so since then i have never cheated again and I stopped dating for awhile.
Anonymous
January 4th, 2020 6:32pm
Forgive yourself, remember that we all make mistakes. Ask forgiveness from the person you've hurted and promise that you wont do it again. If the person you've cheated on gives you second use it to make up for what you've done. If you're not given a chance then all you can do is to move on and learn from your mistakes.
blissfulembroiderer06
May 20th, 2016 6:01pm
Cheating is a difficult situation to deal with. While every relationship will process this even differently, it is important to forgive yourself. While your significant other may not forgive you, it is crucial to realize that you made a mistake and you can better your life to prevent that mistake from occurring again. Hating yourself will only bring you back to an old routine.
Anonymous
March 26th, 2016 6:51am
Guilt is a feeling that is very hard kick, think about the situation and why it happened, usually temptation can come because there are already problems in the relationship.
JacoEM
October 13th, 2017 7:33pm
Having a full control of ourselves is a nearly impossible mission. We make mistakes, we make decisions we are not proud of. However, no one is completely good or evil. If you cheated, it was a bad action, but does not necessarily make you a bad person. You need to re-evaluate the reasons why it happened and prevent the conditions that could create that from happening again. You need to act positive to the world and compensate with kinder actions. Regret will get you nowhere, only active action will.
woof121801
August 10th, 2016 5:11pm
I need to accept the truth and the thing that I have done was my past. However, we all know that we cannot change the past. We just have to let it go and learn some experiences.
Anonymous
April 23rd, 2016 2:45am
You need to accept what you have done, You made a bad mistake, But we all make mistakes and the only person who can make you stop hating yourself for that mistake is yourself, You need to make yourself understand that "Yes I made a huge mistake...and I won't do it again" But mean it this time. You have to forgive yourself first before you can stop hating or blaming yourself for what had happened.
2genpoet
September 16th, 2016 10:30pm
Cheating is simply a symptom of either a problem in the relationship or a problem in your maintaining a commitment to that relationship. These are very common problems and feelings of guilt and shame that you have will only interfere with the process of recognizing the problem amd taking the right steps to solve the problem. Most of the time the root of the problem is not really you but your upbringing or your spouse's upbringing that lead to problems in creating and maintaining an emotionally intimate relationship . Guilt and shame will only prevent you from discovering these root problems and solving them. Hate the problem not the person and get rid of that - dont hate yourself.
Josho93
June 9th, 2016 3:23pm
If you cheated, why are you with the person you are with? Find the person that you don't want to cheat on. That special person that you can't even think about doing anything against.
BeyondEmpathy
September 28th, 2016 2:17pm
I think that acceptance is key with this. Whatever you did or didn't do has happened. It's in the past now. While the feelings, and thoughts continue there has to come a point where you need to forgive yourself. Maybe talking with a listener or counsellor may help you beyond this?
ReassuringRey
March 18th, 2020 6:16am
First off, I hope you know that we all mess up at times, but those little mess ups in life is what makes us all HUMAN! That's right! Every mistake, mishap, or mess up we've made is what helps us grow stronger... and it happens to everyone! What I love to do is affirmations! Telling myself that I am loved, cared for, supported, a good leader, filled with potential, and okay to mess up helps me a lot. You are deserving of love and respect no matter what because out there, you mean the world to multiple people and this is a perfect opportunity to move forward and know it's okay to learn and grow!
Anonymous
November 16th, 2017 6:00pm
Examine what drove you to cheat in the first place. Try to work on the underlying causes, and promise to treat yourself and your partner with more live and kindness next time.
Amarie007
January 4th, 2017 7:00am
Know that you are not a horrible person. You are a human that has made a mistake. If your partner is still with you, and knows, spend time building trust. If your partner is still with you and doesn't know, tell them. If your partner left, take your mistakes and use them to be a better lover in the future.
ConsolingPenguin
December 14th, 2017 11:48pm
It's hard to accept that you made this mistake, and some people may even make you feel like you deserve every negative thought you're giving yourself. You're only human. Learn from your mistake, take in what it does, and forgive yourself. To forgive yourself is to let go.
guardianangel2019
August 30th, 2019 12:24pm
Well I hope my answer is helpful When you cheat it must be an awful feeling and you will be blaming yourself...but don't forget we are all human And we make mistakes and we have to know that every problem is not impossible to fix do the right thing thing you know would be best to help your relationship to me being honest would be the best thing I would do and find a way to redeem myself which would be a process but by being honest to myself and my partner I know that we can fix any problem
Viana
April 10th, 2016 12:09pm
It is always good to start off with apologizing to the people you hurt and finding closure first. Like every mistake, it is okay to forgive yourself and move on or learn from the experience. It has happened, that doesn't mean you should hold it against yourself for the rest of your life. You just have to take each day at a time and work towards moulding yourself into a better you.
Dandeliondude
May 18th, 2016 11:26pm
It takes time, but you are not a bad person, you realize you made a mistake and you can't flame yourself forever, prove yourself that you have changed in your next relationship
Anonymous
March 1st, 2020 2:39am
I feel like it's important to build a support system of people you can trust and can confide in. Regretting having done something that hurt people, usually means that you are a better person that you think, because it means that you are already growing. I think it's important to accept responsibility, but also don't dwell on it and let it eat you. Keep the past in the past where it belongs, but don't be afraid to allow yourself to tend to your wants and needs again, even though you may seem like a bad or irredeemable person. Never stop working on yourself.
Anonymous
February 1st, 2018 8:42am
I would like to suggest a couple of things that could help: 1. The first is that you aren't defined by a particular event in your life. So you shouldn't hate yourself for it. Even the best of us make mistakes. You could promise yourself to not make such a mistake again. 2. Another thing that could be acceptance. By accepting that you did it you may be able to forgive yourself for it. 3. Try detachment. Think about yourself from a 3rd person's perspective. What advice would you give to someone who was feeling the same way. I would like to say that hating yourself for cheating won't erase it from occurring. The best thing is to move on and forgive yourself.