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How to stop hating yourself after cheating?

205 Answers
Last Updated: 09/12/2020 at 5:04am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Sarah Archer, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

As a Licensed MFT I work with clients to more effectively address, process and learn skills to manage the problems that prevent them from living the life they want.

Top Rated Answers
Greatlistener87
March 24th, 2016 1:50am
Forgive yourself for doing what you did and learn from your mistakes. The idea is to learn from your mistakes and never repeat them and only move forward for the future. Heating yourself will not change anything, but will prevent you form moving forward.
Reveur7193
June 25th, 2016 1:14pm
If you even started to realise that you hate yourself for cheating, then you many steps forward of your previous situation. You realise what you did was wrong, feel guilty and have the conscience not to repeat this mistake next time. That speaks so much about you. You have already grown as a person. To err is human and to forgive is divine. When you cheated, you were a bad human. When you realised your mistake, you became a good human and when you will forgive yourself for it, you'll become more than a human. I once cheated and couldn't bear it's guilt for a long time. But then I talked to a wise person who explained to me that by giving so much thought to my mistake, I have already subconsciously taken a vow not to repeat it. When we have to forgive another person, our only fear is that the person will do the same thing again and in this case, we have overcome that fear. So don't hold a grudge against yourself, you need to move on and forgive yourself because if you don't, then neither will anyone else. You are the person who loves yourself the most! :)
Anonymous
March 9th, 2018 1:13pm
You move on. Don't stop and beat yourself up. Keep moving and think of the present and future, not the past.
Anonymous
March 26th, 2016 6:51am
Guilt is a feeling that is very hard kick, think about the situation and why it happened, usually temptation can come because there are already problems in the relationship.
JelayMe
April 7th, 2016 7:49am
Accept that you cheated. Then accept the fact that you no longer can change whatever you did before. If you keep on hating yourself because of one thing you did in the past, you allow that thing to affect you now and the coming days of your life. Do not let it affect you more than once.
Hazikk
April 21st, 2016 6:02pm
Cheating is wrong. But we humans are not perfect, sometimes we end up doing things we regret latter. Most important thing is to realise and identify our shortcomings . Once you do that you are already a better person. One should always try not to repeat mistakes they make and learn from ones which are already made.
blissfulembroiderer06
May 20th, 2016 6:01pm
Cheating is a difficult situation to deal with. While every relationship will process this even differently, it is important to forgive yourself. While your significant other may not forgive you, it is crucial to realize that you made a mistake and you can better your life to prevent that mistake from occurring again. Hating yourself will only bring you back to an old routine.
GreenGalaxy21
May 27th, 2016 7:44am
Distract yourself. Don't fill your mind with hurtful memories or ideas, etc. Read books, watch movies, do anything you love that will make you happy and take your mind off things :)
LittleLemon96
September 3rd, 2016 9:46am
everyone has his own mistakes, you may cheat on someone and your friend may not, but be sure that he has faults that you don't have, everyone makes mistakes, but be sure if you do it a lot to try to solve the problem because it is not normal to be a cheater in general. try to not tell your beloved about it if you are sure that it is your first AND last time, you will avoid having useless problems, it is important to you to forgive yourself because even if your beloved has forgived you, you may keep in hating yourself if you haven't forgive it yet.
Anonymous
November 16th, 2017 6:00pm
Examine what drove you to cheat in the first place. Try to work on the underlying causes, and promise to treat yourself and your partner with more live and kindness next time.
fruityFriend69
March 16th, 2019 5:05am
Feeling guilty and hateful towards yourself can really weigh you down. Being able to forgive yourself and learn from your mistake can be very beneficial in your next serious relationship (or not serious, it depends on you). Letting yourself accept that it was wrong of you to do it and own up to it and apologizing I found was the first step to making myself feel better about the situation, even if my significant other was still "in their feelings" (it's the best way I could put it) I let them know that even if I wrong them, I was willing to do anything in my power to make the situation better for both of us. From there, doing activities that make you happy is very emotionally stabilizing.
Anonymous
January 4th, 2020 6:32pm
Forgive yourself, remember that we all make mistakes. Ask forgiveness from the person you've hurted and promise that you wont do it again. If the person you've cheated on gives you second use it to make up for what you've done. If you're not given a chance then all you can do is to move on and learn from your mistakes.
Anonymous
March 30th, 2016 11:51am
Your partner may feel betrayed after being cheated on, You should talk,face to face,with your ex,and apologize for what you did.
strawberryLake18
March 31st, 2016 5:26pm
You have to ask for forgiveness and aslo forgive yourself .. You apparently feel guilty and that is a good thing cause what you did wasn't nice but you learned your lesson and so move on
Lovingsoul99
April 30th, 2016 12:33am
The first step to getting over your ex is to be hnest tell someone, for. A friend to the person you cheated on. When you bottle up your feelings it can cause a mental breakdown. You have a right to feel bad, and a right to be guilty but this don't change who you are. Don't hate yourself.
Anonymous
May 6th, 2016 6:18pm
forgive yourself and start new journey ........:)
Dandeliondude
May 18th, 2016 11:26pm
It takes time, but you are not a bad person, you realize you made a mistake and you can't flame yourself forever, prove yourself that you have changed in your next relationship
Anonymous
May 26th, 2016 11:33am
the best solve is to not cheating then you will not hate yourself and talk to your partner the problem that cause you to look for others or the best is to brake up so you will not cheat and will think better about yourself
IListentoyourHeart
May 26th, 2016 8:35pm
There is no way you can change what has already happened. Accept that you made a mistake and do everything you can not to make it again.
Anonymous
May 28th, 2016 8:48pm
Accept that you've done wrong, maybe tell the person that you've cheated on that you are genuinly sorry
Josho93
June 9th, 2016 3:23pm
If you cheated, why are you with the person you are with? Find the person that you don't want to cheat on. That special person that you can't even think about doing anything against.
ColorfulDays
July 15th, 2016 7:43pm
Through your journey of self forgiveness, it is important for you to not let what you have done completely redefine yourself. YOU ARE NOT YOUR MISTAKE. Do good things. Help people. Find something to do that gives you a sense of reward, and let it heal you. Be the person you want to be through your successes, not your mistakes.
Pleiades924
July 30th, 2016 7:18pm
You made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, but learning from them is what makes all the difference. Re-frame painful and regrettable experiences as learning opportunities. Everyone experiences painful things at times, but finding opportunities for personal growth can help you move past the hurt and regret. The first step, I assert, would be identifying why you felt the need to cheat in the first place, and progress from that point.
2genpoet
September 16th, 2016 10:30pm
Cheating is simply a symptom of either a problem in the relationship or a problem in your maintaining a commitment to that relationship. These are very common problems and feelings of guilt and shame that you have will only interfere with the process of recognizing the problem amd taking the right steps to solve the problem. Most of the time the root of the problem is not really you but your upbringing or your spouse's upbringing that lead to problems in creating and maintaining an emotionally intimate relationship . Guilt and shame will only prevent you from discovering these root problems and solving them. Hate the problem not the person and get rid of that - dont hate yourself.
Anonymous
October 8th, 2016 10:48pm
The most important thing you can do is tell your significant other that you have cheated. That will help you accept what you have Done and get over it. They would be well within their rights to break up with you and hate you but as a must honesty is always a step towards forgiveness
TrendingUpwards
December 2nd, 2016 9:18pm
Give yourself a break. People make mistakes. Don't waste more time dwelling on it and making yourself feel awful. You've felt guilty, which is great, because that means you care and you are deep down a lovely person. You made a mistake, instead of beating yourself up just encourage yourself to do things differently.
watermelongum
December 17th, 2016 4:16pm
It depends on what type of cheating: if it's cheating in an exam, then own up to it (if you think it won't get you into too much trouble) but if that doesn't work, remember that we all mistakes for a reason - to learn from them and if it's cheating in a relationship well you definitely will have to own up to it because it is obvious that you don't truly love him/her so just let them go so you both can live life to the fullest, however if they find it in themselves to forgive you - DON'T MESS UP AGAIN.
Amarie007
January 4th, 2017 7:00am
Know that you are not a horrible person. You are a human that has made a mistake. If your partner is still with you, and knows, spend time building trust. If your partner is still with you and doesn't know, tell them. If your partner left, take your mistakes and use them to be a better lover in the future.
ScreenOphelia
June 14th, 2017 6:13am
None of us are perfect. We've all hurt someone in one way or another (not condoning hurting people) but you have to forgive yourself in order to move on and learn/evolve so you can be better. By bettering ourselves, I believe we better those around us too in a ripple effect.
JacoEM
October 13th, 2017 7:33pm
Having a full control of ourselves is a nearly impossible mission. We make mistakes, we make decisions we are not proud of. However, no one is completely good or evil. If you cheated, it was a bad action, but does not necessarily make you a bad person. You need to re-evaluate the reasons why it happened and prevent the conditions that could create that from happening again. You need to act positive to the world and compensate with kinder actions. Regret will get you nowhere, only active action will.