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How to stop hating yourself after cheating?

205 Answers
Last Updated: 09/12/2020 at 5:04am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Sarah Archer, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

As a Licensed MFT I work with clients to more effectively address, process and learn skills to manage the problems that prevent them from living the life they want.

Top Rated Answers
StayPawsitive
July 1st, 2016 10:13pm
Everyone has either done it or thought about it at least once; don't beat yourself up over it! Honestly you shouldn't stress about it. Just stay calm and try not to do it again.
Anonymous
July 2nd, 2016 7:43pm
What's done is done. You did something, you accept it. Maybe it's not something you are proud of but that doesn't mean you are a bad person!
PatientOwl
July 16th, 2016 6:59pm
Recognise that everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Explore the reasons and behaviours that compelled you to cheat and actively work on those so they may not be repeated in any future relationships
usefulLight67
July 19th, 2016 3:42am
Convince yourself that whatever have you did is done and nothing can be done about it. Ask for forgiveness from the person you cheated on and most important forgive yourself we are humans and mistakes ca. Always be done. Finally love yourself more !!
charmingSmiles16
July 28th, 2016 3:52am
Understand that everyone messes up. You just weren't ready for something that serious in your life .
shoshho
July 29th, 2016 11:48am
you might want to learn from your mistake and make sure that you don't do it again, no matter how tempted. and accept what you've done, acknowledge that it wasn't right or pleasant and then say to yourself deep down that you are not going to do such a thing again.
Anonymous
July 30th, 2016 3:46am
You start by acknowledging that you were wrong and ask for forgiveness. You also have to forgive yourself. Part of forgiving yourself, is learning to love yourself. It's a process that happens over time.
Anonymous
July 30th, 2016 1:51pm
By convincing yourself that u are not cheated it is a fate...and that is the way of becoming yourself more powerful
freshFriend18
August 3rd, 2016 2:01pm
Its difficult - no one is perfect- believe that if you were happy you would not cheat unless you are one of those that just doesn't want to be one person person - but you have to tell them you were bad and be honest or your conscience will make a mockery out of you
caringempath
August 5th, 2016 12:35pm
You must never hate yourself. Best thing to do is forgive yourself for doing it and move forward with life. Everyone makes mistakes in life and this certain thing is something you can learn from. Love yourself and move forward with life you beautiful person.
Anonymous
August 6th, 2016 9:24pm
The single fact that you came to hate yourself is a sign you are ready to forgive yourself. Forgiveness is not given to us by the priest, but by mediocrity and repenting.
Here4u2smile
August 10th, 2016 2:37pm
Love yourself. And there should be a reason why you cheated. Put your happiness first. If next time you see that you are having thoughts of cheating think on why and what you are looking for. And why
woof121801
August 10th, 2016 5:11pm
I need to accept the truth and the thing that I have done was my past. However, we all know that we cannot change the past. We just have to let it go and learn some experiences.
Anonymous
August 13th, 2016 9:25am
You need to face up to what you have done in the light of your own values, and truly own your actions. When you can first acknowledge that what you did was in contradiction to your values, without excuses, you can then start to accept that you made a mistake in your life. When you appreciate we all make mistakes, it can become easier. But, caution, a mistake is only a mistake if you can learn and grow from it. If you can do this you will slowly start to forgive yourself.
Openyoursoul22
August 16th, 2016 7:13am
You try to understand yourself and your partner, you communicate and admit the mistakes to yourself. You could try to be open minded and seek to find your hidden needs and frustrations.
annnareilly
August 16th, 2016 4:37pm
In life, people make lots of mistakes - cheating being one of them. You shouldn't hate yourself if you have cheated, but you should contact the person you cheated on to see how they are doing and how you can help them get over this bridge. Just think positively and know you are human, you are prone to making mistakes.
Anonymous
August 21st, 2016 4:53pm
Remember that no one is perfect. Everybody makes mistakes and thats okay. Its all a part of being human. The most important thing to remember is that you always learn from your mistakes and now you can do something about it.
Anonymous
August 27th, 2016 4:41pm
In my experience, I have cheated before.. I hated myself for doing it after awhile I had lost both of them and with time I worked up the guts to apologize to both of them for what I did and life moves on and I knew I couldn't just stay for my entire life hating myself, so since then i have never cheated again and I stopped dating for awhile.
XsetarehX
August 28th, 2016 2:54pm
To be able to move on from something, you have to be able to accept it first. You have to accept that what has happened has happened and there is nothing you can do about it and you can't go back and change it. All you can do is accept that you have done it then move on, put in the past and learn from it.
plushPicture89
September 1st, 2016 12:46pm
Everyone makes their own mistakes! Just clear your head until you feel a bit better and then think what you can do to prevent that situation next time, because hating yourself is not the answer to anything
SupportiveSam1
September 3rd, 2016 10:40am
Ask yourself why you resorted to cheating. Learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself. Everybody is different.
JD821
September 15th, 2016 3:16pm
You need to come to terms with the fact that the reason you cheated is because you were unhappy with your current relationship or yourself. You could not satisfy and if you cheated, it means that you're unsure about how you feel. In order to stop hating yourself, you first need to accept what you did and realize that you're not a bad person, you just aren't with the right person.
TheTripleS719
September 17th, 2016 4:21am
Don't cheat anymore. Hating yourself is something hardcore, and if you feel that way because of something you did, stop what it is you're doing. Give it a few days/weeks, and the feeling will go away.
Kat140615xx
September 18th, 2016 3:14pm
Accept you made a mistake, Your only human and your gonna make mistakes. Just remember there gonna move on like you will.
Anonymous
September 20th, 2016 10:28am
Knowing other people is a part of who we are and of what we have to do. Mistaking is human. Don't blame yourself for doing something that it's part of your learning curve.
BeyondEmpathy
September 28th, 2016 2:17pm
I think that acceptance is key with this. Whatever you did or didn't do has happened. It's in the past now. While the feelings, and thoughts continue there has to come a point where you need to forgive yourself. Maybe talking with a listener or counsellor may help you beyond this?
Anonymous
October 5th, 2016 3:14pm
To stop hating yourself you have to forgive yourself. Find the underlying reason that made you be unfaithful in the first place, having a better understanding of this feeling will help you identify what caused you to cheat and then you can move on from it.
Anonymous
October 27th, 2016 6:58am
Consider all the good qualities you have provided and overall accept your mistake as one that occured but wont show back in your life.
Anonymous
November 4th, 2016 4:21pm
Know in your heart that many, many people cheat. Sometimes it seems as if it is human nature to cheat or be cheated on. Amazing things happen and terrible things happen. Accept what you did and vow to never do it again (it is all you can do).
Anonymous
January 21st, 2017 4:38pm
Every relationship is a two-side dynamic. It's action and reaction. We cheat for many reasons. We are humans and do mistakes. Probably not being happy in a relationship can lead to cheating. Not all people have the strength to talk to their partner and turn to sex instead.