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How to stop hating yourself after cheating?

233 Answers
Last Updated: 05/31/2022 at 8:53pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Polly Letsch, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I provide non-judgmental, person-centered, objective therapeutic treatment for individuals of all ages to improve social, emotional, mental and other areas of functioning.

Top Rated Answers
TripleL7
September 16th, 2018 3:18am
You have to forgive yourself. If you had someone wonderful and betrayed them you could really start hating yourself for a really long time but you have to figure out if you're just dirty or if you did it because you felt like you had to turn to someone else because you're not or weren't getting someone from that one person whom you were with. Either way the most important part is figuring out where you stand with yourself and with your partner you cheated on. If you're one who has no self control and feels like if he can get it why not take it , that's just not how things work and self control should be practiced.
freshsupport
October 10th, 2018 8:48am
This is a hard question to answer. You may find getting into a new relationship can cause a clean slate for you. If you hate yourself that much, then you will definitely not think about doing it in the next relationship. If you even get a slight temptation In your new relationship to cheat. them you should end the relationship there. On the best terms possible. If you cheat, it shows you never had 100% love and dedication for the person in the first place. Which will make you feel worse. Moving on can sometimes just be a key involvement in improving yourself and your life. Starting fresh.
resourcefulFreedom38
November 24th, 2018 6:50pm
The first step should be acknowledging the choice and accepting responsibility for the action. Reflex on why the choice was made to cheat; e.g., is there something you consider missing in the relationship, was this the first time? Self evaluate and ask someone close to you, to give you their thoughts on how they see you. This can help to discover hidden traits that you do not see. Ask your partner for forgiveness and forgive yourself. If this is not the first time you have cheated, try to uncover the reason why. Ask yourself what you are looking for in a relationship. Also, place yourself in the other person's shoes, how would you feel if the person you loved cheated on you. Try to find the underlining reason for your action. Work on changing it and move on. The past cannot be changed, but you can improve the future. Own action, ask for forgiveness and forgive self.
Anonymous
May 31st, 2019 9:51am
Admit that you made a mistake. Imagine yourself in the person you hurt's shoes. Realize that you are not perfect but that you have the chance now to learn from your behaviour. Modify yourself to become a better person who does not do such things. Hate is a strong and damaging emotion if left to fester. Instead focus on learning from the experience. Being angry does not have to be an entirely negative emotion. Harness your emotions and use them to guide yourself through an education thought process. Keep in mind your future and the person you would like to become!
Anonymous
January 16th, 2020 1:46pm
Receiving a cheating is always very hard! The fact that you hate the person that cheat to you doesn't mean you have to hate yourself. It's not your fault! Give yourself a change to be happy , take a big breath and start over :)! It's not easy but I know you can do it How can you star? By loving yourself, take time for yourself, taking care of yourself , and slowly you will start love yourself again , the pads will be accepted and the present will embrace you with a stronger powerful positive life! You can do it
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2020 9:29pm
first off stop cheating. then figure out what went wrong for you to cheat in the first place. not always your fault , if your partner isn't giving you all you need then it can lead to cheating or if your unhappy. really have to sit down with yourself first and make a list of reasons as to why it happened, then talk to your partner , then you have to get over the fact that its done and over with and there is nothing you can do about it now other then dont make the same mistake again.
anshpancholi
June 19th, 2020 10:40am
We just need to ask for genuine sorry to whom we have cheated. As we cheats someone, they gets hurt. We do realize it before doing the act. But our tendency to ignore this message of heart put us in this loop in which we give to ourselves regularly some negative thoughts. But wait, everything is done now, you have cheated, the one who is cheated got hurt now next action should be asking for sorry for hurting. In the case if you are forgiven the problem is solved and in the case if asking for sorry fails we need to ask for penance. In the case if the penance is too hard to follow just try to do it, this may changes mood and forgiveness may be given. In the case if this idea fails, then you would have a satisfaction that you tried it at your best. Thanks
Anonymous
July 4th, 2020 11:39pm
You need to know much you worth and that people can change if they belive in it when you start believing in yourself things will get more easier for you and the ones you love but you can’t hate yourself for making a mistake because we all make mistakes, we are all human beings but it is important to know that there are people that love you and will support you no matter how much you hate yourself and it is not easy to be better but with help of people that uou love and respect it will get better
SweetSugarCup
August 14th, 2020 9:56pm
Everyone makes mistakes and that is a humanly thing to do, I'm sure it was a mistake, but hating yourself is not worth it. Focus ons yourself and on self love, and forgive yourself for your actions. Forgiveness is the root of recovery. If you are able to forgive yourself you will one day be able to forgive others. Admit your actions and that you cheated, but promise yourself to commit next time. Take a small break from relationships if yoi have to and take time to be ready for the next one, remember forgiveness is key to the problem.
Anonymous
August 21st, 2020 4:04am
Cheating is a topic that has alot to it depending on the situation and the side of it that your on. Cheating on someone isnt always something a person can help themselves from doing. If your feeling certain ways, maybe hatred, from cheating on someone you can try lots of things. Acknowledging a problem is sometimes a good thing and can help. If you think to yourself then you can better understand you and how your feeling and maybe that can help you find a way to feel less hatred for cheating. I believe in you (the reader) and I hope you find this helpful or meaningful in someway.
Anonymous
September 12th, 2020 5:04am
I believe that the way I would stop hating myself after cheating is by changing my way of being and not doing it again. Its never to late for change. When a person knows that they are doing wrong they need to change there way of being. If that person doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore they should let the other person go rather then holding on to them when they dont want to be with them anymore. Cheating can be very hurtful. If a person would not like to be cheating on then they should not do it to someone else.
IAmBubbles
November 13th, 2020 10:38pm
Acknowledgement first. Know that you can't undo your action it had a negative impact and you can't change that. If possible reach out apologise and be aware they don't have to forgive you but show them that you do not stand by your actions. Be aware to yourself that you have tried to improve your actions but you can't change what's been done. Know that you will do better in the future and that's all you can do. Make it clear to yourself what type of person you are if you need to make improvements make goals on how to achieve that. Most importantly forgive yourself, don't forget what you did, don't do it again but don't hold it against yourself as that's not going to make any progress.
Stillthebrighteststar
November 25th, 2020 1:45am
If anyone chooses to not like you for whatever reason, simply think to yourself, 'I have a unique and special personality that no one else can mirror perfectly, and I am the way I am for a reason. Some person out there, be them male, female, or non-binary, thinks I'm their dream significant other, it just isn't the last one.' "If at first you don't succeed, try try again." I like to say "I refuse to be In a relationship with someone who chooses to be too impatient to bring one relationship to an end, before jumping to the next sinking ship."
Anonymous
March 20th, 2021 2:23am
If you feel bad about it , believe it or not that's a good thing, it means you are a good person. We all make mistakes , just learn from them and think about why you did cheat.
Anonymous
March 24th, 2021 7:42am
Thank you for reaching out regarding this topic which can be uncomfortable to talk about. It’s natural to feel shame, guilt and regret behind something you did that will likely hurt your significant other's feelings. You might want to ask yourself some questions. Am I upset because of how my significant other will react if I tell him/her/them? Do I hate myself because I did not tell him/her/them about the affair? It's important to think of your own boundaries and your significant other's boundaries. What do you consider cheating and what does your partner consider cheating? Are you and your significant other willing to reconcile the relationship through couple’s therapy? OneLoveFoundation and Relate are examples of support organizations regarding relationship stress. Mistakes are part of our learning process. You may want to reflect on what you could have done differently prior to this. At the time did you know what you did would hurt someone or did you realize only after? Ask yourself if you would rather torture yourself or try to learn, heal, and grow from this experience. It's easier said than done to give yourself permission to move on. Time to keep moving forward to prove to yourself that event doesn’t define your entire self-worth or who you are as a person. You are welcome to reach out for further support to one of our listeners or therapist's, some of which who have personal experience and specialized experience with what you are going through.
Anonymous
April 3rd, 2021 10:31am
Cheating is a choice you make subconciously and sometimes do it unintentionally . You should not hate yourself for it as forgiveness is the best gift . Forgive yourself and explain to yourself under what circumstances u let it happen and it cannot be changed by hate but by love . Apologise to the people you hurt and try to end thing on good terms . Donot blame yourself for completely for it every human makes mistakes atleast once and getting over it is also a part of your life . Love yourself , forgive yourself and find a better life for yourself to not make the same mistakes again.
Emir5810
April 7th, 2021 9:26pm
one needs to understand that cheating is not a mistake but a choice so hating oneself is a results of guilt so to stop hating oneself, a person should do what they love doing the most, remember that their feelings are valid, know that they are beautiful and worthy. A person needs to remember why they are living and their reason for living so basically one need self-care routine, exercise, good food, have a routine of their daily lives, moreover they need to pray for guidance, forgiveness, strength and protections. Also a person need to distance themselves from the cheater to avoid falling into the trap of being with them again.
dancingKitty5841
July 29th, 2021 3:15pm
Acceptance of your own behavior and reflection on how you have grown can help one heal after an infidelity. Working through what lead up to the infidelity that made that an option is also good to reflect on. Forgiving the person who stepped out or forgiving ones self is important part of the healing process. One can learn a lot about themselves and what their role has been in a relationship. Reflection is one important aspect to see what you have done and what you want to do and have in your future relationships. Forgive yourself and your partner for being human. We all make errors in judgement, it's vital to learn from those errors.
Anonymous
October 14th, 2021 12:20pm
Learn that everyone in this world makes mistakes, some minor some major but mistakes are a normal process in life and make us learn what is right & wrong. Think of it more as you have ate the wrong chocolate bar! It sounds like the end of the world but it isn’t, you will just know not to do this again. Some things can’t be changed and this scenario is one of them, if you dwell on the past forever you can’t build your future. Hate is a strong word do not hate yourself, thank yourself more for learning yourself a lesson that has taught you a lot of things that some actions can hurt others as well as yourself!
Shwe31
October 21st, 2021 6:45am
It might have feel terrible after cheating someone because cheating does not match with our core moral values and conscience. But it is a good thing that you discovered at least that cheating is a wrong thing to do and that is why you are feeling kind of guilty. But, you can not blame yourself only, because there must had present other factors responsible for that cheating thing also . Sometimes, it is difficult to take decisions and that is completely understood. So if possibility for asking forgiveness is there . then do the one and try to move on and if possibility is not there, you don't have control over situations right now. so forgive yourself and have patience. You will heal soon.
Anonymous
April 14th, 2022 8:45am
people make mistakes you did too at one point .stop hating yourself its who you are work on making yourself better its no way necessary to be perfect no one can be perfect too . everyone has their own flaws and you do too so move ahead life has so much to give to you theres no need to hold on to just one mistake and punish yourself for it your whole life , its important that you realise your mistake accept where you went wrong .you should apologize to the person you hurt and make sure you never repeat it again thats what is you should learn from any mistake generally hating yourself will not do you any good . Correct your flaws slowly ,accept your mistakes take responsibility of your mistakes love who you are with all your flaws too .
sweetgrandpa
April 29th, 2022 2:16am
When we create an expectation for ourselves that is greater than we can, at that moment achieving it leaves us disappointed and sad, with self-hatred. Perhaps first of all to judge the attitude and not the person, the human being learns from his mistakes and this learning has great value. Make a vow not to make any more mistakes, correct the points that led you to betray as favorable places and contact people who facilitate such attitudes and grow with your failure in a mature way. Another important point is how to take the relationship itself, treat the other party with dignity, love, always being a friend, Love worked in human relationships does not give room for betrayal.
Anonymous
May 31st, 2022 8:53pm
Something so important to this question is to focus on the intention you had before the moment occurred. The intention behind the act can change whether or not it is cheating in the first place. Sometimes cheating may feel icky, but it may not be cheating at all. Accidents do happen after all. If the intention, was to harm feelings, get back at someone, or other malicious intentions, then it was probably cheating. But if your intention was shifted away from that completely, for example you felt you were in danger in this situation or you would get in trouble, then you may be in the clear from your guilt.