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I broke up with him even though I do love him and he loves me. I had to! How can I move on from someone I can't find a reason to hate?

201 Answers
Last Updated: 06/12/2020 at 12:13am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
Moderated by

Sara Radford, MA Clinical Counseling

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Within the context of a supportive, collaborative relationship I help clients to explore themselves in a effort to create healing and lasting positive change.

Top Rated Answers
Naturallyhappy00
July 15th, 2016 10:47pm
The best way to move on is to focus on yourself and figure out your happiness it going to be hard for awhile you can always be friends
LilSun
December 2nd, 2016 8:28am
That for sure can be a tough and tricky situation to deal with. If you've had a solid reason, like I believe you have since you've said you HAD to break up, then make sure you remember that reason. And every time you think about him or you want to talk to him or get back with him, remember your reason and why is it important and why it caused you to break up in the first place. It sure will be tough, especially because you two love each other still but it all depends on how solid your reason for break up is. Starting from there, you can "train" yourself and your mind and be more confident in the decision you've made.
solabee
June 30th, 2017 5:58am
By finding a way to be happy with your decision! Rather than focus on the negative outcomes or the negative feelings, try to focus on the positives. If you are able to grow and gain strength from this situation, then you won't need to justify your decision by hating him! You can still have positive feelings toward him without being with him. Perhaps *not* being with him will allow you both to be healthier and happier people!
allnaturalComfort82
January 10th, 2018 12:22am
Who says you have to hate someone to move on from them? The aim of moving on is to be able to continue with your life without being affected by whatever person/experience you from which you happen to be moving on. There's no requirement to "hate" in order to move on, in fact, I've found it harder to move on from things I hate; it just makes us think about it even more. Like you said, you had to, that suggests what happened, was meant to happen! So, do your best to simply accept that it was the best and most appropriate course of action. Don't look for a reason to hate him, simply start to continue with life without him there like he was. This will help you to start to stop thinking about him, and stop the effect that he has on your life (also known as moving on!). Best of luck
ChrisBr
January 19th, 2018 9:24pm
I think you should just accept the fact that you two shared something beautiful and that there shouldn't be a reason for you to hate him to end it, because if you did, that reason could also effect your memories you two shared once. Just leave it as it was, and remember once in a while that something beautiful as this happened some point in your life, much love!
Anonymous
January 20th, 2018 10:27pm
Why do you need to hate a person in order to move on from him/her. Think in the positive side. If you don't move on now and come back together, you are certain that it won't work. Eventually, you would have differences and you would find plenty of reasons to hate him. But you don't need to go to that point of hating him if you move on now. Treat him as you treat a casual friend or acquaintance. Meet and interact with new people. Spend your time in more productive ways which also divert your attention. You'll notice the change
AlaynaFonseca
January 24th, 2018 7:41pm
I recently dealt with this issue in my life and yes it is extremely hard, but knowing that it was best for the both of you and right now isn’t a good time to be together, it will feel very relieving and worth knowing it was a great relationship.
anotherfrenchtoastmafiaa
March 28th, 2018 6:50pm
It's simple. You move on from someone with the same reason you broke up with them in the first place for. Why did you do it? What triggered it? And it will remind you of why you should move ahead, that's all. You don't have to hate somebody to move on from them. Some happy relationships do end, and that's okay.
Anonymous
April 13th, 2018 3:12pm
You don't need to hate somebody to move on from a relationship: sometimes, it just doesn't work out the way we imagine, and that is okay. Treasure the memories you have with this person, with a happy heart, remember to be kind to yourself, and to not forget about the reasons for the breakup.
Frequency528
May 13th, 2018 8:35am
Focus on you and what you want to do and succeed at. Take one day at a time and remember that if you focus on that person it will be very difficult to be independent
Anonymous
June 16th, 2018 7:23pm
You can find peace with the fact that you both have mutual feelings for eachother and things didn’t end badly. Remember you did what you thought was right.
malena292
June 24th, 2018 11:36pm
Sometimes, love is not all. You can love someone, but not every time that person is what you need, and you need more of a relationship.
Anonymous
July 9th, 2016 12:17pm
The best way is to be true to yourself, understand why things had to be done so you can move on with no regrets.
wishfulVision48
July 22nd, 2016 12:16pm
Thinking of your future you seem to feel it is the right decision to disconnect from this relationship and so will be stronger now to take action while you are in a positive place with going forward in and changing your future for the best. If it is a decision you both seem to regret then maybe you could meet up and talk it through to see how you are both feeling and why you feel the situation came about and where you both feel it can lead?
livefree24
July 29th, 2016 5:39am
learn more about yourself, find joy in little things.. become self-dependent, hangout with your friends and slowly he will become just a memory
Morgan321
July 30th, 2016 3:55pm
Sometimes relationships don't always work, you don't need to hate an ex or be angry when you see them, it is okay and totally normal, the best way for me is to get a hobby, something silly to take your mind of it, if its building a figure or binge watching a TV show, after you will feel better
Adi911
July 31st, 2016 2:00pm
moving on wont be an easy thing! but you can move on by just being atleast friends with him! stay as you were earlier it would be hard thing too but much more easier then the earlier step of moving on! or you can move on by just distracting yourself from the thoughts of him and your past, by being you as you were earlier, earlier too you must had a life that you used to live, do what makes you interesting what makes you love, as well as do things which makes your mind distracted or start working on something cool! or go out with your friends cousins or family which will not make you feel alone! and accept the situations and the facts happily!
Anonymous
July 31st, 2016 7:53pm
Don't hate him dear. Just start loving yourself. This will bring peace to your life. Don't harbour your hate with evil my friend. (:
befree87
August 4th, 2016 11:00am
this one is hard but going out seeing your friends, family and generally enjoying yourself may help
Anonymous
August 6th, 2016 12:30pm
You cant hate them.. And to move on you have to try and find something that helps you distract yourself and move on..
Here4u2smile
August 10th, 2016 2:28pm
Find the reason on why are you separating. I always think of the positives and negatives. Make a list. You never know maybe you belong together
Anonymous
August 17th, 2016 5:12pm
first of all "everything happens for a reason" but we don't know what will the outcome. I guess your relationship need space for a while. it takes time to moved on but as time pass by you will move on. or it can be that it is just not the right time for your love right now.
creativeSunshine46
August 20th, 2016 4:09am
Just know that the breakup was the best thing for both of you, yes they can be difficult but sometimes breakups are for the best even though they may not seem like it
justheretohelpyou
August 21st, 2016 8:36pm
Accept that being together just wasn't meant to be, time and space is what you will both need. But as you both still love and care for each other, a good friendship is the best possible thing to come out of this situation! :D
Godiswithinme
August 25th, 2016 2:50am
You need to know that even the best fall down sometimes. And you have to let Go so things will fall into place. The pain you feel is nothing compare to the joy that is coming. The best is yet to come.
DRSamWilliams
August 25th, 2016 2:50pm
Well, one thing that you can do is pray about your situation and hope for the best results. Also, you probably had activities and fun things that you used to do with that person. You might try filling the void created by their parting with some wholesome activities such as reading a book, walking your dog or cat, or if you don't have any hobbies or pets. Perhaps, purchase a pet, ie, fish, cat, dog; and/or start a new hobby. Let me know if this helps. Thank you.
FluffyKoalaa7
August 31st, 2016 6:28pm
Put your focus on something or someone else. And soon the boy you love will start to fade away. I would start by focusing on yourself and making yourself happy. Independence is key to moving on.
Anonymous
September 4th, 2016 5:14pm
Distract yourself? Get involved in an extracurricular activity, spend time with family and friends, or try a new hobby.
relieffromthestrees
September 7th, 2016 5:22am
May be there is something for that you broke up with him. Something that disturb you as much. Now reason may not important to you but your subconscious mind knows better that's why you are having a problem to back him in your life.
CharlieMorningstar
September 10th, 2016 4:24pm
You had your reasons for breaking up even though you love each other. Remember those reasons! Try to be proud and happy for both yourself and him in the future! Take baby steps toward building your future without him. Remember, everyone takes things at their own pace, and breakups are no exception.