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I broke up with him even though I do love him and he loves me. I had to! How can I move on from someone I can't find a reason to hate?

203 Answers
Last Updated: 06/25/2020 at 7:54am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
Moderated by

Sara Radford, MA Clinical Counseling

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Within the context of a supportive, collaborative relationship I help clients to explore themselves in a effort to create healing and lasting positive change.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
July 9th, 2017 2:50am
If you really love someone, why end it? Maybe you should try things out with him again, see if it works.
Anonymous
July 22nd, 2017 7:48am
Recognize the reasons you thought it was best to split up, and see that it was for the best. Relationships don't always work, even if their are feelings. Recognize how each of you grew throughout the relationship, and how you learned from eachother.
MissLuthien
July 27th, 2017 11:04pm
You don't have to hate someone for it not to be right. If you have to end its, there's good reason, and moving on is best for both of you so you can find somewhere where you don't unintentionally hold the other back.
enchantingRose58
August 18th, 2017 6:35am
Time you need time and distance, you need to distract your feelings for him so need some space between you for a while before you even start to think about becoming friends
Anonymous
August 19th, 2017 11:20am
I don't think you're required to hate this person. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't fully understand how you necessarily have to hate anyone. You can still be in love with him. If it's your parents who have a problem with him, you might want to try to figure out why that is.
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2017 11:43pm
Just because we break up with someone doesn't mean that we have to hate them. When we are in relationships we share our lives with the other person and sometimes things end. This doesn't mean that we become enemies or that we hate the other person. Remember the reason that you decided to end the relationship and think forward
AnnexInTheSky
September 21st, 2017 6:30pm
Well if you two broke up even though you still love each other, I assume it was because of outside circumstances you couldn't control? If I knew more about the situation I could give more detailed advice, but I can give some general advice on moving on. I would say try occupying yourself with other hobbies, spend time with your friends, and focus on your obligations like work, school etc. And of course self-care is important too. If you find yourself thinking about him and missing him I wouldn't try repressing those thoughts, just try and let it pass because repressing feelings usually make them stronger and it's a lot of unnecessary stress. Anyway I hope things go well for you.
Anonymous
September 24th, 2017 9:26am
Realize that happened for the best.. You know yourself and your relation with him better and if you think it was the right thing to do then know that you just have to walk away from him no matter what.. However, If you both love each other then maybe you should just go get him and deal with the mess later.. Life is too short to play games and besides, If you look for the reasons not to be with somebody, you are always gonna end up finding them
andreafullness
September 25th, 2017 11:23pm
You don't need a hurting reason for you to get over someone. You just need to realize that there is some people that come into our life to show us a lesson, to be a chapter in our life, but they can't come here we are going to. There's a huge difference between getting over someone and forgetting about them, only the first one is necessary.
enlightenedPower53
November 16th, 2017 8:46am
You don't have to hate a person for you to move on. Acknowledging the fact that you two's paths had crossed, and the journey between you two had ended. Accept that you still love him and he reciprocates. But now is not a good time anymore. Bless him with his future. And cut out all contacts with him for the upcoming months.
katelisalyn
November 17th, 2017 7:33pm
Continue to tell yourself that there was a reason you had to walk away and that you deserve better, even if the love is still mutual. But not all relationships are meant to last.
Anonymous
November 17th, 2017 10:56pm
Try and get distracted? Because distractions can help us forget about our ex boyfriends sometimes.
Anonymous
December 6th, 2017 9:45am
By giving myself time to grief. Accepting the pain. And focus myself in family my work and my friends.
Harshac
December 6th, 2017 3:50pm
I can find the ans in your question as you say, if you don't have any reason to hate him except to love him why don't you be with him instead of going away. You will have to be with someone you love instead of going away.
Anonymous
December 8th, 2017 12:41am
First of all. Why do you even want to move on when you love him and he loves you? Try to work things out.
Anonymous
December 8th, 2017 9:43am
We will always love those people and I know it is hard to have reasons to hate them just because we want to move on. But you have reasons and those reasons are yours, you move on through time. Heal yourself and tell yourself that you had to do it for something that must be important for you to breakup with him. You don't need to hate a person in order to move on, you just have to realize that there are things in this world that we cannot achieve.
bunty2040
December 9th, 2017 1:16pm
engaged in something you will enjoy. Keep yourself engrossed in work. There are many more wonderful things in this world, explore them
Anonymous
December 13th, 2017 6:13pm
It is all going to be okay. You are beautiful the way you are and I know you will find someone better than him who can take care of you and love you with all his heart. Life moves ahead so you should ahead with it rather than being stuck. You might have other good things waiting for you.
CausticNikk
December 15th, 2017 5:45am
It will be hard but think about all the opportunities ahead of you. Your life is full of choices you get to make! Instead of dwelling on not having this guy think of all the things you can do now that you couldn’t do before because you were with him.
PonchoStef
December 22nd, 2017 4:20pm
Focus on yourself, clear your mind and take the time needed to heal... if it is mend to be things will work out in the end
ezraleeeee
December 22nd, 2017 6:01pm
The same as you would with any other relationship. You don't need to hate somebody for you to be able to move on. Keep yourself occupied away from thoughts of them, keep super duper busy as much as you can. Break-ups are different for everybody and everyone has different tactics of coping with it. I hope you'll be alright
TheHoneyDoll
January 4th, 2018 6:43pm
That really is a tough situation to go through and learning to hate someone isn't always the answer. With all of my break ups, I look for lessons to be learned and remind myself that better will come for me. I personally believe everything happens for a reason. Over time, the pain will get less painful. Above all, be patient with yourself and do all you can to relax and focus on yourself. :)
allnaturalUnicorns70
January 5th, 2018 5:29pm
Sometimes there are good reasons for moving on, without either of you being "in the wrong". What's so bad about valuing the person for their benefits and the good times you shared, without demonizing them?
Anonymous
January 11th, 2018 1:09pm
You don't need to find a reason to hate said person in order to move on from them. Breaking up with someone you still love is one of the most difficult things you can do. You just need to keep reminding yourself of why you broke up. Find new hobbies, spend less time with them, slowly start to move on.
magnificentRainbow32
January 12th, 2018 9:44pm
There are so many people that you need to find another person, perhaps ten people similar to him. If the love is not mutual, keep meeting new people. Keep meeting new people.
softSugar96
January 13th, 2018 1:24am
Oh man, that's a good question. Even if the romantic relationship didn't work out, you can still be good friends and maybe later down the road it may resolve itself.
softNutella25
January 24th, 2018 11:22pm
First of all, I wouldn't suggest that you try to hate him. Hate is unhealthy and causes issues in and of themselves. Remind yourself of the reasoning as to why the breakup had to happen and how it will benefit you both, assuming that it will.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2018 4:54pm
Don't hate. Let hate go. Let time take you away.
stella1013
February 7th, 2018 5:31pm
you'll have to remember why you broke up with him in the first place. surely there must be a reason as to why you guys broke up (even though the love was mutual). you don't need to "hate" him to move on. you just need to stop having any sort of strong feelings (love/hate) for him. in time you'll be able to stop thinking about him and that's when you'll finally move on :) it takes time.
Anonymous
February 23rd, 2018 3:11pm
There must have been a reason you broke up with him. Focus on that, and remember him as that. That might help you get over him.