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I broke up with him even though I do love him and he loves me. I had to! How can I move on from someone I can't find a reason to hate?

201 Answers
Last Updated: 06/12/2020 at 12:13am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
Moderated by

Sara Radford, MA Clinical Counseling

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Within the context of a supportive, collaborative relationship I help clients to explore themselves in a effort to create healing and lasting positive change.

Top Rated Answers
Cpcoleman1WSU
March 1st, 2018 10:40am
Don't? When I hear "had to" I hear a bad reason. If it's a temporary thing, call a cease-fire. Let your love go dormant till that temporary thing passes, then get back together again and keep going.
Zizi2906
March 2nd, 2018 1:58am
It not easy, it never is. But perhaps you can take this time to focus on achieving a goal of yours or starting a new hobby.
Anonymous
March 30th, 2018 9:56pm
You can’t time will let you heal don’t think about him too much as it might make it harder for you to move on
Anonymous
April 1st, 2018 6:28am
Remind yourself of the reasons you left. It doesn’t matter if you hate someone. Maybe things weren’t right circumstantially. It’s your decision.
Briyonalove
April 7th, 2018 4:51am
Its real hard but you sometimes got to do what you have to, I really hope you guys work things out it would be great if you did.
lovelypumpkin
April 11th, 2018 8:04pm
It is very hard to move on. For me, it helps to talk to someone about what i am feeling and spend more time with my friends. Friends are truly the best medicine.
Anonymous
April 12th, 2018 2:40pm
If you had to broke up with him, maybe he isn't the one, you know? :) So.. move on and be positive. You'll find your true love if you get through the passenger loves.
AprylFools
April 26th, 2018 1:57pm
This is hard, but the best thing to do here is to remember the reasons why you broke up. Maybe you just weren't compatible and despite this, it's better for you both. Surround yourself with supportive people.
Thelovelyonee
May 19th, 2018 5:58am
I know what you are feeling right now. Leaving someone that you love is very difficult and sometimes harmful but you had your reasons and that is great. It is great to end something that you know it is not going to work out the way you would like to. I am really proud of your decision. I am sure that you are going to find someone that loves you more than your ex boyfriend does.
beautifulMelody28
June 1st, 2018 3:42pm
Moving on from someone doesn't necessarily mean you hate them. You can care about someone but come to accept that the two of you are not compatible and don't work together. I think once you love someone it's very rare to just not love them anymore, or unlove them, unless they've done something really grave. If you hate someone, you have not moved on from them, you are still stuck having passionate feelings towards them; the line between love and hate is very fine. So I think you've got to come to terms with the things that drove you apart, be it the difference of values, ways of living, compatibility or anything else. Sit with yourself and accept that you care about this person but you want the best for them and for yourself, and this best cannot be achieved while the two of you are still together. Accept your pain and your love and make peace with yourself and your decision.
Livelovedream18
June 2nd, 2018 12:00am
You have to let yourself decide if you can find someone else but if you can't or want a bit of a break then you can always talk to me about it.
ingeniousShoulder48
June 6th, 2018 11:58am
It is hard to let go of someone when you are both in love. I believe that time is the best solution here. Just take it one day at a time. It will get easier with time. Keep yourself busy. Focus on the other important things in your life. Hope I was of some help.
Anonymous
June 8th, 2018 12:31pm
Well if you feel like you had no choice but to break up with him, then you probably didn't love him as much as you think you did? Or something was wrong in the relationship and you must have partly disliked him or a part of him. It's similar to hatred if you process it that way. Moving on shouldn't be a problem if you were the one who was so confident about ending it, and you shouldn't have to worry about hating him since there is a part of you that already did if you feel like you "had to". Don't try and put the hatred on him, it was all your idea, not his. Acceptance is the only key to moving on.. even if it means accepting the blame
Lewie2018
June 9th, 2018 2:53am
There had to be a reason why you broke up with him. Even individuals in love are not always suited for each other and a long term relationship. As far as the moving on...you must remember that when all is said and done....you and you alone are responsible for how your life will be and the amount of happiness it will contain. If the reason you broke up with him is something you feel cannot be fixed..then you need to move on and remember the best parts of being with him, and hate to me is off the table. But you cannot go back and forth..the break my be final...no looking back or second thoughts.
Wioerli
June 11th, 2018 3:51pm
You do not have to hate someone to move on, it takes time. The main thing is to be content in your current situation, find yourself in the life without him, and realise that it is not so bad.
Alidoruta2help
June 21st, 2018 12:22am
If you had to, then you know your own reasons and be proud that you were courageous enough to make the decision. Not everyone will leave their comfort zone. But you have to be realistic with your expectations. It will take a whIle until you will be completely moved on because our brains have a way of getting used to what's familiar. You will move on when you will be ready. And be glad that you didn't reach the point of the relationship when you hated him. That means that you had enough self-esteem to let go before things got too bad. You know what you deserve and you are not afraid to go after it. Keep in mind the reasons that made you take the decision and be happy with yourself that you still have a kind attitude towards him, that you can appreciate what was good but you have your own journey to take.
Anonymous
June 21st, 2018 8:58am
Everything happens for good. If we have to let go anyone then definitely there's a good reason ahead of it.
dreamdavid
June 27th, 2018 10:36am
you think of the reasons you had to, hating is bad, love is good, think of what good its done, and if you can,t try distracting you self or talk about it to someone
klistener01
June 28th, 2018 4:52pm
Think about yourself! You broke up with him for a reason! Figure that out and go from there. Maybe there is someone or something better coming into your life!
Anonymous
June 30th, 2018 3:45pm
If you really believe in this love you should fight for it. It will make you feel personally better. Trust me all things undone left behind ache. But living it in the Maximum is the secret meaning of life
LanLaLand
July 8th, 2018 10:23pm
You can remain friends with them if you still love them because friends love each other too. You can slowly find a reason to be, without them.
ElaineSaysHello
July 26th, 2018 3:03pm
Let's think about what happened in the relationship that went wrong. If you had to break up with him, what can you learn from this relationship that will help you avoid these issues the next time you encounter a similar situation like this with another person?
Anonymous
July 26th, 2018 5:11pm
I understand how you feel, honestly, I had to let go of people I loved too. It hurts a lot but you find a way to get through it, find distractions and what not. Whatever you do, you can never forget that you’re never alone. You don’t have to find a reason to hate them, rather find ways to distance yourself.
Anonymous
August 2nd, 2018 1:48am
Learn and do your passion , what you like to do and have passion and patience in it, such as him , act those activities as the joy of your life and gradually through time it will ease over and have a new beginning in life.
Anonymous
August 11th, 2018 3:47am
It sounds like that you had a difficult time making this decision to separate yourself from him because of how much you were connected to him emotionally. What factors may have influenced this decision for you?
rajaj
September 3rd, 2018 7:58pm
You don't have to hate someone to move on, in fact you don't have to do anything really. Moving on is more of a time thing than a mental/emotional thing... meaning that you have to find a way to give moving on time for you to actually move on rather than giving time to feelings/emotions that remind of your relationship. Giving time to moving on means giving time to activities that take your focus away from thinking about your relationship. Does this mean you will never think of them again? No, it means that instead of hating yourself for thinking about them again and then spiraling down into deep sadness, you will actually think "hmmm, well at least I am doing all of these things that are helping me move on." Definitely easier said than done, however, just get out there and do anything that you've been wanting to, use the internet to help you figure out how, and dont try to make your first attempt perfect!
Tina167
September 7th, 2018 3:33pm
Always remember hate is never the opposite of love...if the breakup was very recent then of course it will be so painful as if you are been hitted by a truck I left my boyfriend too because that was the best thing to do for me that moment and i don't have to hate him to stop loving him.Again if it was a toxic relationship then this is the trauma bond you have with him,most important step to get over someone is to go NO CONTACT after breakup it's important to stay away from your ex because if you both stay in touch moving on will never be possible you have to set yourself free and let it go.Feelings will not fade away over night though we all wish we had a magic pill which would take away all the pain away once and for all...But thats not something practically possible..healing will take some time and you will have to work towards it..accept that the relationship has ended for a reason living in denial is the worst thing a person can do in this situation...be honest with yourself let your thoughts settle and avoid overthinking...It will take some time but eventually you will heal
AnkitaJose
September 16th, 2018 9:25am
Sometimes its okay to move on without letting go of what you love about him. Moving on doesn't have to mean forgetting or hating him. Sometimes it can be accepting that you tried your best and it didn't work out. you don't have to hate him if you don't want to. Maybe you can just accept that you love him but also accept that its better to not dwell on it. Remember the happy times. Forget and hate the sad ones. But overall, don't force yourself to feel any emotion that doesn't come naturally at the moment. Just live through the feelings you have. It'll get better. I promise.
Anonymous
September 27th, 2018 1:19pm
You don't need a reason to hate someone to break up with them. You can still love people and part ways. This is perfectly normal and very mature too. It is simply acknowledging that you and your partner have different paths and still have a love that is grounded on mutual respect. As for moving on, it is a step by step process, one that can be fueled by self love and focus on self growth. Hating someone, would only lead to a unprogressive step back to recovery, and to focus on healing, it would mean to forgive and let go of past grievances.
nighttalks
October 7th, 2018 12:24pm
You don`t need to hate someone to get over them. You have to clear your mind, go through the reasons why you had to break up. Then accept that you aren`t going the same road anymore. Acceptance is the key. You made goood memories together and now you have to move on. And you will be okay. Smile because of the good time you had and don`t try to spread hate. Don`t talk bad about him because it won`t make you feel better. Cry it out and talk it out. Try to distract yourself. Try new things out or find a new hobby and try to spend more time with friends and family. Little steps will take you higher. In the beginning it`s hard, but you will slowly move on and learn to live without him. Just don`t go back.