Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

I broke up with him even though I do love him and he loves me. I had to! How can I move on from someone I can't find a reason to hate?

204 Answers
Last Updated: 07/02/2020 at 9:44am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
Moderated by

Sara Radford, MA Clinical Counseling

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Within the context of a supportive, collaborative relationship I help clients to explore themselves in a effort to create healing and lasting positive change.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
February 12th, 2020 7:16am
Hate and love are such strong emotions. Rather than seeking a reason to dislike, recalling fond memories of good times had together help ease the fall. Think of the wondrous times that were shared together. I am sure there are many you could list. It is never easy. But perhaps there is more than one way of looking at the situation. Are you still friends?
BlueKaon2620
February 14th, 2020 5:14am
I think the important thing to keep in mind is that you don’t always have to move on, as in, you don’t have to take active steps to get over him. I know it sounds cliche, but the best thing you can do is just wait it out. It might take days, weeks, months, maybe even years. But the human mind is built to hang onto good memories in the long term, even though you might be hurting right now. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I know it’s hard. It might not be easy for a while. Just take time for yourself, and always remember that what you’re feeling is real, and it is valid. The depth of your feelings right now just goes to show how much you cared for and loved him. You are strong. You are brave. You are beautiful. You are brilliant. Hang in there, love. That’s all you have to do.
MiracleMel
February 15th, 2020 4:26pm
You did what you felt is best for you at this time. Always remember that. It is important to take some time to focus on yourself now, and what you want and need. You don’t have to hate an ex. There is no rulebook to breakups. Perhaps he is meant to be in your life in some way, just not in a relationship. It is ok if you don’t see a space for him right now, it can take time to move on and rediscover yourself after a breakup. Do something nice for yourself, and remember to trust your feelings. Take care.
Anonymous
February 18th, 2020 2:38am
Recovery takes up to a day. Then it takes up to a week. One day you came to realize that it's been a year since that very last breakup. During that period, you've found the right person for yourself. You. I've always learnt that letting go has always been the option to begin with right from the start. They were designed to enter our lives and exit through that same path. The best way to move on is if we hold on to the belief that we're promised with something much, much better than the previous. It's a choice to choose between the best - or the past. And I trust that you're promised with the best.
PigfaceMcGee513
February 28th, 2020 10:30am
Yes love is wonderful, however if a person is not aligned with your purpose and will not compromise and meet in the middle. Then that love will expend tremendous amount of energy to sway a person that cannot be swayed, People have their own path to follow. people come together for many reasons. When we are in relationships we have to remember there are always lessons to be learned. We learn a tremendous amount about the other person. Moreover we learn a tremendous amount about ourselves. What we can take and what we SHOULD NEVER TAKE. Love is great but if there is not RESPECT. then their cannot be a common ground. Even though you love that person it may be you are just not... meant to be
brilliantBraveheart88
March 13th, 2020 11:44pm
You don't have to hate someone to move on. Sometime you just have to leave and if both parties agree, then thats okay. You clearly do love this person and there must be memories that you wouldn't want to just forget to think about negatively because he was apart of them. You should acknowledge them and be happy for the time you did get to spend with him. You could always just take some time for yourself and forget about him for a bit until you're ready to do whatever you need to do. Breakups are hard for everyone, you just need to figure out what will be the most comfortable way for you to handle it.
Anonymous
April 8th, 2020 5:35am
This, sadly happens. The first step would be realizing, then accepting that you have to move on. Whether or not that’s immediately, doesn’t matter. All that is important is that you realize it’s time to move on. There’s someone for everyone, and there’s a lot of someones out there, more than 6 billion other someones to be more accurate. There can be people that you’re meant to be with for a certain time in your life or forever after the “right one” comes along. It’s other a possibility to believe in multiple soulmates/possibilities because of the same reason: there’s so many of us out there. That can give you a good bit of hope
Anonymous
April 18th, 2020 3:14am
You feel like you had to break up with him, and that must have been very hard to do, especially if you still love that person. I am proud of you for doing what you needed to do, it is very strong of you! In terms of moving on, I don't think you necessarily have to hate someone in order to get over them. You can still have love and appreciation for a person but find your own peace without them. I think it's important to focus on you right now, not him. Fall in love with yourself! Do the things you like to do, eat your favourite food and listen to your favourite music. Allow yourself to be whole by yourself, and look for the positive things to take from the relationship. This will pass!
RunDMT
April 23rd, 2020 3:33pm
You don't have to hate someone to go your separate ways. In fact, in many cases its better to do so for the emotional self of you and your former parter. You may never stop loving them, just because you no longer are together doesn't mean your appreciation for everything you appreciated about them disintegrates. You just have to get your mind off them. Do not communicate, do not be friends on social media, because you are just leaving the door open for them to walk back in. You chose to end it for a reason, don't forget it, and most importantly don't feel like you made a mistake or regret it.
Anonymous
April 24th, 2020 3:30am
Sometimes circumstances occur that cause you to make decisions that you do not necessarily want to do. If your reasoning was sound in your decision, you must remind yourself that it happened for a reason. Though it may seem far off, time is always the best medicine for healing from a broken heart. You eventually develop and settle into new habits that will allow you to look towards the future rather than fixating on the past. In my experience, keeping a hopeful attitude has always helped me. In the wise words of Frank Ocean, "Life goes, that's one thing about it. Life goes on, the wise don't doubt."
Saraboo1200
April 30th, 2020 9:04am
Moving on from a loved one is often a difficult situation, emotionally and mentally. It is best to always make sure you are bettering yourself in a relationship and try to find a balance between your personal growth and how you help others grow in their own ways. This can include many things, whether your growth relies on your relationships or even if it is just a personal situation that you need to overcome individually. Everything happens for a reason and all reasoning can come with an explanation. You must always be able to love yourself before truly loving others. I hope you find your path and learn to love yourself on the way!
Anonymous
May 8th, 2020 9:18pm
The strongest approach is to acknowledge that life must move on and your path is destined by you and no one else. In addition, you can still keep in touch and be friends.In addition, love can mean a lot of things and how we interpret it is important. It is important to practice good coping and distraction techniques to avoid yourself from worry about this issue too much. Excess stress can lead to negative thoughts and ineffective coping. Always acknowledge your decisions and why you made it. I hope this helped you out with your relationship! Best of luck to you!
Anonymous
May 10th, 2020 2:35pm
The first thing to recall is that there is no animosity; this is entirely positive. Having reasons to hate someone keeps us attached to them, and would create feelings of unfinished business. In your situation, there is no reason to stay stuck; there is a freedom in knowing you'd both come as far as you could and had done everything possible. My suggestion therefore, is to approach this in the way you would the end of a job contract that was nice but unfulfilling, or finishing a protracted course of study you'll never revisit. Both cases provide an opportunity to recognise whatever lessons were there for you, to be thankful for them and to acknowledge that they've run their course and that there is nothing to be gained by dwelling on them. Recognise what went well, what ultimately caused the breakup and what you can do differently in future relationships.
Anonymous
May 21st, 2020 12:37am
I think the best way to get over someone who you can't find a reason to hate is start looking for reasons to enjoy your life. You have acknowledged what was best for you at this time. You can both love each other and have figured that the relationship is not the best for both you you. If destiny persists both of you together, it will find its way back. If not, then the universe has prepared a better path and we should just need to learn to manifest this everyday. I am here to hear you out. Leave me a message and keep me posted!
Anonymous
May 21st, 2020 10:20am
You do not need to hate somebody in order to learn how to live without them. Of course, the process of moving on will be long and tedious but in the end, you will feel like a new, improved version of yourself. If I may speak from personal experience, I have been in the same place that you are now. Regardless of what your reasons were for ending the relationship, I think it is important to accept the weight of the decision you have made, and try to take the next step. You can do this in your own time, do not rush yourself. And remember to not blame yourself. You are doing the best you can, what feels right for you. And that will forever be good enough. More power to you. :)
GentleForest3103
May 21st, 2020 6:42pm
It can be really difficult to move on from a relationship no matter the circumstances of the breakup, and its even more difficult when there was no particular cause. You mentioned that you had to break up with this person? It might help to write down a list of the reasons why you felt it necessary to break up. Sometimes these reasons can be simple - "we never had time to see each other", for example. Other times, they can be complicated - for instance, you might have simply felt 'off' when you were around them. It is perfectly possible to love someone and still feel as though you cannot fully be yourself around them. Following such a gut feeling and going through with a break up may be difficult, but if it makes you feel more at peace, then it might be the right choice for your own circumstances.
LuxiraVixe
May 27th, 2020 9:46am
You might not have to move on. If you two still love each other, then you could try working things out and getting back together. However, I do not know the circumstances. So moving on requires some distancing and grieving. Let yourself be upset if it hurts. Delete pictures you took of them or with them, delete old chats that you’re tempted to read. Tell them you need space and would not like to talk to them for a while. Give them space as well. Lastly, just love yourself and don’t ever let the breakup change how you view yourself.
Maya14
May 29th, 2020 10:30am
Happens to most of the people. At some point, we have to let go people just cuz we love them so much. No need to hate him to move on. We meet people for a reason, some give joy, some give us pain. Be that person who shared happiness together and save it as ur memory. If we love the person so much, letting go for their good is also should be easy.It might hurt in the beginning but once u have a valid reason to break up, you will accept to move on. No need to hate anyone. Love and let go.
zealousWinter25
June 4th, 2020 1:33pm
This is a difficult question, however, sometimes relationships are just not right, for whatever reason that might be, either positive or negative. In order to move on, determine what it is that it is going to make it harder for you, that could perhaps be a stage of no contact, writing down reasons why the relationship ended or just time spent working on yourself. Take your time, you do not have to in a rush to move on. Sometimes doing that is detrimental and you get involved with someone, only to realise, it's not what you want right now and that's okay. I am friends with exes but it took time to heal from the relationship.
LunaHymn16
June 7th, 2020 5:04am
Many people who come into our lives aren't meant to stick around forever. Ultimately, you decided that you and your boyfriend weren't compatible and that's okay. Not every relationship ends due to negative reasons such as betrayal. It's actually good that you don't have a reason to hate him. You can cherish the memories you had with him and appreciate the chapter you shared together. Understand that a new chapter is starting and that you're meant to move on without him. In accepting that, you will be able to make peace with letting go him and the whole relationship.
Charlotte996
June 12th, 2020 12:13am
Remind yourself. Remind yourself. Remind yourself. It can be so difficult to move on from someone who you have no reason to move on from. When all you have is good memories to pull you back in. However, there's a reason you ended things in the first place, a reason you knew deep down that things aren't meant to be. So keep reminding yourself of than and be gentle with yourself. Moving on from someone doesn't have a set time, but it often takes longer than we think- you're essentially mourning a living being, mourning a memory of something good. So, be kind to yourself and remind yourself of the reason you did it in the first place.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2020 10:52pm
You don't have to hate someone to move on from them! Remember the reason you broke up with him, and think about whether it was worth it. If it was, then you've found your reason to move on. If it wasn't, then it is up to you what you do about it. My point is that you don't need to hate or even dislike an ex in order to move on from the relationship. You just need to be sure of why you ended it, because if it was a good enough reason for you then that is valid in and of itself.
Anonymous
June 25th, 2020 7:54am
It’s always going to take time into the healing process. You may never be able to fully move on from someone, but there is always a time where you feel content with the decision you made. Whatever the reason may be for you to break up with him, you always have that reason to why you did it. Learn from it, and become a better person. Talk to friends and/or family through it, and take time to yourself. Remember the reason to why you thought it was the best to break things off and that in the end you will be alright
TraceListens
July 2nd, 2020 9:44am
It's a bit confusing that you "had to" break up, yet can't move on. Sometimes, we know in our heart that it just isn't going to work. It hurts but we break it off. In these kind of scenarios, we usually move on quite easily (in time) because we know it is the right thing to do. It feels like there is something (or someone) else in between you two. Maybe a third party or situation where you being together would be an issue for other people. This would explain the feeling of you needing to break up but not want to. We only live one life (well, this time around, anyway) and you have to be a little selfish and put your needs before others, sometimes. Think about what it is that is preventing you from moving on. If two people love each other, it is always worth pursuing.