I broke up with someone, but I feel so guilty for hurting them. How can I talk to my friends without looking like the villain?
Last Updated: 04/02/2019 at 1:11pm
Amanda Wiginton, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Now is the time to make a change! Professional, empathic, and compassionate therapist waiting to help you make healthy life changes.
Top Rated Answers
It's all about how you'd look at yourself! If you feel like a villain whose job's to hurt people's feelings and doesn't care about anyone's life but him/her self, that'd be what your friends see in you as well! Breakups always happen, they can hurt our feelings and get us in a bad mood for a while, but they're necessary. Imagine if no concept of breakup existed, then all those wrong matches didn't have any other choice but to tolerate each other and live a bad life for their whole life! You've done the right thing to decide it's not going to work, and it needs courage to stop it and leave someone. Believe it yourself first, and give time to others to believe it too. You're not a bad person. No one really likes to hurt anyone else. Just Things happen, right?!
There is no shame in sharing with your friends that you feel guilty for hurting your ex. You might share with them how grateful you are for realising the relationship needed to end because of blah blah blah (they are your reasons, so I won't elaborate). Someone had to end it, and that someone was you...but it could have been him and then you would have got to look like the victim. Victim/Villain...they are just labels that people use to quickly categorise players into roles...you could choose to say that you both feel sad about the breakup, but that you feel guilty because you had to be the one to end it.
show that you have sympathy towards the person you broke up with, maybe you still want to become friends with the person your broke up with? also if you do talk to your friends about that person you broke up don't say anything nasty about what happened, just keep it positive and simple.
A break up is hard in any situation. There will, most of the time, be people who take sides in these things too, which is never nice for anyone. All you can do is be honest to your friends about the reasons for the break up, be true and try not to get anyone “on side” by saying nasty things about your ex-partner. It’s one of the hardest things in life and the fall out can be messy, but remember that it’s only temporary. If your friends push you away or don’t support you then they’re not very good friends in the first place. But, give them time to come to terms with what happened too. Hopefully, while not a nice situation, everyone can move on in a mature manner and, if not, then just try to be as diplomatic as possible. You may lose some friends on the way but that happens in life anyway. There are more friends to be made round the corner and chances are, your friends now wont be around in ten years anyway, you’ll have moved on for one reason or another and this will all feel a million miles away. Stay positive, stay true and hold on tight and you’ll be ok.
It is a personal matter. Nobody knows the relationship. Everyone has different needs and wants in a relationship. You shouldn't really talk to people about it . But If people question you about the breakup explain that You needed to be honest. With yourself and you partner.
You just need to explain them everything that happened and be hundred percent honest so they could realize you're saying the truth , everyone understands so be open to them .
Yes you can. You feel guilty for hurting someone you once had feelings for, but you did what was right for you.
Be perfectly honest. Breakups are difficult for both parties. Your friends will likely offer some additional insight on your situation.
just be yourself...there must be a reason for breaking up so explain them your point of view and if they are not judgemental they wont take you as a villain :)
You are not a villain to breakup with someone. There is always a reason and time for everything that you do. They are your friends tell them the truth and they will understand why u did what u did.
it would be right to tell the friends that you feel guilty about all you did while you tell them.... and you can lower the intensity of things while you tell them... so it will feel good that you have shared things with a friend while not being concerned about looking like the villain.... and also good friends would support you even when u tell them the truth.. they will be glad u understand now..
The first part is that you need to understand that you aren't a villain, some people just don't work together and thats not your fault.
You feel awful about hurting him--villains don't feel guilt or shame. Be genuine with your friends, showing your empathy for your ex while also explaining why you broke up with them. Humans are complex; relationships are complex; good friends will understand that sometimes it's impossible not to hurt people. Genuine empathy will help you here.
You are not the villain for doing the necessary actions based on your emotions and needs. You can talk to your friends openly and honestly and hope for the same from them as well as their support.
Very often, sympathy lies with the person who got "dumped", rather than the person initiating the breakup. Sometimes, it helps to talk to someone who has broken off a relationship before, or someone who will not judge you. Not all friends will be on your side, but the ones who do know what it is like and how a relationship ending can hurt both people involved. Your relationship meant something to you, and so did your partner, no matter how it ended and who ended it - your true friends will understand that.
I would just own up to it. If you are the villain than own it. Better to admit you messed up than to try to victimize yourself in the eyes of others. Most people see right through that regardless. It's honorable to admit you were in the wrong and people will respect you for it.
I understand what you feel. If the relationship you had is not making you happy anymore, you know it will not do good to you, emotionally and probably psychologically anymore. You are responsible for your own happiness. It should not depend on how people around you will react. Deciding to be happy is not selfishness. I mean how can we make other people happy, if we, ourselves are not happy? If I may suggest, you can tell your trusted friends what really happened. I believe if they are really true to you, they will understand and support your decision.
If you did make a mistake in the relationship then when explaining it to your friends include the part where you are aware and sorry of your mistake. Admit it openly. If you didn’t really make a mistake but you ended the relationship prematurely or something like that, then try and explain your thought process of how you got to that decision. Now of course I don’t know the details of your situation and there is a possibility where even your guilt could be misplaced. But whatever you do just try to be as open and as honest as possible. Even though the truth might not be completely convenient.
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