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I can't get over my divorce. What should I do?

186 Answers
Last Updated: 06/12/2022 at 10:11pm
I can't get over my divorce. What should I do?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
June 8th, 2016 10:09am
Set yourself personal goals and focus solely on them. E.g train to do a half marathon. It will take your mind off things and give you something to feel positive about afterwards
Bettershapes
April 22nd, 2016 5:58pm
Getting over something like that is hard, but trying to find who you are as a person is the first step. Worry about yourself and do things for yourself. Go buy a new outfit, go get your hair done. Do things for yourself that will make you feel better.
AlexHelpingAllICan
April 3rd, 2016 5:06am
Try talking to a therapist. There are also some support groups to help people who are having trouble getting over a divorce. Finding a new hobby is also a great way of taking your mind off of it.
Graceyloveebby
January 27th, 2016 1:37pm
Well I'm not sure what you have tried to do to get over your divorce . But I can give u a few ideas and hopefully there is one that could help . Well first if you have any close friends or even co workers that u want to get close with go out there and have fun . If your having fun you are less likely to think about things like your ex wife of husband. 2 Do something new. You are so use to your daily habits of your ex that maybe doing some of those things might be painful in ur memories , Pick up a new hobby maybe dansing or hiking or sailing . It will keep you occupied esp if you really like that sport or activities .3 work out . You may be feeling down in the dumps about yourself . So make your self more beautiful or handsome by getting a slim or muscular body so you can have higher self esteem about yourself . 4 I don't suggest jumping into a reltionship but just go on dates with guy friends or girl friends . Being around someone of the opposite gender that's attrated to you will also boost your confidence :) I hope I helped good luck
NicMarie
February 4th, 2016 12:42pm
Do something for yourself. Sit down and think about all the reasons you are better off without your ex.
musicalBubbles69
August 12th, 2018 6:17am
Get out more. Take your mind off your ex partner. Think about why you divorced in the first place. Try your best to move on.
Anonymous
September 22nd, 2019 12:14am
Examine the expectations you've placed on yourself. Are you expecting to neutralize all positive feelings you have towards your ex? Do you still love him and are beating yourself up for it? Stop. While society may have us believe that we should "just get over it", and "he was no good for you", it's just not that simple. Who made it "bad" to love another just because you're not in a relationship anymore? What would happen if you just accept that you feel love for him, AND that the relationship has run its course? Can you find peace in acknowledging both sides simultaneously? When I discovered this and used it in my own life, it brought great relief to accept that just because the relationship was over didn't necessarily mean I had to let go of my love for him. So whenever I thought of him, instead of feeling bad, I would just mentally send him love, wish him well, and let it go. Stop checking up on him. Whether you are doing a drive-by, checking out his Facebook profile, or asking friends about him, this sort of activity is robbing you of your own healing. After all, you cannot be moving your life forward when you are spending your time obsessing over how he is spending his.
katherine081902
July 28th, 2019 6:56am
Divorces are difficult. While I am a teenager, I will compare this to a breakup I have gone through. I am sure it is nothing like mine but I will do my best to relate to this question for you :) My ex-girlfriend dumped me because she "wasn't ready for a relationship" and it took me a while to come to terms with that. I went through the stages of grief, actually. I denied that we were through and I got mad, I insulted her and blocked her, but now we are friends. I think the most important and helpful way to get over someone is to give yourself some space and then try to become their friend. It won't be easy and it will hurt a lot at first but a connection like marriage isn't easy to get over. If the relationship was unhealthy and toxic, it is probably better that you two remain platonic for now anyways. I hope this helps :)
Anonymous
April 13th, 2019 3:58pm
Reconnect with yourself and what YOU love to do. Try to find what it is that defined you before you got married. Book your time up with supportive people such as family and friends and do things that will distract you from thinking about your divorce constantly. Remember that you are not alone. The more you speak to other people, the more you will realize that others have similar situations that you will relate to. This will help to see that there's life after divorce. In many cases people discover that they are starting a new chapter with more insight and love for themselves than they ever had before. Its empowering once you realize that you are not alone and that it's going to be okay.
Anonymous
March 17th, 2022 1:38pm
Where there are so many feelings and much disappointments then ithink i should consider to meet a therapist it could be useful he/ she might help me to figure it out about the things that i can not really get over it coz there is always another way to look at the things with and i might missed that one. Talking to a specialist makes it easier than taking all on my own i might talk to my family they could be helpful too to make me understand my situation exactly i might try to do some new interests maybe sports or activity i never tried before
astroblossom2
April 7th, 2019 8:02pm
Divorces are definitely not easy to get over, but you can do it. When you feel you can't get over something it is best to distract yourself. You have years upon years to move on from it, to go out and do things and eventually forget about it. But for right now the best thing to do for yourself is open yourself up to new activities and ideas. Coping skills or new hobbies are good distractions. There will be times when you think about it, but the divorce happened for a reason and you should remind yourself that you don't have to have a partner to be amazing, successful, or happy for that matter. You can be independent and do things on your own. Find yourself, write poems, paint, draw, go out with friends. Don't do anything dangerous though, like drink, drugs, self harm, or anything of that nature. If you need more help on this subject 7 Cups offers licensed therapist help. I hope this helped, you are loved and welcome on this platform. Talk to me if you need anything else.
Anonymous
April 5th, 2019 5:19pm
Accept the fact that it's over, not to sound hard or something but i'm sure it was for the best. Love yourself, take care of your self because you deserve it
Anonymous
March 22nd, 2019 9:06pm
I also struggled with my divorce as well. The only thing I can offer is to seek counseling. It really helped me. I went weekly for abut 2 months and then monthly for a few months. Altogether it took me about 2 years to fully get through my divorce. So, I can truly tell you it will take some time for you too fully recover. Just try taking it one day at a time and if that does not help, you might need to go to the doctor and get something to help you with stress and depression. It is nothing to be a shame about because over 14.5 million people suffer from mental health issues. And it will only be a temporary thing until you get things back to under control.
Anonymous
February 22nd, 2019 4:52pm
So you must be feeling upset and quite down. I think a good thing to do is to talk about it and tell someone how you are feeling this will lift a huge weight of your chest and make you feel like you are less alone. If you are ever feeling blue come to seven cups and talk to a listener. Another thing you could do is do things to take your mind off it. This could be starting a new hobby focusing on a hobby or spending more time with friends and family, not only will this give you something to do and take your mind off it it will also make you happier
Ebonee
January 26th, 2019 10:07pm
Sometimes when the ideals we hold for a situation are not realized, one can get stuck. This is a part of grieving. Grieving what could have been or what might have been, when a significant relationship ends, it can shake us to the core. Fortunately, there are many ways to deal with grief and you should take as much time working through this change as possible. Grief is not linear and everyone grieves differently. Whatever your path, the ultimate destination for loss is acceptance. The common first step for grief is doing what you are doing when you asked this question. And that is acknowledging your feelings. By saying you "cant get over" your divorce you are acknowledging a problem and that is a good thing. You may seek out counseling to better process these feelings or confide in a trusted friend who has maybe been through this process before.
glisteningVoice85
December 19th, 2018 12:25am
First, you can start by by reaching out to those who will support you through this trying time. Surround yourself with positive people who care about you and your well being. (And by the way, it was very bold of you to connect 7 cups for help!) Secondly, get involved with something you ENJOY. Do you like gardening, working out, or are you a sports fan? Whatever it is, go ahead and engage yourself in this activity. It will not only benefit you physically, but emotional as well. And if you need more help, feel free to contact me again.
FlowerLiz2
December 2nd, 2018 8:14pm
Start with a new project. Go step by step without being fixed on the outcome. Do the things that you did before the marriage. Do something fun. And then when you feel pain. Choose to embrace it. Sit with it. Feel how it feels. Feel the loneliness and marry yourself. Start to be the person you are looking for. Sit in front of the mirror and just look into your eyes. Get in touch with yourself and your own inner light. Bless the marriage you had. And know that you are fine alone. You are complete already. And the only place where there is love is inside of you. Connect to your heart.
MKR505
December 1st, 2018 11:51pm
I think you still love your life partner and it is tough for you to move on if I am right? Then just give your relationship a second chance If you can. Talk to her/him and ask what he/she thinks about this. Because I think if It is difficult for you then the condition should be same there too And if you can't find new friends make a new relationalship with trust. If you think you can just do it because my dear perfect matches are made in heaven but due to some circumstances the perfect have to suffer some test to prove its perfection
Anonymous
November 30th, 2018 10:14pm
Stop living in the past. Stop living in the what-ifs and would have, could have, maybes. Fall in love with yourself. Understand that it's okay that it didn't work out, accept that. Realize how lucky they were to have known you, and understand why they left for the future. Don't base your worth off of what didn't happen. Don't base your worth on everything that's failed. What happened, rather you see it this way right now, was good. It will be better for you in the end, and now a door has opened for you to be you again. Learn who you are again.
lucyy
November 28th, 2018 9:03pm
Coping with the end of a marriage is a form of grief. As we are all different people, we all grieve differently. Some throw themselves into work, some rely on friends and family for comfort and some turn to more detrimental coping mechanisms, such as alcohol, drugs or sex workers. I think that when finding yourself single for the first time in a long time, it's about finding yourself again. You have spent such a long time being a couple and being known as "we" not "I". Try something new. Dare yourself to be different and do all the things you felt you could not do in marriage. Rely on your friends and family for emotional support and fill your time with people who love you. Now I know you're reading this and thinking "but I miss my ex-husband/wife"... in times like these I want you to think carefully about your marriage. You divorced for a reason, and when you start to miss them, remember the good things yes, but I also want you to think of these things; 3 reasons you are proud of yourself, 3 things you have enjoyed lately, and 3 goals you want to achieve. The third thing I will say is that the stigma around counselling is slowly dying and there is no shame in talking through the divorce with someone professional. Counselling is good for our minds and our souls and I believe everyone should have some at some time. It can help you work through your feelings and give you a new perspective on your current situation. If you are struggling please feel free to give me a message and I'm more than happy to talk things through with you. Good luck, and stay strong.
Anonymous
March 18th, 2022 2:10pm
Sometimes it takes time and that's ok. Think of yourself and your values and priorities. Take this time to reflect on your values and what you care about. What do you enjoy doing? What are your hobbies? Think of things you like to do that makes you feel better. I totally understand how you feel but you are not alone. We are always here for you. If you are looking for more help, how about you talk to one of our listeners to sort out how you feel? Always remember, we are here for you anytime. I hope you feel better
FrostWire
March 27th, 2022 8:24am
Hi; I'm FrostWire, I'll be your supportive listener. I remembrance of my past i recall my own misfortune of such a phase called Divorce. It can make one weary and also create imbalance within oneself. Suffering during such a time can be very difficult to overcome without support; so i am aggrieved that you sought out help through the 7cups program. As a your supportive assistant I am personally unable to tell you what to do; yet an still, i can give you information that can help you succeed in making a decision. But as my first note in relation to your question of how can i get over a Divorce, i personally found help in reading literature from my mothers book shelf at her home where i was at an found my center before getting my own space. But soon after i started feeling separation anxiety because i had no one to confide in as a spouse. So; i set my self up a controlled environment where I could hear myself ramble my best thoughts and old dreams of becoming something in life. during this time i couldn't stop going through my emotions as if they were on shuffle. yet i pressed forward because it was my reality then. I found out that past my tears i had the same if not better morals, under my pain i found a strong individual, an over my life there was a veil i put in place as protection. i could stand in the mirror again after balancing my energy about it. i didn't feel the need to be in denial about wrongs done to me or wrongs i've done to others because anything lost can be found, anything broken can be fixed, and anything returned can be appreciated. I confessed to myself the honesties of life in that mirror. I am human,r my life didn't stop because of my situation, and i was given a chance to better my future as if i had a time machine. It was a new day/new life for me. Then i wondered; how good could life get with the new knowledge i had? what are the benefits of my position? i was single an there was large milkyway galaxy that was promised to me. I confirmed that i would let my years be filled with redemption.. My family support was enough to compromise the backlash that even came with my new disposition. there was nothing i could not do!! Thank for reaching out to 7cups of tea; remember im FrostWire your supportive listener an i applaud you for grasping a hold of yourself for selflove and reaching out for support. please gain more advice from the forum on information on selfcare. it can help with making changes to self-awareness.
Yourhero123
August 18th, 2018 7:35pm
For the best measure against your feelings over your divorce is to pick up a new calling in life. Volunteer your time for the Red Cross or some disaster relief organization. Helping people in need and hearing them thank you will feel very good. Help with events your community holds. It's worth spending your time helping others. For a more individual level of comfort pick up a new hobby. If you're great at cooking then try to make complex foods. Go explore mother nature's greatest view. Nature can offer sites that will ease your feelings and your spirit. The best thing to do is get your feet going and try new things. Don't sit around and be miserable life is to short for that.
Happyjustlikethefutureyou
April 26th, 2018 7:31am
Think about the beauty of marriage and not the beauty in the person. Learn to manage things, not everything can be positive around. So gear up, being single again is going to be an adventurous ride.
amazingSea31
June 13th, 2018 7:58am
Take your time. Don't try and rush your feelings. You did love that person for however long and now they're gone. You can't expect to go back to normal right away.
sam06
May 6th, 2018 6:09am
It's gonna be hard, obviously. And nothing's going to change overnight. But if there's someone who can help you out of this, it's you. Sure, if you need an outlet, talk to friends, talk to the listeners here, rant all you want. But at the end of the day, you'll have to be strong and help yourself out of this. Get a new hobby, or if you already have something, put your soul into it. This is your time to work on your self-development. To perfect the areas which you lack right now. Would help to divert your mind, as well as, you might end up being really good at your hobby, and might someday be earning through it. This is an experience. Learn. All the best!
Mynameiskenneth
May 5th, 2018 4:41am
When I went through my divorce, I found that being social as often as possible helped me a great deal.
Pumpkin74
April 26th, 2018 3:31pm
Living in the past is hard and during a divorce, we grieve as we would a death. There could be many complications moving forward such as children and unwinding the life that was created together. Its not easy, but start planning for your future and have something to look forward to each week. You can also limit the time you talk and see your ex so you do not compare your lives and how each has moved forward. Give it time and be patient with yourself. Talk it out and allow yourself to heal.
AGoodStart
April 15th, 2018 12:43am
After a divorce, it's important to take time to heal, feel safe from drama and anger, and rediscover
Skansly
June 12th, 2022 10:11pm
Assuming that getting a divorce was a choice or a mutual decision . For you, first find out what it means for you to get over : either you dont want his / her memories to disturb you now or you want those memories gone forever . In case you want you forget the memories for now just get on a with a new habit that interests you or if it is possible get a pet say rat/rabbit . And if you do not want to remember her ever you can remove her all memories , photos , block number , unfriend him/her from everwhere. In the end , its about filling up the space that was created cause some one left you or when you were seperated.