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I can't get over my divorce. What should I do?

181 Answers
Last Updated: 03/17/2022 at 1:38pm
I can't get over my divorce. What should I do?
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Anna Pavia, psicologa psicoterapeuta psychotherapist psychologist counselor

Licensed Professional Counselor

I feel my work as my personal mission and I love it. My work with clients is nonjudgmental, supportive. I am a very good listener. I use several approaches. Amo il mio lavoro.

Top Rated Answers
GAddams
June 24th, 2018 6:40pm
Focus on yourself, not the situation. Spend time doing all the self care you need right now, and build your reserves back up.
Anonymous
July 4th, 2018 4:32pm
Consider therapy, and delving into what is making you hold on to the relationship. If closure is needed I would suggest seeking that out.
happySky67
July 13th, 2018 1:19am
do new fun things, set goals In life and learn to love yourself. you can also do a sport or read a book a day things like that. divorces are hard just live life slow soke up the pain ad understand why you can't then fix that.
insightfulCaramel21
July 20th, 2018 5:05am
As a listener it sounds like you have some emotions still there and that previous marriage. And you were in love that’s why you did it that’s why you said I do so there still gonna be a place in your heart for them so you’re never really thinking about how what I MoveOn or you never really thought that you have to take that next step after divorce you thought I’m gonna be with them for the rest my life because that was the case when you said I do and when you had to take that next step you were scared or whatever was going to your mind so as long as you show them that you have made yourself a better person and you open up to the fact that maybe you can fall in love again and you show them that you were doing better no matter if they hurt you that it’s OK I forgive you but I’m not gonna let you back in my life to hurt me again but I’m going to remain happy no matter what happened show them you can’t stay sad, Angry, depressed or even deprived of love that you find your happiness again you’re never stop
Allears247
July 25th, 2018 11:04am
Just give it time. This is a huge adjustment time for you. Give it time and you will find your way for sure.
Mrtempleton
August 3rd, 2018 1:06am
You could talk to a Counsloer or try dating again. It will probably take some time for it to work but it will be worth it in the long run
musicalBubbles69
August 12th, 2018 6:17am
Get out more. Take your mind off your ex partner. Think about why you divorced in the first place. Try your best to move on.
Electricityscvpe
August 15th, 2018 6:53am
Do more activities that distract you to that. Like paint, sing, anything like that. It's important to know why you get divorced. Things happens for anything.
Yourhero123
August 18th, 2018 7:35pm
For the best measure against your feelings over your divorce is to pick up a new calling in life. Volunteer your time for the Red Cross or some disaster relief organization. Helping people in need and hearing them thank you will feel very good. Help with events your community holds. It's worth spending your time helping others. For a more individual level of comfort pick up a new hobby. If you're great at cooking then try to make complex foods. Go explore mother nature's greatest view. Nature can offer sites that will ease your feelings and your spirit. The best thing to do is get your feet going and try new things. Don't sit around and be miserable life is to short for that.
lucyy
November 28th, 2018 9:03pm
Coping with the end of a marriage is a form of grief. As we are all different people, we all grieve differently. Some throw themselves into work, some rely on friends and family for comfort and some turn to more detrimental coping mechanisms, such as alcohol, drugs or sex workers. I think that when finding yourself single for the first time in a long time, it's about finding yourself again. You have spent such a long time being a couple and being known as "we" not "I". Try something new. Dare yourself to be different and do all the things you felt you could not do in marriage. Rely on your friends and family for emotional support and fill your time with people who love you. Now I know you're reading this and thinking "but I miss my ex-husband/wife"... in times like these I want you to think carefully about your marriage. You divorced for a reason, and when you start to miss them, remember the good things yes, but I also want you to think of these things; 3 reasons you are proud of yourself, 3 things you have enjoyed lately, and 3 goals you want to achieve. The third thing I will say is that the stigma around counselling is slowly dying and there is no shame in talking through the divorce with someone professional. Counselling is good for our minds and our souls and I believe everyone should have some at some time. It can help you work through your feelings and give you a new perspective on your current situation. If you are struggling please feel free to give me a message and I'm more than happy to talk things through with you. Good luck, and stay strong.
Anonymous
November 30th, 2018 10:14pm
Stop living in the past. Stop living in the what-ifs and would have, could have, maybes. Fall in love with yourself. Understand that it's okay that it didn't work out, accept that. Realize how lucky they were to have known you, and understand why they left for the future. Don't base your worth off of what didn't happen. Don't base your worth on everything that's failed. What happened, rather you see it this way right now, was good. It will be better for you in the end, and now a door has opened for you to be you again. Learn who you are again.
MKR505
December 1st, 2018 11:51pm
I think you still love your life partner and it is tough for you to move on if I am right? Then just give your relationship a second chance If you can. Talk to her/him and ask what he/she thinks about this. Because I think if It is difficult for you then the condition should be same there too And if you can't find new friends make a new relationalship with trust. If you think you can just do it because my dear perfect matches are made in heaven but due to some circumstances the perfect have to suffer some test to prove its perfection
FlowerLiz2
December 2nd, 2018 8:14pm
Start with a new project. Go step by step without being fixed on the outcome. Do the things that you did before the marriage. Do something fun. And then when you feel pain. Choose to embrace it. Sit with it. Feel how it feels. Feel the loneliness and marry yourself. Start to be the person you are looking for. Sit in front of the mirror and just look into your eyes. Get in touch with yourself and your own inner light. Bless the marriage you had. And know that you are fine alone. You are complete already. And the only place where there is love is inside of you. Connect to your heart.
glisteningVoice85
December 19th, 2018 12:25am
First, you can start by by reaching out to those who will support you through this trying time. Surround yourself with positive people who care about you and your well being. (And by the way, it was very bold of you to connect 7 cups for help!) Secondly, get involved with something you ENJOY. Do you like gardening, working out, or are you a sports fan? Whatever it is, go ahead and engage yourself in this activity. It will not only benefit you physically, but emotional as well. And if you need more help, feel free to contact me again.
Ebonee
January 26th, 2019 10:07pm
Sometimes when the ideals we hold for a situation are not realized, one can get stuck. This is a part of grieving. Grieving what could have been or what might have been, when a significant relationship ends, it can shake us to the core. Fortunately, there are many ways to deal with grief and you should take as much time working through this change as possible. Grief is not linear and everyone grieves differently. Whatever your path, the ultimate destination for loss is acceptance. The common first step for grief is doing what you are doing when you asked this question. And that is acknowledging your feelings. By saying you "cant get over" your divorce you are acknowledging a problem and that is a good thing. You may seek out counseling to better process these feelings or confide in a trusted friend who has maybe been through this process before.
Anonymous
February 22nd, 2019 4:52pm
So you must be feeling upset and quite down. I think a good thing to do is to talk about it and tell someone how you are feeling this will lift a huge weight of your chest and make you feel like you are less alone. If you are ever feeling blue come to seven cups and talk to a listener. Another thing you could do is do things to take your mind off it. This could be starting a new hobby focusing on a hobby or spending more time with friends and family, not only will this give you something to do and take your mind off it it will also make you happier
Favor2020
March 22nd, 2019 9:06pm
I also struggled with my divorce as well. The only thing I can offer is to seek counseling. It really helped me. I went weekly for abut 2 months and then monthly for a few months. Altogether it took me about 2 years to fully get through my divorce. So, I can truly tell you it will take some time for you too fully recover. Just try taking it one day at a time and if that does not help, you might need to go to the doctor and get something to help you with stress and depression. It is nothing to be a shame about because over 14.5 million people suffer from mental health issues. And it will only be a temporary thing until you get things back to under control.
Anonymous
April 5th, 2019 5:19pm
Accept the fact that it's over, not to sound hard or something but i'm sure it was for the best. Love yourself, take care of your self because you deserve it
astroblossom2
April 7th, 2019 8:02pm
Divorces are definitely not easy to get over, but you can do it. When you feel you can't get over something it is best to distract yourself. You have years upon years to move on from it, to go out and do things and eventually forget about it. But for right now the best thing to do for yourself is open yourself up to new activities and ideas. Coping skills or new hobbies are good distractions. There will be times when you think about it, but the divorce happened for a reason and you should remind yourself that you don't have to have a partner to be amazing, successful, or happy for that matter. You can be independent and do things on your own. Find yourself, write poems, paint, draw, go out with friends. Don't do anything dangerous though, like drink, drugs, self harm, or anything of that nature. If you need more help on this subject 7 Cups offers licensed therapist help. I hope this helped, you are loved and welcome on this platform. Talk to me if you need anything else.
Anonymous
April 13th, 2019 3:58pm
Reconnect with yourself and what YOU love to do. Try to find what it is that defined you before you got married. Book your time up with supportive people such as family and friends and do things that will distract you from thinking about your divorce constantly. Remember that you are not alone. The more you speak to other people, the more you will realize that others have similar situations that you will relate to. This will help to see that there's life after divorce. In many cases people discover that they are starting a new chapter with more insight and love for themselves than they ever had before. Its empowering once you realize that you are not alone and that it's going to be okay.
katherine081902
July 28th, 2019 6:56am
Divorces are difficult. While I am a teenager, I will compare this to a breakup I have gone through. I am sure it is nothing like mine but I will do my best to relate to this question for you :) My ex-girlfriend dumped me because she "wasn't ready for a relationship" and it took me a while to come to terms with that. I went through the stages of grief, actually. I denied that we were through and I got mad, I insulted her and blocked her, but now we are friends. I think the most important and helpful way to get over someone is to give yourself some space and then try to become their friend. It won't be easy and it will hurt a lot at first but a connection like marriage isn't easy to get over. If the relationship was unhealthy and toxic, it is probably better that you two remain platonic for now anyways. I hope this helps :)
Anonymous
September 22nd, 2019 12:14am
Examine the expectations you've placed on yourself. Are you expecting to neutralize all positive feelings you have towards your ex? Do you still love him and are beating yourself up for it? Stop. While society may have us believe that we should "just get over it", and "he was no good for you", it's just not that simple. Who made it "bad" to love another just because you're not in a relationship anymore? What would happen if you just accept that you feel love for him, AND that the relationship has run its course? Can you find peace in acknowledging both sides simultaneously? When I discovered this and used it in my own life, it brought great relief to accept that just because the relationship was over didn't necessarily mean I had to let go of my love for him. So whenever I thought of him, instead of feeling bad, I would just mentally send him love, wish him well, and let it go. Stop checking up on him. Whether you are doing a drive-by, checking out his Facebook profile, or asking friends about him, this sort of activity is robbing you of your own healing. After all, you cannot be moving your life forward when you are spending your time obsessing over how he is spending his.
HumanEars
October 5th, 2019 3:22am
Answering this question is very difficult. But then again, so is divorce. There is a lot of feelings to process. One could be feeling loss, fear, anger, animosity, and even feelings of wanting to reconcile. And, depending on how recent any or all these feelings might be close to the surface. It can be very hard if multiple feelings are competing for space and trying to understand what the new normal (at least for now) is. I think a useful exercise is to do your best to figure out what each of the feelings your feeling are. From there, you might have a clearer idea of what steps you need to take. And if you don't, it gives the people you talk to for help, the beginning of a road map to explore those feelings, in order to help you explore the choices that are available, the will help you move forward.
enchantingSky79
January 15th, 2020 2:43pm
Remember that you are not alone, you are not a bad person and you will get through this! You are strong enough but it takes time. You did everything that you can and it didn’t work out with your ex spouse. Sometimes it is better to be miserable for a few years than a lifetime. You spent your life with this person so it will take some time to get over them, the amount of time depends on the person. But even if it takes years, you can focus on yourself, exercise, meditate, do a hobby that you love and maybe when you are ready date again. Just focusing on enjoying every day helps a lot. Enjoying a nice cup of coffee, tea or hot chocolate can boost hour mood but it is also important to see a therapist, a counselor or talk to a friend about it. If your parents are still alive, you can try to talk to them about it, if it doesn’t work talk to a friend. Maybe joining a support group might work. If you are experiencing symptoms of depression for a month or more you should talk to a doctor about it.
Anonymous
March 29th, 2020 1:24am
Breakups are always hard, especially when you’ve loved someone enough to marry them as you have. You are hurting which only shows how much you loved them. Your love was unconditional towards them and will always be. But, it seems as something went wrong in your marriage and the two of you were no longer enough for each other. Change is inevitable and happens sometimes it makes things better and sometimes it doesn’t. This drastic change in your life is hurting you right now, but keep your head up! Take time to focus on yourself and fall in love with you again. Time will be the thing that helps you most in this situation. Wish you love and bright spirits❤️
LyricalTruth
April 2nd, 2020 11:21am
I can understand why you feel you can't get over your divorce. Divorce is a very uncomfortable process in the least, and highly traumatic at the most. And cliche as it sounds, things like this do take time. Sometimes the issue is putting a time limit on our healing, and we can't always do that. Maybe you are still in the grieving process, and it hasn't full run it course. Or maybe you have some unresolved issues over the divorce. Either way, self love and forgiveness are in order. Treat yourself kindly, and give yourself all the time you need to heal. Keep positive energy around, and focus on self development. In time, this too shall pass.
Wearelivingart
April 3rd, 2020 2:48pm
hey.. yeah.. it might be tough to recover from this divorce...you might be missing all those times..those memories.. it was a good time. im sorry that things went this way for you.. but think about the time that you were not happy..think about the reason why you wanted this divorce..why this divorce happened...its tough the time you are going through right now...but it will be okay...you will be okay... try to find things which makes you happy, do stuff which makes you happy, start a new good hobby, talk to your old friends.. spend time with your close people.. you are stronger than you think and you will make it to well... i wish you all the best for everything. hope you do well.
Anonymous
April 15th, 2020 10:09pm
Hey, a divorce is a highly stressful experience. What you are experiencing is definitely not easy, but it is not greater than you. You know yourself better than anybody else, you know best what makes you feel relieved. This is an opportunity for you to explore yourself and learn even more about you. Try new things, find what makes you happy. You can’t hurry yourself into getting over it, we don’t want a quick recovery, we want a real one. You need to give yourself time to heal, and you need to be gentle and patient with yourself. Treat yourself with love and respect, because that is what you deserve.
BeyondThis
April 25th, 2020 12:56am
It can be hard to get over a divorce. Your marriage was a large part of your life in many cases and excepting that it is gone can be hard. You might feel hung up on it and have trouble moving on. Here are some things you can try to move on. 1. Except that you can't change the past. People may want to go back in time and change what they did. However by doing this they are simply getting hung up on something they can't change. Focus on the future and not the past. 2. Get back out there, try dating again and looking for a new partner. Just because you have had trouble in a relationship doesn't mean all your relationships will be this way. By doing this you can find a new person to think about. Good luck and best wishes. I hope that this was helpful
lindaeu
April 30th, 2020 2:28pm
First, I would recommend to let your emotions out. Cry as much as you need, if you can take short vacations at work and give yourself time to pass it. The next step prepare for the new stage of life, go shopping with friends, cut and paint your hair, unique style helps to find new love. The 3rd stage try something new what would bring you good emotions, maybe you wanted to try yoga, or dancing, or painting or anything that would make you happier and would occupy your minds. Don't be in rush to fall in a new relationship enjoy this time, you not need someone to feel happy. XO