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I can't get over my divorce. What should I do?

181 Answers
Last Updated: 03/17/2022 at 1:38pm
I can't get over my divorce. What should I do?
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Licensed Professional Counselor

I feel my work as my personal mission and I love it. My work with clients is nonjudgmental, supportive. I am a very good listener. I use several approaches. Amo il mio lavoro.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
May 13th, 2020 9:34pm
You are recently divorced and feeling a sense of great loss. That is completely understandable. Anyone in your shoes would feel the same way. Having experienced many break ups, I would suggest that you take a step back, focus on yourself. Revive your own energy. I would suggest that you try to leave the relationship with as few grudges as possible and with as much dignity as possible. This would help you view yourself in a positive light. Try not to remember the bitter aspects but take the fond memories along with you as you move on. It is crucial that you allow as much positivity in your life as you can at this moment where you might be feeling vulnerable. Strive to discard negativity and respect yourself enough
awesomeSunshine1934
May 30th, 2020 1:24am
time heals every wound dear and I know how hard it is to let go things that you were attached so so much.. but that change can prove to be a good! don't lose hope and stay positive . try to engage yourself in activities so that you can stay diverted from those thoughts and yes meet up with people around you, make new friends, spend time with them, don't think what happened with you just think what you really have to do and be a different personality... Most important is self love! so love yourself and stay happy !
KristinaJ86
June 7th, 2020 2:34pm
Sometimes, it can be hard to get over a long-term relationship. Regardless of who called for the divorce, it is painful for both sides. It signals the final end to a relationship. But not just any relationship, a relationship that had whitnessed and one that had a ceremony to begin a new chapter in the relationship. When any relation goes sour, it can be hard not to point fingers or wonder what you did that was wrong or caused the end of it. It is important to remember that both sides have played a role in this and that no one person is perfect. I have not been through a divorce myself, but I grew up as a child with parents that have been divorced. As an adult, I realise that not every relationship is going to end “happily ever after.” As much as you may want a relationship to work out - or in my case, my parents to be together - it may be best for the two to split up. It can be more beneficial especially if it is a toxic relationship. I found that my parents were better off as friends than married. It made them both better people and parents to myself. Many people going through a divorce find it difficult at first. It is not an easy process by any means. However, focusing on the good things about the relationship, what would have happened if you had stayed together, would both parties have been in complete happiness, will you be better people now that you are divorced, will the relationship be better if you are not married. Thinking differently about the divorce may help you to heal and move forward in life. You willl never forget your marriage - and no one should ask you to do this. What you can do is take the positive memories you do have and let them live on in your heart.
daisybear2020
June 25th, 2020 7:21pm
Divorce is very hard to get over. Especially if there are kids involved. It takes time to heal emotional wounds than physical wounds. I've seen a lot of my friends who are now divorced with children. They are emotionally drained in the beginning. Because they have to explain to their children the reasons why they have to be spending weekends with their father in a different house. Divorce is messy also. It's a long legal battle. Take it one day at a time. Keep positive thoughts and a positive attitude. It will get better. You just have to give yourself enough time to heal. Talk to friends and family about how you feel or consider therapy. It helps a lot.
Chappie3
July 22nd, 2020 6:30am
Know that it is okay to be experiencing feelings of sadness or possibly jealousy. Take as much time as you need in order to process your feelings. Try joining a community group that discuss it. The more support the better! 7 Cups community chat or be it a real life one if you prefer real life talks. Talk to somebody on a consistent basis of it. Be it a therapist, listener or friend. Know that asking for help takes a lot of courage by itself! Journaling your feelings also helps and it will help you be more clear to yourself about your feelings.
spectacularSun9834
August 20th, 2020 10:44pm
I got a divorce after being married for 18 years. It came as quite a shock. If it wasn't for my friends and family, I don't know what I would have done. I really relied on their sympathy, support, and understanding. I didn't know it, but some of my friends were going through the same things I went through. It really helped to be able to talk it out. Whenever I felt alone, I would call a friend or a family member. I was eventually able to move on. It took a while, but I remained strong and determined. I believe we are all capable of moving on in our own ways. Talk to friends. Take your time. Allow yourself to grieve. Most importantly, be kind to yourself.
Maggie48
September 11th, 2020 7:13pm
You have taken the first step. It's courageous of out to reach out to 7 cups, to me, and I am honored to support you. Like you, I have been divorced, and like you, I didn't really know how to get over it, especially at first. I'm wondering if you are feeling lonely, disconnected from your former life. I'm wondering if you miss your familiar routine. Your bravery in reaching out tells me that you have tremendous resources within you to call upon. Can you think of some of the ways in which being on your own is rewarding?
Anonymous
October 22nd, 2020 3:06pm
getting over someone once you use to live with is such a overwhelming experience one have to overcome in life. I do not have such experience about things like relation and how can you overcome them though i believe there is always path that you have not walk yet the way that await for you the path of light that will bring you peace and hope in the time of darkness. Traveling to the new place can be a way or going for morning yoga class if you can not afford big change. Small thing can have impact and can have positive effect.
Anonymous
October 28th, 2020 5:53pm
Divorce can be a difficult life changing circumstance. After experiencing divorce, it is common to feel stuck or feel like you are unable to move past it, unable to move on with your life. While the situation may seem undesirable, it actually present you with an opportunity to reflect on what you want out of life, what you want to make your new start about. You can start by asking yourself 1) What is it that I feel stuck on or feel like I can't get over? (i.e. Is it missing having a relationship, is it a lack of direction, or something else? What is it?) 2) Is there something I want that I'm not getting? 3) How can I provide that for myself in my new circumstances? 4) How do I see myself living a fulfilled life post-divorce? 5) What steps can I put in place to realistically attain that level of fulfillment? Once you answer these questions, you may have more clarity on what you feel and what is the best decision for you going forward.
Anonymous
November 18th, 2020 10:47pm
I understand how you feel. I also went through a situation similar to this and I know it can feel like you can’t get over it for a long time. But I made it through and you will absolutely make it through as well. There is hope. Have you read the 7 cups guide on breakups? It is a really useful guide that gives you proven steps to getting over a divorce and getting back to being calm and leading your life on. You are a whole and full person and although the end of a romantic relationship can make us feel empty, you still have a lot of life left in you and a lot to give in this world.
Anonymous
January 7th, 2021 3:18pm
I believe the first thing you need to realize is that you are capable of living a life and be happy without your partner. Think about the things that make you happy, and try to keep your mind occupied doing activities that make you feel good about yourself, otherwise you'll just think about your ex. Don't start looking for love right away, it will come when you're ready. You are much more than a wife/husband, you are a human being capable of achieving many things. Please also remember love is everywhere, not just in a partner.
sunandflowers00
March 3rd, 2021 2:58pm
It is so hard to forget about the days you’ve spent together all these times. I have read that to forget about someone, you don’t need to force yourself. Just let them in your memory as the beautiful one. Because everything happen for a reason. And try to forget everything they did to you. Get up and take a deep breath to start a new day. Show them that you can be better without them. It will be rough to forget the one you love. But you need to make yourself happy. So try a new thing that you never do. And don’t forget to love yourself that finally you deserve your time alone
SisterSystem
March 6th, 2021 9:07am
First thing is to take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve over your plans, dreams and expectations. Be gentle towards yourself and don't push yourself towards happiness, take your time. I had my rituals, which allowed me to process the grief and sadness. I set the time and cried for as long, as it took to cry it out daily. Use your social support so you will not feel so lonely. Focus on what you are interested in as much, as possible. Remember, that it is difficult, but you will get over it as you got over everything else in your life.
Anonymous
March 28th, 2021 10:11am
Do things that make you happy and get your mind off of the divorce by doing things you haven't done before. Connect with new people, see your family members or friends that you haven't connected with in awhile, travel to a country that has been on your bucket list. Take up a new hobby, learn an instrument, literally do anything you want! I understand it's hard getting over someone you cared about deeply but life isn't only about that. It's about experiencing new things and just living every day with a positive mindset. Getting over a divorce is going to take while but with the right people by your side there isn't anything you can't do.
Anonymous
March 31st, 2021 2:03pm
i know it's so hard, but you have to accept your new life. Try to kill your free time by doing new simple things: go to gym and plan for your goals you want, get your support from yourself and lovely people around you. Support maybe was coming from one person but it's up to you now to get it from others. You didn’t take this decision with no reason- sure there were many reasons that made you decide to divorce and end a bad relationship. In life, we face many obstacles and this is one of them but know that it will pass.
pinochio21
May 6th, 2021 5:44pm
Let the feeling sink in, its ok to feel what you are feeling right now and give it more time. As time passes by you will either start feeling better or will miss a companion because you lived with someone for so long. In case you long for a company and are ready to get into another relationship, you can try meeting people and talking to them, probably you will feel much better when you open up to someone with whom you are comfortable. You could also start a new activity that you haven't done for a long time or learn something new that you've been waiting for. Hope you are able to cope up with this.
FrostySunride
May 8th, 2021 1:54pm
You probably get this advice alot. But try to distract yourself with fun activities you liked to do. A divorce might have an impact on the rest of your life since it's not something you should take lightly. But it will help you develop as a person. For your next relationship you have learned how to cope and you will come out as a stronger person. Examples of activities you can do: Canoeing, painting, drawing, shopping (not too much), fun with the kids (if you have kids), focus on friends and family, start dating perhaps? There is always a silver lining
Anonymous
May 19th, 2021 7:27am
I can understand that this must be hard for you, because getting over someone is always difficult no matter what and I'm so sorry that you have to go through something like this. Trying to distract yourself and doing things you used to enjoy is always good, but don't forget that letting yourself grieve is also important! It's okay to feel those emotions and even If you don't feel like it, don't forget to take care of yourself! Exercise, keep in contact with your friends, seek help If you need to and try to eat & sleep enough! I wish you all the best and I hope this could somehow help you!
AmiYumi
July 22nd, 2021 7:12am
Don't listen to well meaning friends or relatives who tell you to "just move on" or "it'll all be ok." Divorce marks the end of a chapter in your life and you have earned the right to feel what you feel and how you feel it. This is a good time to focus on yourself. Is there something you've always wanted to try, or read, or see that you never had a chance to do while you were married? Why not treat yourself to this? The advice we give to others who are ill is to take care of themselves. In this case, we should take our own advice. That dis-ease or discomfort you are experiencing should be treated with self love and care.
lovejustholdon
August 7th, 2021 2:53pm
It's a process that's extremely tough from start to finish, and you can still feel emotional weeks, months, and even years after the divorce. The residual anger, hurt, confusion, depression, and even self-blame don't just disappear once a divorce is finalized. Give yourself a break take a holiday maybe-or to take up a new hobby like yoga, mediation, or skateboarding.Take time out to exercise, eat well and relax. Keep to your normal routines as much as possible. Try to avoid making major decisions or changes in life plans. Don’t use alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes as a way to cope; they only lead to more problems. Believe in yourself and keep going. Love yourself, you don't need others' approval, and don't let them validate your emotions.
MumblingStrawberry
September 18th, 2021 5:44pm
Hey there! Going through a divorce is a painful experience for many. It is normal to feel lost and lonely during this time. At the same time, it opens up doors to give ourselves more time to explore hobbies and pastimes that we previously couldn't give time to. Spending time with other friends and relatives is a good way of spending time too! Of course, the pain after a divorce is real, and only with effort and time, can you put it behind you. Apart from the suggestions mentioned, it is also a good idea to journal your thoughts, perhaps every night before sleep. With time, you can look back at your path of thinking and reflect on it. I wish you the best of luck, I know you will make through this!
Anonymous
September 24th, 2021 2:15pm
A divorce can be a traumatic event. We are faced with the end of a very important relationship, one that we may have foreseen never to end. One way someone might work towards healing from this kind of devastation is by sitting with the feelings we have. We might feel regret, relief, anger, a sense of loss of purpose and identity, and so many other feelings, as well. It is also important to journal about it or talk to someone, so that what we are feeling does not stay inside us. We can share it to lessen our pain about it. Also finding new hobbies might help to distract from the pain. Self care is a way to tell ourselves it will be okay.
blissfulPink9961
October 2nd, 2021 1:55am
At this point you may have come to the realization that getting over divorce is a lot more complicated than you thought. In fact, you may be asking yourself, “How long am I going to feel like this?” When am I going to start feeling better? Why can’t I stop obsessing over this divorce? Why did he do that? Why didn’t I do this? What they are doing now?” Those are normal questions after divorce. Useless, but normal. They will NOT help you in your journey of getting over divorce. But hopefully you’re also saying, “I want my life back! Help!” Here are three things you must do right off the bat to get through divorce. Accept the reality of your divorce Make the decision to take control Do small actions every day to create the life you want– for me. Just know that there is help and your life could be better if you go out and seek the help.
IcecreamLover138
November 3rd, 2021 10:28pm
A divorce is a difficult time for both parties when each individual experiences the loss of their relationship. However it is an experience that many go through and can find a common connection within one another. Overcoming the challenge of change is not easy, but the lack of ease means that you care deeply. In life that is a good thing and will get you through every feat no matter how immense it feels. “In our lives, change is unavoidable, loss is unavoidable. In the adaptability and ease with which we experience change, lies our happiness and freedom.” -The Buddha
Anonymous
November 20th, 2021 8:23pm
Look to the future and not the past; use this time to strengthen your mind and body by joining a gym or any other physical activity that is social. This will enable you to physically get up and avoid thinking on your divorce while working towards getting healthy. Talk to the others you meet at the gym and make a new social group for yourself. Another suggestion is joining anything that you are interested in hobby-wise. Surrounding yourself with new people that share your interests while enjoying yourself in regards of a hobby will reduce the time you are thinking about something negative. This is not an easy feat to accomplish but when you mix staying busy and time; you will find yourself in a new and beautiful next chapter of your life.
Safespace33
November 26th, 2021 8:07am
Getting over a divorce is really difficult. It is similar to a death because it really is the death of your marriage. Going through the grief process is individualized and it will take time for your heart to heal. I was divorced and couldn't get over it either. When I finally understood that my ex had moved on and I was stuck and only hurting myself, it helped me finish moving through those necessary stages of grief. Time doesn't heal all wounds, but it does allow distance to create your new normal. In doing so, you will be able to see the lessons in your pain and share that with other people.
MattWithABrain
December 23rd, 2021 7:25pm
Consider changing the metaphor for a start. To “get over” something implies that it’s something huge, like a fence or a mountain. Without doing, thinking or feeling anything else for a moment and just looking at the wording, how can you change the metaphor from ”getting over” into something else? This can be a start on the path to change, because we sometimes encode our thoughts and feelings into internal pictures (“metaphors”) and words. Changing the wording can change the internal, which subsequently can change the emotions, actions, and general outlook on what you can’t do – and what you can.
75Ktea
February 2nd, 2022 12:40am
When one feels like you cannot get over something so big. I would recommend many things in sinergy, and one picks which ones they want to do. For example I would say: Go to therapy to solve unsolved issues, go and remember what you used to like doing so much before being in a relationship with that person, read books for self help in this topic, go out with friends (if you dont have try to make new ones doing the things you would like to do then you will meet people with the same interests as you), do not put pressure on yourself to go on dating again, just take time to fall in love with yourself first.
xOso
February 19th, 2022 7:21pm
What I've learned from my personal experience is you have to focus on yourself. Focus on what you can control which is your behaviors, thoughts, and responses. Enriching your self-efficacy will mitigate cognitive distortions. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques really helped me with identifying my triggers and effective coping mechanisms. Furthermore, what's really important is to understand you will have negative thoughts or feelings, however, you can control how you respond to them. Far too often individuals seek to eliminate symptoms of any diagnosis they may have when the focus should be on managing them. What do you want in your future? Not for anyone else but yourself? Set small goals that you can accomplish and it will greatly improve your mood. Catch yourself ruminating about your marriage and actively push those thoughts away by distracting yourself with another activity. sounds cliche, but it does get better. At one point I didn't think it would either and I was hyper-focused on getting someone back who didn't deserve me. You're worth it and if someone doesn't see that, then they don't deserve you anyway.
Doma481
March 6th, 2022 5:04pm
Understand that it will take time to cope with this. Allow yourself to breathe, to know that it's alright to not feel alright. Do the things that you find meaningful, worth doing, helpful to yourself and others. Invest time in things you didn't have the time for before, but now you can. Talk to close friends and family members you can trust and who can provide support and assistance. Mantain a disciplined schedule and don't fall into a rabbithole of depression and "what ifs". Direct your energy into your obligations towards your own life and those you affect and influence. Accept the fact that it will take a long time to heal, but that you will heal. Accept that there are things you can change in life, and there are those you cannot. Work on the things you can. Meditate on the things you cannot.