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I can't get over my first love. What should I do?

92 Answers
Last Updated: 06/24/2020 at 6:24pm
I can't get over my first love. What should I do?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
February 12th, 2016 2:40am
Sometimes it helps to meek in mind that there are different people for each of us, for different phases of our lives. Your first love is significant and a relationship you will cherish always, but also a part of your journey. Sometimes time is the only healer of the initial heartbreak from this kind of loss, but I would recommend not focusing on "getting over" your first love, but instead finding a shelf in your heart to store that part of your journey so you can use it for self-reflection as time goes by.
June 24th, 2020 6:24pm
Its been a long time since high school, your first time attempting with love, but the fact is you're still struggling to go on another date. This is probably because your brain distortedly views this past relationship with rose coloured glasses, and ignores the circumstances that made the two of you part. Perhaps, you are daydreaming for months over the 'could have beens' and disregarding reality. But self-care can help you settle closure. Personally, I suggest writing a goodbye letter to your first love (which you don't have to mail), in which you thank them for being a part of a chapter of your life and promise yourself to write the current chapter of your life story without this character. Past is past and it doesn't make sense to re-read a chapter of a book you haven't finished. One chapter doesn't signify the meaning of the entire book.
February 13th, 2016 6:13pm
You will never forget your first love. But all I can say is it takes time. Try meeting someone new and just hanging out with friends. Something to get your mind off them. It won't be easy but when the time comes you'll be over them.
January 14th, 2016 5:31am
You are full of passion.. and that's a wonderful form of energy, I would suggest you try to put this energy into some other use.. maybe help someone in real life, make yourself available for help on 7 cups, make yourself busy with learning something new(an instrument, a language, or some life skill like swimming), My idea is you can do whatever you want to with this energy, dont waste it by crying over a person who left you and to whom you mean nothing.. he does not deserve your tears!!
January 24th, 2016 6:19pm
You won't and never should... In time you'll understand why that's so. Just be happy for them and move forward with your own life.
January 27th, 2016 4:01am
Your first love will always be hard to forget, but always remember on the good things and the mistakes and learn from them. Remember why you guys broke it off in the first place and why you should move on.
January 17th, 2016 3:18pm
First loves are rarely forgotten, precisely because they are our first--when we were with them, we were unscarred, and so we thought that we are unbreakable and that because we are loving and loved at the same time, we can endure anything. Unfortunately, most of the time that's not true, and so we experience our first heartbreak. We get our first scar. Most of the time, we don't ever truly get over it. I know for myself that I haven't really gotten over my first love, but that doesn't mean that I am not moving forward. I guess what you can do is acknowledge how important your first love was/is in your life and in who you are today, because for me, that's something you can't change. But you can move forward with it. Maybe you don't really have to move on and get over in order to move forward. Take it with you and move forward. :)
January 21st, 2016 9:49pm
Time is your best friend right now, so let time do it's thing and you find a passion whatever that may be. You're probably comparing all the guys you meet to him right now (if he was great) but you will find someone so much better! I promise you
January 24th, 2016 5:10am
Find your friends and find yourself. Go on adventures and try new things. Time heals all, so fill your time with fun things. Eventually you will start to like someone else, I promise
February 11th, 2016 4:27pm
I know it's hard to get over your first love but one day you will wake up and the pain will have gone. It just takes time and if you have good friends I'm sure you will it through
February 28th, 2016 8:03pm
Life can be a long beautiful journey :)....often times our first love impacts us as much as it does because it is our initial introduction to that beautiful feeling of love and caring with a significant other. Coming off a relationship with a first, it is important to try our best to focus on ourselves and keep growing as an individual. That can be focusing on our responsibilities or focusing on our passions and hobbies. When we focus our energies on treating ourselves well and with compassion, it often makes it easier for use to be at ease with some difficult feelings. Staying true to ourselves and pursuing our own personal happiness as best we can, will always be a healthy pathway to all sorts of healing :)
March 26th, 2016 6:56am
First love is the imprint in our hearts that will always be remembered. In time you will move on and you will love again, you will never forget but it will be easier.
February 26th, 2016 7:52pm
First loves are often hard to get over because they are your first everything. They teach you what love really is, make you happy, and you feel like you're living a real fairy tale. The thing is, if you found that in a person before then you can find it again in someone else. It will just take time. And you have to be willing to put in the time to get over someone and find someone new.
January 22nd, 2016 11:41pm
first loves are always hard to get over because you will always have a soft spot for them , but dont worry this is completely natural, everyone feels this way, just carry on with life and you'll soon find yourself not thinking about them, i hope this helps.
February 10th, 2016 6:40pm
You cant get over your first love? Give it time. Times the healer of a broken heart. Do other things to keep your mind off it.
January 13th, 2016 11:02pm
I'm also still in the same boat in a way. I did finally move on after almost a year but it crosses my mind here and there. It took time for me to let go of the issue and then I took time to make sure I got myself back to normal. Eventually someone has came into my life and reminds me of him so much but its different as well. although I may not know how you are feeling totally but I know the experience and its not fun. youll be okay just takes time!
January 24th, 2016 8:08am
Love again.. either fall in love or make someone fall in love.. Either ways the victory is yours...
February 14th, 2016 4:55pm
Understand that these things take time. You're not going to get over your first love overnight, so there's an element of this that's simply out of your control. However, you can also do some self-reflection; why did the relationship not work out? There must've been some reason, given that it ended. Remind yourself of that. Perhaps he/she just wasn't right for you. Perhaps you weren't right for them. Perhaps the timing wasn't right, or other circumstances were at play. Take these sorts of things under consideration when reflecting upon what happened. Through reflection comes understanding, and through understanding: peace.
February 5th, 2016 7:12pm
first love never forget because it was the first and it is not bad, should now allow to be loved by someone else, let it happen
March 17th, 2016 3:07am
Cut all contacts with your first love. Find a new activity, hang out with friends, and or travel to new places.
November 13th, 2017 9:29am
It is not important to get your first love. The most important thing is to get your true love,you will meet your love someday.
January 23rd, 2016 3:59am
The first step is that you have got to fully understand that you must reach the point of wanting to actually get over your ex. The next step is that you shouldn't just stop talking to your ex overall, but you also shouldn't communicate too much. Then you have to realize that just because that relationship is over, it doesn't mean that you'll never find love again! Also it's okay to let yourself cry, so if you feel like you need to, don't hold back! And most importantly, be open and honest about how you're feeling to yourself, and to others.
January 23rd, 2016 4:23pm
Distract yourself by engaging in social activities. This is a great chance to meet new people and you may find someone you have feelings for.
January 24th, 2016 7:07pm
Make a little space for it. Just make sure you put it on the corner, where it's easy to forget and easier to find when ever you want.
February 10th, 2016 2:31pm
Fall in love again. There's not much more to it, but you can't get hung up on them, as much as you want to.
February 11th, 2016 5:28pm
just accept where u are right now. examine your thoughts when you refuse to let go. take one day at a time
February 20th, 2016 6:08am
Learn to understand how to let people go. It's for the better and I guarantee you will find someone.
March 15th, 2016 3:24pm
Give yourself time to adjust with that changes that will happen in your life and the time will come when you will remember the memories in your heart and your mind will replay it again and you will keep on smiling whenever you remember it.
January 22nd, 2016 7:28am
Getting over a first love can be very difficult. They were the first person you loved and now they aren't there anymore. To get over this, you just have to push yourself. Ask yourself simple questions like, why did we break up? Could we really be together in five years? Was he really "the one" for me? I understand right now you're hurting, and I wish I could say it doesn't hurt. I also know it's hard to believe but there is someone better out there. Just slowly get over ex, go at your pace, no is focing you to move on. Moving on is all up to you.
January 23rd, 2016 5:23pm
im in the same position its hard I know but you will probably always love that person but sometimes the only thing you can do is move on or talk to them and maybe get them back