I regret breaking up with my ex. What should I do?
239 Answers
Last Updated: 04/20/2023 at 10:17am
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Jill Kapil, PsyD
Psychologist
I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.
Top Rated Answers
Consider if you actually regret it, or if you're just only and or emotional. Sometimes we end up lonely and longing for the comforts of old relationships that weren't actually good for us. If after assessing the reason for your regret you still feel that you made a mistake by breaking up, consider speaking to them. Explain how you feel, and LISTEN with intent to understand how they feel about the situation.
If the relationship was unhealthy, no matter how much you regret walking away, it's the best decision. Even if you're regretting it. You have to be happy alone before you can be happy with anyone else.
Anonymous
August 13th, 2020 12:06am
Well I know decisions like this can be hard on the mind but know that you made the decision yourself. Relationships end on rocky terms all the time but sometimes our feelings for our significant other can cloud our judgement and make us feel as if we make the wrong decision, when in the end it was the right decision for our well being in the end. We often need to let people go to improve ourselves and learn how to love ourselves without the help of a significant other. Do you feel that your well being would improve if you hadn’t have broken with your ex?
Anonymous
August 23rd, 2020 3:42pm
There must of been a reason why you broke up with them in the first place , is it a toxic relationship ? or miscommunication u should talk it out with them or get an outsider view of the relationship to see if its a smart idea to get back in. Talking is the best solution as communication is key to any health relationship and if u want it back u needed to both agree on the rules of ur relationship so that both parties get value out of the relationship not just one and love is a key component
If you regret breaking up with your ex try realizing the faults in the relationship and ask yourself if you really want to get back with her/him. If you feel the answer is yes then go to her/him and tell what you felt went wrong and why you guys broke up. If you feel that these things can be mended and can also improve the relationship then it is all good in the hood. If she/he does not want to get back then you must respect their decision and make ensure that in the next relationship you will avoid something like that. Always learn from your mistakes.
Anonymous
October 25th, 2020 8:06pm
Honestly, this is a feeling that I feel like I know far too well. When I was 18 I got into a relationship and it was one of the best things I had, but we broke up soon there after because of my choices. She responded horribly, and soon there after I regretted breaking up with her because I knew I could at that point never get her back even if I tried talking to her.
Luckily, not all situations are like that. If you regret breaking up with your ex, like I did, you should try talking to them so you can both explain your side of the story. Honestly, I would just have open communication with them and try to talk to yourself to make sense as to why you broke up with them in the first place.
Remember, they may not take you back and they might be upset and that's okay. They have a right to feel that way and they may not take you back. Don't force anything. If you get back together remember to have open communication.
So, In case someone regrets breaking up with their ex and want to get them back, the best thing to do is to INITIATE. Just go and approach them and tell them your feelings. In case its real love they will accept, if not then you know what junk you got to clear off. It's perfectly natural to have regrets even if you know the breakup is the best thing for you. Recognize that what you're feeling is normal and doesn't necessarily mean you made the wrong decision. Don't beat yourself up. This is a good time to practice radical acceptance. When you feel deep regrets after a breakup, it could be that you're simply not giving yourself enough time to recover. "The relationship didn't take a day to develop, so it's not something you're going to be able to get over overnight,"
maybe speak to the person. Tell them how you are feeling and be honest. Try to show them empathy. Imagine if that person broke up with you, how would you feel and how could that person resolve it with you or how would you like that person to approach you. Also, it is good to respect that person's space.
Well, first you really need to sit down and think about the breakup; I mean, was there a huge dealbreaker that made the breakup inevitable? If you think the relationship has scope for working out, reach out to them and talk things out. Hope for the best
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2017 11:47am
You should talk to them about it, explain to them that you regret what happened, you never know what they might say. They could be feeling the same but if they'd rather move on then surround yourself with friends and family, treat yourself and do things you enjoy to take your mind off the situation. Give yourself time to move on, it won't happen over night.
Anonymous
August 19th, 2017 5:58am
Talk it out with your ex and see what they think as well. If they want to get back together, see what happens from there.
Every song ends, but can that be a reason not fall in love with music?
Breakups are difficult and not easy to happen. And if it happens , it does for a reason.
If you think the reason is strong enough then you should stop regretting and keep your self as busy as you can.
Do some charity, help people, spread love. That will make you happy. And eventually you will find someone to fall in love with.
Sometimes identifying the reasons you broke up, writing them down and seeing a clear picture of why the relationship ended can be a great place to start. I like to write down some things I can identify with triggering those feelings of regret. I then take each one individually and assigning it to a pro or cons category. Beyond that deciding whether the relationship can be repaired or if you still interested in pursuing it. I have had it work both ways for me. Try this when you feel you are in a calm state. I definitely find it difficult to make decisions when I am upset. 7cups is a community of compassionate listeners and sometime just expressing those to someone who will listen without bias can be very helpful as well. Best of Luck. Feel free to reach out again!
Relationships can be really tough because there never seems to be a right answer. Search for what you really need in a relationship versus what you're willing to give up for someone you care about. Clearing up your own needs will help you decide what to do next.
Anonymous
July 10th, 2017 2:36pm
Depends on the way you broke up with them and the duration since your breakup.
If the breakup was an emotional decision in an angry moment for any reason; disloyalty included, it'd be relatively easier to return back together once both sides are calm and one side takes the initiative in bringing it up for a mature discussion about what happened and try to find out the possibilities of weather what happened can be overlooked in favour of continuing the relationship or if ending it is better so both sides won't have to endure stress that relationships are meant to counter . Of course Time plays a major role here, you can't just disappear for a year and come back without fear :p !
The second scenario is a bit messy; and I mean if both/either one of them had thought it all out and gradually lost interest in their partner (or in each other), and once it was all done they regret they might have done a mistake, they regret not appreciating the person they had with them! An apology simply won't cut it(except if your partner is really mad in love with you and couldn't just move on, would be easier to apologise and get embraced again :) ).
This second case is a bit tricky, and quite Difficult to tackle ; nonetheless; there is always hope! One should improvise and tackle the situation according to their understanding of their partner and the circumstances in which the events took place, no one else can do that for ya!
Good luck
Anonymous
November 28th, 2020 3:39pm
I see you are dealing with your breakup. Splitting up w/ someone can be very painful and sometimes considered as a form of grief. But it's important you realize some ends are new beginnings. Focus on yourself and build your life. Maybe take up some new hobbies, or continue old ones, catch up with friends. Move forwards and many new good things will find their way to you! Keeping your head up and your mind not overwhelmed is very important in dealing with any sort of hardship. Remember you can contact us at 7Cups whenever you want someone to listen.
I would first write pro and con lists about the relationship itself and the person you broke up with as well. If the cons outweigh the pros then I would hold my head up, buy a fresh pair of J's, get a slick new haircut, hold my head high and go out with friends, spend time with family. Take a new college course, just stay busy. If there are more pros than cons then I would calmly and clearly try to explain your reasoning for breaking up, and for wanting to get back together. These things can be complicated but if you both care about the relationship it will work out.
That's an understandable feeling, I believe, we've spent quite some time with the person and it's really not easy to move on super quick or stop feeling anything towards them instantly...feelings dont have a switch off button, all your feelings are very much valid, if you feel you're regretting the breakup, maybe ask yourself what is making you feel that way ? If given a chance would you go back to your ex ? Do you feel there's a possibility, this time the relationship will be better and you won't think about the option of another break up ? Do you feeel you really want to go back to them or do you feel you crave a human presence and that's making you feel regretful ? Going back in time, how would you react to the situation that made you consider breaking up with your partner? ...and maybe a few more questions to simply assess , how do you really feel about everything and what should be the best case scenario for you now ? Hope this helps 💛
Consider all the reasons for your break up. How did they treat you, did they respect you, did you feel loved and appreciated by them. Remember the feelings associated with the reasons you broke up. Did you smile, laugh, or even feel relaxed. Or did you feel tense and not knowing what the next moment may bring. Now consider why you are really feeling the way you do in the present moment. Is it regret or perhaps loneliness. You are worth every bit of happiness. There was a reason you broke up and you deserve to trust yourself in that decision. What are your thoughts on this ?
There are a lot of variables to account for. Ask yourself appropriate questions that you need to answer to. Why did you break up with your ex? What is holding me back from moving on? Was being with my ex making me unhappy with who I was when I was with him? My advice is to not rush into getting back with your ex, but to take time thinking about your well-being and whether your reasons for regretting breaking up is due to loneliness or something else.
Anonymous
September 24th, 2016 12:54am
Call you're ex at the first instance and state how you feel. Trying is always better than regrets ..
Examine why you broke up; what did you not know then that you know now? Was the break up really the worst thing that could have happened? Do you even have a new found appreciation for your ex? Maybe let them know this, that's always good to hear! If they're willing to talk, great but if not, let things be for at least 12 weeks. By then your feelings may have changed and you might come to realise that your gut instinct was right first time. A bit of space might be one of the best things that could have happened in your relationship with that person. In the meantime, take care of yourself and keep busy!
Anonymous
September 19th, 2016 4:01pm
You should think about why you broke up with him/her and if the reasons seem meaningless,try to approach them but becareful they might have change their mind about you too!
Sometimes we can feel feelings from our past... Sometimes these are residual, sometimes these are merely results of habit, sometimes it's a residual flame, and sometimes it's comfort in what you previously knew... But the truth is, you know what is right for you... You know what your should do... Maybe that's playing a song from a boom box outside their bedroom window like in that movie, or maybe it's getting back into a saying scene... Be cautious, friend, but don't be afraid!
Anonymous
October 31st, 2016 8:06am
You should talk to your ex. Tell him/her that maybe you were just clouded with emotions when you said that. And if she understands, give the relationship another chance. But if not, leave.
I can imagine that this relationship meant a lot to you and you are definitely not a lone in these feelings. What elements of the relationship do you miss? How was the relationship overall and how did it lead you to breaking up with your ex? Were these warranted? Whether they were or not, ask yourself what made you end things in the first place and see if this reminder will give you the peace you may be looking for. Take the time you need to process the relationship, it definitely meant a lot to you as you feel regret but ask yourself where is this regret coming from? How did these feelings occur? Start to search from within and figure out how you came to this realization.
Anonymous
April 27th, 2017 9:05pm
Really reflect on the relationship. Was the break-up valid? What would the two of you have to do differently to move forward? Is this the person you genuinely want to be with for a while? If you really want the relationship talk to your ex about it and see if it's salvageable. If it's not, you'll still be okay.
I know this is hard, but reach out to him/her/them! Explain your situation at let them know how they feel. If that doesn't work out, then I suggest that you move on. It is best to focus on yourself first before you focus on others! Perhaps taking some time for yourself and doing activities that you enjoy will help you. Sometimes taking a walk helps me clear out my mind and instantly puts me in a better mood after. Listening to good music or spending quality time with family and friends can also be good resources for moving on. Eventually time will pass and you will move on! I hope you feel better soon! Have a great day!
well then you should call them and and fix the situation if they are willing to do that and have still feeling
It depends. Do you remember the reasons you left? Sometimes people miss being with someone and forget the reasons things were not working well. Time and introspection help with this. It is also a two way street. Your ex may or may not be able to return to the relationship. Either way, be sure you respect yourself as well as your ex. Be honest, communicate and know that you want to try to reconcile for the right reasons.
You should reach out to them, but not right away. You need to give the person space to cool off and process. They are probably very hurt, sad, and angry. Give them at least a few days to think and process, then you may reach out. I suggest calling or Facetiming them because things get lost in translation through texting and Snapchattinyg. There is a chance you hurt them too badly for them to ever forgive you, but there is also a chance that they want you back. Have a mature conversation. Make eye contact, think before you speak, and leave the room if you need to compose yourself. Take deep breaths until you feel calm and level-headed. Ultimately, respect their decision even if it's not the one you wanted them to make. You will heal with time and you can talk to any listener on here.
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