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I regret breaking up with my ex. What should I do?

185 Answers
Last Updated: 04/29/2020 at 6:07pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
July 10th, 2017 2:36pm
Depends on the way you broke up with them and the duration since your breakup. If the breakup was an emotional decision in an angry moment for any reason; disloyalty included, it'd be relatively easier to return back together once both sides are calm and one side takes the initiative in bringing it up for a mature discussion about what happened and try to find out the possibilities of weather what happened can be overlooked in favour of continuing the relationship or if ending it is better so both sides won't have to endure stress that relationships are meant to counter . Of course Time plays a major role here, you can't just disappear for a year and come back without fear :p ! The second scenario is a bit messy; and I mean if both/either one of them had thought it all out and gradually lost interest in their partner (or in each other), and once it was all done they regret they might have done a mistake, they regret not appreciating the person they had with them! An apology simply won't cut it(except if your partner is really mad in love with you and couldn't just move on, would be easier to apologise and get embraced again :) ). This second case is a bit tricky, and quite Difficult to tackle ; nonetheless; there is always hope! One should improvise and tackle the situation according to their understanding of their partner and the circumstances in which the events took place, no one else can do that for ya! Good luck
Dingleberrez
July 14th, 2017 7:28am
Relationships can be really tough because there never seems to be a right answer. Search for what you really need in a relationship versus what you're willing to give up for someone you care about. Clearing up your own needs will help you decide what to do next.
MeetVirginia
July 16th, 2017 4:32pm
Sometimes identifying the reasons you broke up, writing them down and seeing a clear picture of why the relationship ended can be a great place to start. I like to write down some things I can identify with triggering those feelings of regret. I then take each one individually and assigning it to a pro or cons category. Beyond that deciding whether the relationship can be repaired or if you still interested in pursuing it. I have had it work both ways for me. Try this when you feel you are in a calm state. I definitely find it difficult to make decisions when I am upset. 7cups is a community of compassionate listeners and sometime just expressing those to someone who will listen without bias can be very helpful as well. Best of Luck. Feel free to reach out again!
heavenYellow54
July 22nd, 2017 6:48am
Every song ends, but can that be a reason not fall in love with music? Breakups are difficult and not easy to happen. And if it happens , it does for a reason. If you think the reason is strong enough then you should stop regretting and keep your self as busy as you can. Do some charity, help people, spread love. That will make you happy. And eventually you will find someone to fall in love with.
Anonymous
August 19th, 2017 5:58am
Talk it out with your ex and see what they think as well. If they want to get back together, see what happens from there.
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2017 11:47am
You should talk to them about it, explain to them that you regret what happened, you never know what they might say. They could be feeling the same but if they'd rather move on then surround yourself with friends and family, treat yourself and do things you enjoy to take your mind off the situation. Give yourself time to move on, it won't happen over night.
Moonquake
September 24th, 2017 1:27pm
Well, first you really need to sit down and think about the breakup; I mean, was there a huge dealbreaker that made the breakup inevitable? If you think the relationship has scope for working out, reach out to them and talk things out. Hope for the best
BubbleGumKissxoxo
November 11th, 2017 9:45pm
maybe speak to the person. Tell them how you are feeling and be honest. Try to show them empathy. Imagine if that person broke up with you, how would you feel and how could that person resolve it with you or how would you like that person to approach you. Also, it is good to respect that person's space.
Easylistener
January 31st, 2018 8:20pm
well it's a tough one. Regret is often short lived, so ride it out until you're sure it's a mistake. We often make decisions and regret them, but they are often for the best. Give yourself some time to get over the feeling and see then how you feel. You broke up for a reason.. remember that.
starryPanda93
February 8th, 2018 3:23pm
just thing that everything happens for a good reason..still if you miss him or her ..then be friends wid them.
ArjunAttam
February 8th, 2018 6:37pm
We all do things we regret later. Talk to your ex and if he also wants to patch-up, nothing better than that. But if your ex has already moved on, you should not feel so bad. You are really a great person to understand your mistake and know what you want. You will also find someone who is best for you.
divinewillpower86
March 3rd, 2018 6:56am
Well talking about past relationships people learn a lot from them. For each one relationship values differ. I guess somewhere your heart has realised that your ex is still your present and the way he/she behaved in the past n still the way they behaving like a gentleman / good girl like no hurt feelings or text messages, you are ready to look for him/her. You can think of trying to communicate with him her by a simple text message n later asking for a short meeting.
Anonymous
March 30th, 2018 6:47pm
That is something you must accept and take responsibility for the choice you made. Even if you regret it.
Anonymous
March 31st, 2018 5:05pm
Do you really regret it or because you feel lonely right now and can’t adapt with the sudden change from being in relationship to be single? You are the only one who know the answer. If you really regret it because she/he is a wonderful person and you just realize it now, try to get them back. But if it’s too late, you need to move on
cassieisfire
June 7th, 2018 11:02pm
It is probably not a very good idea to go back to your ex, in my opinion, you must have left him for something so just try to move on from them
BecauseofOpenMinds
February 2nd, 2019 11:59pm
When regret is felt over any situation, especially over a breakup, it is sometimes helpful to analyze your feelings before and after it happened. How did you truly feel before the breakup? What decisions led to the breakup and why were those decisions made? And after it happened, are you discounting the positive outcomes of the breakup? What thoughts, habits, or activities can you do in your own life to turn the breakup into a positive milestone for your future? What positive activities can you divert your attention to in order to let time pass productively and heal your wounds?
Anonymous
July 2nd, 2016 4:29pm
I think you should evaluate why did you break up and if the person is worth trying again. Why do you care about that person? Does that person makes you a better you?
Anonymous
July 9th, 2016 12:19pm
Try to talk to your ex to see if ya'll can move on and try to explain why you did it in the first place.
Anonymous
July 23rd, 2016 1:22pm
Reconsidering the reasons you had for the break-up in the first place would make a good first step. If you really feel they weren't valid and that you were wrong or acting impulsively than I guess all you can do is sit that person down and honestly tell them how you feel. There's still not much we can do if the other person decides not to give us a second chance..
uniqueMango45
July 27th, 2016 1:16am
Write a list of pros and cons of breaking up with them, do the same for them as a person, and the relationship as a whole. Sometimes people regret things we shouldn't - you ended the relationship for a reason and you may be forgetting why. If not, figure out exactly what to say and then approach them gently, telling them you expect nothing in return but wanted to get this off of your chest.
amemerica
July 28th, 2016 6:36pm
Think about why you broke up with this person. If it was for a reason you don't believe was worth the falling out, you can talk to them and discuss what went wrong in your relationship, and see if you could try the relationship again. If they disagree, it's okay to feel upset, but you should know that it's normal. If they agree, be sure to go over what should change in the relationship so a problem like this can be successfully avoided.
Ashoulder91
July 31st, 2016 1:49am
The first step would be self reflection on why you broke up with them to begin with, and determine if it's the route you really want to take. If you still want them back. Then you'll have to apologize and attempt to make things right if they give you the chance.
Musicl0vr
July 31st, 2016 3:26am
Talk it out. It's okay to reach out and talk about your feelings. First, recall your reasons for breaking up in the first place. Avoid any situations which make you feel badly. Remember, you left for a reason. If you cannot come to terms with it still, ask them to meet up and talk.
Anonymous
August 3rd, 2016 5:02am
Think about why you guys broke up and if the reason is still there. If you still want to give it another go then organise a time to meet up and maybe bring it up over a cup of coffee.
SomeRandomNiceGuy
August 3rd, 2016 7:27am
Is he/she already seeing someone? If yes, then just accept it and move on. If no, then try talking to him/her about what you feel.
LoverOfHappiness
August 6th, 2016 7:29am
Have a nice quiet alone time with yourself. Make sure you want to take the venture out to going back to your ex, because you broke up for a reason. See if the reason was a valid one in your book and if you still feel it was a mistake; then by all means take a time to have a face to face discussion with your ex and see where that leaves the two of you.
Anonymous
August 10th, 2016 3:46am
Think about what you want. Think about why you're missing them. Is it because you're lonely, or because you genuinely want them back in your life?
Supergirl94
August 10th, 2016 5:52am
Talk to them. Explain what happened, how you felt afterwards and why you regret breaking up with them, why you want to be together with them again
justheretohelpyou
August 21st, 2016 8:35pm
The most important thing after a breakup is to give the other person some time and space to think. You should use this time wisely too, find an alternative distraction and find something creative to do to turn any negative thoughts you may be having into positive ones. After that, writing down how you feel is a good start, and then you can be completely honest about how you feel with your ex, tell them how you're feeling once you have given them the time and space you need, they might not want to get back together, but don't let that deter you, a good friendship is the best possible thing that can come out of a situation like this :D
GeekRabbit
August 23rd, 2016 12:52am
Ask yourself if you really miss him as a person, or you just miss the relationship, having someone, os having something stable.