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I regret breaking up with my ex. What should I do?

231 Answers
Last Updated: 02/13/2022 at 3:52pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
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Maryna Svitasheva, PhD. RP

Licensed Professional Counselor

Psychotherapy I provide is based on a dialog and your active intention to look for a solution with the therapist's assistance

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
November 28th, 2020 3:39pm
I see you are dealing with your breakup. Splitting up w/ someone can be very painful and sometimes considered as a form of grief. But it's important you realize some ends are new beginnings. Focus on yourself and build your life. Maybe take up some new hobbies, or continue old ones, catch up with friends. Move forwards and many new good things will find their way to you! Keeping your head up and your mind not overwhelmed is very important in dealing with any sort of hardship. Remember you can contact us at 7Cups whenever you want someone to listen.
PainisPoetry16
January 6th, 2021 9:28pm
I would first write pro and con lists about the relationship itself and the person you broke up with as well. If the cons outweigh the pros then I would hold my head up, buy a fresh pair of J's, get a slick new haircut, hold my head high and go out with friends, spend time with family. Take a new college course, just stay busy. If there are more pros than cons then I would calmly and clearly try to explain your reasoning for breaking up, and for wanting to get back together. These things can be complicated but if you both care about the relationship it will work out.
sallie04
January 24th, 2021 12:55am
Try to remember why you broke up in the first place. We often look back fondly at the good moments in our lives and gloss over the negatives. Chances are that if you do this, you will know if you are able to live with whatever it was. If you can and your ex partner wants to try again then you can choose to do this. If however you don't think you could get over whatever split you up, you can think about moving on. Sometimes a little distance can help us to see things differently. Give yourself time. We often feel lonely when a relationship ends. It's natural that you will miss the relationship.
Jenna2499
January 24th, 2021 7:56pm
You should reach out to them, but not right away. You need to give the person space to cool off and process. They are probably very hurt, sad, and angry. Give them at least a few days to think and process, then you may reach out. I suggest calling or Facetiming them because things get lost in translation through texting and Snapchattinyg. There is a chance you hurt them too badly for them to ever forgive you, but there is also a chance that they want you back. Have a mature conversation. Make eye contact, think before you speak, and leave the room if you need to compose yourself. Take deep breaths until you feel calm and level-headed. Ultimately, respect their decision even if it's not the one you wanted them to make. You will heal with time and you can talk to any listener on here.
OrangeSheep
February 17th, 2021 12:53pm
Depends on how the breakup happened. Is the situation changed in a good way? Or everything is just like before? We miss our ex-partners deeply because they were our happy place, but we must not forget what made us do that decision. If something happened once, and the situation hasn't changed, it's unlikely there will be something good out of it. Take back the pieces of your shattered heart and slowly put them back together. Give yourself enough time to heal. Life moves forwards. If one day you will meet again to make it work, you both need to be different people. Or maybe you will find a brand new partner, ready to discover a whole new universe. Things can change in an instant, so take your time to be at your best, the opportunities will come by themselves. I am sure you will be just there ready to catch them all!
Anonymous
March 3rd, 2021 7:04pm
It is natural to have occasional regrets in life. Regrets are an effective way of learning from our past actions. If you regret breaking up with your ex, it may be a good idea to start thinking about why you regret it. Identifying reasons that decision was not optimal for you can help you see what outcome would have been optimal, so you can determine what steps would have been needed to obtain that outcome. In the future, you can deliberate on what outcome you want prior to making a life-changing decision, and lay out your potential options for reaching the desired outcome, so that you have less of a likelihood of making decisions you regret.
JuanMaindigo
March 4th, 2021 3:19am
Do anything that you are able to control. Keep calm, forgive yourself, be honest and open, and try to identify why do you feel that way: regreat breaking up with your ex. Then make decisions that are based on that. For example, if you find yourself that you took the decision of breaking up due to a impulsive reaction, then try to initiate a connection with your ex, first, and when is the right moment, explain honestly your position and what you are feeling. If you are not sure about why you are feeling that way. Take your time, let time be the judge of what you are feeling and thinking and then try to connect with you again and think about what happened
8cupsofwater
March 11th, 2021 9:07am
Do you regret breaking up with your ex because you genuinely think your relationship was healthy and worthwhile or because you miss them emotionally? Romantic relationships are one of the most intimate bonds you can form with another person and detaching from them will inevitably hurt. Not all strong bonds are healthy, and you can certainly become comfortable in an unhealthy relationship and not know it or not want to leave because it will hurt. But in the long run when your emotions no longer cloud your judgement you may look back and realize that you made the best decision.
Anonymous
March 17th, 2021 10:54pm
talking to the person you recently broke up with about how you are feeling is usually the most affective thing to do. but also talking to friends and other people who knew about your relationship might help you by giving you advice on what you should do to either move forward from the break up or figure out how to start talking to your ex again. sometimes even if your relationship was bad you can feel regret after you break up with them just because you were with them for so long, and it can be hard to understand why you regret leaving a toxic situation
PerfectPie15
April 9th, 2021 4:52am
It’s important to do what you feel is right. Even when we are clouded with emotion, we made these decisions for a reason. Do what ever makes you happy. Our own mental and personal health must be paramount. It’s also important to remember that we are human, we have emotions and all our your emotions matter and are valid. You can always talk to me or any other listener on here and we will always be there to listen to you. I hope that you figure out what is best for YOU. I believe that you are strong and will make a great decision. Take care!
Anonymous
April 29th, 2021 3:22pm
Try to recall the reasons that you chose to break up with this person. I was in a very toxic relationship when I was younger and I knew it was the right thing for my own physical and mental health to leave, but as soon as I broke up with him it broke my heart. I felt like going back even though I knew it wasn't right for me. Remember your worth so much more than a relationship that makes you anything less than happy! Focus on doing positive things that remind you of your worth and make you happy being you!
LetsCherishLife
May 12th, 2021 8:57pm
Well I only see 3 options here (which doesnt mean there is no other) that would be 1. accepting the decision you made and getting over them, 2. trying to get them back or 3. involving them into the discussion if it would be an option to try again. If you say you regret it and you do it enough to come and ask here then you might not want to leave it untried to get them back. After all you don't have them now and what do you have to lose apart from wrong illusion that would come with certainty that could help you get on. If you contact them either to directly try to get a new chance or just ask if they would be willing to grant you one I think it is important to be accountable to them as you might have really hurt them by breaking up. If you didn't do that when you broke up I would make the reasons for the breakup transparent and (if true) explain that it didn't have to do with them but with you being unsorted and making a wrong and impulsive decision which you now regret. Do as well explain why you regret it now and how you want to make sure not to make the same mistake again. They might say no but then you know you have to go on and can look for ways to do so. Yet after all it is your decision as you know yourself as well as the other person better than anyone else here.
graceblue16
May 20th, 2021 10:27pm
I know this is hard, but reach out to him/her/them! Explain your situation at let them know how they feel. If that doesn't work out, then I suggest that you move on. It is best to focus on yourself first before you focus on others! Perhaps taking some time for yourself and doing activities that you enjoy will help you. Sometimes taking a walk helps me clear out my mind and instantly puts me in a better mood after. Listening to good music or spending quality time with family and friends can also be good resources for moving on. Eventually time will pass and you will move on! I hope you feel better soon! Have a great day!
YourPickMeUp99
June 17th, 2021 1:23am
I can imagine that this relationship meant a lot to you and you are definitely not a lone in these feelings. What elements of the relationship do you miss? How was the relationship overall and how did it lead you to breaking up with your ex? Were these warranted? Whether they were or not, ask yourself what made you end things in the first place and see if this reminder will give you the peace you may be looking for. Take the time you need to process the relationship, it definitely meant a lot to you as you feel regret but ask yourself where is this regret coming from? How did these feelings occur? Start to search from within and figure out how you came to this realization.
luuk30
August 28th, 2021 10:30pm
I think this very much depends on why you regret breaking up. Do you regret it because you feel alone or doubt your decision? Or do you specifically miss your ex and think you made a mistake breaking up? If so, what made you break up in the first place? What made you change your mind? I think these are important questions to clarify for yourself before you decide if you maybe want to reach out to your ex again. If you realize that you broke up for good reasons that still apply I recommend trying to find out why you regret the breakup. Otherwise you could try to reach out to your ex again and ask for an open and honest conversation.
dostoyevskyr123
September 4th, 2021 4:24pm
Breaking up is difficult. You fo through a wide spectrum of emotions, it can be a roller coaster, But taking actions when you feel regret or guilt is not good for you or the relationship. Relationship or interactions should help to feel at peace in the world. So before you take the next step its better to ease your mind using some mental gymnastics or just take a light stroll. Its important to objectively reflect on how the relationship. And then ask yourself the important question, whether its worth patching up or its better to move on. Uncertainty can be scary, but walking through it and overcoming it will make you stronger and help you love yourself.
Francesca4444
September 30th, 2021 9:29pm
Think about why you broke up with your ex. What led you to making that decision. Breaking up can be really hard. Have you reflected on the positive and negative aspects of being in that relationship? Do you miss your ex? or do you just miss being in a relationship? I cannot tell you what to do, because every relationship and situation is different. What I will share is that ending a relationship brings up many emotions you may not have felt for a while. It may be difficult to live without the person you have been with for a long time. You will get through this.
Anonymous
November 27th, 2021 3:06am
Make a pro and con list to figure out why y'all are right for each other and why it maybe best to go your separate ways. That can help be a deal breaker. Do you miss them because you feel tied to them or because you feel as though they are your equal? Sometimes break ups help us to understand what we need out of a relationship and what we don't need. Don't beat yourself up. Relationships are not perfect nor are they easy. It's a learning process for all of us. However I do ask of you to look into the reasoning behind why you broke up with them.
LainOnline
December 16th, 2021 12:08pm
Breaking up with someone is something that can very often happens impulsively. It’s important the first thing you do is really take a chance to reflect on your relationship with them. And definitely think about what the breaking point was and if it’s something you can fix. Once you consider all this and they’re open to taking you back, confront them and really sit and talk to them about it. If a break is needed, see it as an opportunity to think about what you want out of this relationship. Your mental health and happiness should be no. 1 priority
stellaglaze
January 6th, 2022 8:27am
If you're feeling regretful or second-guessing a choice like dumping an ex, taking some time to think about why you made that decision and why you're changing your mind is super important in making a final choice moving forward. A really helpful tactic may be writing down a pro's and con's list so that you can clearly lay out whether you made the right decision or not. Also, talking it out with a close friend or a person in a neutral position can help you with getting your ideas out and helping you to figure out how you really feel.
spiritualbalrog
February 13th, 2022 3:52pm
When feeling regret after breaking up with someone, perhaps the first place to start is to explore why there are feelings of regret. When a person has been with someone for a while, having found a balance, they grow comfortable in the relationship. Then something occurs which interrupts the balance. With this interruption, feelings of uncertainty can arise. Uncertainty can often be accompanied by anxiety. in these moments if our awareness drops, we can make decisions which are not well thought out. This same dynamic plays out after a break up. The break up is certainly an interruption which disrupts the balance and comfort which were found in the relationship. Essentially this is a space of growth, and places of growth are usually not comfortable. We are no longer who we were and not yet who we will become. Many times people will make the decision to go back to the ex to try and find the space of comfort again. This is quite often not the best idea. It is easy to forget the reasons we ended the relationship in the first place. When the regret rises, perhaps the first thing to do is pause. This gives time to reflect on possible thoughts of rekindling the relationship. By giving oneself some time, either alone or with a trusted confidant can help to illuminate what is really going on with the feelings of regret. Is it that we are lonely, anxious, unsure of ourselves? If these reasons are at play in the regret then it is probably a good thing to work on those first. Those have more to do with us, than with the ended relationship. As we address those we become emotionally healthier and may not need the relationship. Another factor is grief. A breakup brings many losses. The loss of the relationship, the loss of hopes and dreams which we had about the relationship, and a loss of understanding of ourselves. This grief is very similar to the grief we experience when someone dies. We have to give ourselves time to grieve, and this is hard work. We also have to practice self-compassion and radical kindness with ourselves. This gives us space to work through all of the complicated feelings such as regret, sadness, anger, and loneliness. That which we do not grieve will always come back to haunt us. The grief work also gives us time to become who we are becoming. If we do the grief work, and give ourselves time we may find that we do not really regret the breakup. If after the time, we still find regret, the we can look at the pros and the cons of rekindling the relationship.