If you loved each other so much before a breakup, why is it so hard to stay friends after the break up?

30 Answers
Last Updated: 07/31/2018 at 5:51am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Traci Seery, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Are you living your best life? My style is collaborate, supportive and compassionate. Together, we will develop goals that produce positive results to make your life better.

Top Rated Answers
Turtlyawesome
April 11th, 2015 6:21am
The type of love and affection we display towards boyfriends and girlfriends are a lot different than those we share towards a friend. The translation of seeing them as "yours" to just another friend is incredibly hard, almost like you're loosing some part of yourself - when in reality you haven't
Anonymous
April 26th, 2015 7:02pm
It is hard to stay friends because you love them. You want so much more than friendship, you want that love to remain and it will never remain the same because your broken inside after the break up.
Karthikgl
May 8th, 2016 3:24pm
Between true Boy and girl friendship, there is no space for sexual attraction and they just feel like they are beyond the gender and just they share their emotions through speech and at the most hugging. But in boy and girl loving relationship, there is a sexual attraction and there is more closeness and more space for physicality. So normal friendship is not possible after breakup if the couple had really loved eachother and agreed to be life partners.
Anonymous
May 17th, 2015 11:24pm
Because of that love. Loving someone as a friend is very different than loving someone as a companion in a relationship. If you break up with someone and try to remain friends, the love you have for them runs so deep that it's difficult to be friends with them.
sweetlinda22
November 9th, 2015 11:21pm
perhaps it's too soon for friendship. Jumping right into friendship is like jumping out of a frying pan and into the fire. Your wounds are still raw, understand that it's a process and allow yourself time to really heal. You both have to get there at your own pace.
Anonymous
December 22nd, 2015 9:26am
Maybe its hard to see the person who meant the world to you once, drift away apart. Maybe there is a lot of anger and resentments stored up. Maybe its hard to the person with someone else ...or maybe we are just scared we might never feel the same way again for someone else...that we wont be able to let it go. But then again isn't love about letting the other person be happy...about growing ? So if the person helps you to grow, inspires you ..still respects you and vice versa.. then its worth the friendship, So what if you two had a break up or don't feel the same way about each other...like i said maybe love is about letting the other person be happy. So maybe for the sake of all the good times and happy memories it might be worth being on good terms. All you need is to have clarity.
Anonymous
January 4th, 2016 7:28pm
Sometimes it is the best for both parties who take distance to avoid more damage to the situation or the way of seeing the person to switch to a bad.
1musicloverever
April 17th, 2017 8:12pm
Break ups are very hard and only a small handful of people who endure break ups come out of it perfectly fine, and everyone differs. Honestly, from my personal expierence, it is hard to break up and try to remain in a positive friendship because you have that sudden change in the relationship, you can no longer say "I love you" without knowing, they may not mean it back anymore or the relationship is no longer like that. It is hard, but as time goes by, you'll subtly forget about them and possibly the deep feelings you had for them. You will be okay from it and you will grow flowers from it all.
madds101104
July 3rd, 2018 3:58pm
You constantly are having memories or feelings of when you loved each other. It’s hard to have a friendship when you’ve had a different kind of relationship.
SpontaneousDragonfly
July 9th, 2018 1:05am
It's hard to stay friends after a breakup because you realize that feelings that were once there are no longer there. It hurts that the love is no longer there and it's hard to face the person who you once shared the love with.
PoetaSinVersos
April 9th, 2015 2:30am
Because love isn't the same as friendship is. Breaking up doesn't mean stop loving, and once you shared all your heart with a person, it is hard for you to stay as "friends" because you can't really see them as that. Even if you were the one who break the relationship, your mind will always be focused on what where you before, and even if you don't love them anymore, there's the remain of the feeling and it makes imposible for you to just view that person in a not-love-way.
Ozzury
June 29th, 2015 4:46pm
i believe that the reason why mostly anyone cant be friends after a really loving relationship is because they would feel weird being together after one of them broke up with the other. or maybe simply they just believe its better for to move on from each others life.
Anonymous
August 11th, 2015 11:51am
It is hard becuse if you love someone so much you can be friends with him/her.Being friends mean teling everything and isn't easy to listen your ex telling about his/hers now boyfriend/girlfriend.
Anonymous
August 11th, 2015 5:36pm
It can be hard because emotions from the past have not settled yet, and being friends can bring those emotions back up.
Anonymous
November 23rd, 2015 9:15am
The love kinda turns into bitterness. You probably see the person and immediately remember how he/she hurt you and you don't want to be around the person that made you feel like that. Or maybe feelings go away and there is no point staying in any relationship with that person because you do not see the reason why.
ButterflyOverTime
January 12th, 2016 6:04pm
It feels clumsy to talk to each other. Communicating to each other after a break up brings pain - one of the partners want to move forward but somehow doesn't want to hurt his ex-partner which makes him hesitate, It seems like staying friends is needless.
Btowner
February 29th, 2016 7:05am
Exes are exes for a reason. When you take sex out of the equation, it makes it hard to just have to "friends" only part. When you break up its for a reason and you and that person were not compatable. It is best to bygones be bygones and not be friends with exes.
Anonymous
May 6th, 2016 6:15pm
yeah it is hard to stay friends after the break up because i think love is converted in to hate at some point after the break up ,but if understanding is there then you can
softwallflower
May 17th, 2016 3:50pm
Because it's hard to forget someone that gave you so much to remember. So every time you see each other, you remember all the happiness and that just makes you feel akward, I guess
Anonymous
May 23rd, 2016 6:33am
After you break up its so hard to see the person you love love on. There's no more chances now you really got to move on.
Holdmyhand24
September 6th, 2016 5:39pm
because being friend can change the whole point of break up. theres a chance feelings might come back .
coffeekitten14
October 3rd, 2016 8:25pm
People are often wounded after a breakup and they tend to want to stay away from a person afterward.
versatileJoy60
October 18th, 2016 10:37am
You can't befriends with someone you love. More probably it's because you don't want to face them. Things change, you might burst out on them because of all the anger and pain you've stored inside. And you don't want to 'cause pain to your loved ones. So it's better to just getaway from them completely if you fear your emotions can mess things up.
Anonymous
March 21st, 2017 12:31am
It will make you miss being together, and it will be hard to just 'be friends'. You will want to get back together with him or her.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2017 7:39am
A lot of things will never stay the same, especially after a breakup. Regardless of the reason of breaking up, there will always be a barrier between the two of you. However, staying as friends may only seem impossible at first, especially if the breakup just occurred. There is a higher tendency for either of you to bring up the past and blame one another. After both of you have completely healed, however, i do believe that it is possible to stay friends. Time heals all wounds, and if it's meant to be, things might just go well for both of you again.
Anonymous
September 5th, 2017 10:27pm
This is due to the fact that for two people to become a couple they create an attachment. This is also the reason why there are friends with benefits, because there are no strings attached. Also remaining friends after a break up can be difficult, due to the past feelings one or the other will have.
Anonymous
February 13th, 2018 11:54pm
Because it's like constantly seeing yourself torn away from someone you love. It's like being addicted to something and then trying to quit but still being forced to see that thing you so desire.
Anonymous
March 12th, 2018 5:00am
it is so hard because not enough time has passed for your heart / emotions to catch up with your brain. Our brain can see it is over and list the reasons why, but the heart is slower to let go and accept this new reality.Also, love is a powerful force that acts chemically on the brain, and until those love chemicals have time to slow and stop poring you into memories and longing, any contact just renews hope of reunion. Given enough time and maybe even new love, you may be able to be riends.but given enough time and not holding a torch any longer, you may not want to anymore,,, or the ex may not want to be friends.
Anonymous
July 16th, 2018 4:21am
Knowing that you guys are officially over. And through everything you have done or said, it’s hard to see them in the friendly manner. You’re so used to the relationship part, that being friends was never a thought.
generousRabbit93
July 31st, 2018 5:51am
because you feel like you two worked better as a couple instead of friends especially of the love and the bonded you shared