Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

I'm dating someone who has been cheated on. What should I do?

306 Answers
Last Updated: 04/26/2022 at 3:52pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Amanda Wiginton, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Now is the time to make a change! Professional, empathic, and compassionate therapist waiting to help you make healthy life changes.

Top Rated Answers
SHEisthereforyou
April 11th, 2018 5:24pm
Probably just try to be honest and build a trust base. It's important to show them that you'd never do something like that.
WMM
April 10th, 2018 8:05am
Make them feel as though they are the only one in your world and that you will not repeat the same. You are different and should love them enough, giving them that peace of mind.
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2020 8:48pm
People who have been cheated on tend to have low self-esteem or low self worth for a while. Has your partner moved on? Or was it not too long ago? If they are still trying to get over it, offer them your support and love. Ask them how you can be considerate of their feelings, if youre comfortable with that. Take in account their personality and form of loving as well. Show them your affection frequently, but dont overdo or drain yourself out. Just make sure you are always thinking of how they might feel. Best of luck!
Anonymous
March 30th, 2018 9:54pm
Earn their trust don’t let them think that you would do anything to hurt them it might take some time but they will be fine afterwards
Anonymous
March 30th, 2018 4:29pm
you should try to make them feel more secure and in safe hands this time. try winning their confidence but be cautious and patient.
Anonymous
March 30th, 2018 4:37am
It can be difficult to navigate the emotions that come with having been cheated on in the past. This can lead to trust issues that are a natural response to the hurt of past betrayal. Understanding and expressing support for someone whose trust was broken can help to mend a wounded heart. Encouraging healthy boundaries is also important.
VeraKh42
January 20th, 2018 8:30pm
Show them sympathy, listen to them and be supportive. They might be afraid you're going to cheat to, and show them you're not instead of saying you're not.
empathear83
April 26th, 2022 3:52pm
Dating someone who has been cheated on is unfortunately quite common. Some people come into relationships with emotional baggage carried in from previous relationships. As the person dating someone who has disclosed to you that they have been cheated on in the past, you should honored that they trust you enough to tell you someone so difficult. As someone who has been cheated on before, it’s hard to trust people again but the one thing that helps me trust in consistently and honesty. I would rather be told the truth even if it hurts then to be told a lie just to try and spare my feelings.
Lexshinmiri908
November 17th, 2017 5:41am
Try to make the person feel more comfortable by reassuring them a lot about your relationship and feelings. Don't give up on them when they're giving you a tough time because they may have trust issues from previous experience. Have tons of patience and take things slowly for them. (:
ezraleeeee
November 17th, 2017 5:24pm
The psychological trauma that a person endures after being cheated on is one of the most emotionally damaging things that a person can go through. Give them patience, give them reassurance. When they ask questions, it's not because they don't trust you, they've been hurt before and that these are the things they need to know in order to keep them from overthinking and reverting back into their depressive state. They probably are going to get jealous, have low self-esteem and are quite afraid. And again, this isn't an indication that they don't trust you, they just need your reassurance and patience.
staticSilence
November 18th, 2017 12:41am
The best thing you can do is to reassure them that you won't be like the last person. If they've been cheated on before then they're bound to have their doubts. Reassurance from you is one of the most important things they'll need in this relationship.
Anonymous
November 24th, 2017 4:33pm
You should provide him/her enough securites so that she/he can trust and secured around you, it'll be alright
derpageddon
November 29th, 2017 8:03pm
You should know that it might take longer for them to trust you compared to others. Just let them know that they can trust you by proving that to them throughout your relationship. Make sure you can give them a reason to trust you.
Anonymous
December 6th, 2017 2:32pm
You should make them feel like they can trust you. Without trust, that person might think you are going to cheat on them.
Pratik96
December 6th, 2017 8:18pm
Broken hearts are the most difficult ones to handle. Make sure to empathize your partner and try your best to gain their trust. Their past experience might create issues in your relationship but in the end what matters is till what limits do you both stick together. I hope things go well. Good luck :)
beenseendoneit
December 7th, 2017 12:08am
understand that naturally they're going to have trust issues and it's going to be harder for them to trust, try and sympathise and do everything you can to let them know that what you have is different and they won't have to go through it again.
Anonymous
December 7th, 2017 9:32am
at times it will be difficult to talk the person as he will not be in the perfect mindset to talk. moreover the person might not trust you because of their past experience. just give that person some time and everything will be back to normal slowly
m00nflower
December 13th, 2017 6:18pm
Kudos to you for taking the time to understand that this person may need extra care. The best thing you can do for this person is to simply be open and honest about your thoughts and feelings and not give them a reason to distrust you. By showing this person that not everyone is a cheater, it can allow them to feel more confident in their relationship with you.
vypr
December 14th, 2017 5:41am
Be gentle and patient. As someone who has had trust issues, my girlfriend had to take about a month to break me out of my little wall of protection. But once she broke the wall, I'm so glad she did. It'll take time, but the payoff is worth it.
Anonymous
December 20th, 2017 4:31pm
Have an open approach, they will be pretty fragile when it comes to trust and getting close to someone personally. Allow time and don't push things. Respect their opinions and how they think especially if being cheated on had a large impact. Overall, have love and patience.
freesoulcure
December 21st, 2017 6:33pm
Do not rush your partner. Talk to each other, show that you care about your partner,show him/her that you are someone who can be trusted.
gentleSky91
January 12th, 2018 5:53am
Be patient, and know that a lot of their insecurities can stem from somewhere outside your relationship. Stay faithful (of course) and be kind to them, but also remember that you cannot fix everything, much less the mistakes of someone else’s past.
MidwesternCalmSeeker
October 18th, 2020 8:58pm
When someone has been hurt in the past, that individual might have difficulty trusting others when going back into the dating world. Fear of being hurt again might be a real risk for that person. Being patient and communicating that you will respect that person’s feelings and that you are wanting to gain their trust might be the key that opens their heart. If that takes a while, and they are worth the wait, over time they will hopefully start to feel more secure. It takes two people to create a bond of trust, and being there is a great start. What you say and how you react when the mental roadblocks are up will make a difference later on, as the relationship grows and those barriers start to disappear.
originalLove71
February 22nd, 2018 11:39am
There is nothing different with that person. You just have to be loyal and hopefully not cheat which you will have to do even if you are in relationship with a person who wasn't cheated before.
Eastcoast84
February 28th, 2018 3:41am
You could gently reassure them that you're not their ex and you are your own person. If they feel insecure when away from you, you could send little messages and things throughout the time you're apart to remind them that you're thinking about them! Little gestures can go a long way!
raunikasweetTouch8381
October 21st, 2020 11:07am
dont let that person go through that again :) plain and simple. Its easy , just be nice and calm and be fair , thats what any relationship wants. it goes both ways and try to heal the wound and I assume if you follow a fair path the worst of times can vanish away. Also try to get to the bottom of what happened in that person's life and ensure nothing of that sort will ever happen again and make it a right decision for that person as well because the more comfortable you get the more easy life will be in simple words.
Anonymous
September 25th, 2020 2:27am
Always give them reassurance and be patient with them! Sometimes they might need a lot of reassurance because they are scared but if you truly love them you'll have no problem telling them you love them and that they are worth it whenever they need it and even when they don't, it shows you are always thinking of them and you're always there for them. Be patient, sometimes days are harder for them. Always be understanding of what they are feeling and be prepared to love them always and a lot just like in any relationship you will ever have.
justloveyoursmile
July 7th, 2018 1:36am
When dating someone, an awesome quality is to observe and learn. This quality helps you make a circle of comfort around the person you are dating. While you observe ways to make and keep your date happy, you also try to observe how personal/frank your date is becoming with respect to sharing either his/her weakness or any event of the past. Neither do you have to be too desperate to know every detail in a single go, nor have to be aloof enough to not even bother asking things. Make a balance, and observe reactions from your date. Let your date get comfortable in reveal things by him/herself. Unless that happens, probably your date does not want an old nerve to strike again. So be calm and have patience. Also, since your date has been cheated and you know about it, he/she might be analytic or cautious towards you. Let it come, and still keep calm and patience. It pays. Remember, for many, old wounds take time to heal. So either we can turn scratchers of the wound, or, we can mould ourselves to become healers instead :)
Anonymous
February 22nd, 2018 9:32am
You should treat them with respect and stay calm when they continuously check in to make sure that you still love them. They have been through a lot. Don’t stress if they get paranoid or anxious. Tell them that you love them and see how it goes.
Lucian111
March 15th, 2018 12:40am
You should support them and make them realize that you loved them, that not everybody is going to hurt them as their ex partner hurt them and that they didnt cheat on them because they're not good enough or valid but because they didnt appreciate them enough