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I'm dating someone who has been cheated on. What should I do?

306 Answers
Last Updated: 04/26/2022 at 3:52pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Top Rated Answers
SeekApotheosis50
July 25th, 2018 5:12pm
While you do not deserve to bear the emotional backlash of your partner's ex's wrongdoing, you can get ahead of the gate by initiating transparency in your new relationship. Make it a priority to respectfully and calmly bring up doubts and insecurities before they snowball into fears and mistrust. Establish open, tactful communication, as a value, right from the start. And don't forget to communicate about what your boundaries are, too.
Moondust673
July 26th, 2018 8:11am
Ask if the person has moved on. It will be difficult for both of you to be in a relationship when one of you is not fully invested. Then show your loyalty and faithfulness. And be clear you expect the same.
independent9
July 27th, 2018 4:42am
Treat him/her the way you want to be treated. Be sensitive to the needs of that someone and at the same time be open to him/her.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2018 5:50pm
Try to understand how that person was hurt by the experience. Attempt to keep an open mind, and be sure to listen and learn from that person's experience. Let them know you will be there for them.
ElHelper
August 8th, 2018 1:27am
Make sure he knows you love him. ANd hes the one for you. Ive been going through the sme thing. ANd honestly, i never want him to get hurt again, and when he realizes that, he will trust you more. Just don't take it to heart, his brokenness. :)
GabrielaaTaker
August 9th, 2018 3:25am
Make sure you are always there to comfort your partner and let them know that everything is okay, alway's be kind enough to reassure them.
optimisticBlossom66
August 11th, 2018 2:31pm
When you date someone who has been cheated on the past, its likely they will feel weary and often scared that you will cheat on them. Actions speak louder than words, remain faithful, be open with them about how you're feeling, don't be secretive. Eventually, they will feel like you're someone who they can trust. Afterall, put yourself in their shoes, that can help you see the world in their view. Hope this helps.
lovelyLion74
August 12th, 2018 12:49pm
First thing, don't cheat on them, obviously, and don't make too many jokes about seeing other people. Help them through it if they're still getting over it and act like you would want someone to act to you.
Anonymous
August 30th, 2018 10:42am
Keep in mind that you should treat others the way you want to be treated. And remember they may be hesitant to love you because they may be scared you'll leave them. People that have been cheated on are generally more sensitive and dont forgive or love as quickly or easy. so even though it can be hard try to stay strong and stay patient with them. Tell them you respect them and promise to never hurt them and then show them that you dont break your promises by promises other little things and actually doing it can be a great way to start.
R0bbie
September 19th, 2018 4:06pm
I have always been a big believer in communication. I think it is the most important thing in making sure a relationship stays healthy. A person who has been cheated on has suffered a huge breach of trust, they find it hard to share valuable bits of information about themselves. They find it tough to develop new relationships because they are afraid of being hurt again. In terms of what you should do, I think it is important that you always consider the other partners perspective, to keep communicating and to show plenty of love and affection. This will help to remove any doubts they could have and keeps both of you very happy!
Anonymous
September 20th, 2018 3:36pm
It's always hard when you or your partner has been cheated in. Being concerned on how to treat the situation is valid and one step on the right track for whats best for you. My advice would be to ensure they feel comfortable and secure within your relationship. Every relationship is different, so you may have different way of doing this than another couple. Don't force them to talk about it before they are ready to open up to you. But once they are, use that vulnerability they are giving you to reassure them that your relationship is completely separate from the one in their past.
annnnaaaa9
September 20th, 2018 6:12pm
A person who has been cheated on is likely to struggle with building new relationships and building trust as they are still dealing with what has happened to them. You should try and imagine what it must feel like for them and how this has affected them. You can give advice if they explicitly ask you to give it. However, if this is not the case, you should just listen to them and make sure they feel accepted and that they feel like you are listening to them and being them for them. In most cases, someone being there for them is worth more than advice.
Anonymous
September 22nd, 2018 10:22am
Cheating is a tough situation for all involved, but the world changes everyday when it comes to cheating. Some people are very strict with their interpretation and others are more open to non monogamous dating. So one of the first things you should do is talk about expectations. What are your boundaries? What do you consider cheating? And what about your partner? What do they consider cheating? Is any close relationship with someone from the opposite sex considered cheating? If so, you want to know that so you can respect the other person's wishes, assuming this is something that you want to accept and vice versa. And after you set the ground rules, try to life within them and respect the other person. This builds trust and being able to trust someone after the betrayal of cheating is what is often missing when you've been cheated upon.
Anonymous
September 26th, 2018 7:36am
I've been cheated on in the past and it was a lot to deal with in future relationships. It's my thing to manage, not yours. But there are ways to help. I'd say be yourself, with an bit of extra awareness of communication. And be transparent. Act with integrity and be reliable. If you're secretive, need lots of privacy and space, or communicate inconsistently, this will unsettle a person who may have trouble trusting. Definitely avoid the temptation to give extra reassurance though. It is superficial and won't help. Just give straight answers when you're asked, and that's enough.
istillfeel
October 27th, 2018 1:25pm
assure them that you will not cheat on them or repeat any behaviors their past partners have made. make sure to listen to them regularly and make sure they're content/have no doubts about the relationship. if they do, make it clear that you will listen to their insecurities and doubts and will help them through it. as mentioned earlier, make sure you assure them that you are not like their previous partner and really care for them. you should also listen to their experience with their past partner if they want, and understand what happened in the past to better help them in the present and future :)
yalocallistener
November 15th, 2018 1:06am
You can try to be for them the best you can and give reassurance. Many people are insecure after break ups make them feel secure. Also try talking to them about their problems and both of your expectations in the relationship. If their constantly accusing you of cheating you might have to let them loose. Sorry for the longness of the advice I'm just trying to get to a 100 words. You're a wonderful person and very brave for putting you relationship out there. Not to many people take advice. I hope your relationship goes well. Good luck !
Returncontrol2u
January 2nd, 2019 5:47am
Every day we risk love with others. We can get hurt and that can make us want to not trust again. But we are all different and have unique ways of handling the event. Talk to your partner and ask if you can do things to support their trust. Be honest with your partner about your desire to support them but not be overwhelmed yourself. When your partner says they want something believe what they say, then follow up weeks or months later to verify it is still what they want. Our character is partially based on our ability to do the right thing when nobody is watching. This is a very difficult thing to prove and trust requires building over time. Don't be afraid to work longer and harder, your partner will probably have greater feeling for you in the long run.
livelovedream
January 26th, 2019 12:57am
I would recommend having an open conversation with them. I have been cheated on in the past and there isnt really anything super major I need from my partner. They might appreciate talking about it or not, maybe they need you to tell them where you are a bit more than average, or maybe they want to have deep conversations about relationships. I think your best bet is to just ask what they need from you. Perhaps say..... I know this might be a sensitive subject, but I know you have been cheated on in the past and I want you to know that I would never do that to you. Is there anything that you need from me as a partner to feel secure in our relationship? They will most likely tell you :)
Anonymous
April 12th, 2019 2:02pm
Understand that they have been hurt before and may have trust issues. In the beginning it might be hard to convince them that you are not the same as their previous lover. They might be convinced that you too will leave them at some point, maybe even be hostile over small issues. However, by focusing your love on them, understanding, and being patient, over time their hearts will heal, they will accept you fully and you may enjoy a more beautiful side of them. Nevertheless, you have taken a great step in helping them move on and believe in love again.
Anonymous
May 8th, 2019 6:00am
When dating someone who has been cheated on in the past, always remain patient. Patience is key. Remember that the strongest bond you could build is trust. Trust takes time and patience. Show your significant other that you are willing to wait and respect their feelings. Don't just tell them they can trust you, show them. If you tell them you are going to do something, do it. Even the simpler things can build a stronger bond of trust. For example, if you tell your significant other that you are going to give them a phone call in a few hours, make sure you do so. This will help them see that you are a trustworthy person. With enough patience and time, the bond of trust will form.
Anonymous
May 22nd, 2019 7:05pm
People who have been cheated on often have problems with trusting again because they are afraid that that trust will be broken again and will lead them to unwanted emotions like disappointment and/or sadness. So the important part is to be patient and prove that you are worthy of their trust, that you are not their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. This will be a hard process and how long will it take to go through will depend on how much the person was hurt with the event. So except for proving that you won't hurt them, acknowledge their emotions and show them your support.
GhostLily
June 26th, 2019 9:08am
For someone who has been previously hurt, and in this case, cheated on, to trust you and to love you, in itself, is a wonderful thing. Express your gratitude to the fact they are putting themselves in this vulnerable position for you, because trusting after you have been cheated on is frightening, and requires a lot of courage. One of the best things you can offer them is unwavering, absolute honesty. Be open with them and express your emotions, communication is key in any relationship, and the need for open and free communication and honesty in a relationship with someone who has been cheated on is perhaps even greater. In conclusion; express your honest and true love to them, they may need it and appreciate it more than you know.
Anonymous
July 10th, 2019 10:18pm
Most people who have been cheated on tend to lose a sense of trust with others and a decline in self-esteem. They may feel unworthy of affection, or may think that they aren't good enough. In these situations, you cannot make the solution for them; they have to become comfortable with themselves and others on their own. But you can be supportive of them and offer them words of affirmation such as "I appreciate when you do this for me" or "I really enjoy being with you". If they feel insecure, just know that it isn't anything you're doing wrong.
fairyava
July 13th, 2019 1:45am
People who have been cheated on may have trust issues, need more validation than others, etc. As someone who has been cheated on, I can tell you that solid boundaries as well as the ability to be open is very appreciated. However, everyone is different, and it can be very helpful to have a 1-1 conversation with this partner to try and see what they need in the relationship. Being communicative with anyone in a relationship is good, especially in this circumstance. Someone who has been cheated on may be scared to go into another relationship in fear that it may happen again, so try checking in to see what they specifically need.
Anonymous
August 3rd, 2019 3:02am
First, the fact that you're asking this question shows that you're considerate of their needs and how they have been hurt in the past. I think it could really help your partner if you showed this to them too, in a clear way. People who have been cheated on can have trouble trusting that a relationship is real and stable, doubting their own judgement. Your reassurance that you care about them deeply and don't want them to be hurt could go a long way. Another thing you could do is ask them this question yourself. Sometimes people don't know what they need, and that's okay, but they may have some ideas about things that would help them feel more secure and comfortable in your relationship. Even if they don't, you're opening up with honest communication and allowing these sincere conversations about your separate needs in the relationship to occur, and that's always a good thing.
Anonymous
October 18th, 2019 5:21am
dating someone who has been cheated on requires a little bit more work than usual! it has probably taken a lot of courage on their side to move into a new relationship. they could feel a little insecure and doubtful of this new relationship, in fear that it could possibly turn out the same as their previous relationship. therefore, a little bit of patience, reassurance and a lot of you from you would help a lot in this relationship! it is important to show that you're different from the previous person and it's also really important to understand her needs as well.
Anonymous
November 14th, 2019 12:37am
You should move on, or try someone else...If it was hard to date the person that cheated on you, sure it might be hard again...But don't worry, there are many people in your life to love. You have to at least try with love...And go with the flow of your life, even though it is very risky, worrisome, and scary. Dating someone is hard enough, but actually falling in love with someone is very beautiful. If your looking for someone try not to get too attached before they break your heart...Or you break there heart not wanting to, but you know you have to give them up...
Anonymous
January 8th, 2020 3:55pm
You should listen to him/her and get more information as possible. You should make him/her feel that you are here to listen and is willing to help him/her. You should not bring that topic often. Help him/her by talking out of that situation. Often communicate with them. Try to make them feel ease by saying things like that you are there for them and whatever they are feeling is ok and normal. There's nothing wrong with you. If he/ she cannot accept you for what you are then getting rid of them is the best choice. You will not be regretting larer on.
Anonymous
January 19th, 2020 7:30pm
Just act like your would do in a normal relationship, but just accept the fact that it might they them a little longer to completely trust you. And show them that that's okay. It takes a lot of courage for them to put their trust into someone after being cheated on and that process takes time. Don't try to focus too much on trust by being like: "Want to check my messages?", since it is a natural process that slowly builds itself up. If they want to talk about their feelings, let them. But if they don't want to, don't force them, since they probably want to move on.
TheTinkerer
February 15th, 2020 12:54pm
Being cheated on sucks, it destroys the element of trust, and makes it much harder to trust one's partner. However, if one is dating a partner who has been cheated on, One must understand that there will be turbulence due to trust issues and that is not due to themselves, rather the experience of their partner. Expressions of trust where one wordlessly communicates the value of their partner, works wonders in the long run. It should also be noted that communication is key. If One feels like the relationship is turbulent, it doesn't hurt to open up a dialog with their partner. One of the key factors to a healthy relationship is good communication. It sorts out a lot of unnecessary issues in the long run.