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I'm dating someone who has cheated in the past. What should I do?

306 Answers
Last Updated: 05/15/2022 at 5:43pm
I'm dating someone who has cheated in the past. What should I do?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

D'Anna Davis, LMSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

The journey to where we are today included many ups, downs, twists and turns. Healing from the events of life is crucial in achieving mental health and happiness.

Top Rated Answers
SmellyCat89
June 3rd, 2016 5:25pm
The fact that they may have cheated in the past doesn't necessarily mean that they will do the same with you. If you find yourself thinking about this often, do not hesitate to talk honestly, and share your fears.
GingerBread212
June 8th, 2016 4:04pm
Give him/her a chance, trust is crucial in a relationship, but be cautious as well, as he/she might repeat history
healingSnowflake51
June 12th, 2016 11:28am
Try not to always trust them completely, but try not to make it so obvious. You should maybe ask them why they felt like cheating and if they would do it again.
ErinEnders
February 21st, 2018 6:19pm
You might try to find out, in an open conversation, which were the causes that made your partner cheat, so that you will avoid those issues in your own relationship. Then, both of you must always be open to each other, and discuss everything that doesn't feel quite well. Build trust, learn to forgive, and once everything is set and discussed, leave the past to be the past and live your own life together.
HiddenSoul1714
November 23rd, 2017 8:37am
The first thing you should do to ease your mind is ask yourself if you are In a trustful relationship, in other words, do you trust her not to cheat? Once that question is answered it is always best to talk to that person about your fears and how you feel, because having a relationship without verbal communication can lead to misunderstanding and the constant feeling of doubt/fear. One thing I suguest Is to not make a rational decision on the spot you know you will regret or have no confirmation to. Just no matter what remember that everyone makes mistakes in the past and the person could have changed, never judge a person by their past!
Tiffany88
August 5th, 2016 2:01am
Pay attention. Sometimes people do set themselves up to eventually become cheaters by isolating themselves (withdrawing physically/emotionally) or not fully investing in a relationship. The grass is always greener to the unhappy. Make sure you're actually in a happy relationship.
Ashelyn
November 24th, 2018 11:41pm
If you're dating someone, you obviously have enough trust in them. Just keep in mind that while there is a possibility that they may cheat again, but not a guarantee. Not everyone who has ever cheated is a "serial" cheater, and, as I said, if you are dating them you must have some faith/trust in this person that they will be loyal and faithful. Instead of focusing on the past, focus on the present, and how you feel about this person. The past is in the past, and everyone grows, especially with more relationship experience. Have a nice day! :)
Theresalwaystomorrow
November 17th, 2016 7:04pm
Do you trust that they are not going to cheat again? Are you okay with the possibility that they may cheat on you? Ask and reflect on this. If it is a pattern and you are not okay with that then you do not deserve that!
Ky23
March 24th, 2018 4:29am
At this point, you can only give them the benefit of the doubt. You don't know the full story behind what's happened until they tell you. Trust them through actions they make that are worthy of your trust, and don't be so quick to assume things about them based off of a bad choice or mistake. It is VERY easy to do this, we're only human and I think jumping to conclusions is your brains very clunky way of trying to process something immediately and figure out if this means something risky for you. Ask questions, and be honest when you feel the time is right or it is warranted. It's a tough conversation because breakups and cheating are normally a sore spot for anyone.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2016 2:18am
if they told you about it then that's really a good step and we should give them another chance like we all could do mistakes and it's not that past which decides the people it's the present and what they plan for the future
aticuest
January 6th, 2022 7:08am
That is some really serious trust you are putting in your partner, who you have mentioned has cheated in the past. It is in every way possible that he/she has changed, and that they would never cheat on you or hurt you. If you guys are pretty close and in the stage where you are comfortable with ex talks, try to talk about and understand why he/she did what they did. Try to find out if your partner justifies cheating, or regrets causing that kind of pain on someone. Since the saying goes, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." So, be careful, and if you feel even a bit suspicious that your partner may be cheating on you, trust your gut and get out of that relationship. You don't need that kind of person in your life to love you.
Angelwillsx
March 30th, 2018 9:13pm
Before answering this, it is important to determine what you want for yourself and whether you are genuinely happy with this person. It is also important to establish your worth and how with or without a partner you’re content within yourself. If this person consistently cheats on you maybe unfortunately they are unable to see your worth whereas there are other people out there who can. However, once again. If you’re happy with this person and you’re certain you’re not damaging yourself physically or mentally with this person - vice versa then continue dating them. Ultimately it accumulates as to whether you’re both happy and growing in a positive direction individually.
PrettyCupcake00
February 28th, 2018 10:21am
Hey love! If he has cheated you in the past once and you're dating him again then just remember what had caused him to cheat on you last time and taje precautions. And if has cheated someone else before and yoh know the story then make sure you know bith the sides of the story and make sure to keep all the details which led to him cheating.
Vanessaishere
July 6th, 2016 12:22pm
If they have cheated in the past there most likely to do it again if you allowed it before they know they will get you back, I believe everyone deserves a second chance and prove they won't do it again all I'd say is to be carefully that you don't get your feelings hurt as a breakup is a very painful process.
Anonymous
July 22nd, 2016 2:44am
Make a decision about them now. Find out why they did it and decide for yourself if you are willing to accept it. If you can't accept their past then there is no point taking the relationship further.
Yulianaxxp
May 4th, 2019 4:23pm
It's normal you're thinking about it. But the past is a thing of the past, and things change every day. If your partner ever cheated on his/her old partner, that doesn't mean it will happen to you too. If your partner really loves you, you don't have to worry. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. Ask your parner if he/she really loves you and how much. Be nice to eat other, love each other cleanly and your relationship will not need anything else. But if your partner doesn't love you cleanly, run away because you have to be loved as someone very special!
CherryBlossom360
June 13th, 2019 6:48pm
Many women are hesitant to date someone who has cheated on in the past because they are scared that the same thing will happen to them. Let me tell you that this is not always the case. Yes, there are some people who are just flat-out cheaters, but for the most part it's nothing more then a mistake. Who's to say that the person your with will make the same "mistake". Nobody is perfect so don't base this decision on what he/she did in the past. Give them the benefit of the doubt and the same chance that everyone deserves.
IamTina
November 23rd, 2018 6:17pm
Continue to be happy, never forgot what happened but don’t have a wall up. “In the past”, stays there and shouldn’t not come up in future from you. But you do not have to forget it just try your best not to dwell on it. Most of all love yourself! Know your worth everything to so many in this life and if you start to see and feel your self not being able to trust your partner then take time to think of you want to continue feeling this way towards your relationship and the other person. That feeling is not fair to anyone involved and most important it stops the healthy wellness within yourself. You and your feelings are valid and important.
blissfulComfort25
November 4th, 2016 1:04am
You have to give the person the credit he deserves. Dont let his mistakes define him or your relationship :)
LightManTsar1
April 16th, 2017 11:45am
Leave the person, by staying with the person you're doing nothing but prolonging your own suffering. End the relationship and start working on yourself. Might be best to not get involved in another relationship too quickly until you've managed to get over your last one and better manager to coope with your own emotions. Also remember to always forgive... But don't forget, no one deserves to be defeated like that
helpfulShell17
August 16th, 2018 3:15am
Relationships are very personal. The answers are not usually as straight-forward as we would like them to be. Everybody is different and every relationship is different. Ultimately it’s up to you. A healthy relationship needs trust, respect, and communication. If the relationship is healthy and can be repaired, and you still want to repair it. You should give it a go, although, beware of an unhealthy, codependent, toxic relationship. You should be appreciated and act as partners in the pairing.
GothChains
June 7th, 2020 5:55pm
It sure is a though one to think over. Firstly there should be more information on the matter, has that person cheated on you or on someone else. Particular traits like cheating can be permanent/ingrained in a person's character. Secondly you need to sit down talk to the person, cheating can be not only harmful to other people but as well to the person that does it. Recognize if you need that person to go to a professional in case that trait is something that sabotages their lives and the cause of why. But finally, remember that it's not your fault in any of this, nobody deserves this treatment when they give loyalty, you need to respect yourself in this situation. And I might add you can't fix a person that doesn't want to change, you did enough by only being there and loving that person, sometimes it's better to move on.
Anonymous
July 31st, 2020 6:05pm
Honestly, talking with them about that may be helpful. Because some times (hopefully), the partner feels regretful of their actions and wants to try not to do that again. When you talk to this person about that, try to hear their side of the story. You do not have to agree with what they did, in fact it's okay to tell them that if you feel strongly. Let them share, and give them an opportunity to assure you that this event is in the past. After that talk, do your best to trust their words, especially because they may not have done anything to break it. Until that happens, be assured this past is in the past.
Anonymous
July 25th, 2018 9:42am
Everyone deserves a second chance but of course you have to be really carefull. Talk about your worries, I'm sure he will understand and make you feel more comfortable about your relationship.
thecountgustaf
July 21st, 2018 4:13pm
People change, really drastically. The circumstances at the time really matter too. Try and find out why it happened earlier and then, if you feel it even slightly justified, understand it and however hard it may be, try and not think about it so much
Holly1127
September 7th, 2016 11:29am
Trust and communication is the foundation of all relationships. Talk to him about your feelings. Do not let these thoughts invade your headspace, just be happy in the relationship
Missingperiodsandcommas
November 20th, 2017 9:01am
Trust, the foundation of a relationship. If you’re entering a relationship with someone you should always make sure you’re both on the same page concerning the boundaries and expectations, for example; no intercourse with anyone outside of the current participants. But when you find yourself in a situation where this trust has been broken it can be very hard to get it back. Very hard, not impossible. If both people are willing to work at it and commit to repairing the relationship then it can get back on track. The key to anything is communication. Ask questions, be prepared for answers. Ask your partner why they felt compelled to cheat and why they chose presumably not to confess after the action. If, and hopefully they are, remorseful then bridges can be built and steps can be taken towards a stronger relationship. That said, if you don’t like the answer no one says you have to give them a second chance. Just because you’ve been with someone a long time doesn’t mean you owe them or the relationship anything. Knowing when to walk away is just as important, especially where mental health and self worth is concerned. No one outside of this relationship should dictate to if you stay or leave, take friends and family advice with a pinch of salt, ultimately it’s you that has to make a decision on your relationship.
freshFriend18
August 3rd, 2016 1:59pm
As long as they don't cheat on you - you should be okay. Sometimes we have to meet the right person, some people do not like to commit to others because of their own sense of self - hopefully that does not happen
Anonymous
April 8th, 2018 10:18am
You should be able to trust them. I can't give you advice or my opinions, but you should be able to tell if they are committed as loyal towards you.
Kpopcat2020
February 11th, 2022 10:49pm
People who cheat in the past are not worth dating unless you either 1)Make a pact or 2)Find a way to trust them. Doing these prevents you from being hurt if they cheat and it will only make you more upset if you don't plan for these types of situations, you'll be more hurt. Mistakes are part of the human mind, and good people do bad things. You are allowed to think twice before dating them if they do not have a good relationship record. The main thing people look for in dating is someone they can trust and that will respect them.