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is it a bad thing to stay in love with someone who left you?

309 Answers
Last Updated: 04/22/2020 at 11:38pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Brenda Munroe, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), I have worked with individuals of all ages. My work with clients is supportive, interactive and nonjudgmental.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
November 4th, 2016 8:08pm
No it is not. As long as it doesn't hurt you emotionally and phisically. I am also in love with someone who left me. That's because it was my first love. Your first love always will be special to you.
Anonymous
November 10th, 2016 3:39pm
Not at all. You can stay in love with that person even if they dont feel that way about you anymore.
Autumnleaves1
November 12th, 2016 10:41am
It's not a bad thing, the best thing to remember is that they must not have been happy in that relationship anymore and it's totally normal to still love them as they were such a big part of your life, in time things will get better you'll begin to focus more on new starts and whilst you won't forget the past, it'll hurt less
Anonymous
November 24th, 2016 8:36pm
Personally, I think it's natural to still be in love with someone who left you. Sometimes, when you don't get the closure you need to move on, you can never fully move forwards. I felt like this after my first boyfriend left me. To me, he was the love of my life but unfortunately he cheated on me. Despite knowing this, I guiltily continued to love him. However, over time and through meeting other people I think it is possible to move on and even realise that they weren't right for you.
Anonymous
December 3rd, 2016 1:31am
Yes, I think it is bad. Of course feelings can't be helped, but if this person has wronged you then you clearly deserve better. I had a boyfriend who I loved so much and I kept going back to him and he would use me then break up with me and it happened countless of times and it's just horrible. I'd never want to see anyone going through that.
HelpKat
December 23rd, 2016 10:18am
In my opinion, it is. You should learn and try to move on, otherwise you're going to be stuck on the same page over and over and you'll never give yourself a chance to fall in love with someone you actually deserve and someone who truly loves you. If you don't try to fall out of love you're only going to tear yourself apart.
Anonymous
December 30th, 2016 12:36am
It can be a bad thing to stay in love with someone who left you. If the remaining love hinders you to form new relationships with people or starts an emtional spiral down to depression, that is when you know that these feelings are harming you.
Anonymous
January 11th, 2017 3:49pm
It takes time to get over a person whom you loved with your whole heart, even if they were the one who left you. It's okay to stay in love with that person for a while, but if that person does not care about you or does not respect you at all, you will not get any happiness or satisfaction in loving him. It's better and healthier for you to move on and love yourself.
dsmvi
January 20th, 2017 2:12am
We can't always control who we love and why we love them. That said, in the absence of a romantic relationship you may find the best opportunity to ask yourself some important questions about it: what did I gain in this relationship? What did I sacrifice for it? We very well may never understand another person's motives, but we do have the power to understand our own.
professionalDeer72
February 23rd, 2017 6:04pm
It is not bad nor good, it's normal! Love is like any other feeling, it is something you can't control! We sometimes get to the realization that the person we are with is not good for us, or the relation is not healthy... yet, we continue, because we love that person. Such feelings take time before they disappear completely and they will do so, when we become aware that whatever happened it happened for the best! So don't worry about your nor feel guilty or frustrated about your feelings, just give them time and stay with them until necessary.
sereneStrawberry33
February 26th, 2017 2:45pm
I don't think it is bad, but I do think it is best to accept that you might not have them as a partner in the physical world. Just keep in mind that you will always have a spiritual attachment, and that you don't need a physical attachment to them to make it count. Open your heart to love from other people too, and you will always have the memory of your previous attachments. We are all connected.
thelittlespaniel16
March 12th, 2017 7:34am
Not at all; you can't help what you feel and if you do just let it flow. Now, when I say it's fine for you to still feel that way that doesn't mean I'm saying you should run back to them. No. While it's fine to feel that way you must accept they've left you. It's going to be hard but you must. While still feeling those emotions for the person, remember to focus on yourself in the end. Focus on building yourself back up and focus on what that whole experience taught you. Learn from it and continue helping yourself grow. Hope that helps
LovelyFlute97
March 15th, 2017 5:16pm
A tough part of relationships is that they involve two people. Usually when you fall in love with someone, it feels like both of you are connected and there is just one person, so we always assume the other person feels the exact same way as we do. When someone leaves you, it often means that it wasn't the case. However, when someone says out of nowhere that they don't love you anymore, it can be hard to take if you believed that they did this whole time. So, when a partner leaves, the other one is usually left with their strong feelings that they don't know what to do with. It is perfectly okay to hang onto your love for someone. But make sure that this love doesn't come with an expectation to get love back from them! (People usually do hang on to this expectation!) This love that you hold onto should be a care for them, hoping that they are okay and that they are happy. This way, you are also open to new relationships instead of being closed off from them. The key is to keep the care for your ex-partner, while accepting the situation that they felt differently so that both of you are able to move on past the relationship.
2rgUiDe
April 5th, 2017 8:06pm
It is not bad to still love the person who already left you. This person had been part of our life and made us happy before. But, they already left and what we have now is just a memories of the past. So we must live in the present and leave the past behind. Learn to love yourself so the people around you will know to value you.
Anonymous
April 8th, 2017 4:50am
I used to be madly in love with someone. We dated for 5 months, then they left. I believe that staying in love with that person helped me to heal, but letting go was the best part of all.
GuideforLight
April 19th, 2017 7:43pm
No, of course not. This shows you that your love is unconditional. Your love can be eternal, and this is a divine quality of a human being. Just make sure you don't wait her/him back. And make sure you can have a new lover. True love can't die. It hurts at first, yes. But believe in love, not believe in pain. So, pain can be dissolve. Your pain is not eternal, it is just a guest. When you love someone, you truely love someone it is not because you are addict to him/her, it is because he/she activate your love. He/she is a key, actually. Not the door itself. He/she is a key for you can activate your love and then share this with everyone. :)
Anonymous
April 30th, 2017 7:23am
It is not necessary a bad thing. You can love and respect someone even if you are not with them anymore. But if it is causing you grief and anxiety then you should not do this to yourself. Self inflicting pain can become a form of abuse that people get addicted to. It leads your life to astray. Think of your benefit first.
LifeIsUnbearablyStrange
April 30th, 2017 11:03pm
It's not bad, because it shows that you truly did love them, however it is important to remember to move forward with your life and not let it hold you back.
Suitcase33
May 5th, 2017 11:23pm
Staying in love with someone who left you is a valid feeling. It can be damaging to you if it consumes you too much, so if it effects you in a bad way it can be bad. If it's a warm love for the memories you shared but you are okay with not being together anymore, it
HalfLifeHalfling2
May 20th, 2017 6:49pm
Loving someone and being in love with them are two very different things. It's never bad to love someone, but that means letting go of our own wants and needs and focusing on theirs, even if it means we have to step back for a while. Being IN love means you enjoy how being around them feels, and that's not bad either if it doesn't interfere with our life and what we need.
BrightHeart334
June 1st, 2017 4:34am
Sometimes, its hard to let go of someone whom you've given your all to. And, no, it's not always a bad thing to stay in love with someone who left you. But it is a bad thing to hurt yourself in the process. Or to give up on all the other potential love that is out there for you, just waiting. It's not a bad thing to stay in love with someone who left you, it just may not be the right thing.
Littleunspokenthoughts
June 4th, 2017 11:05am
After someone who you fell in love with left you its not possible to 'unlove' that person immediately. Its not a switch which can be flipped on and off. So obviously naturally its okay to stay in love with that person for a while. But then you should also try to move on. Just because someone left you doesnt mean your life has to stop. Pick yourself up, meet new people and fall in love again. Its not a bad thing to stay in love with someone who left you but its definitely not healthy to not even try to forget that love.
uniqueNight65
June 12th, 2017 10:01pm
It is completely normal to still love a person who has left you. The problem arises when this love you feel leads to emotions such as loneliness and anxiety. As hard as it may be, you have to try to move on from your ex. You may always love them in some way, but you need to be able to put your other emotions first. You need to find new things that make you happy, such as a new hobby or a new job o even new friends. It is not a bad thing to stay in love with someone who left you, but you have to be strong and not let this love you feel take over your life.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2017 9:21am
Nope. Love is not about asking for you to be loved back. It is expressing your feelings to someone with all your heart and soul.
HollyBlue
June 24th, 2017 12:24pm
If you were in love, the bond you created will stay for a while even if you're hurt. Love doesn't go away with a snap of the fingers. It isn't bad, no. But don't hold yourself up on the one who left you.
Anonymous
June 25th, 2017 2:49pm
Not really a bad thing to stay in love with someone who left you, because love is not easy to disappear even someone you love left you. Actually it's okay to love them even if you're not together anymore. But please, not stay in love for too long! Just give yourself enough time to cherish what you had and feel the pain until you get used to it. In time, you will forget everything.
Anonymous
July 24th, 2017 11:39am
Actually, it's a pretty common thing. If you fall in love with someone and they end up hurting you, your original feelings for them are not going to immediately vanish. It will take time, I speak from experience. It might sting a bit, it might feel pretty sucky, but you WILL get over the person, I promise. Until then, just know, it takes some time for some people to fall out of love.
keelin18
August 11th, 2017 5:57am
Of course not. We cannot control who we love, but we can control what hurts us. And even though that person may no longer be in your life anymore, the memories will linger on about the good times you had.
Anonymous
August 24th, 2017 10:58am
Being in love with someone is a direct reflection of the love we wish to receive. When we feel sad about ending a relationship, in spite of being totally okay to feel the way we're feeling, I want you always to remember that you alone have the power of prodividing yourself the love you need, and at the same time, when a relationship arises in your life, it will be seen as an opportunity to manifest that love you have in yourself into momentum by embodying it as the source energy that feeds your spirit. sacred partnerships are opportunities to grow and you definitely deserve to love and be loved
CarissasHereToTalk
August 27th, 2017 8:06am
It can be dangerous or harmful to stay in love with somebody after they're broken off a relationship/ friendship with you, but it's also completely normal to keep somebody in your heart and hope the best for them. The most important thing is that you can balance how much you love and care for them with your own self love. I guess an easier wording would be "It's okay to still love somebody so long as it doesn't interfere with your own mental health and stability".