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is it a bad thing to stay in love with someone who left you?

309 Answers
Last Updated: 04/22/2020 at 11:38pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda Munroe, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), I have worked with individuals of all ages. My work with clients is supportive, interactive and nonjudgmental.

Top Rated Answers
lovelyWords13
July 20th, 2018 12:13am
Yes as i learned the hard way when the love is gone it is best to work on yourself and move on self respect .
hopegrace8
July 21st, 2018 1:22am
Yes its a bad thing to stay in love with the person who left you. The hurt is still real and it will be defeating the part of healing. Breaking up with someone is hard but if you keep on being inlove you denying to yourself that its over, you denying happiness and denying yourself to move on
felixthecat
July 24th, 2018 9:47pm
Loving someone can be hard to get over if they leave you and you don't feel the same way. It is not necessarily a bad thing to love someone that left you. However, it does make it more difficult to move on and find someone new.
Allears247
July 25th, 2018 8:55am
No, not necessarily. Love doesn't just fade away overnight. It takes time to fall out of love with someone and even then it never completely disappears entirely. At least that is my belief.
ElaineSaysHello
July 25th, 2018 10:56pm
It's normal to still have romantic feelings for someone that has left you, but it is frustrating. You will be able to move on eventually.
Anonymous
July 26th, 2018 11:15pm
It isn’t a bad thing because you cannot control it but it should not make you feel sad or not valued. You should be working more on yourself and what you love to do . The feeling of love can’t be controlled but when it’s toxic for you , the mind should be controlled:) and the heart follows when the mindset is right .
millie77
August 1st, 2018 10:24am
I won't say it's a bad thing. It's just something human, i think. So, yes, it can be unhealthy for you, but hey, you can't control your feelings. They'll be gone when it'll be the good moment.
Anonymous
August 1st, 2018 12:39pm
Nope this is a normal human thing . You can’t just loose feelings that quickly , it is hard , but you will get through it
generousRabbit93
August 2nd, 2018 5:25am
it isnt bad but it is bad for yourself because you'll beat yourself up for it, it sucks how the heart wants what it wants but you'll move on slowly
Anonymous
August 2nd, 2018 2:31pm
You should never feel guilty about loving someone who left you. I had a girlfriend who left me to experiment romantically and I still love her, though time has passed, but eventual,y the heart moves on.
Positivityiskeyalways
August 3rd, 2018 1:54am
Not at all. You can’t just switch off your feelings but if the person shows no interest then why should you waste your energy on them? Try moving on! Whether it’s with another person or a hobby. Just don’t sit reliving the past .
Leopoldo
August 10th, 2018 6:56am
It's normal to have lingering feelings for someone you loved and was important in your life, even if they're no longer a part of it. You can treasure the memories you had with them, remember them fondly, and wish them the best, all while moving on, at your own pace. You deserve a loving relationship with someone who will love and want you just as much as you do them. Allow yourself to accept, heal, and visualize your life without them in it, just a little bit every day. It may seem hard at first, but it'll become easier with time.
Anonymous
August 11th, 2018 1:15pm
no it is completely normal often we want the ones we don't have anymore. never feel as though you are alone there are thousands just like you in the same position
plushUnicorn
August 12th, 2018 1:48am
It isn’t bad at all. But what is important is that you put yourself first after the break up so that you can learn to love yourself more.
Anonymous
August 19th, 2018 5:52pm
There's this common misconception that you stop loving someone after the relationship ends; it's not necessarily the case. What's unhealthy is when you obsess over what's happening in their life, when you neglect your own life, when you stalk them, when you find yourself thinking that you can bring them back "if only," when you start compromising things you didn't before just so "things will be the same again". All sorts of negative emotions like regret may come up, but objectively look at how it came to that point. If that doesn't help or if it makes you obsess over them, spend more time with other people, doing things and going to places that aren't likely to remind you of the person you fell in love with.
Youronlinefriend101
August 25th, 2018 12:17pm
You should never feel like it’s a bad thing to love someone. Sure, people might hurt us, they might leave ya heart broken, they might treat us horribly, and you honestly might never see them again. But feelings can’t just be dropped like that, love is love and the part that makes a person so strong and recognising that a person hurt you, and that you’re better off without them, even whilst still being completely in love. From my experience, it took me a year to get over someone I loved and there was nothing wrong with that. Ive moved onto better and there will always be that small spot in my heart for that person.
ItzJosh
September 2nd, 2018 1:02am
Love is a funny thing. Perhaps sometimes you love someone so much and so unconditionally that it feels like you can never stop loving them. For that I'd say it is perfectly normal to still be in love with someone you loved so deeply even after they left. Moreover, I'd say that although you may still feel so attached to this person, these feelings are only a sign of the person you are. For one to love another even after they've split is a powerful emotion. Make sure you always remember that you will find love again, and that this isn't the end.
Anonymous
September 5th, 2018 11:07pm
If you were once really close to somebody, it can be hard to let go, however, I think it is important to move on, especially if loving them is hurting you. Breakups can be difficult, if you still have strong feelings for them, try to keep them out of your head by occupying yourself with things you like to do, go and excel in things you love to do. Don’t dwell on the past, do things with your friends and family. Care for those who care for you, but don’t keep feeling nostalgic over somebody who obviously doesn’t know your worth :)
Anonymous
September 8th, 2018 5:17pm
Nope! I think feelings are usually always there. I know during breakups, you feel as if you need them. And that you still have strong feelings for them. Unfortunately the other person may not have felt the same way. I know it’s horrible, but we need to remember that we can’t force love. And you’ll find your person one day, take it day by day. If you feel as if you still need to talk about it with that person for closure. I think that would be a good idea, check with them to see how they’re feeling about the situation, so the both of you are on the same page, wether you’re friends, parters, ect... it’s always good to understand where the both of you stand in this situation, to help better know what the process looks like and communications.
snowflakes
September 27th, 2018 3:32pm
Is it a bad thing to feel something? Feelings don't come under good or bad simply on the grounds that we can't control them. It is the actions taken on that basis that come under good and bad. People sometimes fall in love with a person, sometimes with an idea. It really is the beauty of human emotions that they act on a range so wide. So don't think too much. Let the feeling be. Don't dwell on it too much. Let time work it out. You just do your best to take care of yourself and be busy. Because sometimes feelings generate actions and sometimes actions generate feelings
Anonymous
October 6th, 2018 6:34am
It is not bad however it could hurt you more potential for they may move on with someone new so you may therefore feel more hurt by them and also I guess the only person you will truly hurt is yourself so it could be bad on you in the long run but it’s not bad to stay in love with them if it won’t affect you when they move on. People leave for numerous reasons but you must remember that it’s not your fault and I guess if you are still in love with them you care a lot about them and understand that maybe parting is best but you may also have wished it never had to happen
Anonymous
October 17th, 2018 12:12pm
No, feelings don't go away just like that. I was in a situation like that in my last relationship, but it destroyed me. If they left you, move on, whether you want to or not, its healthier to try to move on than entertain those feelings. It becomes harder when you have settled on being friends but it isn't impossible to shake them. I believe that chasing after that person is unhealthy and will stunt your personal growth. You need to be strong, understand it's over and work on yourself. It feels better once you're done with all of that and feel better.
Anonymous
October 24th, 2018 6:57am
If you’re heart once belonged to someone then even after the person hurt you the feeling will always be there maybe not as strong but you will always still feel something but you should find someone who wants to be with you not someone who chose not to because you always deserve great things for yourself and a person who really cares about you I wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing to stay in love but I think u should move on and find someone worth your time in stress of getting back with the person that left you cause I feel getting back with an ex is like the watching a movie amd expecting a different ending ,but always follow your heart because it knows best
sunsetorange13
November 17th, 2018 1:59am
it's not a "bad" thing per say, it's something leads to self destructive behavior and should be dealt with accordingly. one must accept that if they don't want stay, you can't make them and hence it's better to move on. if you love someone moving on takes time which is only natural. do we get mad at a wound for not healing quickly? no. then why at ourselves? you please take time but in time make sure that it doesn't affect you anymore and you do indeed move on in the true sense of the phrase. at the end of the day self love always triumphs. #movingon
Anonymous
November 18th, 2018 4:01am
In my opinion, if they left for a bad reason & the relationship was very toxic then yes it is a bad thing because there is someone out there who is willing to love you without leaving you. I have a relationship right now where we’re having issues because of me but leaving each other isn’t an option because we both love each other so much & are willing to work on it. I don’t think it’s a bad thing if it wasn’t toxic because obviously there will still be some feelings left, I have experienced that but it gets better
Anonymous
December 2nd, 2018 7:14am
No it is not a bad thing to still be in love with someone who left you. Getting over someone is something that takes time, lots of time. You have to be patient. You'll get over that person one day. You will eventually find someone else to love and you will forget about the person you are still in love with right now. You will not forget the memories you had with the person, but you will no longer love them like a significant other. it is okay to love them still for the time being. Hope that helps :)
colourfulWillow64
December 2nd, 2018 4:34pm
It is not a bad thing, but it is not a good thing. You want to move on if they left and it all really depends on the situation. That person can stay in your heart for the rest of your life or you could find someone else who you love just as much or more. It really depends on who they were and how they left but eventually you will move on or they will stay in your heart forever. It is really up to you if it is a bad thing or not sometimes its a good thing and you learn from it.
haveyoumetJuliet
December 16th, 2018 2:07pm
I guess it's not a matter of a bad thing or good thing if you're still in love with a person who left you. I mean we're primarily talking about your feelings if you're still in love with that person, and feelings are not bad because it is a part of you. It is only a part of you and doesn't define you. But let me tell you that there is a difference between feelings and actions. When you decide to stay in love with that person, it is a matter of your choice. So to sum up, if you still feel that you're in love, it's okay to be true to our feelings. If you decide to stay in love, it's okay too, just keep in mind to take responsibility to your actions. :)
jirrelephant
December 26th, 2018 9:57am
its not bad. its natural. i was torn after a boyfriend broke up with me and I still loved and cared for him as a person. I was hurt that he left me, but that didn't change the way that i felt towards him. Even though were not together anymore, I still hope that he is doing well and that he is living his best life. Everything happens for a reason. We don't always immediately get over people who left us. It is natural for people to still have feelings after someone leaves them because humans emotionally attach themselves to people that they love and care for. You are not alone.
ItsjustMorgan
December 28th, 2018 5:59am
Love is not an easy emotion to leave behind. Love in itself is very complex and that is why we don’t simply fall in love with just anybody. So when we do find someone who we can laugh with, confide in, and be vulnerable with, it’s hard to let go. It is important to remember that love is not limited to one. Often times we hold on to ended relationships because we are afraid that we will find love nowhere else. This is not the case. When we are in love we believe they are the only person we could ever love, so when the relationship ends, we latch onto that idea. While it is not inherently bad to hold onto love, committing to a one sided relationship will only hurt us in the end.