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Is it a really bad idea if you try to fix things with the person who cheated on you? Or should you just move on and leave it be?

5 Answers
Last Updated: 09/28/2020 at 2:59pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Lisa Meighan, BSc Psychology (Honours)

Counselor

Hello, I am Lisa and I work in a person-centred approach mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy. I believe we all have the potential to be the best we can be.

Top Rated Answers
Teaandmarmitetoast
January 29th, 2019 3:12pm
It depends what you mean by ‘fix things’. If you mean ‘get back together with them’ then unless there are compelling reasons to believe that they and your situation have materially changed and/or you’re prepared to take a chance on them because there is something really valuable at stake, I would generally say it’s not a good idea. There are circumstances where, for your sanity or other practical reasons, you can’t just cut off contact and you have to discuss what happened with them fully and find a way to air the issues and listen to each other’s perspectives so that you can co-exist in a non-romantic relationship way. For me personally, I think it’s healthiest to learn what you can from the experience - painful though it will be - and move on to bigger and better things. Living in the past is not a happy way to be and there’s always a risk of it re-emerging as a source of conflict and resentment, even when one party thinks they have truly forgiven the other.
Anonymous
April 23rd, 2018 1:24pm
I don't think so. But I also think you need to take a step back and give it time. I actually married the person who cheated on me, but we were young. And we have grown together in ways I would have never imagined. That's not to say there wasn't pain and hurt involved. I think honesty and communication is vital in these situations. Talk it out, express your feelings, communicate in a nonjudgmental way, be willing to listen to your partner and vice versa. If needed, there is also always the option of a couples therapist, it can sometimes help to talk and express with a third-party involved.
Anonymous
April 30th, 2018 7:35am
Not always, as humans we each make mistakes, even if we do not intend harm, these vary case by case, such as, if the relationship was or will be toxic, if you can trust again, or if you two still love each other. Many other factors could play into this, and it is best to talk to your partner about current feelings, and the situation as a whole, as I have experienced this personally and communication really helped the situation when my partner cheated on me.
Anonymous
August 13th, 2018 6:10am
If you feel the relationship is worth fixing, and you feel the other person can correct their behavior and not cheat again, then its definitely worth at least giving it a shot.
stitchforever
September 28th, 2020 2:59pm
It depends. Personally I think unless the cheating partner earns your trust again, it is very easy to believe that someone who has cheated once can very easily cheat again with zero hesitation. But if you do sense genuine guilt, if your gut tells you to give him a chance, then maybe you can try. But again, they need to earn your trust and show you your importance in their life, that you are NOT disposable. Never let go of self-respect by trying to fix things with somebody who feels no remorse. Anyway, they are the one who needs to try and fix things not you.