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Is it normal to breakup multiple times?

279 Answers
Last Updated: 12/19/2021 at 2:00am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Monique Thompson, LPC, LPC-S

Licensed Professional Counselor

I am in my 21st year as a psychotherapist. I have worked with over 3, 000 people over the course of my career.

Top Rated Answers
BlankaM
May 18th, 2019 1:54pm
I don't think so. I think if you are really perfect matching with someone, you won't keep changing your mind. You break up because you aren't happy, and you couldn't work through the issue that you had. If you're not going to be committed from day one, when are you going to be committed? It has to be strong from day 1, because when you meet the right person you will never want to lose them. So if you are in a position where you are constantly deciding whether or not to stay- rethink the whole relationship. What is the point if you aren't sure? Life is too short to waste!
MarianaListensToYou
October 5th, 2019 1:20am
Nobody can says what is normal or not about anything. Focus in yourself. Ask yourself why you breakup so many times. Ask yourself: What is in me that I need to stop this relationship? What is in me that I have to run away from this person? Wich is the right kind of person that is good for me? Do I know me quiet enough to choose properly? Do I love myself enough to feel that deserve the best love in the world? Think deeply about all these things. Look inside you and try to find your own answers, because they are all in your inner world.
AliceWithIdeas
October 8th, 2019 8:08pm
'Normal' is a odd word. I don't know how common it is to break up with someone multiple times, nor do I know if it's a sign that the relationship is doomed. I broke up with my first ex twice: once for a summer and the second time for good. That second time, we stayed best friends, and 4 years down the line, despite living in separate cities, we still are. I don't consider this relationship 'failed' because we simply realised we have needs that didn't complement each other with the kind of emotional and physical intensity that a relationship requires, and have been much stronger as friends. Consider this: hindsight is 20/20, and there are zero surefire ways to know if you relationship is doomed. However, there are some major red flags - specifically, signs of abuse, which you can do a quick google search for. With signs of abuse, I would 110% recommend cutting ties with them forever. But in all other situations, what you need to consider is this: does this relationship *deserve* to be doomed? Are we both gaining enough from this situation for it to be worth sticking it out in the long run? Are we both willing to challenge problems head on because we desire and care enough about each other, both as individuals and together as a couple? Lack of communicaton is an infamous problem when it comes to relationship troubles. Multiple break ups can indicate a severe lack of communication, where issues are constantly left to bubble under the surface and then all come out at once. What might be a good idea is either couples counselling or, if you can, simply having a quiet conversation with your partner where you state your feelings in an honest, true way. You deserve to be heard - if not for your sake, then for your partner's. There are doubtless resources for how to communicate effectively online, but the most memorable trick I have is this: every sentence should go something along the lines of 'every time you do this, I feel like this'. This takes away blame and puts the focus on feelings, allowing the conversation to be non-confrontational and therefore productive. And never think there's anything too trivial or too long ago to be worth mentioning. There's a certain taboo against 'dredging up the past' but believe me, it will be worth it for the future. If you have been hurt, you have a right to confront that however is comfortable for you. I wish you the best of luck.
Anonymous
March 17th, 2016 6:15am
yes its completely normal sometimes we find it difficult to find the right one for us... we should look forward forget the past make a new beginning towards life :)
Anonymous
April 15th, 2016 4:39pm
I find it is a frequent occurrence for some people, though it is often indicative of an unhealthy relationship or a relationship without a solid foundation.
YourBroFromTheOtherMo
April 18th, 2016 9:41am
If the breakup has occurred multiple times within the relationship, it portrays that there is an issue within it. If you are able to fix the reasons for the breakup you will be less likely to breakup, however it is and isn't normal. Most people have been through the same thing including myself but then again you are going back to someone who hurt you before and then is asking for you back
SashaK
April 20th, 2016 5:20am
Yes, of course. After you break up, often the intimacy does not just go away and disappear. It is difficult to let go. We often want to try just one more time with the hope that the good will overshadow whatever things did not work...
dreamUnicorns25
April 21st, 2016 12:47am
It depends on the person, sometimes yes. Every couple has their fights, and later they are able to make up and are able to put it behind them.
miraculousLove88
April 23rd, 2016 11:45am
I think that sometimes breaking up is a good choice when the relationship is not working well and becoming source of stress , but , breaking up multiple times indicates that there is a problem in the way the person uses it to chose his lover and then , the person should think again about what he wants from the relationship and is the other one is the one or not .
booklover1224
April 27th, 2016 4:06pm
Yes. No one's first relationship can be perfect, as they're just learning how to work with it. Sometimes we think someone is right for us and it turns out they're not.
Anonymous
April 28th, 2016 3:21am
Yes, its normal. Its not that easy, as we usually think, to find the right one. So don't worry. Its completely normal: )
NamelessKnight
April 28th, 2016 8:35am
It truly depends on the relationship and what the situation(s) of the breakup(s) are. If you are breaking off a relationship for little things, then it is unhealthy, but equally so if you get back together just in order not to feel alone. Please seek help from good friends and family members.
magneticVision20
April 28th, 2016 10:29am
yes. It is normal to breakup multiple times with the person you are not compatible with. If you really love a person, and your relationship with them is an honest and caring one, breakups wont happen.
EmmyLowe74
April 28th, 2016 9:06pm
It depends why you're breaking up. If it's for a lot of the same reasons, it may indicate there's some underlying problem with the relationship.
Anonymous
May 22nd, 2016 4:01pm
yes it is, as u get into relations many times so it should be perfectly alright to break up if the relationship u are in doesnt make u happy
Fraz
September 14th, 2016 8:10am
Yes. Very much so. A lot of people go through the on-off stage multiple times. It might be a process to better accommodate individual differences.
emrankh18
September 16th, 2016 12:37pm
It is completely normal to breakup multiple times. It isn't your fault nor is it the fault of your ex. It just means that you're destined for someone better
Eston
September 16th, 2016 6:30pm
I would say yes, and no, it depends on why you breakup in first place. I think its unhealthy behavior though. but many people breakup for various reasons, maybe they can't get along with each other very well, or outside forces eg parental involvement, church involvement, friends, or it maybe workwise or time issue that cause someone to breakup. Many people also breakup because they are emotional unstable so they cant seem to commit fully to one relationship and so as soon as someone else comes along they breakup or when problems arise they quickly breakup
Strangemusictechnician67
September 21st, 2016 8:06am
Normal, sometimes. Healthy? Quite often, not so much. In all reality, is anything really normal? Food for thought.
Anonymous
October 5th, 2016 3:11pm
I know many people who have been through relationships with multiple breakups and the breakups help them realize how important they are to each other, however breaking up multiple times can also be upsetting. I think it is all down to how it makes you feel personally because every relationship is different.
mysteriousHeart66
October 13th, 2016 1:00am
Well I would say yes because I have many times and we've been together for 9 years. Sometimes you just need a break and sometimes you don't even mean it.
Anonymous
October 16th, 2016 3:02pm
Not at all. Making someone go through all the stress and emotional drama is not okay. Nobody deserves to be treated like this.
WildUnknown
October 26th, 2016 8:31am
As it has happened to me and as I've seen it happen to a few friends, one could say that it's normal. Whether it's healthy or not is a different issue.
ItsStella
November 6th, 2016 10:13pm
I find that it's totally normal to breakup with your lover more than once. It usually happens when there are many problems getting in the way.
SpookyJimLovesYou
November 18th, 2016 9:28pm
No, it is not normal. That means your relationship is toxic. In fact, I've been in one of those relationships. It only lasted about a year and we would literally break up every week. It was awful. If you and your partner are prone to break up often, you should consider breaking it off for good. You shouldn't have to deal with that kind of emotional stress. Take care.
KaytlynnCanHelp
November 26th, 2016 2:03am
Not really, but it depends on the reasons of breaking up. Typically when breaking up it's to break off interactions with that person because of something that makes you upset or there just isn't a connection anymore.
Anonymous
December 2nd, 2016 3:19pm
It is probably normal, but unhealthy. If the relationship is on and off its probably not a mutual relationship.
phi123
December 22nd, 2016 6:25am
People break up and get back together frequently. What's normal in a relationship? What's normal depends on each person who is in the given relationship. But whether or not it's 'normal' probably depends on the circumstances in which you break up each time. Ask yourself if you think it's normal and if you're okay with it. Sometimes people break up and get together again for the wrong reasons, other times they get back together for the right reasons.
Brittneym101
December 23rd, 2016 6:31pm
Yes, but it could be a problem if it's happening too often. If it's a mutual breakup, I'd say that it's pretty normal. If it keeps happening where one person is leaving the other and then coming back later on when they want to then that's when it maybe be something toxic. Depending on how you left things with this person each time a break up occurred with them and what the reasons were for there to even be a breakup in the past. Obviously this person see's something in you for them to keep coming back. Just make sure that that this is someone that you really like/love and care about Otherwise you're just wasting your time.
Anonymous
December 29th, 2016 6:38am
The normality of it depends on why you are breaking up. If you are in a toxic relationship yes this is normal, and I suggest getting out of it. It may also be that either one of you may have commitment or trust issues, and are afraid or scared. If this isn't the case well in my opinion I think it is normal, although maybe talk with your partner about. You might be surprised and learn the reason this is happening.