Is it normal to breakup multiple times?
Last Updated: 01/24/2021 at 2:55pm
Richard Manson, BSW,CAP
Drug & Alcohol Counselor
Compassionate, non-judgemental and experienced substance abuse therapist driven to helping guide clients to overcome issues relating to abusing drugs and/or alcohol.
Top Rated Answers
I think the deeper question here is, why have you broken up multiple times? I have been in relationships where we have broken up multiple times and I know friends who have done the same... so sure, it's "normal". But you have to ask yourself the hard questions like: why do we keep breaking up? Deep down, do I really want to be with this person? Is this person good for my mental health? Do our personality types compliment one another? Usually we know the right answers, but sometimes we choose to ignore them to stay in a space we feel "safe"
It depends on the circumstance. If you break up after every fight, that relationship is probably toxic and it might be time to call it quits. If you have to break up because of circumstances like Covid-19, or stress, long distance, trying to find yourself etc. but you want to get back together in the future and that may take as long as a month or even as much as a few years. It always depends on the person and the situation for a breakup and everyone is different. So everyone will have a different experience. Breakups are a normal thing, but it depends on the person for what is normal to them.
I believe this often happens in young relationships, and especially if their attachments styles are anxious and avoidant. A couple may break up multiple times before realizing and acknowledging their patterns and toxic behaviors; and when they do they can either work on their issues or permanently break it off. Choosing to work on it will take a lot of effort on both parties, though. And this is where counseling and external support can be beneficial. Learning the attachment theory can helpful, too. Both partners should be willing to give the same amount of effort, otherwise it will just seem like a burden for the other.
It matters whether you find someone who complements your personality well and for that to happen, you may need to go through the trial-and-error route. As long as you feel comfortable with who you are and where your priorities lie, you need not worry about how many times you break up. So long as your end goal is to find happiness in a relationship, you should be allowed to get involved with someone, learn from the experience and move on to better things and people who fit your interests more. How many times you break up is not a measure of your character and what kind of person you are, so go for it and don't hold back!
Yes maybe . But sometimes maybe the breakups are due to lack of communication. I hope you are communicating your feelings with your partner because burying your feelings may lead to misunderstanding and eventually breakups. And also if the breakups are not only in a negative way sometimes it's for the best when you don't go along well to end things and maybe look for someone who understands and confides in you and also has a lot in common than the others. Never the less , don't stress out dear and always be yourself! Hope this message will be useful to you.
When we feel strongly about a person or a relationship, we sometimes can second-guess the decision to break up. Doubt about whether breaking up was the right choice, combined with missing a person (or missing the security of a relationship), can often persuade a couple to "try again", resulting in a period of getting back together. If the underlying issue (or issues) which caused the original break up are not resolved, however, getting back together might not be as successful as the couple would have hoped, and a second break up might ensue. It is hard to say whether this activity is "normal" because "normal" means different things to different people, (normal could be used to mean "common", "healthy", "expected", or something else entirely). While breaking up multiple times might not be expected, it also is not unheard of, or altogether uncommon. It happens, and when it does, it can be an opportunity to analyze the relationship, the reasons it didn't work at first, what can be done to address the issues and make it better, and whether getting back together is a good decision for both people involved.
It really depends on the couple. What really matters, rather than how many times they breakup, is what's driving them to keep breaking up. Are the breakups happening because of a lack of emotional maturity and an ability to talk through issues rather than run away? If that's the case, it's recommended that the couple see a counselor/therapist who can help them learn better strategies for dealing with conflict. It's also recommended that they talk with each other about what went wrong the last time you were together. Are you getting back together because you're just so overcome by sadness over missing each other that you jump back in with no real plan of action for how to strengthen the relationship? If this is the case, it’s very likely there will continue to be breakups.
No, this is the sign of an unstable and toxic relationship. The on-again-off-again type of relationship is often glamourized by media, movies, and TV as a passionate and exciting affair. But in real life, that doesn't do well for anyone. People have far too many problems and stresses from their families, work and other responsibilities. having an unstable relationship on top of that is just not good for your mental health. A realtionship should be honest and stable where even if you fight, deep down you have a true affection for each other and that allows you to forgive and love the other person.
It really depends on the kind of relationship you guys have together. Speaking from personal experience, I think it's very normal and I hope you don't feel unworthy or discouraged. It's completely normal. My ex and I had an on and off relationship not because one of us is cheating on each other or have conflicts with each other but because we decided we needed time away from each other. In some cases, we drifted apart because of how occupied we are with ourselves. That's when we come to a conclusion to take some time apart and perhaps come back when we're feeling more ourselves. Growing together is important in a relationship but self-growth and self-care is even more important when it comes to a long-term relationship, to me. However, I do not like the idea of getting back together if my significant other have been treating me in a way that hurts me whether it'd be mentally or physically. It's definitely not healthy for both of us. That being said, I'd rather think of what I can do to make the relationship last longer but I definitely won't hesitate to cut ties or break up if I don't feel content with how I am being treated.
Of course, It is!! A relationship can work after a breakup. Even after multiple breakups! ... Breakups are no walk in the park, I know. But I'll tell you that if you're both willing to do your parts, you can absolutely get back together and make it work differently this time around! Getting back together after a breakup is pretty common, and it can be for any number of reasons. Sometimes it really is because you've both realized that you've made a mistake and you want to get back to what works. Other times, it just sort of… happens. You can Get back with your ex permanently after multiple breakups! If you and your ex haven broken up a multitude of times the good news is that you know for sure that you are capable of winning them back!
It's not normal. It's something that happens. It shows the relationship is not healthy and therefore toxic. There could be patterns of abandonment issues or any other negative toxic traits. There's something both parties are lacking or doing that is making the cycle to be repetitive which needs to be looked at and addressed before reuniting with each other. Failure to do so the cycle will keep going on and on and then you won't even understand why you keep breaking up with each other. Focus on what is causing the breakup and then work on the issue to fix it
No. that is actually a very toxic thing to go through. Try talking through it before breaking up. If that doesn't work, then maybe it is time to just cut each other off. It will be for the best for the both of you and will maybe bring some type of clarity to your lives. Maybe it will push you closer together, maybe it will leave you alone or starting over with someone new. But it will all be for the better. You decide what you want to put yourself through. Keep struggling with the breaking up multiple times, or just bettering yourself.
It's definitely not normal. I've been in an on and off relationship for about a year and a half. My partner and I have never been able to create a solid foundation in our relationship, which resulted in lot of tension, mistrust, and no room for growth. You'd think that with each breakup, it would get easier, but it really doesn't. You end up becoming accustomed to the toxicity that comes with dating unstable individuals. Codependency has a lot to do with why we're in unhealthy relationships and why we fear the idea of being alone, but it really does get better when you make an active effort to become your own support system.
Yes, it is. Sometimes you have to try new things to get where you want to. If you fall down multiple times, you need to get back up. Talking to someone helps. I understand how you feel, and you are not alone. I believe in you, I know that one day you will get there. It may take time, but it pays off. If you feel stressed, just talk to someone. There are supportive people everywhere! I know that you are special and if you keep trying, you will get where you want to be. Farewell, I truly hope you are safe and healthy.
Whether it is "normal" or not is rather subjective. Certainly I have seen this pattern of behaviour in couples in the past and it was utterly "normal" for them while to those of us on the outside it may seem abnormal. I think most would agree that it is, at least, undesireable. I would be asking myself WHY it is breakups have happened so frequently. Partners who have a habit of making ultimatums or threats which lead to repeated breakups and get-togethers have an unhealthy way of coping with stress. There may be a romantic element to it, some people find that breaking up and then getting back together is a way of feeling the initial rush of endorphins that a new relationship brings and subconsciously cause the repeated breakups and get-togethers as a way of feeling this rush. Some people will start arguments because they find that they have better sex after the arguments. In all cases it is unpleasant for all parties involved and it does raise some red flags. It can be an indicator of an unstable emotional state and is a symptom of some mental health disorders, all of which are treatable with therapy and/or medication. I would also look at the reasons for the breakups as this is a factor that should be considered. Have there been repeated infidelities, violence or emotional abuse etc, then ask myself whether these things were a pattern of behaviour which was in my power to improve upon. Remember that other people's behaviour is not in your power to change or control, neither should it be, so you can only focus on YOUR contribution to the situation. Ultimately the question is whether this pattern is damaging to all parties involved. Relationships should not cause those involved pain and suffering on a frequent basis. If they do then it can be helpful to step back and self-evaluate, focus on your own flaws and issues and do what you can to improve on them before considering a new relationship or revisiting the old one. Above all self-care is important if this is the situation you are in. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time and space you need to recover from stress and consider your position and options.
By normal if you mean common then yes, it happens really often in some people's lives. But it can be very unhealthy as in most cases it takes a huge toll mentally and emotionally on both partners. It's best to avoid breaking up if the situation can be sorted with a heart to heart conversation. If the reasons for breakup are extreme it might be a good idea to avoid a patch-up because relationships aren't supposed to be built on toxicity. One thing I have seen often is that some people hold breakup as a consequence or punishment for everything and that is again very unhealthy and toxic for mental and emotional health. Please handle these things with kindness but certainty. I wish you the best!!
Yes, it's completely normal to break up multiple times. It's how you find out your preferences. I personally have been through a few relationships and it helped me find out what I liked or didn't. It helps a person to see what kind of partner they want in their life. Each relation will help you to see what you disliked or preferred. You can learn all these from your past relationships. So you shouldn't stress about your past relationships. No one finds their best partners in one shot. It takes multiple tries. You shouldn't stress about this topic and instead should learn from them.
So it all depends on why you and your partner are breaking up, if it's because of arguing or trust issues or cheating, then it is a bad thing to keep getting back together with this person even if they say that they've changed. Speaking from experience, unless it was a bad reason for breaking up, like because you both couldn't agree on something you both like, then you should never go back to a toxic person more than once. If they are toxic, then the best thing to do would get rid of them forever. If you think that they would be good for you and that they are the right option and they truly have changed, then, and only then it is ok to go back them more than once.
It is not a clear question.. do you mean within a single relationship? or over time? And what is "normal"? I think it's not desirable to be in a relationship that is full of drama and breakups: it would be very stressful, would impact on health, work, and other relationships and support systems, and might indicate emotional immaturity on the part of one or both partners.If there is a lot of blaming within a relationship this might indicate projection. Or it may be that both parties need to work on their communication skills. Issues can often blow up when parties make assumptions rather than ask, assume and don't engage with vulnerability. Relationships need both parties to speak and act in a way that is mutually supportive, in the interests of "we", rather than either 'I" being right and the other wrong. A heathy relationship is not overly competitive. It is a partnership.
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