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Is it normal to breakup multiple times?

282 Answers
Last Updated: 03/30/2022 at 12:54pm
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Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
July 30th, 2020 12:38pm
I think the deeper question here is, why have you broken up multiple times? I have been in relationships where we have broken up multiple times and I know friends who have done the same... so sure, it's "normal". But you have to ask yourself the hard questions like: why do we keep breaking up? Deep down, do I really want to be with this person? Is this person good for my mental health? Do our personality types compliment one another? Usually we know the right answers, but sometimes we choose to ignore them to stay in a space we feel "safe"
July 30th, 2020 2:14pm
It depends on the circumstance. If you break up after every fight, that relationship is probably toxic and it might be time to call it quits. If you have to break up because of circumstances like Covid-19, or stress, long distance, trying to find yourself etc. but you want to get back together in the future and that may take as long as a month or even as much as a few years. It always depends on the person and the situation for a breakup and everyone is different. So everyone will have a different experience. Breakups are a normal thing, but it depends on the person for what is normal to them.
August 15th, 2020 10:31am
I believe this often happens in young relationships, and especially if their attachments styles are anxious and avoidant. A couple may break up multiple times before realizing and acknowledging their patterns and toxic behaviors; and when they do they can either work on their issues or permanently break it off. Choosing to work on it will take a lot of effort on both parties, though. And this is where counseling and external support can be beneficial. Learning the attachment theory can helpful, too. Both partners should be willing to give the same amount of effort, otherwise it will just seem like a burden for the other.
August 29th, 2020 9:25pm
It matters whether you find someone who complements your personality well and for that to happen, you may need to go through the trial-and-error route. As long as you feel comfortable with who you are and where your priorities lie, you need not worry about how many times you break up. So long as your end goal is to find happiness in a relationship, you should be allowed to get involved with someone, learn from the experience and move on to better things and people who fit your interests more. How many times you break up is not a measure of your character and what kind of person you are, so go for it and don't hold back!
September 10th, 2020 5:46pm
Yes maybe . But sometimes maybe the breakups are due to lack of communication. I hope you are communicating your feelings with your partner because burying your feelings may lead to misunderstanding and eventually breakups. And also if the breakups are not only in a negative way sometimes it's for the best when you don't go along well to end things and maybe look for someone who understands and confides in you and also has a lot in common than the others. Never the less , don't stress out dear and always be yourself! Hope this message will be useful to you.
September 23rd, 2020 6:31pm
When we feel strongly about a person or a relationship, we sometimes can second-guess the decision to break up. Doubt about whether breaking up was the right choice, combined with missing a person (or missing the security of a relationship), can often persuade a couple to "try again", resulting in a period of getting back together. If the underlying issue (or issues) which caused the original break up are not resolved, however, getting back together might not be as successful as the couple would have hoped, and a second break up might ensue. It is hard to say whether this activity is "normal" because "normal" means different things to different people, (normal could be used to mean "common", "healthy", "expected", or something else entirely). While breaking up multiple times might not be expected, it also is not unheard of, or altogether uncommon. It happens, and when it does, it can be an opportunity to analyze the relationship, the reasons it didn't work at first, what can be done to address the issues and make it better, and whether getting back together is a good decision for both people involved.
October 22nd, 2020 10:50am
It really depends on the couple. What really matters, rather than how many times they breakup, is what's driving them to keep breaking up. Are the breakups happening because of a lack of emotional maturity and an ability to talk through issues rather than run away? If that's the case, it's recommended that the couple see a counselor/therapist who can help them learn better strategies for dealing with conflict. It's also recommended that they talk with each other about what went wrong the last time you were together. Are you getting back together because you're just so overcome by sadness over missing each other that you jump back in with no real plan of action for how to strengthen the relationship? If this is the case, it’s very likely there will continue to be breakups.
October 30th, 2020 8:00am
No, this is the sign of an unstable and toxic relationship. The on-again-off-again type of relationship is often glamourized by media, movies, and TV as a passionate and exciting affair. But in real life, that doesn't do well for anyone. People have far too many problems and stresses from their families, work and other responsibilities. having an unstable relationship on top of that is just not good for your mental health. A realtionship should be honest and stable where even if you fight, deep down you have a true affection for each other and that allows you to forgive and love the other person.
November 19th, 2020 12:05pm
It really depends on the kind of relationship you guys have together. Speaking from personal experience, I think it's very normal and I hope you don't feel unworthy or discouraged. It's completely normal. My ex and I had an on and off relationship not because one of us is cheating on each other or have conflicts with each other but because we decided we needed time away from each other. In some cases, we drifted apart because of how occupied we are with ourselves. That's when we come to a conclusion to take some time apart and perhaps come back when we're feeling more ourselves. Growing together is important in a relationship but self-growth and self-care is even more important when it comes to a long-term relationship, to me. However, I do not like the idea of getting back together if my significant other have been treating me in a way that hurts me whether it'd be mentally or physically. It's definitely not healthy for both of us. That being said, I'd rather think of what I can do to make the relationship last longer but I definitely won't hesitate to cut ties or break up if I don't feel content with how I am being treated.
November 22nd, 2020 10:05pm
Of course, It is!! A relationship can work after a breakup. Even after multiple breakups! ... Breakups are no walk in the park, I know. But I'll tell you that if you're both willing to do your parts, you can absolutely get back together and make it work differently this time around! Getting back together after a breakup is pretty common, and it can be for any number of reasons. Sometimes it really is because you've both realized that you've made a mistake and you want to get back to what works. Other times, it just sort of… happens. You can Get back with your ex permanently after multiple breakups! If you and your ex haven broken up a multitude of times the good news is that you know for sure that you are capable of winning them back!
November 25th, 2020 3:54pm
It's not normal. It's something that happens. It shows the relationship is not healthy and therefore toxic. There could be patterns of abandonment issues or any other negative toxic traits. There's something both parties are lacking or doing that is making the cycle to be repetitive which needs to be looked at and addressed before reuniting with each other. Failure to do so the cycle will keep going on and on and then you won't even understand why you keep breaking up with each other. Focus on what is causing the breakup and then work on the issue to fix it
November 26th, 2020 7:39pm
No. that is actually a very toxic thing to go through. Try talking through it before breaking up. If that doesn't work, then maybe it is time to just cut each other off. It will be for the best for the both of you and will maybe bring some type of clarity to your lives. Maybe it will push you closer together, maybe it will leave you alone or starting over with someone new. But it will all be for the better. You decide what you want to put yourself through. Keep struggling with the breaking up multiple times, or just bettering yourself.
December 5th, 2020 3:55pm
It's definitely not normal. I've been in an on and off relationship for about a year and a half. My partner and I have never been able to create a solid foundation in our relationship, which resulted in lot of tension, mistrust, and no room for growth. You'd think that with each breakup, it would get easier, but it really doesn't. You end up becoming accustomed to the toxicity that comes with dating unstable individuals. Codependency has a lot to do with why we're in unhealthy relationships and why we fear the idea of being alone, but it really does get better when you make an active effort to become your own support system.
December 10th, 2020 10:33pm
Yes, it is. Sometimes you have to try new things to get where you want to. If you fall down multiple times, you need to get back up. Talking to someone helps. I understand how you feel, and you are not alone. I believe in you, I know that one day you will get there. It may take time, but it pays off. If you feel stressed, just talk to someone. There are supportive people everywhere! I know that you are special and if you keep trying, you will get where you want to be. Farewell, I truly hope you are safe and healthy.
December 16th, 2020 1:56pm
Whether it is "normal" or not is rather subjective. Certainly I have seen this pattern of behaviour in couples in the past and it was utterly "normal" for them while to those of us on the outside it may seem abnormal. I think most would agree that it is, at least, undesireable. I would be asking myself WHY it is breakups have happened so frequently. Partners who have a habit of making ultimatums or threats which lead to repeated breakups and get-togethers have an unhealthy way of coping with stress. There may be a romantic element to it, some people find that breaking up and then getting back together is a way of feeling the initial rush of endorphins that a new relationship brings and subconsciously cause the repeated breakups and get-togethers as a way of feeling this rush. Some people will start arguments because they find that they have better sex after the arguments. In all cases it is unpleasant for all parties involved and it does raise some red flags. It can be an indicator of an unstable emotional state and is a symptom of some mental health disorders, all of which are treatable with therapy and/or medication. I would also look at the reasons for the breakups as this is a factor that should be considered. Have there been repeated infidelities, violence or emotional abuse etc, then ask myself whether these things were a pattern of behaviour which was in my power to improve upon. Remember that other people's behaviour is not in your power to change or control, neither should it be, so you can only focus on YOUR contribution to the situation. Ultimately the question is whether this pattern is damaging to all parties involved. Relationships should not cause those involved pain and suffering on a frequent basis. If they do then it can be helpful to step back and self-evaluate, focus on your own flaws and issues and do what you can to improve on them before considering a new relationship or revisiting the old one. Above all self-care is important if this is the situation you are in. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time and space you need to recover from stress and consider your position and options.
December 20th, 2020 10:34am
By normal if you mean common then yes, it happens really often in some people's lives. But it can be very unhealthy as in most cases it takes a huge toll mentally and emotionally on both partners. It's best to avoid breaking up if the situation can be sorted with a heart to heart conversation. If the reasons for breakup are extreme it might be a good idea to avoid a patch-up because relationships aren't supposed to be built on toxicity. One thing I have seen often is that some people hold breakup as a consequence or punishment for everything and that is again very unhealthy and toxic for mental and emotional health. Please handle these things with kindness but certainty. I wish you the best!!
January 16th, 2021 11:24am
Yes, it's completely normal to break up multiple times. It's how you find out your preferences. I personally have been through a few relationships and it helped me find out what I liked or didn't. It helps a person to see what kind of partner they want in their life. Each relation will help you to see what you disliked or preferred. You can learn all these from your past relationships. So you shouldn't stress about your past relationships. No one finds their best partners in one shot. It takes multiple tries. You shouldn't stress about this topic and instead should learn from them.
January 20th, 2021 3:44pm
So it all depends on why you and your partner are breaking up, if it's because of arguing or trust issues or cheating, then it is a bad thing to keep getting back together with this person even if they say that they've changed. Speaking from experience, unless it was a bad reason for breaking up, like because you both couldn't agree on something you both like, then you should never go back to a toxic person more than once. If they are toxic, then the best thing to do would get rid of them forever. If you think that they would be good for you and that they are the right option and they truly have changed, then, and only then it is ok to go back them more than once.
January 24th, 2021 2:55pm
It is not a clear question.. do you mean within a single relationship? or over time? And what is "normal"? I think it's not desirable to be in a relationship that is full of drama and breakups: it would be very stressful, would impact on health, work, and other relationships and support systems, and might indicate emotional immaturity on the part of one or both partners.If there is a lot of blaming within a relationship this might indicate projection. Or it may be that both parties need to work on their communication skills. Issues can often blow up when parties make assumptions rather than ask, assume and don't engage with vulnerability. Relationships need both parties to speak and act in a way that is mutually supportive, in the interests of "we", rather than either 'I" being right and the other wrong. A heathy relationship is not overly competitive. It is a partnership.
February 10th, 2021 3:00am
Absolutely! Some people feel like it’s best to take breaks from relationships and that’s completely fine! It can be for many many differing reasons, as long as these breakups are done in a healthy manner and aren’t causing too much upset to any person involved. If it’s causing you too much grief and pain, getting in touch with a listener is a great idea. And as long as you’re both on the same page with things. As a person who has split with their now significant other in the past, we’re in a much better relationship for it now!
February 24th, 2021 1:49am
I think it isn't normal not healthy to break up with someone you love multiple times. But it doesn't necessarily make the relationship toxic and it doesn't mean the couple can't overcome this situation. Each crisis needs to be analyzed individually so the couple can figure out if they are able to rebuild their relationship in a more solid ground or not. It's up to them to work on their problem and approach it's vulnerabilities through comunnication, mutual respect and caring. However, if they are unable to, breaking up all the time may indicate the relationship has no future and it might be better to end it.
March 11th, 2021 9:00pm
It can be very confusing, and often quite distressing. Being uncertain about your relationship can take its toll on so many aspects of your life and can be really draining. This article will look at how people get caught in this loop, and how to break out of it, whatever that means! How Do We Get Stuck In The Cycle? Breaking Up: So, you and your partner broke up. People do that all the time. It’s horrible and it’s messy, even if you both do your best to end things on ‘friendly’ terms. You promise to give each other the space needed to move on, and agree to meet up as friends in the near future. While this sounds great, there’s quite a high chance that it won’t work that way. Why? Feelings. Feelings get in the way of everything, especially breakups. Some people will go on to live their own lives… after, that is, a few months of mourning and drunkenly trying to text their ex while their friends wrestle their phone from their hands.
March 12th, 2021 2:07pm
That question is very hard to answer, it is normal in the sense of needing space sometimes but what is the reason specific you guys took breaks. I feel you should talk to a family friend about it, I think that would help you a lot. Personally I WOULF talk to my family or friends to see there point of view of the relationship because sometimes you can easily get manipulated into thinking your in a healthy relationship when in fact you might actually not be in. I think that would answer a lot of your questions. Hope this helped
March 26th, 2021 12:48am
If your relationship is breaking up multiple times, you may question why. And possibly, is the relationship offering you more joy than heartache? What are you willing to do about it? Often, if it feels wrong, it's probably wrong. Your gut instinct is there to protect you. Sometimes we listen and sometimes we don't. Especially if you are emotionally invested, it may be more difficult to leave the relationship. Making relationships work is hard work that involves two or more people. If one is working on it and the other not, this may build resentment. Another alarm bell that might pop up is this.
April 7th, 2021 8:48pm
When it comes to relationships, it's best not to try to compare your partnership to someone else's, or to an idea of what is "normal." There are definitely couples who are "on and off" or break up several times. I was in a relationship where this was the case, but we were together for four years. Things ultimately didn't work out with this partner because we realized we needed to go on separate paths to keep growing. However, breaking up several times doesn't mean that you can't have a good long-term relationship. It might indicate that you have to identify what makes either of you feel you need to separate for a period of time and work that out, but it's very possible to pinpoint what you need to improve and work on that together. The main thing you need is to agree on continuing to work together.
May 23rd, 2021 7:56pm
The question is akin to "Is it normal to fall in love multiple times", the answer to which is you all know in your heart. It is love that sustains this world and it is love that keeps it going. And in this journey, we meet many people in various aspects of life. Some very similar to us, some not so, some very interesting to us, some not so. And many a times we might fall for one or the other, only to come to know after a while he/she/it is not what we perceived him/her/they to be. And it's no body's fault for the perceptions can deceive us at times. And many a times it is just the situation that is not merciful to us. But notwithstanding any thing else, YES it is normal to breakup multiple times and YES it is normal to fall in love multiple times. It just highlights our capability to forgive, move on, and experience again the warmth love brings with it.
June 19th, 2021 10:34pm
Typically no, if you break up multiple times, maybe it's important to reevaluate the relationship or discuss how to improve issues within the relationship that cause multiple breakups. It's normal for couples to argue but if you argue to the point of breaking up multiple times there may be an underlying reason as to why that is. It's imperative to communicate with your partner about what's going on and your thoughts toward your relationship. Work through your issues to find a solution if you want to save the relationship. If you feel that separating helps your relationship then maybe it's not worth saving.
July 9th, 2021 12:47am
It's not uncommon to breakup mulitple times, but I think understanding why the breakups continue to happen is important. A healthy relationship is based on two people wanting to be there, working toward and for the same purpose. Continual breakups can leave one or both people feeling insecure and confused, trust becomes non-existant. Talking with your partner to figure out what you both want is key, but it may take work to change what's become a normal reaction to problems. Once you and your partner can feel confident to express your feelings, expressing your needs can come. If what you want is not the same, then deciding what is best for both of you is what needs to happen.
August 1st, 2021 8:01pm
To start off, yes, it is normal. As we mature, we tend to change drastically, and that means that we won't always get along with our partners anymore, the relationship can feel tiring. However, it's still a bit of a red flag that the breakup is repeating itself. Try to analyze what is the commonality between them. What can you do better to make sure it doesn't happen any longer? Truly ask yourself- do you think you're ready for a new relationship? More than often, we have to work on ourselves before to committing to others, and that's okay.
August 17th, 2021 10:45am
I've personally realised that multiple breakups and reconciliations are often because of incompatibilities in personalities, despite the fact that both of you massively want to make it work. My ex and I were caught in this cycle of calling each other and crying and declaring our love for each other and then our hate for one another, and it was exhausting. It is normal to breakup multiple times but more often than not, it isn't healthy at all, and often has a more complex root than it seems -- boundaries, morals, expectations out of the relationship -- all of which need to be explored and discussed.