Is it okay to spy on my ex's Facebook page to see what he's up to?
62 Answers
Last Updated: 07/09/2018 at 8:13pm
Moderated by
Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst
Licensed Psychoanalyst
I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.
Top Rated Answers
Thats totally normal trust me, I can definitely relate to you. How long were you guys together for? (If you dont mind me asking)
It is natural to see what an ex is doing after a break up. We often feel hurt, replaced and jealous, so we take it upon ourselves to find a cause for the break up. However, spying only makes overcoming the break up more difficult. It reopens the wounds and drives people to insecurities and questioning why things happened the way it has. While at first spying seems to be a natural inclination, the behavior should not become long term, it should not become an obsession. To fully heal and move on, one should not constantly spy on an ex, one should accept that things did not work out and think about other opportunities that could be presented.
No, this is going to bring you down emotionally. While he may be out there having fun and stuff, you will be there with a broken heart. Don't do that to yourself and go through that unnecessary pain. You deserve so much more!
No it is not okay. As you will feel emotionally down when you see him/her having a good time in his Facebook status with others but you cannot be with him/her at that time. Unless you are in a relationship with another partner and you have completely made up your mind that he is not meant to you. Its NOT OKAY.
Anonymous
April 8th, 2015 10:53pm
I would say no, unless you still have feelings for this person. Other than that, if your broken up and have moved on then that's not good.
That is completely normal and part of a grieving process. Yes, its normal but if you start obsessing over them no. One has to learn to let go. Yes its curiosity to want to know how they are doing, and what not. But they are an ex for a reason
Don't dwell over one person when there are so many others out there waitng to be discorved.
Many people feel the need to check up on their exes, but the quicker you can get rid of this habit, the happier you'll be and the better you'll feel. Focus on you!
People cope with break ups in different ways. There is nothing inherently wrong with checking the social network profiles of people who are no longer in our life. What you really need to ask yourself is what purpose are you serving by checking his page?
Do you feel good after doing so? Do you feel bad? If spying on his page only nurses negative feelings for you, I would say it's not okay out of principle. You don't want to do things that serve to only upset you.
Honestly, it's common for people to check up on exes to see what their up to, but how does it benefit you?
I'd say yes! I look a lot of my ex's social media pages to see what they've been doing, when someone was such a big part of your life it's natural to want to know what they're doing.
In my experience, the best way to move forward after a relationship has ended is to sever all ties as much as possible. It is okay to hold on to the good memories (and even the bad ones some times, so long as there is a lesson to have been learned from them), but when you are moving on your focus must be forward and keeping tabs on an ex is like re-reading the last chapter of a book; it's impossible to reach the next chapter if you continue to do so. Unless they are still a close friend or you have children with them, those ties are best severed.
Nope because the only person it's hurting is you, best bet would be to go no contact and to block him on all social media until you've gotten over him!
It's okay to see what he/she is up to. I would recommend asking them personally however, it just shows that you are still interested in what they are doing and care for them, and they will appreciate it.
If you are spying, that means that you are not over her. Thus it is not okay. There is a reason that she is your "ex", accept the fact. We all have problems in accepting but try to do so. It will help you a lot in the long run.
Anonymous
October 31st, 2014 12:52pm
I am totally guilty of this! But think about it a little before you click--why do you want to know? Sometimes, it's better to leave some space between you and your ex's life so that you can both heal. Break ups are hard, and all kinds of feelings, both positive and negative, can present themselves. It could be better to talk to a close friend or family member rather then check up on your ex's Facepage. The choice is always yours, though, of course! Either way, if you are feeling put out, you can talk to a listener on Seven Cups! We are happy to listen and support you!
Anonymous
November 14th, 2014 3:31pm
I think to some extent, the curiosity seems quite normal and it seems alright to do. Of course most would want to know what their previous partner is now up to. As long as you don't let it get too out of hand, I think that checking out your ex's Facebook is completely normal.
No, I don't think so, most of the times it's only painful to you seeing that he/she moved on. I used to be very stalker, and you can not imagine how much I suffered
While it may seem okay to spy on your ex, is it really? Breakups are tough, and spying on them is not going to make it any easier to move on. My opinion is to stay away from their profiles as it can only bring up memories or negative thoughts.
If it does not bring you any pain while doing so I think it is perfectly acceptable. Humans are very curious creatures and we always want to know more. If it gets to a point where you can't leave it, then maybe it might be a time to talk to someone about your feelings.
Totally, I think we all check up on our exes from time to time. Why else would they have fb pages if they didnt want people to check them?
The short answer is no. It will not help you move forward in this time of healing and may make you upset, sad, anxious. It should be avoided at all costs.
Anonymous
August 11th, 2015 11:50pm
Nope. Just like it's not okay for your ex to sit outside your house and spy on you, wondering what you're doing.
I think it would benefit you better if you avoid this at all costs. Curiosity always seems to seep into our minds, but in reality, we benefit more from building a future from our present, not from our past. It is very hard, especially if you are still very fond of your ex, but I can guarantee that 90% of the time we stalk out ex's, we wish we hadn't.
The only thing this will do is hurt you and make you feel depressed on the inside. It is best to move on and not stalk your ex
Trust me I've done this before, but I don't recommend it. It usually makes you feel all the more heartbroken and anxious to see what they're up to!
Anonymous
May 16th, 2015 1:30pm
Nothing stops you from doing it... but why do so? Are you trying to get back with him or forget him? If you want to get back with him, then knowing what he's up to may be useful. If you want to move on, then try not to look at his profile. You may need feel the need to just 'check' him out from time to time, which is normal, as you progress through the process of letting go. Soon however, you will see that none of this information is useful to you and it could end up hurting you more than anything else. You may not like what you see. Up to you to take the chance.
no if you are moving on you should try not doing this.. as it will leads to misleading emotions.....
Well based on your intentions most of the time you'll end up triggering old feelings. Looking at photos of his life now could make you remember and feel guilty, angry or lonely about the past. That isn't going to help anyone and it'll be harder to move on and be happy with that anchor. Otherwise if he doesn't spawn negativity it is fine to look if you genuinely want his success. Some relationships (although rare) end on a good note and it isn't wrong to check in. Again though, most of the time it is just a bust.
no that completely normal, everyone does it
Facebook is a public forum. If his page is public, it is not "spying" to look at it.
However, is it in your best interest to look at it? What do you gain from seeing what he is doing and who he is hanging out with? Think carefully if this activity will only cause you hurt, anger, or pain. If so, then you should avoid looking at his Facebook page.
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