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Is it okay to spy on my ex's Facebook page to see what he's up to?

62 Answers
Last Updated: 07/09/2018 at 8:13pm
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Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
November 11th, 2014 8:37am
Thats totally normal trust me, I can definitely relate to you. How long were you guys together for? (If you dont mind me asking)
November 18th, 2014 7:28pm
It is natural to see what an ex is doing after a break up. We often feel hurt, replaced and jealous, so we take it upon ourselves to find a cause for the break up. However, spying only makes overcoming the break up more difficult. It reopens the wounds and drives people to insecurities and questioning why things happened the way it has. While at first spying seems to be a natural inclination, the behavior should not become long term, it should not become an obsession. To fully heal and move on, one should not constantly spy on an ex, one should accept that things did not work out and think about other opportunities that could be presented.
November 2nd, 2014 6:15am
No, this is going to bring you down emotionally. While he may be out there having fun and stuff, you will be there with a broken heart. Don't do that to yourself and go through that unnecessary pain. You deserve so much more!
November 11th, 2014 2:02am
No it is not okay. As you will feel emotionally down when you see him/her having a good time in his Facebook status with others but you cannot be with him/her at that time. Unless you are in a relationship with another partner and you have completely made up your mind that he is not meant to you. Its NOT OKAY.
November 15th, 2014 4:51pm
That is completely normal and part of a grieving process. Yes, its normal but if you start obsessing over them no. One has to learn to let go. Yes its curiosity to want to know how they are doing, and what not. But they are an ex for a reason Don't dwell over one person when there are so many others out there waitng to be discorved.
April 8th, 2015 10:53pm
I would say no, unless you still have feelings for this person. Other than that, if your broken up and have moved on then that's not good.
April 22nd, 2015 1:44pm
People cope with break ups in different ways. There is nothing inherently wrong with checking the social network profiles of people who are no longer in our life. What you really need to ask yourself is what purpose are you serving by checking his page? Do you feel good after doing so? Do you feel bad? If spying on his page only nurses negative feelings for you, I would say it's not okay out of principle. You don't want to do things that serve to only upset you.
June 13th, 2016 3:30pm
Many people feel the need to check up on their exes, but the quicker you can get rid of this habit, the happier you'll be and the better you'll feel. Focus on you!
October 23rd, 2014 9:47pm
Honestly, it's common for people to check up on exes to see what their up to, but how does it benefit you?
November 2nd, 2014 12:20pm
I'd say yes! I look a lot of my ex's social media pages to see what they've been doing, when someone was such a big part of your life it's natural to want to know what they're doing.
November 3rd, 2014 10:31am
If you are spying, that means that you are not over her. Thus it is not okay. There is a reason that she is your "ex", accept the fact. We all have problems in accepting but try to do so. It will help you a lot in the long run.
November 10th, 2014 10:37pm
It's okay to see what he/she is up to. I would recommend asking them personally however, it just shows that you are still interested in what they are doing and care for them, and they will appreciate it.
November 11th, 2014 5:02am
Nope because the only person it's hurting is you, best bet would be to go no contact and to block him on all social media until you've gotten over him!
April 8th, 2015 3:02pm
In my experience, the best way to move forward after a relationship has ended is to sever all ties as much as possible. It is okay to hold on to the good memories (and even the bad ones some times, so long as there is a lesson to have been learned from them), but when you are moving on your focus must be forward and keeping tabs on an ex is like re-reading the last chapter of a book; it's impossible to reach the next chapter if you continue to do so. Unless they are still a close friend or you have children with them, those ties are best severed.
October 21st, 2014 6:03am
The short answer is no. It will not help you move forward in this time of healing and may make you upset, sad, anxious. It should be avoided at all costs.
October 24th, 2014 8:14pm
Totally, I think we all check up on our exes from time to time. Why else would they have fb pages if they didnt want people to check them?
October 25th, 2014 3:32am
If it does not bring you any pain while doing so I think it is perfectly acceptable. Humans are very curious creatures and we always want to know more. If it gets to a point where you can't leave it, then maybe it might be a time to talk to someone about your feelings.
October 27th, 2014 1:04am
No, I don't think so, most of the times it's only painful to you seeing that he/she moved on. I used to be very stalker, and you can not imagine how much I suffered
October 31st, 2014 12:52pm
I am totally guilty of this! But think about it a little before you click--why do you want to know? Sometimes, it's better to leave some space between you and your ex's life so that you can both heal. Break ups are hard, and all kinds of feelings, both positive and negative, can present themselves. It could be better to talk to a close friend or family member rather then check up on your ex's Facepage. The choice is always yours, though, of course! Either way, if you are feeling put out, you can talk to a listener on Seven Cups! We are happy to listen and support you!
November 14th, 2014 3:31pm
I think to some extent, the curiosity seems quite normal and it seems alright to do. Of course most would want to know what their previous partner is now up to. As long as you don't let it get too out of hand, I think that checking out your ex's Facebook is completely normal.
March 21st, 2015 3:53am
While it may seem okay to spy on your ex, is it really? Breakups are tough, and spying on them is not going to make it any easier to move on. My opinion is to stay away from their profiles as it can only bring up memories or negative thoughts.
August 11th, 2015 11:50pm
Nope. Just like it's not okay for your ex to sit outside your house and spy on you, wondering what you're doing.
February 22nd, 2016 6:21am
I think it would benefit you better if you avoid this at all costs. Curiosity always seems to seep into our minds, but in reality, we benefit more from building a future from our present, not from our past. It is very hard, especially if you are still very fond of your ex, but I can guarantee that 90% of the time we stalk out ex's, we wish we hadn't.
September 26th, 2014 12:25pm
Trust me I've done this before, but I don't recommend it. It usually makes you feel all the more heartbroken and anxious to see what they're up to!
October 7th, 2014 5:17pm
It depends on your perspective. If you're trying to get over your ex, then don't as you shouldn't be bothered with what he's up to anymore. But it's alright to be a little busybody every once in awhile I guess!
October 26th, 2014 10:40pm
The only thing this will do is hurt you and make you feel depressed on the inside. It is best to move on and not stalk your ex
October 31st, 2014 1:41pm
Yes it's okay but it may not help you in the long run especially if you're trying to move on from him.
November 3rd, 2014 11:51am
It's ok even though it doesn't really help on anything. Ask yourself what will you gain from this. The last time you decided to check your ex's Facebook page, how did that make you feel?
November 4th, 2014 8:20pm
Its something that stops you from moving forward with life if you keep thinking about what your ex is doing. Its best to cut them off completely and remember why they are an ex in the first place.
November 7th, 2014 5:39pm
Hmm..I think it is not okay especially when you're trying to move will just feel bad about it or you might just miss that person.