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Is it okay to spy on my ex's Facebook page to see what he's up to?

62 Answers
Last Updated: 07/09/2018 at 8:13pm
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Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
marielsaywhat
November 13th, 2014 4:56am
It's okay if you two are still friends after the break up, but if it ended badly between the two of you. I would say it's not okay.
Anonymous
November 17th, 2014 4:25pm
Well, everyone does that. It's normal that you wanna see what he's up to. But let him his privacy. Treat people like you wanna be treated.
Anonymous
November 19th, 2014 6:07am
The answer is no. Spying means you are still latched onto him. If you are in a stage where everything has ended and you are trying to move forward, you should not be spying.
Anonymous
May 16th, 2015 1:30pm
Nothing stops you from doing it... but why do so? Are you trying to get back with him or forget him? If you want to get back with him, then knowing what he's up to may be useful. If you want to move on, then try not to look at his profile. You may need feel the need to just 'check' him out from time to time, which is normal, as you progress through the process of letting go. Soon however, you will see that none of this information is useful to you and it could end up hurting you more than anything else. You may not like what you see. Up to you to take the chance.
wearurcrownsehzaadi
May 24th, 2015 8:58am
no if you are moving on you should try not doing this.. as it will leads to misleading emotions.....
AtlasSparks
June 18th, 2015 10:15am
Well based on your intentions most of the time you'll end up triggering old feelings. Looking at photos of his life now could make you remember and feel guilty, angry or lonely about the past. That isn't going to help anyone and it'll be harder to move on and be happy with that anchor. Otherwise if he doesn't spawn negativity it is fine to look if you genuinely want his success. Some relationships (although rare) end on a good note and it isn't wrong to check in. Again though, most of the time it is just a bust.
hawaii5o
March 14th, 2016 11:08am
no that completely normal, everyone does it
carefreeHeart57
February 26th, 2018 10:21pm
Facebook is a public forum. If his page is public, it is not "spying" to look at it. However, is it in your best interest to look at it? What do you gain from seeing what he is doing and who he is hanging out with? Think carefully if this activity will only cause you hurt, anger, or pain. If so, then you should avoid looking at his Facebook page.
Anonymous
September 12th, 2014 3:55am
I feel as though this is a very normal thing to do. Most women want to know what their ex partner is going through and compare it to their emotions.
TheyScreamSIlvia
October 5th, 2014 7:03pm
It is not okay to spy on your ex's facebook page because it could be a form of disrespect harrassment and stalking
jess3456s
October 5th, 2014 11:37pm
No, it's not okay to spy on your ex's facebook page because it's wrong and you're broken up for a reason.
Lexi30
October 7th, 2014 9:00am
It's fine to check, but when this starts becoming a daily thing, that's when it becomes a problem.
Anonymous
May 7th, 2015 6:34am
Well, I feel a little apprehensive over the word spy, to be honest. I would try to leave him out of your life as much as possible but if looking at his facebook page for like half a second will get him off your mind for the rest of the day, then do what you need do.
Anonymous
June 23rd, 2015 12:30pm
Your ex is your ex nothing wrong with playing around after you,you should also try doing that and leave past in the past.
gracefulUnicorns50
July 6th, 2015 7:22am
Well let me tell you this everybody does it. Your not alone but No its not okay how are you gonna ever get over that person if your constantly spying on his face book page you know.
sputniklibertine
July 20th, 2015 1:24am
It's okay, but you might feel much worse than before you've looked them up. Depends on whether or not you consider them your ex as well. Some of the people I've dated are now friends to me, but that's only after a long process of healing.
Alicat711
September 15th, 2015 4:58am
This will likely upset you, especially if you see something you do not like on his page. From past experience I have found that blocking my ex's on all social media is extremely helping. Maybe after a while you can catch up with him again once you have moved on, but until then spying may not be the best idea.
Teddy009
September 28th, 2015 6:54pm
I did it. It's not good for you. It'll keep your mind focused on something that's not important anymore.
Anonymous
September 29th, 2015 9:30pm
I don't think it is because it's his personal life, and he shouldn't have people around watching everything he does on social media
NewRomantic677
September 30th, 2015 3:58pm
Ahh, Facebook. Sometimes it's a counter productive tool. Many people are faced with this dillema including myself, sometimes we feel like we just have to give their profile a click! If you personally feel that clicking on his profile to see what he's up to will not put you down in any way, I think it's okay to go for it! That being said, if you're still in the midst of getting over him if be more careful about how often you visit his profile. Cheers!
tammyhopeisreal
October 11th, 2015 5:25pm
It really depends on what is going on within yourself. It is difficult to focus on the future when your heart is still on the past and your feelings for your ex. In this case, it'd be better to train yourself to not "spy" on his Facebook. But, we all move on at different rates. Take your time. But, if you are merely curious and check his Facebook once and awhile, that isn't bad. We all get curious sometimes.
KayHere4You
November 2nd, 2015 2:52am
Spying on your ex's page will make moving on harder it will also trigger anxiety/depression which are both unhealthy for your emotional health. Occupy your time with more meaningful and positive activities.
Brittneym101
November 3rd, 2015 7:20pm
Is it ok to spy on your ex's Facebook page to see what he's up to? Yes, because it's Facebook and that's what Facebook is for and unless that person has you blocked there's not much that they can do about it. Do I recommend for you to spy on your ex's Facebook page to see what he's/she's up to or for anything at all? No! The reason being is because you may end up seeing things that you don't want to see. You obviously still have feelings for he/she if you're doing this, and once you see those things it's just going to hurt you even more. Even if they end up contacting you it's still best not to do this. I know that this may not sound ordinary, but I wouldn't Go on his/her Facebook page even when you're together. You can still find those things because if you're looking for it you're bound to find it one day. I've learned that the hard way.
Chelseamh6
November 13th, 2015 3:12am
I feel that is best to stop being friends with ex's on social media. it can be a painful reminder to see what they are up to and what they are doing.
bratgurl14
November 17th, 2015 6:49pm
well not really because he is an ex for a reason and you dont want to get sad when you see him get a new girlfriend because no one does i mean i dont but thats just me
gentlePudding78
December 8th, 2015 2:30am
it wont make you feel any better its easier to forget about them and move on its harder to keep doing that and not feel depressed
HeretoListen3
December 28th, 2015 6:59am
In my personal opinion I think its okay. I think as people we get curious of our past and I think if given the chance, we will take a peek. Sometimes there might be something that reminds us of them or sometimes its just random. Regardless of what the case may be, I think we get curious. I think the bigger concern is whether or not there is an ulterior motive or reason behind the spying. I think that's the real question.
RainbowHelp777
October 25th, 2016 7:33pm
Facebook is there for whatever you please. Your ex has the ability to block specific friends or strangers and if you aren't, then there is no reason not to.
ListenWithoutJudjment
November 22nd, 2016 12:20pm
To be honest, this is tempting but this is the WORST thing you could do. The best way to get over and forget about your Ex is to stop them from popping up in your thoughts, and this wont happen when you're getting a notification about what kind of cake their making or what their doing at the gym.
Anonymous
March 7th, 2017 4:19am
Well look it is normal to do that at the beginning of when yell not together but you have to know that either u want to hear it or not u have to love on and keep going with your life u have to leave him at the pass