Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?

349 Answers
Last Updated: 05/04/2020 at 8:54pm
My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jamie Rautenberg, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I'm passionate about helping clients understand emotional experiences & mental chatter do not define who they are. I'm here to guide them through the fog back to themselves.

Top Rated Answers
BroadwayBaby
November 17th, 2014 4:31pm
Well, they'll have their reasons. Maybe they've started to feel unhappy in this relationship. The best way is to ask for their reasons and solve the problem together :)
MightyLittleSoldier
June 27th, 2016 9:48am
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
politeRabbit
February 12th, 2016 1:27pm
Are you sure you want to change their mind?
Brittneym101
April 18th, 2015 7:58am
Well, honestly I really don't think that you can change their mind. I mean there is always gestures that may fix the problem, but then you will never know if they are in the relationship for you or because of what you offered them. You can have also have a conversation with he/she explaining to them why you should stay together, but at the end of the day it is up to them to decide whether they want to continue the relationship or not. You can't make someone love you or stay with you. If they decided to break up with you try to find a way to just let it be because the break up is probably for the best and you may not be meant to be with him/her. There is no harm in trying to save a relationship with someone that you love and/or really like, but sometimes you have to just let go and let God. Let time and fate do it's magic and if it's meant to be it'll be. If not it just worked out for the best and you just need to try to move on.
Anonymous
October 30th, 2014 7:01am
It's their choice. You can't change their mind, only they can. What you can do is tell them you don't want to do so but even then, it's up to the both of you what you wish to agree upon. If the person says no why try and force them with you.
Anonymous
April 3rd, 2015 2:21pm
You find out why the want to break up with you. Maybe you have flaws they don't like and maybe you can change them. That is the easiest way
compassionatelife
July 4th, 2015 9:40am
You cannot force anyone to be with you the best you can do is respect their decision(although its very hard to) and let them know that you would always have their back even though you guys are not in contact
Peacegirl
October 12th, 2014 3:53pm
There may be a way...but it's hard to change anything where nothing gonna works out...So we first have to make sure if this relationshi really works out where there's only one hand to clap..
PaperGirl5
July 1st, 2015 4:27am
If you have a significant other that wishes to break up with you--let them. Anyone who knows your worth will appreciate you and wish to be with you. If the person you're with no longer wishes to pursue a relationship with you--you both deserve the chance to find someone who will. Begging them back or sacrificing something about yourself in order to convince them to stay-- is not only unfair to yourself but also a means of creating resentment between the two of you. The saying "if you love someone, let them go. If they come back to you it was meant to be, if they don't-- they weren't." is one of the truest sayings I've come across in my relationship experiences. Everyone deserves to be with someone that desires and loves them--no exceptions.
Anonymous
July 27th, 2015 11:48pm
It will probably not be the answer you would want to hear, but it's time to let them go. Your boyfriend/girlfriend may want to break up with you for several reasons, but usually it is mostly about them and not you. If there is no way to work it out, it's time to let it go. It will be the hardest thing to do, but set them free. Let them find their happiness and you will find yours.
Secretsafe47
May 8th, 2018 7:44pm
Don't manipulate or influence by doing all this stuff now ..which will lead to unhealthy relation on future..which is not good..so, try to work out how you guys can understand each oyher and try to gind a good connection which is important which will not only make you realation good but unbreakable
adoredPerspective54
July 2nd, 2015 3:42pm
promising a better idea to manipulate someone won't be a wise choice...rather its better for you to focus on all the good things because they seem to have no harm for you at any time in your life...
Anonymous
July 1st, 2015 5:08pm
Show him or her what they will miss when you aren't in a relationship with him/her anymore! Means having a lot of fun. Try to do the exact thing that was the reason why he or she was in a relationship with you! Another approach may be to do some straight talk. You know your bf or gf best and that's why you know which of both options is the best! Good luck :)
Anonymous
July 10th, 2015 8:55am
When your significant other wants to break up with you, ask them for their reasoning. Ask them why they want to break up with you. If their reason seems logical, and it's regarding something neither of you has much power over, then maybe breaking up is not a bad idea. If their reason is something you can fix, then you have the option of fixing it to prevent you two from breaking up. When me and my ex broke up, we did so for our emotional wellbeing. We knew that being together was too stressful on both of our parts, so we mutually decided to break up. Though it hurt a lot at first, eventually I realized breaking up was better for both of us in the end.
lipsticklez
April 3rd, 2016 12:15am
If they still love you then there is a mind to change wich maybe you could try having some alone time and giving them a great time aka them feel special tell them how much you care and love them and everything you do for them because of your love
Anonymous
August 12th, 2015 6:08pm
You don't change their mind. If they do not want to be with you, that is their choice. And you are better off without someone who makes that choice. Respect yourself enough to know when someone is not right for you.
Anonymous
August 14th, 2015 6:49am
Don't try to. If they've thought about it, you trying to change their mind will keep them there out of pity. A relationship should always be mutual. It shouldn't be one person trying to keep it together. Let them go.
Anonymous
August 16th, 2015 8:02am
You honestly can't, and you shouldn't want to, cause if they're doubting the way they feel for you how are you gonna know if you get them to stay that they really love you
Anonymous
February 12th, 2016 11:18am
Share your entire self with them. Tell them how you really feel about them and how you'd feel if they would leave you. Don't forget to mention that they are very important to you and, if you did a mistake, always apologise for it.
Anonymous
July 8th, 2015 6:50pm
You don't. If someone wants to break up with you then let them. Trying to force someone to stay with you when they don't want to will just make everyone including yourself, miserable. Let them do what they think is right for them. And you will be okay. Don't let someone else dictate your feelings.
bubblyMelon22
August 8th, 2015 7:03am
You cannot change ones mind and it's also best that way because once a partner has lost feelings for another they will be in an unhappy relationship and it'll never work out if they want to break up you should too
Anonymous
December 13th, 2015 12:51am
Unfortunately love, you cannot change their mind. People feel how they feel and sadly we have absolutely no control over that. What we do have control over is how we react and how we move on. If they should break up with you it is going to hurt and crying is absolutely normal and acceptable but after the initial hurt, what happens is up to you. Are you going to try and be okay? Or are you going to let the hurt grow?
hopefulpoetry
February 6th, 2016 11:00am
By appreciating them more often. Show them how much they truly mean to you. It really is not good to keep someone in a relationship if they are not happy, but if you have both agreed that you want to save the relationship and that you both still love each other then you should do little things every day just to show them how much they are loved by you. They'll soon feel important, loved, and comfortable in the relationship.
4thepeople20
February 8th, 2016 6:40pm
People usually break up for feeling a lack of love or affection. Best suggestion from not knowing any circumstances would be to prove that you really do want that person around.
RachelRae777
February 11th, 2016 6:53am
You cannot "change anyones mind." but you can talk to them about how it might make you feel if they feel like they need to break up with you, they obviously aren't the one. I understand how you are feeling though, you just want someone to love you and you don't want to be left am i correct? nobody wants to be left, but that's just apart of life people will come, people will go. You can't control anyone but you. You will find someone again and you will eventually find the one i know it doesn't seem like it now (I've gone through two break ups so far and they hurt so bad but you eventually get over it) take care, hope this helped.
Imaginethisx
March 25th, 2016 7:29pm
You can't really change somebody's mind about breaking up with you. You just have to accept their decision and if you really loved them then you'd want them to be happy, with or without you. The only thing you can do is stay friends with them, and try to move and eventually find somebody else.
Anonymous
April 1st, 2016 1:44am
You should tell them how you feel about them. Maybe they think that you don't care, and want to move on to someone else. My girlfriend wanted to break up with me, but I told her how I felt and we worked it out together.
Anonymous
June 8th, 2016 4:20am
As hard as it may be to hear this the answer is don't. I'm not saying it will be easy to allow the person you love to walk away, but I promise it will be worth it. You deserve to be loved in the way you love or care for them. I'm not saying they aren't worth the fight. In fact if you know they are then do just that, allow them to end things but never allow them to forget why they fell for you in the first place. It's important to remember why you began dating in the first place, the memories, the attraction, the inspiration. But to dwell on why it is ending would be a waste of your value. And in the end you will learn the love or care is truly mutual and you will flourish together, or you may part ways and find love in new places ones that know your worth and cherish you for it.
TheFaerie
February 3rd, 2016 2:45am
You shouldn't want to. You should want to be with someone you don't have to fight for and reciprocates your affections.
AliciaJ
February 3rd, 2016 4:57pm
You can't change their mind -- not if they want to change it themselves. If things are not at the breaking point yet, sit down and have an open, honest and calm discussion with them. Talk about your concerns and address each other's concern, and try not to turn the discussion into a fight or argument. If he/she has made up their mind for a breakup, respect their decision. Don't contact them for a while. It's hard, but you probably both need a bit of time to think it through and to calm down. Remember a breakup is not the end -- life will either bring you two back together or guide you to find someone better. It will be sad, and it will take however long it's necessary for you to recover. But you WILL get through it. My heart goes out to you