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My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?

349 Answers
Last Updated: 05/04/2020 at 8:54pm
My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
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Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
February 3rd, 2016 4:57pm
You can't change their mind -- not if they want to change it themselves. If things are not at the breaking point yet, sit down and have an open, honest and calm discussion with them. Talk about your concerns and address each other's concern, and try not to turn the discussion into a fight or argument. If he/she has made up their mind for a breakup, respect their decision. Don't contact them for a while. It's hard, but you probably both need a bit of time to think it through and to calm down. Remember a breakup is not the end -- life will either bring you two back together or guide you to find someone better. It will be sad, and it will take however long it's necessary for you to recover. But you WILL get through it. My heart goes out to you
March 19th, 2016 12:43pm
You can't keep someone who doesn't want to stay. If you try to stop them from leaving, resentment will grow in your relationship and it will just get toxic for both of you. Be brave, let them go and remember that you are not defined by other human beings.
March 30th, 2016 12:42pm
It is not about changing their minds, It should be more about correcting what ever is wrong, listening and then, doing what is best for you both.
April 3rd, 2016 9:58am
Sometimes changing their mind may not be the better option. Go through the relationship, good/bad, happy/sad. Healthy? If you feel as though it is not a positive relationship or that it is going anywhere than maybe changing their mind may not be the best.
June 8th, 2016 10:04pm
Changing their mind should not be your priority. Clarity is key. The two of you need to discuss what has occured to how the situation has become how it is, in order to establish a conclusion. Being it a breakup or staying together.
June 9th, 2016 4:14am
Hate to be the one to break it to you, but you can't. It's their life, and although it may hurt, you've got to let go. Many new opportunities await and be thankful for the experience you both had together!
May 1st, 2015 3:08am
It depends on the reason they want to break up. Sometimes we need sometimes to digest things around us and not rushing the decision making. I guess give it some times and don't try to push ourselves onto the other person would be the best option.
July 19th, 2015 6:19pm
If he or she wants to break up then I believe you should let them go. You don't want to be with someone that doesn't feel the same way towards you. It's unfair to the both of you.
August 13th, 2015 2:25am
Sometimes you can't change their mind. Sometimes they are set in their ways and there's a specific reason to why they want to break up. Sometimes it doesn't even involve you, it involves them and possibly it involves them and their issues. It's hard; but all you can do is show that you love them and are there to support them. If that isn't enough then sometimes their mind is already made up.
August 16th, 2015 3:13pm
most of the time you cant. and the hard truth is, you dont really have the right to. just like nobody has the rght to force you into a situation you arent comfortable being in. people are always learning about themselves and their wants and needs. always. and sometimes people just come to understand that things arent going to meet whatever needs they have. it sucks. and it hurts. but the key thing to remember is that its not your fault. again, just like its not somone elses fault if you have certain realisations about your own needs
August 16th, 2015 6:57pm
You can't. It's there decision to break up with you. Maybe you could still be friends but for closure purposes ask them why they wanted to break up with you.
September 14th, 2015 10:12am
If he/she can't appreciate who you are and wants to leave the relationship, it is best not to flog a dead horse. It will save you heartache and not break down your self esteem
January 28th, 2016 5:52pm
You have to let them go try to be there for them and show you still care about them and see if they come back if not it wasn't meant to be. You never want to have someone who does feel the sa.e about you as you do them.
February 12th, 2016 8:20am
Talk about what is making them break up with you! Talk things out and straighten things out, start from there.
March 10th, 2016 11:13pm
If someone truly wants to end their relationship, you should respect their feelings, and go along with it. Remember, your feelings aren't the only ones.
March 12th, 2016 4:15pm
You shouldn't try to change his/her mind, it's their choice and you need to respect their choice. If they don't want to be with you, it's better that you're apart.
March 26th, 2016 1:02am
Talk with them, that is the most simple way it can go. Talk to them about why they want to break up, and if they are persistant on it, let it go. Don't forge something that isn't meant to be either.
February 5th, 2018 9:04pm
one of the best things to do is to have a conversation with them and talk out the situation together.
April 16th, 2018 10:23am
Try to find out the reason of breakup wish. If the problem is a thing that can be solved, do it. And if that doesn't work, try sorting everything out, have a talk , have a conversation about possibility of you still being together
June 25th, 2015 12:25pm
firstly you are showing the strength by not letting the other one go. and if you are that adamant, then you should make them sit down and have a conversation. Jot down the points you would like to talk about, so that you dont get any last minute jitters and screw the situation. Call them back with all your love. If he/she really loves you then the love and honesty your soul carries towards them , will be reflected in your eyes, and wont remain unseen from them.
June 25th, 2015 7:10pm
You can't, if that's what they want its best to leave it at that but if they want that they shouldn't be worth your time
June 28th, 2015 2:11pm
If you are prepared to change something about yourself to try and keep your relationship then ask if there's anything that you can do to ask them to change their mind. If the answer is yes then explore further. If the answer is no, they may have just grown tired of you, need a new, more challenging rewarding relationship or may just have simply fallen out of love. If they have, there isn't a lot that can be done about it. Sad, but it is a part of life.
July 1st, 2015 5:06pm
We can not control the decisions of others. If someone close to us needs to make a change in their life, we must allow them to, even if it is painful. I encourage you to express your emotions to them and share how you feel about the change they are prompting but ultimately, they may still be firm in their decision. Ensure you are taking care of yourself and have a solid support system in place for you to help you through this tough transition.
July 4th, 2015 11:16pm
I used to think you could change their mind, but you really can't. If they really want to break up, that's it. I'm really sorry, but that's how it is.
July 10th, 2015 11:39pm
First of all, you should ask yourself if the relationship is worth. If you think it is, maybe you could settle up for a good conversation explaining how you feel, what are the possibilities you both can work out together to make all the negative things turn up right. Mutual understanding is important as well as communication when it comes to this part. However if the relationship is not worth, maybe you should consider the factor what would you like for a change at this particular moment? Do you want to continue being hurt? I'm sure many of you don't want too because as a person no one deserves to be treated this way and surely deserves something meaningful and right and worthy. There's a favorite quote that I love "Pain is a part of life and love, it helps us grows". You need to accept the pain and learn to let go. Take out the positive side and grasp a new breath to life! Maybe something better is out there for you! Lots of love and care! Hope that helps (:
July 23rd, 2015 3:49am
I went through the same thing before with my ex. We weren't meant to be and It shouldn't be forced, its okay
July 29th, 2015 8:27pm
communication is key in any relationship, when something goes wrong, is up to both to fix it. first thing would be then, sitting down and talking with your partner, see if the reason they want to break up for is fixable, or if its worth fixing. but, most important of all in my experience, never compete with anyone nor change yourself in order to keep with someone you love; even if you think that way you would stick together, losing yourself in the process is not worth it
July 30th, 2015 8:03pm
U cant make someone change there mind. But what u can do is try to find out why before it happens and ask him is there something i can maybe change to make the relationship work. So sometimes to make them last we either gotta change ourselves or change how we do things.
July 31st, 2015 6:38pm
Well as hard as the situation may seem, there is really no way to change someone else's mind. Only you are responsible for you and your actions. You can't be responsible for someone else's. The best thing you can do is to talk with the person you are with about the way you are feeling. YOu will have to accept whatever choice it is that they make. In the end, the best you can do and hope for is that you are able to remain friends no matter the situation and do your best to move forward. And to also know, that this to shall pass and there are plenty of "fish in the sea"! So keep "fishing'!
August 1st, 2015 2:59am
Tell them how much you care for them. Talk through it with them. You cannot force them but only show you care about them and are willing to stay and support them through anything and everything