My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?
348 Answers
Last Updated: 05/04/2020 at 8:54pm
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
Moderated by
Lauren Abasheva, LMHC
Licensed Professional Counselor
A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.
Top Rated Answers
You shouldn't have to change their mind. If they really care about you they wouldn't want to leave you.
If someone wanted to break up with me then I would let them because why would I date someone who didn't want to date me. But, if you really love this person then you need to have a serious conversation with them about how you can make the relationship work.
You shouldn't try to change their mind. If they wanted to break up with you and then stay they won't exact have the same spark they had in the beginning
We cannot force people to love us, no matter how much we want them to, or how much we love them. Trying to change their mind sounds like effort you should not have to force into the relationship. If a person wants to break up with you, no matter how much you have done for them, you have to ask yourself: is it really worth staying with them anyway if they're going to treat me like this? It is important to remember, however, it isn't your fault. People change, as will you. It will get easier.
To be honest, in my opinion their mind cannot be changed if they have reason for break up. Unfortunately if partner wants break up, it means he/she doesn't see future for that relationship. I think you should get to know real motive for their thoughts about ending relationship. Sometimes your partner might feel overwhelmed with problems and wish to sort out them by their own. In that case he/she maybe needs only more space and time. Just make sure what your partner wants and make sure you know why.
Anonymous
January 22nd, 2016 5:32pm
You can talk to them to understand why they are making the decision and ask if there is anything you could do differently. Other than that, there is not much you can do. It's painful - but clinging to someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship feels even worse.
Anonymous
January 15th, 2016 5:55pm
When your girlfriend or boyfriend wants to break up with you, then you can't make them stay. Every one in this planeet is free. You shouldn't change their mind. There are ways to fix the problems in a relationship, but no way to change someone's mind.
If its a true love for you, you shouldn't have to do anything other than be yourself and love sincerely
Talk to him about what went wrong in the relationship. How you two can improve it. Just try communicating with him. with an open mind. I would be more than happy to be a mediator if you two need one
It's never a good idea to try to change someone's mind - the power dynamic will always be slightly skewed from then on if this happens. It is better to be loved by someone who actively wants to be with you, than to try to make someone stay when they might not be able to give you what you need. It is better for both of you, and the relationship, to allow people to stay and go as they want to. :)
Sweetheart, speaking from experience, if they want to end the relationship for whatever reason, let them. Don't force anything that no longer wants to happen. Try your hardest to work on resolving whatever the issue is but don't force anything to happen. What is meant to be, will be. If they love you they will always want you. No excuses.
Anonymous
December 23rd, 2015 4:16pm
The best thing you can do is just talk to them. You'll hear people tell you to give 100% and it feels like you already are so I would say to give 110%. That 10% is you going to talk to them one last time to see if it's possible to stay together. If it works, then cherish that relationship correctly. If not, hold your head up high and just know you tried and be proud of yourself.
Anonymous
December 16th, 2015 10:15am
Think about if the relationship is really worth holding on to? Whether the problems have arisen due to a stressful lifestyle? How much work the two of you had to put in to make it work? Sit down and talk. Be honest with your partner, and ask them why they want to break up. Acknowledge their feelings and start from the beginning. Be calm, be strong. Don't be the person your partner wants you to be, show your genuine side. Give each other some space. If it still doesn't work then he's just not the one. Good luck!
I think contemplating why you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you is a better use of time than changing another's mind.
It's really hard to do so, make sure you don't lose yourself trying to please them
Try talking with him/her. Make him/her realise what he/she will lose if you will break up. :) explain that you both won't be talking again, won't be meeting, experiencing those good moments together, or won't share secrets, it all will be just gone.
You be respect and love them regardless, and respect their decision. Be mature and just show them how much you love them and Im sure they will realise it themselves. Don't worry bro if she really loves you and is worth it, she will stay trust me. There were a Million times i thought my girlfriend was going to be leave me, but she truly loves me and we are still together
Anonymous
August 15th, 2015 12:51am
You may have to try understanding why your girlfriend/boyfriend wants to break up and discuss solutions by working together harmoniously. If they do not want to fix things however and as hard as it might be, you have to allow them that space to consider if the relationship is worth fighting for or not.
I think the first question would be, do you really want to change their mind? Relationships can be tough but it's important to look at things from different angles and perspectives. Was this a healthy relationship? Do both parties still very much maintain in interest in wanting to pursue the relationship? There are many aspects of a relationship and before you fight so hard to salvage, you need to look deeper to determine if it should be.
Anonymous
August 8th, 2015 1:19pm
look for your expectations with you. give love and support as well as care. find out reason why they want break up and if you really want him/ her back try to make them happy if possible
Alas, you cannot.
The only person you can act upon is yourself. Try to understand how this situation developed. Focus on yourself and try to revive the very person that he/she fell in love with that is still within you.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2015 2:31am
Ultimately, you can't. Accept the choices they made, they will have to move on and live with them. If it's meant to be they will come back. If you love something, let it go, if it comes back, it's yours. The same can be applied to people. Be at peace with yourself and with them. If they jump ship and never return, it's their loss.
You can't. You can talk to them and try and come to an understanding with them, try and compromise with them and see if they are willing to give you another shot but if someone has made up their mind, you can't change it. You can accept it and although you will be upset and hurt by splitting up, you won't feel that way forever.
You can talk to them about how you feel. At the end of the day, it's their decision. You are strong, and can take care of yourself.
Anonymous
August 1st, 2015 2:59am
Tell them how much you care for them. Talk through it with them. You cannot force them but only show you care about them and are willing to stay and support them through anything and everything
Well as hard as the situation may seem, there is really no way to change someone else's mind. Only you are responsible for you and your actions. You can't be responsible for someone else's. The best thing you can do is to talk with the person you are with about the way you are feeling. YOu will have to accept whatever choice it is that they make. In the end, the best you can do and hope for is that you are able to remain friends no matter the situation and do your best to move forward. And to also know, that this to shall pass and there are plenty of "fish in the sea"! So keep "fishing'!
U cant make someone change there mind. But what u can do is try to find out why before it happens and ask him is there something i can maybe change to make the relationship work. So sometimes to make them last we either gotta change ourselves or change how we do things.
communication is key in any relationship, when something goes wrong, is up to both to fix it. first thing would be then, sitting down and talking with your partner, see if the reason they want to break up for is fixable, or if its worth fixing. but, most important of all in my experience, never compete with anyone nor change yourself in order to keep with someone you love; even if you think that way you would stick together, losing yourself in the process is not worth it
I went through the same thing before with my ex. We weren't meant to be and It shouldn't be forced, its okay
If you are prepared to change something about yourself to try and keep your relationship then ask if there's anything that you can do to ask them to change their mind. If the answer is yes then explore further. If the answer is no, they may have just grown tired of you, need a new, more challenging rewarding relationship or may just have simply fallen out of love. If they have, there isn't a lot that can be done about it. Sad, but it is a part of life.
Related Questions: My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?
How to get over someone you have to see everyday?My long-term boyfriend told me that my mental health has affected him and he just wants to be friends as though nothing more ever happened. This really hurts me. What should I do?Can or should I ask my significant other to stop talking and to not associate with his ex? If so, how? How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship?Why are we fighting over small and stupid things?What to do when you feel you are not good enough for someone?He said I was perfect for him, but he chose someone else?I regret breaking up with my ex. What should I do?How to get closure from my ex? I feel I need it.I love two different people. What should I do?