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My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?

349 Answers
Last Updated: 05/04/2020 at 8:54pm
My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Jamie Rautenberg, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I'm passionate about helping clients understand emotional experiences & mental chatter do not define who they are. I'm here to guide them through the fog back to themselves.

Top Rated Answers
frodobaggins
August 5th, 2015 5:26am
You can talk to them about how you feel. At the end of the day, it's their decision. You are strong, and can take care of yourself.
ListenLady
August 6th, 2015 12:03pm
You can't. You can talk to them and try and come to an understanding with them, try and compromise with them and see if they are willing to give you another shot but if someone has made up their mind, you can't change it. You can accept it and although you will be upset and hurt by splitting up, you won't feel that way forever.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2015 2:31am
Ultimately, you can't. Accept the choices they made, they will have to move on and live with them. If it's meant to be they will come back. If you love something, let it go, if it comes back, it's yours. The same can be applied to people. Be at peace with yourself and with them. If they jump ship and never return, it's their loss.
MattD
August 7th, 2015 9:14pm
Alas, you cannot. The only person you can act upon is yourself. Try to understand how this situation developed. Focus on yourself and try to revive the very person that he/she fell in love with that is still within you.
Anonymous
August 8th, 2015 1:19pm
look for your expectations with you. give love and support as well as care. find out reason why they want break up and if you really want him/ her back try to make them happy if possible
Rwj678
August 13th, 2015 8:25pm
I think the first question would be, do you really want to change their mind? Relationships can be tough but it's important to look at things from different angles and perspectives. Was this a healthy relationship? Do both parties still very much maintain in interest in wanting to pursue the relationship? There are many aspects of a relationship and before you fight so hard to salvage, you need to look deeper to determine if it should be.
caringSun73
August 14th, 2015 10:02pm
Speak to them find out what is the reasoning behind their urge to break up, this way I can fully understand how they feel which makes it easier to discuss matters and possibly clear up any misunderstood information. after clearing the air of any miscommunication, if there was any ill treatment or wrong doing on my behalf a truly heartfelt apology can work wonders. If these don't seem to work at first then I would give them a bit of space to clear their minds calm their hearts and think about what I've said in my apology and how i would have cleared up any misinformation then speak to them again starting the conversation very light and avoiding any heavy emotional conversation unless they bring it up.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2015 12:51am
You may have to try understanding why your girlfriend/boyfriend wants to break up and discuss solutions by working together harmoniously. If they do not want to fix things however and as hard as it might be, you have to allow them that space to consider if the relationship is worth fighting for or not.
adilm299
August 16th, 2015 3:33am
You be respect and love them regardless, and respect their decision. Be mature and just show them how much you love them and Im sure they will realise it themselves. Don't worry bro if she really loves you and is worth it, she will stay trust me. There were a Million times i thought my girlfriend was going to be leave me, but she truly loves me and we are still together
PillowWhispers
November 2nd, 2015 6:21pm
Try talking with him/her. Make him/her realise what he/she will lose if you will break up. :) explain that you both won't be talking again, won't be meeting, experiencing those good moments together, or won't share secrets, it all will be just gone.
PassionForChange
December 13th, 2015 12:52am
It's really hard to do so, make sure you don't lose yourself trying to please them
veronicahaunani
December 13th, 2015 3:46am
I think contemplating why you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you is a better use of time than changing another's mind.
Anonymous
December 16th, 2015 10:15am
Think about if the relationship is really worth holding on to? Whether the problems have arisen due to a stressful lifestyle? How much work the two of you had to put in to make it work? Sit down and talk. Be honest with your partner, and ask them why they want to break up. Acknowledge their feelings and start from the beginning. Be calm, be strong. Don't be the person your partner wants you to be, show your genuine side. Give each other some space. If it still doesn't work then he's just not the one. Good luck!
Anonymous
December 23rd, 2015 4:16pm
The best thing you can do is just talk to them. You'll hear people tell you to give 100% and it feels like you already are so I would say to give 110%. That 10% is you going to talk to them one last time to see if it's possible to stay together. If it works, then cherish that relationship correctly. If not, hold your head up high and just know you tried and be proud of yourself.
SacredSimplicity1011
December 25th, 2015 8:38pm
Sweetheart, speaking from experience, if they want to end the relationship for whatever reason, let them. Don't force anything that no longer wants to happen. Try your hardest to work on resolving whatever the issue is but don't force anything to happen. What is meant to be, will be. If they love you they will always want you. No excuses.
Selena498
December 27th, 2015 3:39pm
It's never a good idea to try to change someone's mind - the power dynamic will always be slightly skewed from then on if this happens. It is better to be loved by someone who actively wants to be with you, than to try to make someone stay when they might not be able to give you what you need. It is better for both of you, and the relationship, to allow people to stay and go as they want to. :)
Kryssy88
January 2nd, 2016 4:57pm
Talk to him about what went wrong in the relationship. How you two can improve it. Just try communicating with him. with an open mind. I would be more than happy to be a mediator if you two need one
UnjudgementalMoon206
January 13th, 2016 9:21pm
If its a true love for you, you shouldn't have to do anything other than be yourself and love sincerely
Anonymous
January 15th, 2016 5:55pm
When your girlfriend or boyfriend wants to break up with you, then you can't make them stay. Every one in this planeet is free. You shouldn't change their mind. There are ways to fix the problems in a relationship, but no way to change someone's mind.
Saltedbythesea
January 22nd, 2016 5:32pm
You can talk to them to understand why they are making the decision and ask if there is anything you could do differently. Other than that, there is not much you can do. It's painful - but clinging to someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship feels even worse.
carefreePerspective39
January 22nd, 2016 8:13pm
To be honest, in my opinion their mind cannot be changed if they have reason for break up. Unfortunately if partner wants break up, it means he/she doesn't see future for that relationship. I think you should get to know real motive for their thoughts about ending relationship. Sometimes your partner might feel overwhelmed with problems and wish to sort out them by their own. In that case he/she maybe needs only more space and time. Just make sure what your partner wants and make sure you know why.
Ambs07
January 31st, 2016 3:08pm
We cannot force people to love us, no matter how much we want them to, or how much we love them. Trying to change their mind sounds like effort you should not have to force into the relationship. If a person wants to break up with you, no matter how much you have done for them, you have to ask yourself: is it really worth staying with them anyway if they're going to treat me like this? It is important to remember, however, it isn't your fault. People change, as will you. It will get easier.
Deadlyxrealityx
February 6th, 2016 3:32am
You shouldn't try to change their mind. If they wanted to break up with you and then stay they won't exact have the same spark they had in the beginning
Lola999
March 13th, 2016 10:49pm
If someone wanted to break up with me then I would let them because why would I date someone who didn't want to date me. But, if you really love this person then you need to have a serious conversation with them about how you can make the relationship work.
lovelyUnicorns63
March 18th, 2016 9:41pm
You shouldn't have to change their mind. If they really care about you they wouldn't want to leave you.
BeautifulLove
March 20th, 2016 6:11pm
You can never make anyone change their mind, but you can remind them of why you're together in the first place.
Anonymous
March 24th, 2016 9:16am
It's not your job to change their mind. If they want to break up, its their choice. If they wanted to be with you, they would stay
Anaxandra
March 24th, 2016 2:29pm
Do you really want to change their mind? There must be a reason why he/she wants to break up. Try to find out why you relationship is struggling and talk to your partner about ways to improve things. Sometimes there are little things that irritate your partner and when they sum up it might be hard to find a way back to look at the person you fell in love with.
sugglet244
March 25th, 2016 10:33am
i think you need to tell them how you feel and explain your side of the story. be patient and give them time
Paris03
April 2nd, 2016 4:21am
I don't think it's right to change their mind. It's not right to force someone into a relationship that they don't want to be in. If you guys aren't meant to be then that's just it