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My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?

349 Answers
Last Updated: 05/04/2020 at 8:54pm
My boyfriend or girlfriend wants to break up with me, how can I change their mind?
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Jamie Rautenberg, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I'm passionate about helping clients understand emotional experiences & mental chatter do not define who they are. I'm here to guide them through the fog back to themselves.

Top Rated Answers
understandingOrange
June 9th, 2016 6:47am
If they are truly set on their decision then it is too late; However, if they are confused about ending things with you but still let you know that they might then you should talk to her and see what it is that went wrong in the relationship and then ask for forgiveness and then tell them that you will do everything you can to fix it.
Anonymous
June 9th, 2016 2:31pm
No one can change anyone's mind. Just be yourself and if they still break up, it's not your fault and you couldn't have helped it.
ListeningLight
July 5th, 2016 10:18am
Breaking up with someone is a big decision to make. Discussing the situation with them may help you both understand the situation better, however changing their mind may suppress their feelings and be unhealthy.
Anonymous
March 20th, 2017 6:46am
If he/she wants to break up with you then you can't stop them. You should not try to change yourself in order to change their mind . Be True to yourself and move on with your life. If he/she truly wants to be with you then he/she will realise their mistake and come back. And if that doesn't happen then be glad that you saved yourself from a one sided relationship because in the future you'll find better people.
JoyousGarlic
October 23rd, 2017 10:26am
You can ask them if there is anything that can be done to keep the relationship going instead of breaking up. Maybe you can change a behaviour that your lover dislikes, or maybe there is a problem that you both need to solve for the relationship to keep going. Keep in mind however that you can't force one person to stay and that it's necessary for you to respect their decision, even if it hurts you. Remember that the people who really, genuinely love you will stay within your life and do their best to keep you there.
Anonymous
May 28th, 2015 12:16pm
we cannot change their mind. all we can do is give our best & see if they love us back. if they have made their mind they'll do it anyways
Anonymous
June 17th, 2015 2:09pm
If you feel like your relationship is worth salvaging- then remind them of the good times; why they fell in love with you. But as well my be accept their choice- love is also about sacrifices.
Anonymous
June 19th, 2015 6:04pm
You can speak to them and tell them about your feelings however you shouldn't force them to change their mind too much because they also have the right to make their own decision and being too forceful can make things worse.
Anonymous
June 21st, 2015 3:07am
You can change their mind by telling them what's good about your relationship and all the good things that could come in the future. Tell them how much they mean to you and everything you love about them.
lovelyLynx18
June 21st, 2015 7:24am
Sadly, you might not be able to change their mind. The best thing you could do is talk about it. Try to solve the problem. There is no way of knowing that talking about will fix it. Maybe they just need space and time to think about it and you have to give them that space.
Sapples23
June 21st, 2015 1:05pm
it is unwise for oneself to pursue a relationship out of impulse or fear of loss. One has to understand the rationale of your significant other wanting to end the relationship. If the reason for wanting so is something that can be worked out then both parties have to have a mutual agreement to put in the effort to do so together. Otherwise, cloning on to sentiments would only serve as a greater wound to oneself in the future.
Anonymous
June 21st, 2015 6:37pm
Try and convince them, but overall if they don't want to be with you, don't force them. Things happen for a reason so clearly it wasn't meant to be
EmmeyPea
June 21st, 2015 8:29pm
I had a boyfriend try to talk me out of breaking up with him once--for an entire month! I had already made up my mind and drawing out our break up was much more painful than it would have been if he had initially respected my decision. I don't think you can change someone's mind if they try to break up with you, but you can respect their decision and change how you react to it yourself.
BrokenDefinition
June 21st, 2015 9:37pm
If someone's made a decision in their life it can be difficult to change their mind, though you may care for or love them it may be best not to force the relationship to go forward if the other wants to end it. This is no reflection on you but you don't want resentment later. Though you can always be open with your s.o about how you feel.
Javillegas13
June 24th, 2015 3:24am
Talk with him or her is the best way to know exactly what happens in the relationship. Try to talk to her or him and manages to find the cause of why you think you want to end the relationship .
kalokagathia
June 24th, 2015 5:59am
You cannot change their mind! It is better to not change their mind because you would be waiting both of your time and only hurting yourself more. You must let go. After all, if its meant to be. It'll be.
AloneAcneLove
June 24th, 2015 8:58am
I would say let it be. Because relationship can't be force. Even if you really want to save your relationship, if the other wants to let go. You should let go. But still you need to be true to yourself by communicate.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2015 4:38pm
Learn why they are leaving you and act upon that. Sometimes though, things just happen for a reason.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2015 9:01pm
You cannot force somebody to love you, you just can't unfortunately. I am sorry, we all go through this, you must let somebody make their own decisions.
MostColorfulHello
June 25th, 2015 1:29am
Changing another persons mind is most times not within our realm. Bracing yourself for change and coping is the best method for progress.
Bennylovesyou
June 25th, 2015 4:40am
You don't want to force anyone to be with you. Their happiness is your happiness right? Just ease off them a little and let them slide away with out causing a drama
alliecat1901
June 25th, 2015 10:52pm
Well it depends on how you feel about the certain individual and what your willing to do to stop it.
luminousDew
June 26th, 2015 3:09am
You can't control anyone's actions but your own. Respect their wishes, even if you believe them to be unwise.
delhiaquarian
June 26th, 2015 8:03am
In such case, sometimes letting go is the best way we can save a relationship. If it is mend to be it will be yours for life. Moreover you can not make a person to love you, it should be from the heart :)
niceMermaid44
June 26th, 2015 2:33pm
Why do you want to be with someone who don't want to be with you? You can't control thir mindes, but u can tell that u love him or her.
sarahsarahsarah
June 26th, 2015 4:09pm
If they want to break up with you, maybe you should let them free. The only person you can control is you. You cannot change someone's mind. Instead don't let the breakup ruin you. Be happy with yourself as a person and don't rely on a relationship to make you feel whole. Love yourself.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2015 8:12pm
first of all i don't think you can change someone mind that easy especially if its a stubborn person
Anonymous
June 26th, 2015 11:48pm
Unfortunately, it is hard to change peoples minds once they feel that their mind is made up. BUT, there are ways to help the situation. Maybe there are some issues on both ends of the relationship that can be clarified? After clarification, you guys can speak further about what is going on between you both
GermanZebraCupcake
June 27th, 2015 7:36am
Honestly, you may not be able to. It's best to not stay with somebody who is questioning being with you though. You can do so much better!
Anonymous
June 27th, 2015 12:06pm
You can never change another persons mind, what they think is what they think. Trying to change someone's mind is like throwing a glad of grass at a building and explecting it to fall