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My boyfriend told me he hooked up with someone else when we were on a break.

128 Answers
Last Updated: 06/15/2022 at 3:40pm
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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
April 17th, 2020 6:36pm
It's up to you on what you want to do. It sounds like you may want to talk to the boyfriend to see what the boyfriend says. You can talk to your parents and other support systems to make sense of the situation also. If you choose to break up with the boyfriend, you're perfectly justified. Think of this situation as something that occured before things got more serious, like marriage for examples. It could be a red flag permitting you to take a breather. You can choose to leave. If you choose to stay, I won't shame you for that. However, if a person cheats once, they may possibly do the same in the future. Please be careful if you choose to stay. Weigh out the pros and cons. I wish you the best of luck.
Anonymous
September 11th, 2019 2:44am
This is often a debate because the person who hooked up with someone else will often play the "but we were on a break" card. When couples choose to take a break, it is usually a time to reflect on things. What went wrong? What can you both do to better the relationship? Also, focus on yourselves. There's obviously something that went wrong. It's not a time to go around and hook up with other people because it will magically make you realize that you actually really love that person. Hooking up while you and your partner are on a break is a choice.
luminousFaith69
August 16th, 2019 2:19pm
This can definitely be a cause of less trust, which is fundamental when you're giving the relationship a second chance. However, it may also present an opportunity. Once you have made peace with your own emotions about it, telling him about them might help him to understand you better. The other way around works too. If you feel you can handle it, ask him why he did it in a non-judgmental way. This way you can learn what he finds important (sex, fear of being alone, female attention...?). Most importantly, always keep in mind that it happened in the past and although it can teach you a lot, it shouldn't matter if you have both decided to give it a second chance.
Anonymous
July 14th, 2019 3:56pm
It is not indeed a world end. If you both are sure that you love each other truly- there is no need to be afraid or angry. Also it represents the fact that he can’t be with someone else, because he tried and it didn’t work out so he wanted you (the one who he truly desires) again. Some people (maybe your boyfriend too) are too scared or lazy to work on problems so they just decide to eliminate them- like in your situation you had problems you decided to take a break and he decided to try and move on with someone new that he would have no problems with. (It doesn’t work like that and he understood it) So I’ve been in this kind of situation but I was “the boyfriend”. We got back together because I just knew I loved him and wanted him. Initially we broke up because we were just toxic for each other, but love does that sometimes, bringing parts of you even you didn’t knew were there. Talk, observe and find the best decision for both of you!
mightylove2014
November 21st, 2018 4:41am
I kind of had this happen to me except he chose to be with her when I decide the break was permanent. After fighting I was given one month to get out. So I moved on and started talking to someone else which made him very jealous. So much that I even seen him texting her complaining. I went home to take care of my dad while my sister went on vacation. And the whole time I was gone he would continually asking me to take him back and the moment I said no he would immediately call me names. Anyways a week later we got a truck and went got my stuff and I never seen him again. Oh and I sold his engagement ring he gave me for 5 bucks
ElaineSaysHello
July 5th, 2018 5:16am
At least he opened up to you about it now than never. This must be a shock to you and might upset you, so it's up to you to forgive, forget, and move on -- or decide to break up with him.
December4k
April 25th, 2018 11:58pm
Be understand yes it may hurt but he was probably seeing if he wanted to be with you and if you are still together clearly he did
Anonymous
April 15th, 2018 4:45am
He told you he hooked up with someone else while on a break? Did you make sure that was true? He could have been lying.
emillym19
March 29th, 2018 2:55am
Tell him how you honestly feel about the situation. If you are on a break, realistically, it is ok since there was no current commitment with you, but it is ok to say that it hurt you. Ask if it meant anything and how he feels about it. Other than that, try to move on.
Anonymous
March 28th, 2018 4:03am
You were on a break. Probably not the best idea for him to do that, but at least he was honest with you.
Anonymous
March 1st, 2018 9:12am
At least he is being honest talk it out with him and see if you still want to be together it might be hard but it will help you out just make sure your honest
Taminova
February 14th, 2018 12:49am
Wow. I will be mad. I will be happy that he was being honest with me by letting me know what happened during our time off from each other, but, this will mean that we will have to re-evaluate our relationship.
Hope39
February 7th, 2018 7:25pm
first question is how do you feel about him hooking up with someone while you were on break? next question is, are you willing to continue a relationship with someone knowing they may stray again or go back to the person they hooked up with while you were on break? most times when someone is into you, they stay loyal no matter if it's on break or during hard times in a relationship. you got to ask yourself if this is something you are okay with and be honest with yourself.
Anonymous
December 28th, 2017 10:37am
That is awful to hear. For many, breaks can mean different things, e.g we are still together but we are having space a part, or we are having a short break up. Perhaps this wasn't clear for your boyfriend? Talk to him, see what he thought a break meant. Did the hook up mean something to him? Why did he do it? Get more information for you to be able to make an informed decision on your relationship
allnaturalUnicorns70
December 8th, 2017 5:09pm
Everyone needs to set the boundaries of a relationship in advance, to avoid misunderstandings. "On break" means different things to different people. Maybe he understood that there was nothing wrong with him dating others?
eeveeon
December 6th, 2017 9:13am
No matter what happens, you decide what makes you happy. Technically, you were on a break, so there was no "relationship" unless otherwise stated or agreed. No one else can tell you what to do, so if this makes you sad and not want to be with him, then don't. As long as you don't take it out on him, either.
staticSilence
November 17th, 2017 1:02pm
Give him a chance to explain. Him being honest about it already says a lot about how he might be willing to make it up to you. Or, if he said it out of anger or spite, then he might not be the right one for you. Try talking things out first though. Understand his viewpoint on the matter, share your point of view, and talk things over calmly. If all goes well, then you can both move on from it with a stronger relationship.
DreamsOfWonders21
October 22nd, 2017 12:47am
The best thing to is leave him. Yes it will be hard but if he cheated on you while you were break then it's clear he is not worth your time and there is going to be someone out there that will try you right and will enjoy spending their time with you then without you.
Supergirl94
August 11th, 2016 12:42am
You have every right to feel the way you do. Assess how you feel and how you want to act upon that. I wouldn't do anything rash and sudden but take time to think things through. Talk with them about it. Why they did it, if it meant anything to them or not, why it did or did not mean anything to them, what his definition of a break was and if he felt he went beyond a boundary of a break, what he wants, what you want, if you still want to be together and why. Assess the relationship and how you feel about it all, both of you.
MaybellePepsi
July 22nd, 2016 2:21pm
The classic Friends' line comes up: "WE WERE ON A BREAK!!" - I can understand how difficult that is, have some time to think and reflect on things and then once the dust has settled, communicate with your boyfriend and think of a way forward together!
originalbraveheart63
October 13th, 2016 1:48pm
It was his choice to do so, it is never a mistake it is always a choice, but there are other better people out there.
Anonymous
August 27th, 2016 5:43am
How does this make you feel? If the shoe were on the other foot, how would you feel? Why do you think you would feel that way?
ColeL
June 17th, 2017 9:46pm
You really need to sit by yourself first and think in your head if this is something you can deal with and manage. If this is a deal breaker for you in terms of continuing a relationship, or if it's something that has turned you off to the idea of continuing romance with this person. And either option is okay. Don't worry about what friends will say, or what others will think. Really sit and think about the choice that calls to YOUR soul the most.
Anonymous
July 26th, 2017 5:04pm
Speak to your boyfriend and ask him what caused him to do that. Maybe he has a strong friendship with that person and they have a connection. Ask your boyfriend if she holds any importance to him and reassure him that you would never do that.
sereneNarwhal18
August 11th, 2017 4:57am
You were in a break and he was honest with you. He had the right to see whomever he wanted, as did you, if you were broken up. I'd be grateful that he was honest with you and move past it. If you can't then your relationship will struggle.
readingDream88
November 17th, 2017 3:38am
That sounds like it might be really difficult for you. Some people interpret "taking a break" different than others - he might have thought that taking a break meant it was okay for him to see other people during that time. The best thing is that he told you, which is better than finding out down the road! Have you tried talking to him more about this?
Anonymous
July 15th, 2020 8:23am
i completely understand where you are coming from. In a past relationship the same thing happened multiple times. I eventually noticed it wasn’t a healthy lifestyle and i deserved better. I broke up with him to take time on myself and work on myself to understand my worth. I understand you feel as if he might’ve been your everything but trust me you can get past this!! its hard but you have people here who will listen and help you. Take some time for yourself to learn your worth. You shouldn’t put up with someone else’s mistakes just because y’all are close or he’s your significant other. It’ll be hard but it’s all worth it!
AutumnSunset23
October 8th, 2020 8:43am
This is a difficult question to answer, unfortunately because it can be an often occurrence in relationships, especially ones that are new or you are younger. What you need to ask yourself is- why were you on break? Was it his decision or yours to go on break? How long have you been together and has he ever done this before? Evaluate the situation thinking about your own interests in mind. When someone "Cheats" whether on "break" or not, it hurts and it is not right. If you both initiated the break, weren't together for very long, you aren't happy in the relationship to begin with or you were having issues prior to the break, then I think you should walk away. The best thing is to discuss this with your boyfriend on a serious level and determine how much you trust him. Right now your trust level is probably pretty low but use your instincts. If something is telling you that what he did was wrong and he broke trust- then you need to look out for yourself. If you yourself wanted the break and are looking to date others, then maybe you can talk it through and work it out. Always establish boundaries though. If you decide to give him another chance, if it happens again, then breakup. It will be hard but you must keep your own self in mind. Also, did he lie about the hookup or did he admit it to you straight out? Was this a one time thing? Sometimes younger people in their late teens and in college, tend to want to explore their options. They are not ready for a serious relationship. Also, did you hook up with someone or think about it yourself before? If so, maybe you aren't ready for a relationship either. Often in college, Sometimes at a party after one too many drinks or feeling attracted to someone is not necessarily a bad thing. If you or he in this case, regrets it and feels horrible about it afterward, then maybe the relationship can work. If it is this kind of situation, then reconsider and talk to him about it. HOWEVER, if your intuition is saying not to trust him overall, his behavior and the way he treats you, and you have been together a long time or your past your college experimental days, then you must decide for yourself if this relationship is worth continuing. Break up with him if you do not trust his behavior, you think he's lying to you, or it's happened more than once. If you are not sure what to do, give it some space and do not talk to him. If he wants to be with you and is truly sorry and it was a one time thing, he will come back to you and you will know it was a mistake by the way he treats you. But always consider how you feel. Respect yourself always first and foremost. If you are unhappy in the relationship and he is acting like a "player," or lying to you about things, then leave the relationship permanently.
whimsicalTruth1467
September 26th, 2020 4:53am
How are you feeling? I'm sure you must be frustrated and sad and maybe even a little bit angry but I am here to talk! If you are experiencing any suicidal thoughts you should call the suicide hot line. I am here for you. Youre going to be okay. How do you know he hooked up with someone else? Are they really a reliable source? How did you feel when you found out? I was angry and sad when I found out. Just know you are cared for by the 7 cups community and you will be okay love!
Anonymous
December 13th, 2020 2:29pm
It can be a hard pill to swallow for sure. But we have to remember that not everyone has the same mentality or heart as us. A lot of times guys simply see it as a time where you both weren’t committed to each other so he could do whatever he wanted. Even if you could never imagine having the capacity to think about being with someone else.. This can be a super painful time for someone, believe me I know. The best thing you can do is communicate if this made you open your eyes to either want to be with him, and even if not. I wish you the absolute best in the future.