My ex haunts me, he did some pretty awful things to me, but I can't forget about him and I want to talk to him again, but I'm scared he might hurt me again, what do I do?
Last Updated: 08/31/2020 at 2:22am
Tracy-Kate Teleke, M.A., LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.
Top Rated Answers
If this individual has hurt you, please don't go back. There are much better people out there who would never dream of hurting you. I promise you that you are strong enough to make it out of a hurtful relationship, so don't give up!
Don't go back to the past, leave him for good if he ever hurt you and disrespected you then he's not good for you. Think of it as a blessing after all he put you through. Someday you're going to find the right guy and he will make you forget all about your ex.
If you are genuinely afraid of him (in harmful ways), it might be a better option to avoid contact with him. You should never be afraid of anyone, and if you are, you shouldn't speak with them. Please me careful, and contact authorities if you need help.
Seems like you are attached to your ex. People usually bond to the closest living being near them when going through a sad or traumatic event, so it is normal. I would seek professional help though because it seems like you ex is very agressive. Maybe try an abuse hotline. Hope all goes well!
Look to people that love and care about you. That is the very first step. If that doesn't work, try talking to someone who is trained on matters of the brain and thought process.
Firstly, it might be a good option to step back for a second and try to re evaluate the relationship. What exactly we are looking for in the relationship. A healthy relationship supposed to make each other grow to the better direction. From your story, you mentioned that your ex did something awful. Of course the unpleasant behaviour will affect ourself both conscious and unconsciously. We will be more careful and scared to approach the person as we will recall the things that person did. If you are planning to talk, you must be prepared to be more patience. People will not changing character over night. And in case of an adult, the change will be most likely based on self realisation rather than based on force. Hence, purposely trying to change someone is exhausting. Rather it might be a better approach to show people why some behaviour is good and why some is not and let the people decide. It takes time and effort with no guarantee of success. But if you think it worth the price, go for it.
Sometimes we want the most what hurts us the most. If this is a pattern and tendency to choose the partners who are abusive in some ways it seems that it is a good idea to double check why this pattern exist. If this is not a pattern, but a long term relationship went sour maybe we can observe our own feelings for a while before we act and see if this emotion persists. Most likely exes are exes for a reason. Time can be useful tool and use that tool to observe your own feelings and study your own patterns...there is no reason to rush and decide prematurely to go back and have a relationship that was primary cause of our pain.
This is a good time to think with your head logically. Sometimes people mess us up and make us dependent upon them so we cannot leave. If you know for certain that he isn't a good person, and that he had done bad things to you, then it's time to cut off contact and distance yourself as much as possible to keep yourself safe. Delete his information, avoid him if you have to. Eliminate any temptations to go back to him. Your mind knows best, listen to it if it senses danger. I wish you the best luck with it!
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