My ex thinks I mentally/emotionally abused her I loved her and still love her It's been 3 months. We share the same friends I accept its over.I'm grieving but it kills me she thinks I abused her Help?
4 Answers
Last Updated: 11/15/2021 at 5:55am
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Lauren Abasheva, LMHC
Licensed Professional Counselor
A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.
Top Rated Answers
The best way to get past the elephant in the room is to just talk to your ex about it. If you don't understand what you did to her, she seems to have a pretty good idea. Just ask her if you can talk and ask her what you did that made her feel this way.
Sadly, if you know for a fact that you weren't mentally or emotionally abusive toward her theres not much you can do. Her perception of what happened is just that "her perception" If you know you didn't do those things than don't let it bother you. As long as you know the truth who cares what others say or think. the truth is the truth. People can fabricate stories all they want, but it doesn't change the truth. I say move on and move on knowing that you are not the villain she's making you out to be.
It sounds like your definition and her definition of "abuse" are at odds. Have you tried talking to her? Asking her what she considers "abuse"? If no such abuse ever took place, perhaps her perception of abuse is skewed from previous relationships or experiences. On the other hand, is it possible that you said something to her that you wouldn't consider abusive, but she does (e.g., "Wow, that was such a stupid mistake!" -or- "You're always dropping things, butter finger!"). If you genuinely cannot understand where the disconnect is coming from, it may be time to talk about it.
Unfortunately, if that's how your ex perceived your behavior towards her, there is nothing else to do but reflect on that and move forward. Sometimes the way we love hurts others even if we don't mean it to do so. It's upsetting to think that someone you cared about deeply did not receive your affection the way you intended it and may think ill of you, but you can't control how people feel about you. You can only control your own actions and how you respond to what happens to you. It might help to take some time away from the mutual friends so that you can heal.
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