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My long-term boyfriend told me that my mental health has affected him and he just wants to be friends as though nothing more ever happened. This really hurts me. What should I do?

169 Answers
Last Updated: 11/21/2021 at 5:15am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Tara Davis, Doctorate in Counselling Psychology


I have worked successfully with a wide range of difficulties. Nothing is more important than developing a warm, compassionate relationship with someone you can trust

Top Rated Answers
September 4th, 2016 5:03pm
Respect the wishes of those we hold dear, those whom are our family and friends. That is, so long as doing so is not detrimental to our own health or well-being. It is easy to feel slighted. But, look past this situation ... remove your own self from it. If it was your brother, and he had a wonderful girlfriend who loved the person he was, but felt she couldn't be his fiancé or wife one day ... she just wanted to be his friend. Would that not touch your heart? Sure, you'd feel a little bad for your brother, but wouldn't you also be glad that she chose to be honest? And, wants to be his friend. It only hurts because it is ourselves we bombard with doubt when someone seemingly rejects us.
September 8th, 2016 8:12am
Don't be so hard on yourself. If it wasn't meant to be it wasn't meant to be. It sounds like it is best to move on.
September 9th, 2016 12:11am
In my personal experience, you should tell him how you feel about this, but also consider his opinion.
September 9th, 2016 6:16pm
Relationships is definitely both way agreement; If he thinks he can't stay your boyfriend let him go .
September 24th, 2016 12:18am
You need to put yourself first, work on yourself. If he feels that way, leave him to it. You just need to focus on you. It'll be hard at first. Time heals.
September 29th, 2016 11:36pm
If you truly love him then you should support him in any way possible, but if you think you might hurt yourself in the process then it is best you move on.
October 22nd, 2016 10:07am
you know for a passionate relationship both partners need to be in good mental health if you are in that state certainly your state hurting him as well but you need to check out how you feel about life how you feel him now if you think you are mentally ok then you need to talk to him candidly what is happening. but if you are depressed then you need to find ways that include professional help and body care since doing body excersise affects our mental state as well .you need to learn to look life in a new way that life always demands we must grow we must progress
October 22nd, 2016 3:02pm
Unfortunately there isn't much you can do. If he doesn't see the value in your relationship then it's his loss. Keep working on you and the people who are meant to be in your life will stay standing by your side to support you. If you feel like you can try being friends with him then try it out, otherwise maybe it's best if you go some time without contact so you can focus on you. If it's meant to be then you may reconnect down the road but there are many fish in the sea!
November 5th, 2016 12:10pm
I am going through the same. I love him too much so I stayed ther though I shouldnt have. But I suggest you to let him know you cannot do that, if you truly love him. As it will hurt you only, every day, like it hurts me, daily.
November 14th, 2016 8:43pm
Just be friends and see where that takes you because it might be the best thing to do until he figures out what he wants to do.
November 18th, 2016 11:34pm
I know this hurt you to hear this from him, It is sad that this has happened to you. And what I will say may seem a bit harsh here. But I think maybe a break between the two of you would be great, take a break and work on your mental health issues for awhile then try reconnecting with him. Honestly there isn't much you can here other than respect what he has told you and accept what he has told you. If you really love him you would respect his wishes and not try to push or fight against it. Remember love is not all about what you want, it is about making compromises and sacrifices even if they aren't what you want. You do it because you love the person and you want what is best for them even if it hurts you in the process.
November 30th, 2016 11:22pm
The fact that he is willing to put himself first and hurt you so badly, I would say let him go. Yes it will hurt but when you find that person who loves you for being you, you will know that this relationship ended for a good reason
December 2nd, 2016 2:48pm
You should be your main priority and so should your mental health. Just as someone with a physical disability would focus on getting better, so should you focus on becoming better too. I understand it can be difficult to lose people from your life that you care about, especially when it can effect you in such a way. However, you need to surround yourself with understanding people. Someone who doesn't understand and is affected by your pain will not be able help you progress with these feelings. Keep being strong and looking after yourself. You deserve to be surrounded by positivity.
December 9th, 2016 12:59am
I say just let him go, and be friends. You need to find a guy who will support you through your health, not drop you for it.
December 16th, 2016 3:01am
If you are feeling he is wrong, you should have a face to face conversation with him. You should tell him how hurt you were and how you felt toward your long-term relationship with him. Discuss with him in person, make sure there are no one else; do not go to places like McDonalds, and you should be the one planning time and place. Be confident when you talk to him and really express how you felt.
December 17th, 2016 10:00pm
Talk with someone you trust about the whole situation, I'm a big believer that the best mode of coping is through communication.
December 23rd, 2016 10:20am
You deserve someone BETTER. Your long-term boyfriend should love you enough to stand by you through thick and thin. Its hard to be with someone that has issues, but love is all about accepting the person the way he/she is no matter what. He should stand by you no matter what. I know its hard to let people go, but if he doesn't want to be with you anymore just because you have an issue, than its time to find someone who HELP you combat that issue and not throw it away.
December 30th, 2016 5:09am
You should not feel ashamed for getting help for mental health. Move on. There is someone more supportive out there.
February 5th, 2017 5:12am
Not everyone is strong enough to handle the mental health of others; however, expecting you to behave as if you two were never anything more than friends is unrealistic. One of the first steps in healing from any break -up is taking the time to put yourself and your well being first. Your mental illness is not something you chose and is not something that is your fault. That being said focusing on what you need to heal should be priority number one. If it hurts to be friends with this person, then it may require that you take time away from them until you are in a better place. Perhaps further down the road you can revisit the relationship if the opportunity presents itself.
February 11th, 2017 12:38pm
Realize that at some point, he's not ready to accept you. The whole you, including your flaws. I would suggest to get some space away from him. Being friends will only bring you more heartache, and you don't deserve that.
March 15th, 2017 9:13pm
Let him know that you possibly disagree or how it hurt you, but you let him know that you're still an amazing regardless what he might think and just don't surround yourself around someone who hurts you or thinks you hurt them. No reason to surround yourself around someone like that.
April 16th, 2017 6:21pm
One cannot force another to take back such a grave statement. If being "just friends," is found to be a viable option, there's no need to hesitate. But if it is not, one can just as easily move on, if so "easily" it can be dubbed.
June 15th, 2017 3:32pm
I'm sorry to hear that. I've been in your shoes, and I completely understand how it feels when your partner walks all over you. I think you could choose to look at the upside here, atleast you now know that he won't have your back in the future had you taken your relationship to the next level. Let this hurt make you wiser and stronger in terms of being self dependent.
June 16th, 2017 12:31pm
It looks like you and your boyfriend are facing some relationship problems. I think you shouls sit in a quite place and discuss about everything.
June 29th, 2017 1:05pm
You both need to sit down and have a serious talk about this issue. You both need to be openly honest and be understanding.
June 30th, 2017 2:17am
Do whatever feels best for you but do take care of yourself while also respecting his wishes. Talking to family, friends, or even a professional can help with this as well.
July 2nd, 2017 6:19pm
Although this decision may hurt, you must respect his choice. You may both be able to grow, whilst remaining friends as he suggested. The initial separation will be difficult. as of course, you have been together for a long time, but after some time you may find that you are in fact able to be friends.
July 7th, 2017 2:25am
Ask him why he has decided this. Does he want to see other people? If the new arrangement doesn't suit you, leave him and work toward another relationship that does. Decide what you want and tell him how you feel. But also put yourself in his shoes. If the cause really is your mental health affecting him, talk to a therapist to learn about treatment options so it isn't such an issue in future relationships.
July 9th, 2017 6:42pm
accept his decision and try to understand his point of view as much as possible. mental illness takes a toll on everybody, and we should be kind and compassionate towards those who not only experience it first hand.
July 14th, 2017 11:43pm
Thank him for his friendship, can you find value in his desire to be your friend? I'm sorry for your hurt, can you share where you are feeling that hurt, what does this hurt want you to know? You are doing good, you are taking time to reach out and share what is happening for you at this time in your life, Please know that you are cared for and it is okay to feel your feelings, all of your feelings are important. I am listening...