My long-term boyfriend told me that my mental health has affected him and he just wants to be friends as though nothing more ever happened. This really hurts me. What should I do?
Last Updated: 03/10/2021 at 7:28pm
Collin McShirley, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I love helping people overcome challenges with food, depression, and anxiety. My work with clients is nonjudgement, supportive, and kind.
Top Rated Answers
You should whatever makes you feel better. Don't take into much consideration what other people think of you. If they can't handle you through your rough patches, they're probably not worth your time...
Sometimes it is difficult for people to take care of the other person. It's okay just let him go. You can't force him to stay because it will be good for neither of you. You have your whole life ahead of you and you will meet all kinds of people. If being friends is what he wants and if you are comfortable with this, then make him your friend and with time if he could ever gather the strength to take care of him and you as well then it is great otherwise don't feel bad. You will eventually get someone who will be there for you always no matter what. Just let him go at this moment.
I would ask him if he still love me and also decide on own feelings. I would also like to know whether when he said "friends", does he really mean it? How much would he still be there for this "friend"? Whatever the answers are, I'll let him go. If he doesn't love me as much as I need or want him and no longer wants me as his girl, what's the point of being together anyway. It would be nice if he's still willing to listen and check back with me from times to times. There will be someone else out there who will love me like I wanted and I'll figure some way to get better with my mental health on my own for now.
While it may be a heart break perhaps it was a bit too heavy of a weight for him to handle. Try to imagine dating yourself and that's how he feels. I don't think nothing happened and I bet it hurts him but he feels it's best for him right now. I would be supportive and start loving someone else; you. Heart break is a devastating thing and we always look for something or someone to cast blame on. If you don't blame your past partner then you blame yourself. Don't play the blame game and learn to love you and to relaize that if he doesn't love you for you then it's for the best. Take care of you first and decide if just being friends is ok or not.
You should tell him how you really feel. Speaking your mind is sometimes what someone needs to get the clarification they need to feel better. I understand you feel hurt, relationships can really have a hard effect on someone. Talking is key.
You should tell your boyfriend about how you feel and why his words hurt you. Maybe ask for some space. Then decide if you're capable of creating a friendship with him in future, If not then tell him that and try to move on.
Everything in life happens for a reason, evaluate the areas in your life and seek an evalutaion from your physician, mental health is very important.
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This happens with every relationship, he just needed some space for now. Please give him some space to think and get back to you.
Meditate, meditate, meditate (but don't do too much in one day!) Soon enough, you will be right as rain, and a beacon of love for all that meet you.
You can't force anyone to stay. What I have found helpful is to think like this: if the other person can't stand something in me that I can't change, he/she can't be the right person for me!
You should have a conversation sharing your feelings and doubts with him. Communication is key in a relationship. If you think that he does not taking your feelings into consideration then you should do what you feel is right. If he cares about you as much as you do with him then he'll try and work it out with you as much as he could.
It's very hard to deal with ultimatums that people you love have given you. Trying to accept that we can't be everything to everyone is key. Talking to someone is very useful and understanding that it's not about you is a good start. This doesn't mean you are a bad person, or have done anything wrong. It just means your boyfriend isn't capable of dealing with the feelings he is going through. Taking care of yourself is key here.
Sometimes we have to stop and focus on ourselves in order to be any good for someone else. If you feel your mental health needs to be addressed then take those steps to get the help you need.
What you should do is try to empathize his own hurt and feelings, respect his decision to end the relationship, and try to better yourself and your connection moving forward. Of course, this isn't going to be what any part of you wants to do. One of the hardest realizations to come to when you struggle with mental illness or disorder than harms you everyday is that those around you are also affected... sometimes, the impact is great enough to distance them from you. Sometimes, the impact is hidden, but present nonetheless. It's agonizing to know that you have hurt someone, especially inadvertently and due to something you cannot control or battle with. As much as your heart is telling you to apologize, and beg, and promise, and compromise... sometimes, the best thing that you can do for the ones that you love is let them go so that both of you can heal.
To be brutally honest...he isn't mature enough for you. Leave him and tell him to grow up. Don't remain friends because that will hinder your progress. Go on fighting...you will find your man
Propose other options to dealing with this. Could you seek out couples counseling? Let him know this hurts you and is not what you want. But remember he has the right to opt out of a relationship at any time.
You're worth a boyfriend who supports you and cares for you, so maybe it's a good idea to be just friends and wait for true love.
Well, I guess I would take this on board and get therapy to help me either win him back (should he be prepared) or to at least help myself out in order to prevent this from happening again
Well, you can't really force him to stay with you. Tell him how you feel, but if he refuses to stay with you, then stay his friend. If it hurts too badly, then you need to find other friends, otherwise you two should be good friends.
It's sad, because mental health stigma can hurt and impact so many relationships. If you can, discuss this with him and share your feelings. I hope everything works out for you
Mental health can impact our loved ones, just as it does us. Many seem to think that because our illnesses are hidden in our minds, they wont cause a problem, and the illness wont affect them. Think of your mental health like cancer- its there and there really isnt much you can do about it, but you still need support, therefore you will surround yourself with those who support you. If someone told you they couldnt be with you because you have cancer, you wouldnt think highly of them, right? This is very similar.
Its his strict no physical or emotional contact policy. Though it appears like this. However, this is him. You can't force him to think happy or sad for you. Chose wisely.
I think you should tell him how much you appreciate his courage in coming to you, and thank him for his love thus far. I'd tell him you're seeking therapy from a professional, and actually do it. I'd tell him that hopefully you have an opportunity to show him the new woman you've become some day soon.
Talk to him, see why he feels that way and see if there’s anything you can do. And maybe being friends is best if he would just leave like that.
I believe we cannot force people to like us, to accept us the way we want. But surely, one day we will meet someone who can accept us no matter how imperfect we are..
As much as it hurts, you have to respect his decision. Not everyone is capable of holding space for those of us that are struggling with mental illness. Reaching out to friends who get me, connecting with myself, connecting with nature, and speaking to my therapist are things I have done when I've been let down like this.
Sadly, sometimes people are not able to cope with others who have mental health issues. This does not mean that you have done something wrong, but it means that some people do not know how to cope and give the proper support you need. The best thing you can do is to remember we can not control how others feel or how they react to us, but we can control ourselves. Take some time for self care and talk about things with friends and family. Keep moving forward and reach your full potential as you are meant to do!
Ask him why he feels this way and what help could be provided to you to help you get through the hard mental state and if he refuses and says he can’t love you because your mental health he never truly loved you
Sadly as much as you'd like to convince him to stay it's something you will have to respect. Perhaps you could sit down and talk with him about it, see if you can come to a resolution.
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