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My partner and I keep breaking up and getting back together again. I don't know what to do any more.

145 Answers
Last Updated: 06/08/2021 at 4:38am
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
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Stacey Kiger, LPC

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My belief is that therapy is not about giving advice, but joining you on your journey

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous - Expert in Breakups
November 3rd, 2014 10:22pm
awe im sorry. whats going on that makes u guys breakup? u dont have to answer if u dont want too. im here to listen
November 15th, 2014 5:01pm
I think in situations like this it is best to let them go. It isn't healthy or fair to either person to have an on again off again relationship. Sometimes when we love someone the best thing to do is let them go, and that is a way of showing you love them. Because you want them to be happy not miserable. Sometimes people come into our life as a lesson, and not our forever and always. It is up to us to figure out the lesson. Just because you let go doesn't mean its goodbye forever. You two could stay close and in touch.but sometimes we are just simply meant for another soul. And that other soul fits ours better then anyone else ever could
January 10th, 2016 9:31pm
It means that you're both holding on to something. It means you both know you aren't in a perfect relationship, but still trying your best to keep up your relationship together. It means you both love each other.
November 8th, 2014 4:56pm
whatever arguments your partner is gnna throw.. just say.. "i love you and im not ganna leave you no matter how shitty you are"... "shut up... ill cook you dinner." (hugss and kisses.. )
October 22nd, 2014 9:47pm
Sometimes relationships can be really complicated, especially when those involved do not know what they want from each other and from the relationship. Breaking up and getting back together over and over can cause emotional damage and permanently affect the level of trust in the relationship. When dealing on what to do about this situation, you and your partner should really sit down and talk about what you both are feeling. You need to consider each other's desires, goals, wishes, and needs, and think if you are both in the same page. Sometimes it is better to break up for good in order to avoid further emotinal scarring and confusion. It may be hard to accept, but in many situations, breaking up is the best thing to do.
November 5th, 2014 5:23am
Maybe it is time for a break between you two. Sometimes people are not meant to be together, and sometimes space helps that situation. Love always finds a way back if it is true, but if it is not then do not worry. Someone is out there for you
July 24th, 2015 9:36pm
Honestly, I wouldn't know what to tell you about this because I am going through the same thing. Except it's usually always his choice to break things off. I still have no clue as to what I should do, because no matter what I still love him and he has put me through more than enough. I would suggest that you two figure out what it is that keeps you together and what keeps you apart. What caused the break up? Ask yourself those questions. Have a heart to heart conversation with your partner and let them know how you're feeling because in the long run it's only going to either get worse or put you under a lot of stress. Good luck!! :)
October 11th, 2015 10:39pm
It sounds like this on-and-off relationship is becoming tiresome, which is reasonable--there seems to always be an issue between you and your partner, then you guys come up with a "solution,", and get back together. Being in a relationship makes it very, very hard to even think about the idea of never getting back together, thus continuing this cycle. It's all up to you about what you want to do with your relationship, but I'd say what matters at the end of the day in YOUR life is how you feel when you look in the mirror every morning and how happy you really are inside. Think about what qualities you want in a relationship. Relationships can't be perfect of course but remember that your own happiness should be the most important thing to consider,
April 23rd, 2016 4:31pm
Ask yourself whether or not you truly want to be with that person or if you are just scared to be alone, to start something new.
October 29th, 2014 8:55pm
If you are continuously on and off then it's obvious that you don't need this person in life anymore. If they aren't going to stay with you then you don't need to stay with them. Find someone who will be there and not continuously leave and come back.
February 22nd, 2016 2:13pm
Before you guys get together again, both of you need to know and figure out why does your relationship keep on falling apart whenever you patch things up. I believe that the first thing you guys need to answer
October 23rd, 2014 11:44am
Relationships are hard and need lots of work and patience a work in progress and learning to except each other as individuals
October 28th, 2014 2:42am
set an ultimatum with each other that you are going to either make it work this time or be done all together
November 10th, 2014 7:34am
You have to decide if the reasons you are getting back together are more important then the reasons you are splitting up. If it is a some one that you truly love and believe is worth trying for then do not give up on them. But if it is harmful to you on an emotional level then maybe it's best to decide to give it up.
May 11th, 2017 5:58pm
I came here because I'm in the same situation and I was looking for some extra motivation to move on-because I know that's what's best for both of our mental stability-but instead I found myself wanting to share my two-cents. I believe you both may be struggling with separation anxiety due to co-dependency or unhealthy attachment to one another. Both co-dependency and attachment disguise itself as Love. You may feel like you love the person and don't want to be without them, but that's just fear taking over and keeping you from moving on. Break-Ups are very tough and we all naturally want a return on our time, emotions and finances that we invested into this dysfunction we think is love. But believe you me, it's over and there's nothing to repair not any possibility of it ever being what you really wanted it to be. Move on hunny, you'll thank yourself late.
December 23rd, 2015 4:03pm
You have to stop and evaluate the relationship to see if it's healthy for you mentally, physically and emotionally. There's obviously love in your heart to keep going back but sometimes the best things to do for ourselves are the hardest things to do. If the relationship has not been healthy, the best thing to do is to leave. I believe we all deserve to be happy in all relationships and should never feel like we can't be at our best. Keep your head up.
February 5th, 2016 10:33pm
I've been in that position. The best thing to do is take time for yourself, work on yourself and try to stay away from there for a bit. I find when people break up that many times its obviously for a reason and you need to both move on.
June 4th, 2016 6:20pm
I guess that your time to stay strong has come. It can't always be on and off again and again and its pretty obvious that something needs to be done. Usually relationships that were damaged by breakups are hard to repair. Partners become less of a friends but of a competitors, trying to prove their opinion. So you should both stop causing pain to each other and have a last talk when you will explain everything you feel.
June 29th, 2015 7:53am
You need to seat down with your partner and discuss the cause of the break up, you have to end the foundation of this break up by discussing what is the reason behind why you can't be in a happily relationship. Find a nice romantic place and surprise him/her, then seat and sincerely talk of what is the problem. let everything on the table!
July 27th, 2015 1:33pm
I've personally been in this situation. You fight and take it to the extreme where you break up and then you start to wonder why you took it so serious & get back together. This isn't healthy and I've learned that from experience. You need to put your happiness first always, always, always. If the fighting and arguing is to the point where you have to break up I strongly suggest you sit down & have a serious talk with your partner, if you don't do it now then when will you?
December 13th, 2015 7:29pm
You shouldn't give him any chances anymore, your partner usually deserves only 2 or 3 chances, but if he/she is being dishonest or aggressive with you constantly then you should dump them and seek for a better person that will love you truly
December 12th, 2015 6:16pm
If you keep breaking up over and over agin then don't go back to them. If they just keep breaking your heart why would you want that pain over and over and over again.
April 24th, 2016 7:30pm
I've been in this situation before. In my opinion, if you broke up once, it was for a reason and staying apart is likely to be a good decision. What I'd do is cut all contact with them for half a year. If you meet after those 6 months and decide that you're in a better place now and really want to get back together, you can do that. It's not like they'll be Gone Forever or something. But you'd give yourself some time to figure out how to be okay, alone, before getting back with them. Or maybe after the 6 months you decide that you don't want to get back with them, and that's also okay! Having some space to figure out what YOU want and need can make it easier to make that sort of decision.
October 23rd, 2014 6:54pm
If you keep on doing this "game", it will always end in tears. You should tell your partner that you have to have a serious conversatioun, where you try to figure out what's going wrong. And if you realize that actually the main causes of breaking up a bigger than the causes why you should be together, then you'll have to end the "game", and just separate and go your own way. Kt is hard in the beginning, I know, but you can do it
March 13th, 2015 5:15am
One of the most challenging things about relationships, any kind, is communication. Think about what may be causing you both to keep fighting, and address the problem(s). Don't get frustrated and always think positively! If you both really love each other and are there for one another, you'll get through this. Also think about if this relationship is for you or not. If it is, then do your best to work out the problem(s). If it isn't, maybe you should consider learning from this experience, moving on, and finding someone you are more compatible with. Good luck!
October 16th, 2014 11:38am
you should both sit together and have a talk about it maybe you'll come to a decision that will be great for both sides
April 22nd, 2015 1:37pm
In my experience, it is important to look at the "why" of breaking up, and the "why" of getting back together again. Relationships can take a lot of work, and they absolutely need open communication in order to be successful. It might be a good idea to sit down with your partner and discuss the relationship and both of your expectations of it. These kinds of conversations can be very revealing and can provide direction as to where to go from here. I hope that helps. :)
September 14th, 2015 3:31pm
Ups and down are a basic part of relationship but it does not nessessarily mean we have to break. Coming to a common consensus is a better option to do
April 23rd, 2015 12:13am
If things can't be resolved maybe it's time for some couples therapy. The roller coaster of emotions can't be good for either of your well being. A couples therapist can work with the two of you on communicating with each other and help the two of you work through your issues. You both should be willing and open to the experience for it to be effective.
October 25th, 2014 9:01pm
Determine why you keep breaking up. Decide whether or not the relationship is worth the constant make up break up.