My partner and I keep breaking up and getting back together again. I don't know what to do any more.

141 Answers
Last Updated: 07/03/2018 at 6:59pm
★ This question about Breakups was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
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Top Rated Answers
ChiaraIsNowAvailable
February 5th, 2018 7:13pm
The question is, why do you keep breaking up? Sit down with your partner and try to thoroughly and indepthly analyze the situation - if you need some help, visiting a couples counselor might be a good idea.
Anonymous
November 7th, 2014 12:43pm
What do you really want in this relationship? Are you sure it is worth pursuing? Try to think things if it is worth keeping or not?
Swifting
December 16th, 2015 7:34am
For most relationships which are on again and off again I recommend remembering the reasons that you're no longer together. It seems to be that the reason you're apart is always a legitimate reason that reoccurs. Sometimes, people just don't work long term.
NehaIrie
May 11th, 2017 5:58pm
I came here because I'm in the same situation and I was looking for some extra motivation to move on-because I know that's what's best for both of our mental stability-but instead I found myself wanting to share my two-cents. I believe you both may be struggling with separation anxiety due to co-dependency or unhealthy attachment to one another. Both co-dependency and attachment disguise itself as Love. You may feel like you love the person and don't want to be without them, but that's just fear taking over and keeping you from moving on. Break-Ups are very tough and we all naturally want a return on our time, emotions and finances that we invested into this dysfunction we think is love. But believe you me, it's over and there's nothing to repair not any possibility of it ever being what you really wanted it to be. Move on hunny, you'll thank yourself late.
glowlisten
January 27th, 2016 10:30pm
Think about what made you break up in the first place. Then think about what made you get back together. Repeat that step and think about the positives vs the negatives.
Anonymous
March 20th, 2016 8:59am
All you have to do is ask yourself, is he the one worth fighting for? Is yes, try to find a way to stabilize you guys relationship. If no, then let him go and try not to let him back in.
dancingPillow85
March 31st, 2016 11:24pm
Decide if you need this kind of a relationship in your life or nah. They may take you for granted, just make sure they are not abusive and toxic people.
shiningDay13
March 18th, 2015 8:25pm
It sounds like you and your partner love each other, but also have a lot of unresolved issues. Have you tried having a serious discussion with them about the reason(s) why you two keep breaking up? To avoid getting too caught up in the moment and getting too confrontational, you can bring your reasons or questions as reference.
Lalaxoxo
January 1st, 2016 6:03pm
This is something that needs to be sorted between you and your partner. If you feel like this will continue, and in the end, it will turn into nothing, then maybe talking about what to do is the best. However, you are the person who knows your partner.. not us. So taking our advise will not help, as we do not know them. It would be good to talk through it though with them.. As it may help the relationship become a bit more healthier. But do what suits you best and makes you happier in the long run xoxoxo
livdawg05
January 31st, 2016 3:35am
Find someone better! If thats how it is if you get married, is that going to work out?? Set your standards high!
Skygivesyoulight
March 26th, 2016 6:25pm
Set the rules. Tell them it can't be this way. Make up their mind. Do the work or forget about the relationship. Very unhealthy.
asyousee
October 19th, 2014 7:36pm
I hope you will choose the right way just tust your feelings. You sholud try to put something different else someone.
adorableviserys404
August 25th, 2015 11:46am
Do you love him?If you don't love him.Tell him you don't want to be with him.That is better for both of you.
ssimmons2
December 16th, 2015 5:33am
Your happiness and health are most important. You must do what's best for you and not feel guilty.
Anonymous
January 29th, 2016 12:06pm
When you break-up there is always a reason behind it, if you cant fix it and remain together its time to move on and find someone else.
Tahsin
February 4th, 2016 6:44am
Ask yourself if what you have with this person is worth the back and forth. Ask yourself if this person is really what you want in your life. Ask yourself if what is going on between you and this said person is healthy for you at all. That's how you come to a solution. That's how you realize what to do. Think of how this affects you and work to change it.
Anonymous
March 26th, 2016 5:38pm
Why do you keep breaking up? If it's an issue that is fixable then you can work towards solving the problem but if it's not something you can work out and compromise together, then should you really be getting back together?
Anonymous
April 15th, 2016 8:39pm
Clearly if you and your partner are breaking up and keep getting back together again, the relationship is not stable. I suggest breaking it off forever without trying to find a sollution to be stable because a corrupted and fragmented relationship always has many problems that can't be solved all at once.
ActiveListener0809
July 27th, 2015 2:31am
Look at the reasons why you break up. Are these reoccurring? If so, is that what makes you happy or do want to move forward without that person.
Zer0Carter
January 7th, 2016 6:15pm
It all depends on what you're comfortable with and how you feel about it. If you still like your partner that way, and you've not initiated these breakups, a serious discussion could mend some issues.
bRenda09
January 20th, 2016 4:31pm
It's a habit most couples tend to go through. Especially, the young couples. I've experienced this myself. What you need to do is give each other some space. Stay broken up for a good solid 2 weeks maybe even month. Within that tI'm you will realize if you truly want to be with each other or were simply together because of habit and the fact that you two were used to being together. Good Luck.!
Anonymous
January 22nd, 2016 5:31pm
What's to pint of keeping somebody if they just hurt you. You're suppseo to live life to the fullest, be happy, live in the moment, but with an anchor in your life, you can't do that. This "anchor" is only going to drag you down and prevent you from going forward and living.
sarahhangelica
February 10th, 2016 2:18am
It's important to understand that all relationships have their ups and downs. If you're partner causes you to have anger, irritability, or sadness, this may be a sign that you two need to communicate and talk about how you two feel.
Caringmagic60
February 11th, 2016 2:25pm
It's a common thing to fight with partners. But every time there's no need to break up. Should be wise enough to handle fights. If you don't love truly you can't get back
Anonymous
April 9th, 2016 9:45am
Do what feels right in your gut. Perhaps even make a list for yourself (don't let them see it though!) about pros and cons of being together and being apart, and just see how you feel. Examine the reasons why you are breaking up. Is there anything that can be done to reduce the arguments? Are they down to a specific problem, e.g. you always fight after one of you has drunk a lot? Have a talk with them and ask them about why they feel this is happening, and try to settle on what you both ultimately want. Perhaps seeing a therapist could also help with this.
luminousPeace19
September 20th, 2016 5:34am
Breaking and getting back is not a problem as long as both of your desire to come back remains intact.
Anonymous
December 30th, 2015 12:25pm
Breaking up and getting back together is a common relationship problem. That is how you know you guys either need a break, some space away from each other can help both of you realize how much you guys love each other, or can help you guys realize it just wasn't meant to be. The biggest thing you guys can do if you want your relationship to work is to talk about it and change the problem. Compromise and change is always necessary in relationships and help strengthen them a lot.
vonniebee
January 14th, 2016 6:47pm
Try having an honest conversation about why you keep breaking up. There may be problems that you two aren't addressing that's creating tension in the relationship. Having a serious conversation, while being open to each other's feelings and thoughts will not only help relieve stress in the relationship, but it'll build up trust between the two of you. It would also do well for you to be honest with yourself if you think the relationship won't work the way you want it to. Things may need to end, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. If it doesn't work out, maybe you two can be friends, and have a love that is platonic, instead.
tranquilSunshine35
January 20th, 2016 7:19am
weigh the pros and cons of this on again off again behavior. ask yourself is it time to let go. is it time to move on? are you hindering your meeting that someone special?
Bubblyeater
February 11th, 2016 8:40am
I've been there before. I thought she could be the one. Sometimes love is such a strong feeling that blinds us from the truth. If you want to stay with him/her together in future, sit down and communicate, If not, tell him/her the truth. Love is letting the person we love to be happy. If you can't let that person happy, then stop the pain. If you can, solve it with him/her. It's not easy, but it's possible to end the chaos.