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Should I go back to him/her?

206 Answers
Last Updated: 06/08/2022 at 11:13am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Lisa Meighan, MSc Psychology


Hello, I am Lisa and I work in a person-centred approach mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy. I believe we all have the potential to be the best we can be.

Top Rated Answers
September 21st, 2016 2:18pm
It depends on a lot of things. If you feel like the relationship was positive, and ended over something silly, then definitely go back to them. But it's always best to find someone to talk to about the relationship first - to get everything out in the air. Sometimes, there's a lot you might not be able to see.
September 23rd, 2016 12:29am
No. don't go back. If it didn't work out the first time, most likely it won't the next. Don't go back to a dead relationship.
September 23rd, 2016 10:55am
if he / her has respected and loved you enough. And are not feeling the same as you felt around that person. then whynot?
September 25th, 2016 2:55pm
The answer is not as easy as a yes or no. Sometimes what we want might be harmful for us. There was a reason you walked away from him/her. That reason could resurface and it probably would. think about why you left in the first place. Think about whether they want you to come back or now. Find out if they have changed. Talk to them about all this first. Then decide.
September 25th, 2016 6:30pm
The question is did you break up with him/her or did they break up with you? What was the reason? Is this person kind ? Did they care about you? Do you love them for who they are? Do they love you for who you are?
September 28th, 2016 8:20pm
If they hurt you in any way deliberately, then no. If it was a small accident, maybe. It all depends on circumstances really.
September 29th, 2016 2:57am
I think that is a pretty broad question. I believe it depends on your ability to forgive and their ability and desire to make things right or vice versa. Love is a choice, not a feeling, so you can choose to return to this person if you want to. Asking yourself several questions will be important. Is this a healthy relationship or do we both have a desire for it to become healthy? Do we have the same goals and values in life? Make-ups and breaks up can be like riding an emotional roller coaster which is not good for anyone. If you both desire to work things out and make a commitment to being involved in a healthy relationship than maybe going back could be considered.
September 30th, 2016 7:53pm
Depend on the situation. If he/she give a hint like they're still in love with you, and you still love them, why not? But if long time ago, your relationship is abusive,think wisely. And if he/she cheated before, again think wisely. We dont want to experience same bad things twice.
October 8th, 2016 10:37pm
Usually this should be a big no especially if you care more than them. They will see it as a power shift subconsciously and they will be in control. You may also not be missing them or need them, but you're missing the feeling of having someone and the idea of it. It is hard to remove someone from a mental pedestal but once you do you will realise how they really are. It's never the same after a breakup and it always ends harder the second time. You need to work on someone else and getting them out of your life.
October 16th, 2016 11:48am
This is a very subjective question, firstly if you have this thought make sure you talk to the person in question. Also, ask friends and family to confirm what you remember is not exaggerated or understated. Before doing anything put a day in between doing anything to give yourself time to think.
October 16th, 2016 8:49pm
That's something that you truly need to ask yourself. What was the reason that you left? Has that changed? Has anything changed within yourself, within them, within your relationship that would make it better this time?
October 26th, 2016 3:37pm
It depends on your relationship, you know if it was a healthy or unhealthy one. If you spent your time with him/her worrying or arguing and being unhappy then you should really ask yourself whether you are better without them.
October 26th, 2016 10:28pm
This decision is based on your experience with this person. If they bring a positive feeling to your life, it may be a good decision. If they negatively affect you, going back to them may not help you or them. You are the expert on you and your relationships. The right answer will com to you.
October 27th, 2016 5:54pm
I've had Obsessive Compulsive Behaviour and Depression for a long time and overcame both, mainly by using that energy in a positive way for my life.
November 2nd, 2016 3:18pm
That really depends on the situation and everything that is going on. Also, I can't make that decision for you.
November 5th, 2016 6:55am
If you love him/her, then yes, you should. If you really enjoy their company, if you really feel a deep passionate love for this person, then go ahead.
November 5th, 2016 7:07pm
I believe a general rule to follow when making a decision like this would be to reflect upon your experiences with the person. Think about the good times, and the bad times. After that, I think it is important to decide whether the good outweighed the bad in your relationship, or if there is evidence that your relationship would have the good outweigh the bad in the future. It can be tempting to go back to him/her because of the painful separation, but it's important to think logically instead of emotionally, and hope you make the right decision.
November 6th, 2016 1:10pm
There are so many different factors to consider. Ask yourself all the pros and con first and then spend sometime filtering those down.
November 10th, 2016 3:30pm
Depends on the reason you broke up. Then think if you would be able to be happy knowing why you broke up
November 11th, 2016 6:13am
I think if you ended the relationship because of relationship dissatisfaction, and you weren't happy in the relationship, you need to ask yourself what has changed since then? Why do you think the relationship will be different, or will be better the second time? Often people end relationships that weren't working out, and they have good reasons to end the relationship - but then because they miss having a relationship they get back with the ex and it doesn't work out the second time either because they haven't resolved those issues that caused them to leave to begin with! "Loneliness" is not a positive reason to be in a relationship. Healthy relationships are motivated by positive emotions, and positive values. Without these things driving relationships forward, the relationship will usually become stagnant or dependent, and the relationship will feel like hard work, becoming tiring, and creating friction and resentment over time. The idea isn't just to be in any relationship; the idea is to be in relationships that improve you as a person, that make you happy! Do you just want a relationship, or do you want to relate?!
December 14th, 2016 11:41pm
In my personal experience, if things ended then they ended for a reason. Think about it while considering if you should go back to your ex. If it's something that you feel like you to can get past it and if you feel like things can get better, then it's up to you. But if based on your relationship history, you realize that things may not be as different as you hope, then consider moving on. Happiness may be somewhere far away from them.
December 22nd, 2016 12:04am
That's not a question anyone here can answer for you. That is something you need to examine for yourself. Ask questions like: Why are we not together now? What has changed? How do I expect things to be different? Keep asking yourself questions and your answer will become clear.
January 19th, 2017 4:28pm
There's no simple yes or no answer to this question. No one size fits all. It's always going to be a very personal decision based on individual situations and circumstances. A lot of people want to go back to their lovers because they are lonely or because they miss the person. These aren't good enough reasons on their own. When it comes down to it, you have have to think long and hard about why you left, if the relationship is good for you, if the relationships is good for the other person, if anything has changed in the time you've been apart, it it's the right thing to do.
February 3rd, 2017 1:57am
Depends on the situation. If they were abusive in any way, then no, you deserve way better than someone who treats you like you are inferior to them. Everyone is equal. If they cheated, again no, because trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair. You may never trust that person again, which could cause stress to build in your life. If you had a mutual breakup because of something like school, family, or work, then yes, I think you should have a shot on getting him/her back.
February 24th, 2017 1:23pm
It's imperative to begin thinking about the reason of getting away from him/her, see if the reason is still there? You will get your answer
February 25th, 2017 7:33pm
It depends,but never go back to someone who hurt you.When you love someone it is hard not to go back but if you have been hurt it's better not to go and forget the past be focused on the future.
March 10th, 2017 2:05pm
I personally think that, deep in our heart, we know if we should/could go back to someone. What personally kept me from replying to this answer in the past is the fear or the pride: they make me deny what I really want to protect myself from any consequences of contacting this person again. So I tried to ask to myself this question when that person was physically next to me. If I felt I wanted him/her and right after I felt fear...then the asnwer was yes. And I immediately tried talking to them, despite feeling that fear even more. After the first minutes talking, my fear diminshed and I felt much ready to say what I wanted from them. No matter what happens. I left the fear and was ready to be vulnerable again. Why don´t you try that? I hope it helps.
March 11th, 2017 7:06pm
You should and you shouldn't. Evaluate the risk factors before making a decision. It is all up to you. You should think about whether or not you should. Do they deserve having you again? Do they deserve another chance? Do you deserve going through it again?
May 6th, 2017 11:56pm
going back to your ex is never a good choice , i've been back to several of my ex's and it never works out , you break up for a reason and no matter how much they say they've changed, they haven't
May 15th, 2017 9:08pm
If the relationship was healthy, and you have serious regrets about the breakup. Take time to think about why the relationship ended in the first place, and if a second go at it would only result in the same outcome. Make your decision after you've applied serious thought into your future, and the past you share with your ex.