Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Should I go back to him/her?

206 Answers
Last Updated: 06/08/2022 at 11:13am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Lisa Meighan, MSc Psychology

Counselor

Hello, I am Lisa and I work in a person-centred approach mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy. I believe we all have the potential to be the best we can be.

Top Rated Answers
ashii1234
February 25th, 2021 2:21am
It depends. When you guys were together first, did they treat you properly? Be honest to yourself. Do they truly deserve a second chance? That's the first thing to consider. Next, in the time you were apart from them, did you find yourself? Do you love yourself and your own company? I think it's very important to be in love with yourself before you can be in a relationship with someone. Overall, I think if you are mentally in the right space to be in a relationship again, if your ex and you had a good relationship when you guys were together, if they treated you well, and if you truly still like them, then it could be an option worth considering. This may not be the situation usually so always be careful before going back. It really depends on the situation though.
Anonymous
March 18th, 2021 10:43am
You should ask yourself do you actually want them and genuinely enjoy it when they're in your life or are you just scared of being lonely or don't wanna let them down. We should only be with people who are good for our mental health, who make us feel seen and heard, who help us grow. And above all that the decision has to completely do with how you feel about them than how they feel about you or what would other people think. If all of the answers to the above questions point to yes then you should definitely go back to them. Also, it's important to reflect on the reason why you broke up in the first place, if it was a compatibility issue then I doubt it'll be any different this time but if it was something else, you should communicate with them and make sure it's solved before you take a step forward.
organticBlueberry5504
March 25th, 2021 9:16pm
that is up to you. you have to be honest with yourself and look at the in's & outs of your relationship and really truly decide if that is what you want to continue with. not all relationships are bad, and not all people who break up with you are bad people. sometimes that is what they think they want in that moment, only to find out they want to get back with you later on. if you truly believe that your ex is a good person and that he/she has changed (as well as you), and you are both in a place to work on the relationship, then i don't see why not.
Anonymous
March 31st, 2021 7:00pm
What do you feel you should do? If you are questioning whether to go back for someone, it may imply you still have feelings for them, or that you still see some good in the relationship. It's important to consider those feelings, if they're there. However, it's also important to look at the hard topics too, like the reasons you aren't currently with them, or the reasons you might not think it's right to go back. Ultimately, you and this other person are the only two people who can say whether or not you two should be together again.
HappySnapingTurtle
April 8th, 2021 2:22pm
It really depends on your situation. Only you know things that have happened, and why you truly want to go back. Some questions you can ask yourself are: What happened to cause us to break up before? Did it not agree with my morals? Has he/she respected me in the past? If they treated you in a toxic way, going back isn't the best idea. But if you think they care and would take you back. Go for it! They would be lucky to have you. And no matter what choice you make, it would be the right one because you are wise and know yourself.
BigPlans01
April 25th, 2021 10:21pm
Thank you for reaching out! The best way to figure this all out is to make a chart or take note of all the good and bad in the relationship. Reviewing as well as reflecting on that chart can give you space to think carefully and avoid rushing into decisions. Having a clear picture can help in processing and evaluating the relationship better. Sometimes reflecting on the chart with someone outside the relationship, like a best friend/ friend or parent, can also help because of another set of ears. Communication with people you are close to in your life can offer a new perspective in understanding the reasons things ended or figure out a better way to handle the relationship if you personally decide to take this person back. Talking about this process with a partner can be helpful as well. Through honest communication you both get to have a self-awareness of what you both expect and want from relationships in general and where you stand with each other. Relate is an example of an organisation supporting individuals in relationship issues whether they be going through break-ups, cheating and wanting to reconcile relationships. You are welcome to reach out to any of our amazing listeners on our site or any therapists on our site for a listening ear. For further support there is a Relationship Support Room on our site which is open 24/7 every Thursday if you are looking for a space to communicate what you are going through with people who can relate to you. You have all the power to make your decision with whether or not you want to reconcile your relationship with him/her.
Anonymous
April 30th, 2021 12:18am
Think about how you are feeling. How would it feel if you didn't go back to them? What does that thought make you feel? What are some reasons you wouldn't go back to them? Are these reasons positive? What are some reasons you would go back to them? How does that make you feel? Are these reasons positive? Where do you want to be in your life in 2 years? Will you get there with them? What would be the most difficult part if you went back to them? What would be the most difficult part if you did not go back to them?
Anonymous
May 9th, 2021 12:58pm
You should if that's what your heart tells you to. Going back to a person after a break up is a really hard and really brave choice. It means that you are strong enough to try love again after being hurt or whatever reason it is. If you feel that you dont want to lose that person, go back and try to work your relationship. Love is sweeter the second time around, right?There is no right answer to this question. Not from other people. Do you love them? Why did you leave them? Can you trust them? Did you enjoy being with them? If the answer to any one of these is 'no' then you've answered your own question
admirableRose261
May 15th, 2021 3:40am
When weighing pros and cons it helps to get clear. Some tools you can use include a guided mindfulness exercise that focuses on relationships. Another is the tried and true pros and cons list. Creative visualization also helps - what would my life be like without this relationship? What would my life be like being in this relationship? Understanding the expectations within the relationship as well as the reasons for its beginning and ending promote clarity. What was your role? What did you enjoy? Journal. Ask friends and family. Seek out support on 7cups. The honest answers are floating around in your mind just waiting to be unearthed. Lead with love and compassion, be honest, be authentic, be you!
SoftMoonlight000
June 2nd, 2021 1:51pm
You know what your relationship was like, and you must know how and why it ended. You also know what kind of partner they were, and who they were. I've been through breakups where I contemplate going back, because when I was feeling loss, all I could imagine was the good times. I still care about them a lot, but I try to remember the reasons the relationship ended. I know they are valid reasons, so I don't want to go back. Even if they change and I am more compatible with them, I just tell myself "Hey, at least they'll be happier with their next partner!" Sometimes I feel like being selfish and staying with them if we ever become compatible as a couple, but at the same time I contemplate if I want to go back or uncover a new chapter where I find someone else. I could also not find anyone at all, it's just important that I'm content with where I am in my life. My happiness shouldn't rely on them, no matter how much I love or care for them. So, try to think of why the relationship ended, and if you really want to try it out again. If you think it'll work well, go ahead! It could be good for the two of you.
virgie
June 12th, 2021 10:55am
Well, this is a very difficult question! I think that everything depends on your relationship, its cons, and its pros. Also, analyzing how and when did you break up will help you make a decision. I understand that you may feel torn between your emotions - the best way is to focus on them and treat them as a roadsign in making your decision :) Relationships and breakups are very difficult things and the only answer to going back to her/him lies within you and what do you exactly feel. I can recommend you two guides on 7Cups about your situation: 1. https://www.7cups.com/breakup-advice/ and 2. https://www.7cups.com/help-managing-emotions/ Wish you all the best in the world!
colorfulSugar8571
August 25th, 2021 1:32pm
I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with an ex. However, as hard as it can be to stay away from someone you have loved and still love, you have to do what is best for you. if you feel that they are going to hurt or take advantage of you then you do not deserve that and it could be best to stay away from them. i’d you go back to someone and they end up hurting you again you will have to start over with your pain instead of healing and recovering. I hope this helps!
Anonymous
November 12th, 2021 10:59pm
if you go back, you might be hurt again, but if you feel like they are the one that you love than you can do that. if you love them than you should go to them. is there a reason you miss them? what was so special about that one person? I hope you can find your happiness again if you go back to them. I will support and continue talking to you whatsoever.
Anonymous
November 14th, 2021 10:44pm
It depends on, if the person treats you good and theres no bad stuff you can choose if you want to or not. If the person hurts you, I prefer that you dont go back to that person since they can hurt you even more since you put trust in them. Its definitely your choice if you want to go back to them but please be careful because you will never know things that could happen when you trust someone, anyone can betray yo and so on and so on, i wish you luck with the person
Anonymous
November 19th, 2021 5:32am
Will going back to him/her give you sustainable happiness? Not just happiness when you first get back together. But happiness that lasts and is consistent - not up and down. Ask yourself and be honest with what your response is. Your body knows the answer to your question. If you feel uneasy/scared/uncomfortable about it, that’s a sign you know the relationship is not right for you. Trust your gut. You know the answer.
HalKhatunBraunDiploma
November 27th, 2021 9:04am
Perhaps study your attachment style first and try to journal and work through things with self help therapy books to realise what you're true potential is and what you deserve within your relationships. It isn't easy being on your own after being in a relationship. Relationships offer so much intimacy, companionship and trust if they are right, but if someone is making you feel insecure, or unworthy of their love, perhaps it's time to put matters into some perspective and work through the issues that need resolving first. No relationship is perfect, but the dynamics can change and usually do after time goes on, so understanding the various events that occurred and shared experiences may help you learn more about your needs and wants. Relationships are amazing when there is commitment and love, often spouses find that they are making sacrifices without second thought. You prioritise someone because you love them and love from a good person, is the greatest blessing of them all.
Anonymous
November 28th, 2021 9:37pm
The main questions here are: do they make you feel safe? Happy? Are they someone you gel with? Do you feel like you can be your true, authentic self with them? Or do they cause you pain? Do they consistently hurt you? Do you feel unsafe when you're around them? Do you feel you have to hide parts of you to make them accept you? Context is so important - if you separated for a reason, consider that reason carefully. Is it something that can and has been worked upon? If they have ever laid a hand on you, or made you feel unsafe, or even if they just don't make you happy, do not look backwards, and keep moving forwards.
H0pefulWanderer
January 17th, 2022 7:57pm
Before even considering the question of, "Should I go back to him/her?" You need to ask yourself: "Why did we break up in the first place?" Once you ask yourself that question, you'll find yourself realizing that perhaps there were enough issues going on to put you on the path to separation in the first place. At the end of the day, you don't want to find yourself pursuing a relationship that was tearing at the seams. You are always better off pursuing a relationship that fosters your mental and emotional growth. And odds are, a relationship that managed to fall apart in the first place won't be that positive relationship you need.
precioust1
January 23rd, 2022 2:52am
Depending on the situation, whether you guys have been through a rocky breakup or ended things on good terms. Sometimes we end up missing them or so we think. Sometimes we end up missing the idea of someone who is extremely toxic because we become blindsided by the bare minimum amount of respect received. Sometimes we paint this picture in our minds of the person we picture them to be or who we want them to be that we end up forgetting how it affected us. On the other hand, if you think it is the right decision to and that you guys took the desired amount of time away from each other, talk things through. Give things time to settle in and gradually work your back together. Good luck!
Anonymous
February 11th, 2022 6:57am
The fact here is not 'Should I go back to them'? It is, 'Will that be good enough for my Mental health?', 'Would that Heal me from past?'. This is what necessary, it's not just how you feel from heart, it also passively includes your mental health. You can love someone so much, but roses do have thorns, don't they? This is where you should get yourself clear and choose the right decision to make your life better and it is okay to be confused but at the end it is you and your decisions that matters :)
nuuuris
March 16th, 2022 5:10pm
That's a question that no one can answer except yourself. Anyway, the fact that you are thinking about it and asking about it makes me think that you believe it is not a good idea to do so. Relationships are really complicated and everyone has a whole world inside their heads, it's imposible to know what they think if they don't tell you directly. You can talk to me anytime you want, I really know how it feels not to know what to do, what is the best for you. I think that you should do what you think will make you TRULY happy. Maybe you can make a list with the good and bad parts about getting back together, that has helped me a lot. I wish you the best and I hope that everything gets better soon, lots of love
Novaruuu
March 17th, 2022 2:16am
Depending on the situation, if it was a breakup over miscommunication I'd say to try and talk it out. There's always a chance to re-try with someone who loved you a lot and treated you right. Unless you treated them wrong. But if it was a toxic realtionship dont go back into that realtionship because it is only harmful for both of the people in the end. No matter how hard you try toxic realtions arent good and really wont help you out in the end due to the fact that the people in the relationship are bad for each other and are only dragging eachother down.
Anonymous
March 19th, 2022 5:25am
Do you want to? Many times, we might feel compelled to go back because we miss the thought of being together with someone else, even if being with them was counterproductive. Think about the causes of why you two broke up and if you guys can overcome them if you were to get back together. If not, it'll most likely end up being stressful or even end in a breakup again. It's also important to consider if the pros of being together is better than staying broken up. Depending on how you feel, what you desire to accomplish in your relationship with them, and how much the impact of getting together again will negatively affect you, you can then hopefully come to a conclusion of whether to go back.
Anonymous
March 26th, 2022 2:41pm
Only you can answer that because you're the only one who knows everything that happened. Think about why things ended in the first place and why you want to go back to them now - this will help you decide what the best course of action is for you. Additionally, making a pros and cons list of getting back with them may make it easier to evaluate whether that's the best thing for you. Keep in mind that sometimes after a breakup, it can be difficult to adjust to being single but you will get there :) good luck and take care :)
Anonymous
April 15th, 2022 4:58am
If you feel as though something in your life has been missing since they have been out of your life, then you likely should. If you feel as though your mental health has been improving, then keeping them out of your life is the right thing to do. Never go back to someone for the sake of popularity or because people like you for being friends with them, if people are going to treat you like that and are only being friends with you because of who you are friends with then double check who you are friends with. Put yourself first!
Anonymous
June 8th, 2022 11:13am
You might have heard the line, “An ex is an ex for a reason.” Which is technically true. Never has a breakup occurred without some sort of rift, no matter how maturely you've worked through it since then. However, sometimes the reason your ex is an ex is entirely fixable. Maybe the timing was off, one of you needed to grow, or you needed perspective on the relationship—but overall, the two of you go together like peanut butter and jelly, mac and cheese, or Tom and Gisele. (Well, maybe.) If those intense miss-your-ex vibes have started to creep into your brain, hold up a second before acting on those feelings.