Moderated by
Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst
Licensed Psychoanalyst
I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.
Top Rated Answers
Yaa that truthfulness will make your relationship stronger. Atleast he can forget this and take a fresh start with you
the question here is do you care about your relationship enough...do you regret it , if you do then being honest about about it may ease you up
trust is the biggest part of a relationship, and the guilt from the fact you cheated could cause alot of mental damage that will need releasing sooner because later it will not lead to good places, everyone should be honest with everyone in their lifes, if it ends terribly then theres a lesson learnt but we shouldn't deny anyone the truth.
Anonymous
May 11th, 2019 7:10am
You can decide if you want to tell your partner that you cheated on him. The news has to be given to him in safe and secure environment with the help of professional practitioner. You could also find a specialist who is specialize in partner counseling who could invite you and your boyfriend to counseling sessions wherein you could expression to him. With the help of counseling, you and your partner could be able to talk about it with the help of someone to know the impacts on the safety and well being on you and your partner.
Anonymous
April 1st, 2020 12:59pm
If telling your boyfriend you cheated feels like the best option, then you know what to do. I was cheated on multiple times in the past, and the paranoia that accomapnied the knowing but not knowing, drove me mad. I thought that I was going crazy. However, once my boyfriend (at the time) told me he had cheated, a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I was able to breathe again. From my experience honesty is the best way to heal and to move forward with your life. It isn't a easy decision to make, but you will make the right choice, I am sure of it!
you should let him know, and also let him know why you did it. we sometimes think the truth will hurt but it is the lies that hurt more.
if you cheated with no reason then maybe you need to ask yourself why, but I strongly believe whoever you cheated upon, has the right to know.
this might sound hash or too modest, but all relationships are built on trust and loyalty. so whatever was the reason as to why you cheated, you should be able to discuss it with your boyfriend because he has the right to know about it.
Yes. Don't keep it a lie, it'll only make it worse. Bring it up gently. Tell him the reasoning behind it. And just hope for the best. Cheating can be hard to take in, so just try and remain calm about it. Try to tell them in person, because over text or phone is harder to take in. Be alone when you mention it. There may be a fight. But remain calm, that is the best you can really do. Don't yell, don't hide it. Keeping it a secret only makes it worse. Tell him directly. If there is anything else, please lemme know
Anonymous
May 24th, 2019 2:24am
Yes, honesty is the best way forward. It may come out eventually and the backlash and downfall will be even worse than what it would have even if you were just honest in the first place. If you discuss this with your boyfriend now you still have a chance at repairing the relationship and working on your problems together. You should also ask yourself, what brought you to cheating in the first place? You must have an area of unhappiness or unfulfilling aspects of your relationship that has led you to seek happiness else where. Have a good long think about it and I hope you resolve things soon x
Anonymous
May 30th, 2019 12:53pm
Yes. The longer you go without telling him the harder it will be for the both of you. With these types of things there is always a level of guilt that sets in, holding that to yourself really just brings forward a more toxic relationship moving forward. The longer you wait the messier it gets in the long term. Sometimes we make mistakes, easier to admit them and try to move on with or without each other than living in a relationship holding a big burden like this. Its neither healthy on the pair of you or even yourself.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2019 6:08pm
Honesty is one of the key parts of a relationship. Also, being able to confess your mistakes is a key part of strength. If you’re honest, at least you’re not hiding anything anymore. Your boyfriend will be hurt, of course, but if he really loves you that much, he will forgive you and mercifully give you a second chance. It will hurt him worse to let him find out on his own, rather than continue keeping it secreted from him. Honesty is an attractive quality and an admirable strength. If he loves you that much, he will see it in you.
If you feel you are ready to handle any consequences, then go for it! You will have to prepare yourself with anything that can possibly happen when bringing up something like that. I suggest taking the time writing out what you want to say and work your way up with bringing it up with him to help you better get your important info and point across. Carrying the weight of some secrets can be daunting on your shoulders and wellness. I hope you find this helpful and I hope everything goes well between both of you!!!
Anonymous
August 16th, 2019 2:08pm
If you want a honest relationship i think you should. Would it be a honest relationship anymore if you lied or didn't tell? Do you want to have the pressure and stress to hide it for as long as your relationship will last? Is it worth to start stressing about every day? Most often it isn't, as it takes so much out of your daily energy you won't be able to do anywhere near the things you normally do, because you use all your energy on worrying. Also how would you feel like if he didn't tell about cheating to you? Wouldn't it be upsetting? Treat your close ones like you want to be treated. If you're fine with him lying about similar stuff, sure, keep it a secret. But if you're not fine, why would you put him trough something similar you wouldn't want to go through?
yes , you should. it is unfair to your boyfriend if you keep on lying to him. you really want what is best for him. however, his reaction might not be positive as he will be going through several emotions such as pain, sadness, and betrayal. it might be the end to your relationship with him , but you did what is right by telling him the truth that he deserves. it is important for you to tell him the reason why you did it. in addition, make sure to be as kind and sweet as possible since he must’ve had enough on his plate already.
Yes.
yes. trust is mega important in relationships, and the person will most likely find out some way so its better that it comes from you than someone else. just be honest. and understand that it will be hard for them to trust you again. dont make any excuses when you tell them (ie- i had a few drinks) just be straight up and tell them that you are sorry. then see what happens from there but you must understand that you have hurt that person for now, but that you have done the right thing and told them the truth. you will feel 10000x better for it, rather than keeping it a secret.
Anonymous
September 14th, 2019 11:28am
You should. He deserves to know the truth. And he deserves to decide. If you regret what you did, apologize and make sure he knows. Tell him why you cheated. Tell him what you truly feel. Save him from the heartache. Let him decide. If he loves you, you know from his actions. But if he really loves you and you cheated. Youd never find another like him. Love him, and dont leave him. Think if you really love him what if he cheated on you.
Anonymous
December 27th, 2019 6:26am
Always put yourself in his position. Would you have wanted to know if your boyfriend had cheated on you. It's not my place to advice you on how to go about your life but always think from the other person's perspective. Respect your boyfriend as an individual and as a human being you loved or used to love. It's also okay if you don't want to tell him because you're guilty or just because you are afraid of his reaction. You entitled to your own feelings and that's completely fine. You are the best judge of your own choices and decisions.
I personally would tell you. There is nothing I hate more in this world than lies. If infidelity is bad enough, at least tell him. Keep in mind that it is also much better if he discovers through you rather than through other people. I think that although cheating on your partner is wrong, the most important thing is to confess it and that he decides what to do about it, that is, continue the relationship or break it.
If you don't tell him, he will live deceived, he will live a lie. He surely trusts you and would like to know what has happened first hand.
Anonymous
March 25th, 2020 11:41pm
I think honesty is what makes a relationship move forward. Hiding infidelity is in no way beneficial to the growth of a relationship or the individuals involved. Although cheating can end a relationship, it'll be a lot worse if it is hidden because it will be like living a lie and can lead ti a build up of resentment. Coming clean may not be easy, but it's better than hiding. If you are the victim in the relationship, you'll want to know if your partner is unfaithful. Being kept in the dark and finding out by yourself can be very painful. Save your boyfriend that pain and come clean.
I believe this is a double edge question. On one hand you have to tell just in case you feel guilt and for karmic reasons as I am sure you would not want someone to do the same to you. On the other hand, we have to decipher the true reasoning behind the cheating. Was it out of unhappiness, neglect, abuse, there are so many variables that have to be decided in order to give an answer. But, I am a firm believer in karma and believe that there are many ways to end something versus going to the extreme.
What do you think you should do? What do you chose to be the right answer? You could choose either way and have multiple different outcomes. Think about what the right thing to do to you is. Whatever you chose know it was what you wanted. If you have doubts you can always take time to deal with them however think of your situation as someone elses what would you tell them to do. What do you think is the right choice. It is completely up to you what happens. Whatever you do know your in control and that it was what you wanted to do. Be your own person.
Yes! Being open and honest shows integrity, and that is something everybody in the world needs to be. Even though admitting to a mistake can be difficult, it's a choice you have to make not only for him but your self as well. He deserves to know the truth even if it may hurt. Think about how you would feel in a situation like this if the tables were reversed. Always remember the golden rule. "Treat others how you want to be treated". Besides, maybe you should think about the reason you cheated in the first place. Maybe your boyfriend just isn't the right one for you.
Loving someone means you're willing to be completely honest and open with them because the love you both have for each other won't change a thing just because of a mistake.
It may or may not even be your fault in a situation like this, at the end of the day you'll probably feel guilty that it happened and you'll need support from your boyfriend to help you cope with the emotions.
I haven't walked a day in your shoes so I can't tell you what to do, Although I do trust that you have an understanding boyfriend and that I'm always here to listen.
This is your decision and your decision only. However, there are some things that you should consider. 1) if you were cheated on would you like to know it? 2) if you don't tell him, it will be on you to carry the burned of hiding something.
Being honest can be difficult but honesty is also the foundation of a great relationship. Many couples go through cheating and they become stronger after that.
In any case, whatever you decide to do, you'll learn something about yourself. Everybody does mistakes, sometimes they can leave us huge scars, but in this case you have the opportunity to improve the relationship with yourself.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2019 1:04pm
Trust is extremely important in any relationship. You might think that nobody will ever know but the truth has the ability of making itself known. It might be better in the long run if you tell your boyfriend now. Personally, I don't think you should cheat but considering that you did this is something that you should talk to your boyfriend about. It's a big deal and it's better if he hears it from you than from someone else. That could potentially make it worse for everyone involved. By telling him directly, you still have the chance to make sure he understands your side and have the best chance of continuing your relationship after this.
Absolutely should tell them. It can either be a mistake that the two of you work through together or you let it fester until it becomes an infection that poisons the relationship. In my own experience I was forced into the 2nd outcome and then manipulated and lied to further as if I was insane for my suspicions etc. There was no future for that relationship because of how much damage the endless lying had done. I can't describe the pain and misery I went through and most days I am doing everything I can not to let people notice my heart is broken and I've got no will to live. If you truly want to be with him, tell him the truth now. Before it's too late...
Anonymous
October 24th, 2019 9:22pm
Yes! Lying to him or keeping the secret is much worse than just being honest with him! It could even make you feel better if you tell him! If he finds out some other way than by you it would hurt him worse than if you just tell him! He maybe mad but you need to tell him! You shouldn’t be cheating in the first place but you should still tell him! If you need any help or just someone to vent to I am here for you! I would be more than happy to help you! 😀
~ Makaylahelps3550
Anonymous
November 1st, 2019 10:05pm
Telling a boyfriend or girlfriend that you cheated is hard and can come with many emotions.
Think about how you would feel if someone cheated on you and didn't tell you. How would you feel?
Also, if they were open and told you there are the possibilities to move on or work something out.
I guess when someone keeps the truth comes with the feeling of guilt and there is the idea that at some point you get found out.
So, what do you think? To tell or not to tell?
Do you feel guilty?
Do you feel something in the relationship caused this?
Anonymous
October 3rd, 2019 4:16am
I do believe sometimes somethings are better left unsaid, like maybe you have a small crush ,but not something as big of a deal like cheating. You should tell him even though it’s hard to. I mean you’d want to know if he cheated, right? It will suck but it’s for the best. It’ll be good for him and you. You will feel as though a weight was lifted off your shoulders and have a clear conscience. He deserves to know this. If it was a one time thing just tell him it was a mistake and you want to move past it and will never do that again.
Yes, it's better for him to know about it from you then from someone else. If he finds out from another person he will think you were trying to hide it and get even more mad. Being honest will help the situation and admitting that what you know that what you did was wrong. Keeping it from him will also make you even more guilty because you are keeping secrets after what you did. You can't undo what you already did so living up to your actions will make him feel a little bit better. Finding out from you will be better then him finding out by anyone else.
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