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What can I do if my ex starts threatening me he'll hurt himself if we don't get back together but I don't want to get back with them?

20 Answers
Last Updated: 03/22/2021 at 1:17am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Halayma Khatun, M.A Theology(U.K, UAE), Diploma With Distinction in Counseling, Certification trauma abandonment


Compassionate, patient, experienced depression counselor. I use Psychodynamic counseling techniques. My counseling experience is +8 years, I counsel women.

Top Rated Answers
May 6th, 2015 5:49pm
That's should be a sign that he's trying to lead you into an abusive relationship. If you don't want to get back together with him, then don't. It's very simple, most people who say they'd hurt themselves if you don't get back together with them are usually bluffing. If you feel that he isn't bluffing, just tell some kind of adult.
August 10th, 2015 7:31pm
first of all, going back with your ex is never a viable solution, it will make you unhappy and guilty in the short term and it will hurt you both in the long term, since you would be dealing with a person who is emotionally instable and not being able to be happy or comfortable around the other, and your partner will sooner or later notice your real feelings towards him/her, making themselves get worse. the ideal case is talking to that person's friends, family, or whoever both of you trust to speak with your ex and help him/her meditate what they are about to do and whether they need professional help to get out of this behavior or not. the actual issue, comes when this person has no other person of trust but you, in which case you may want to try to help your ex (as a friend) or strongly suggest your partner to seek for professional help. the important things to take into account when someone really close to you threatens to hurt himself is that following their demands does not help either of you, and that the guilt and the preassure may be dangerous for your well being, so never stop watching out for yourself no matter how important that person is or used to be for you.
March 26th, 2015 7:46pm
If you ex needs mental health help, encourage them to call 911 if they are suicidal or another organization for those with mental illnesses. There are many resources listed on this site. If your ex is doing this to keep you together, this is not healthy for you and could be a mental game trying to get you to stay with them. This could possibly be your ex manipulating you through mental extortion. Would you be willing to give your ex resources in case they actually do need help? Could you set appropriate boundaries and be consistent with these boundaries so that you can stay safe and healthy and since you do not want to get back together. I hope this was helpful in some way.
May 22nd, 2015 2:01am
First and foremost, YOU are responsible for YOU! Your well - being comes first. If your well-being is not threatened by taking action of some sort, getting them in touch with resources (hotlines, etc) and support could be appropriate. But that's if and only if doing so won't risk dragging you into a situation that carries risk for you and is likely to turn uglier than it already is.
May 7th, 2015 11:37pm
you can't let him guilt trip you into getting back with him if that's not what you want, refer him to a help line
January 15th, 2015 9:58am
You should speak to someone about this, whether it's taking advise from local authorities or confiding in a parent or friend.
August 25th, 2015 8:48pm
If your ex threatens to hurt themselves if you don't get back with them, you should find them some help. Talk to their family or find them professional help.
December 22nd, 2015 11:52pm
This is pretty simple. Be very clear with this person that if they make a serious threat like that, you will have to call the police.
November 7th, 2016 2:12pm
He's emotionally blackmailing you. Try to explain it to him but if that doesnt work then block his ways to contact you
December 13th, 2016 6:20am
This is manipulative behavior, and I am glad you have identified that. I would recommend speaking to a trusted family member or authority figure; healthy relationships are never based in manipulation or deceit.
July 10th, 2017 9:55pm
If you don't want to get back with him - then there's your answer. Don't. Never let anyone threaten you into a relationship.
April 16th, 2018 9:02am
Your ex is responsible for his or her own deeds and so, you can't be responsible if he or she hurts himself or herself. Distract yourself from these thoughts and don't let this emotional blackmail damage or even destroy your life.
November 3rd, 2015 8:46pm
I have experienced this and I think that if they are serious about this there is more too it then just your breakup so you need talk to someone in there life about it and try to ease the situation
December 1st, 2015 8:09pm
Listeners are taught to always refer a suicidal person to a crisis hotline and politely end the conversation. I think this same advice can be given in the situation of a person talking to their suicidal ex-partner too.
December 29th, 2015 11:06pm
You should contact the domestic abuse number for your country. Other things you could do are ask your family if you could stay with them for a while until it all dies down
March 14th, 2016 9:00pm
Do not entertain him. He wants you to believe that. If he had a history of hurting himself, you may want to talk to one of his family members about what is going on so that they can address the situation.
August 15th, 2016 11:51pm
You can talk to his close friends, so that they can keep an eye on him, in case he attempts to do anything drastic. Secondly, you should have a very honest and open conversation with him, talking about how you have your own life to live, and how he can't force you to be together with him, since relationships should be built on a foundation of love, and not fear. Thus, even if the two of you got together, it would only hurt both of you in the long run, which shouldn't be okay, if he cares both for himself, and you. Lastly. Tell your ex, that you're concerned for him, and that you don't want him to react thus way. However, there's only so much you can do, and set a boundary with him, in order for him to clearly understand that even if he does take any drastic actions, they won't move you from your stance. Thus, potentially dissuading him from trying to hurt himself.
February 12th, 2018 1:55am
repoert it to the police, you can't be forced to get back with someone you don't love. the most sensible thing will be to report it to the police before it gets out of hand and he hurts you or himself again
October 30th, 2018 2:12pm
File a police report about these threatening. He is trying to emotionally blackmail you by these threats. You should not have any contact with him. Block him from every social network and from you phone too. He have no right to harass you like this. Keep yourself safe from him. Share it with any good freind of yours. You are moving on in life from past relation so that he should move on too. And this is not way to get back in relationship again. It should be by mutual decision and understanding not by forceful act of threatening. Take care.
March 22nd, 2021 1:17am
There's a lot of reasons why someone would do that. One of them is because they feel the need to control you for fear of abandonment. If that's the case then I'm writing my answer based on that. In my experience, I would tell them that I care about them, show some empathy, and set boundaries between me and the person and communicate assertively, not aggressively or passively. I would kindly tell the person why we don't click together or why the relationship didn't work for both of us, and it's not entirely their fault or mine. For example, "I care about you and I understand you're scared or upset of me leaving you, but I am not abandoning you. Relationships are based on love and respect, and I don't feel like it would work for both of us. It's not anyone's fault." I know it's hard, but, ultimately, the choice of life and death is in that person's hands themselves. There's only so much that we could do. If this keeps on going, it would be a really unhealthy pattern for both of you. Encourage them to get help from a professional if it goes out of hand and send crisis hotlines in case they need it in the future.