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What did I do wrong for them to not love me anymore?

26 Answers
Last Updated: 11/28/2020 at 12:51am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
YellowSunshine20
November 27th, 2017 6:37am
You didn't. As long as you stayed true to yourself you will always be right. In this society people are trying so hard to fit in or act a certain way. True power is being exactly who you are even if it means losing someone you love. If he doesn't love you anymore he lost someone that really cared about him. Never stop being yourself because of someone else's inability to see your worth. Keep being your beautiful self.
JDust
December 27th, 2014 8:56pm
Most likely, It is not something that you did wrong, but instead, something that they have changed about themselves. Love, in its purest sense, is unconditional, and even a big mistake should not shatter a truly important relationship.
LittleMoments018
April 4th, 2017 6:14pm
Nothing went wrong. You are never at fault for something some one else had decided. If people leave, simply let them go because holding on to something that does not want to be there will mentally destroy you. You do not need someone else's love to feel complete, if you learn to love yourself, or rather, love the others around you, you will become stronger as well as selfless. You will learn to be independent and to reach a content state. You will succeed if you simply stay alone. So strive to be a better you, no matter how lonely you may feel (and trust me I've been there), you will not be in this depressing state forever. If anything, accept this state loneliness/abandonment and allow yourself to be consumed by it. Allow the emotion to flood through and continue to do it until one day...it gets better (but in reality, you became stronger) and you will stop crying. The tears you went to bed with will serve a greater purpose...these tears have purpose. You will be a stronger person and you will continue to do great things solo, I promise.
Aina11
April 3rd, 2015 3:15pm
You didn't love yourself enough, charity begins at home, love begins from within. You don't need to validate yourself with what people think of you, you need to just learn to heal and love yourself. Self love looks simple but its a very deep intense subject and involves many stages. When you start loving yourself,understanding yourself and accepting yourself, you will start finding people who are similar to you, who will love you for who you are.
Anonymous
December 5th, 2014 5:14am
Sometimes people just grow apart. It's probable that you didn't do anything wrong, and likewise of your partner; these things can just happen over time. I imagine that you're going through an awful lot of pain, and that's understandable; you may be dealing with a broken heart, feeling like your trust has been violated, or feeling guilty about the whole thing. I think that it is important to come to terms with what has happened, and to consider that it may not be your fault at all; there's no need to torture yourself with such harmful questions. If you really feel strongly about it, I would recommend have this discussion with your partner; they could answer this question for you much better than anyone else can.
Anonymous
December 5th, 2014 4:09am
You did not do anything wrong. Always be yourself and love yourself first and foremost and the right person will love you for who you are.
speakwithme
December 5th, 2014 2:35pm
If they don't love you, that is on them, not you! They are making that choice. Stay true to yourself and remember to speak kind and positive words to yourself everyday. You are awesome and worthy of love!
AlyssaG
December 9th, 2014 4:28am
It's not always you as a person. Sometimes the person who decides to leave, does it for their own personal well being. If they think that you played your role in their life and they don't see it going anywhere, then they move onto a new chapter in their life.
HopefulJet61
November 9th, 2015 2:14am
What did you do wrong ? You probably didn't do anything some people just have very high expectations and sometimes they bring people down with them! Don't feel you did anything wrong because most of the time it isn't you!
piag860517
July 1st, 2016 9:47pm
if someone stop loving you for a day to another they really never loved you at all! love yourself.. when someone loves you no matter what you do...they dont stop loving you...with out a reason, maybe they were just playing...love is going to get to you, and you will know that you are perfect the way you are.
imperfectAgata
January 3rd, 2015 4:53pm
You probably did nothing wrong. Things like that just happen, sometimes people aren't made for each other. Even couples, that look like they are perfect sometimes simply can't make it. It will get better, you will find someone, who will love you just the way you are. Don't blame yourself, because I'm pretty sure that you don't have a reason to do it.
Greatlistener87
September 19th, 2016 3:46am
It's not what you did wrong its a choice that they made. Sometimes people make choices that are not right or selfish. But all we can do is accept where we are and respect the decision that they have made.
Allears247
June 12th, 2018 12:05pm
I don't know specifically what you are speaking of, but if someone truly loves you they can't just stop at the drop of a dime. So whoever you are speaking of im sure still loves you. They just might be hurt or something.
nothingisimpossible
April 23rd, 2015 4:27pm
You did nothing wrong and please never blame Yourself for this. You see, many humans who cannot control Love, let their Love towards someone fade away, even if It hurts them, they still don't do anything about It. I know how You feel right now, in depression, sad, angry.. A Day will come, You will meet the " right" person for You ^^, I know this will not less Your pain, but It will give You hope, even if it's very small.
kaaylanichole1
November 16th, 2015 3:43pm
you know that saying? " its not you, its me" take that advice, it probably wasnt you!
Anonymous
June 28th, 2016 8:40pm
You may have not done anything wrong. Sometimes people just change, and as time goes on you may just have grown apart
KristenKc
December 31st, 2014 8:02pm
You didn't do anything wrong. The person may have grown to not love you and its time to move on or they have simply grown up. From my experience i dated this guy for 2 years and when we broke up it was more of a mutual breakup because neither one of us loved each other like we used to.
Anonymous
April 8th, 2015 6:04pm
First off, you are not the problem. You deserve someone who is going to love you back whole heartedly. so number one, stop blaming yourself. put your eyes in his/her perspective. Maybe the person was not ready for a relationship, maybe they didnt want to hurt you.. the possibilities are endless, but you have got to stop blaming yourself.
Anonymous
April 12th, 2015 11:42pm
You might have not done anything wrong. you are just not what they want. you can be an awesome person, just not the awesome person in their life. they have to find what is good for them. your relationship is a two way street. you don't want to date someone who isn't feeling the same way anymore, because it will take you down a road you don't want to go down.
cakebaker
August 10th, 2015 8:14am
The only wrong you did is that you were better than a love not meant to be, you deserve better and you are worth better. Its not always our own fault, sometimes its others too and sometimes its just not meant o be. You can't fit another book in a packed shelf, you need to take out some in order to make room for more. What's important is to make good memories. Have good memories.
Nithou
December 29th, 2015 2:15pm
You did nothing wrong, every people is different, everyone is changing and going through different phases, different steps in their life, and emotions are always changing and are hard to apprehend, but don't put the blame all on yourself, every relationship goes both side.
CaptainObviouslyOblivious
February 23rd, 2016 3:06pm
I let my mental illness guide my actions and blame them for my own shortcomings. I looked at everything like I was a victim, and that I was entitled to receive more than what I had earned.
RyleighL
August 15th, 2016 11:00am
You did nothing wrong! They just need to learn to love you just the way you are and appreciate all you do for the world!
Anonymous
May 19th, 2020 12:47am
If they shut it off, think of the fact that perhaps, they were never in love in the first place. Real love doesn't shut itself off. It continues and it is actually not going to anywhere. It may need to give the object of affection space and time, but it does not seek it's own interests. The ability to not love anymore when real love lasts, despite the ups and downs, is indicative of lust not love. Real love takes time and that time means you get a chance to love that person, flaws and all, despite their flaws, and not because of it. Lust is quick to be over as the first sign of something wrong or unpleasant
brilliantPeace1762
October 19th, 2020 1:46pm
hi im peace welcome to 7 cups sorry you are feeling this way. Would you like explain who you are referring to and why do you think they dont love you anymore. As something happened that makes you feel a little insecure. If your not sure what you did wrong have you spoke to the person/s your referring to of why they are making you feel that they no longer want to be in your company. Feelings like this are so overwhelming can you express how you feel at this moment. Is there no one close you can share these feelings with. Hope you get things sorted soon
Pitokk
November 28th, 2020 12:51am
Sometimes no matter how hard you work and give efforts for a loving relationship, ending it is the right thing to do; in this case, because they don’t love you anymore. They can even be your husband or wife in marriage, but all good things must come to an end when happiness is no longer possible. When they say they no longer love you, you may think that the issues are from your side, maybe you did something wrong with the kids, conversations, sex, house, etc. They can cause doubt, which can be faced by women, family members like sons or daughters, other children, as well as best friends. The behavior that causes this doubt can be shown by men or girls, and there is usually no difference between whether a man or woman is more likely to cause the feeling of being unlovable. Let me assure you no matter the hard times you had gone through, them not loving you is always about them, not you. And it’s pointless to figure out why they stop loving you after a long time, because people change. Perhaps they now see you in a different way, but does that mean the way they see you is who you really are? The truth? Not by a long shot. You are just as lovable as you were before. The first step to come in terms with their intentions to end things with you is by realising that it’s about them, not you. Remember: there’s no one that is unlovable; there are only the unloving ones.

On the other hand, this doesn’t mean that you are perfect. If you do find that you have done terrible mistakes, instead of blaming them, you can focus on giving the important things about yourself the best responses you can manage. In the end, you need to be responsible for the actions you choose in any situation, without blaming yourself or labelling yourself as unlovable. Giving attention to and learning to plan or put your mind towards self-improvement or moving on can take different time points, so the process may take weeks or months.