Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

What do I do if I love 2 people at once?

182 Answers
Last Updated: 06/11/2022 at 12:57pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.

Top Rated Answers
Heartfelt72
January 18th, 2018 8:21am
Is there really enough room in your heart to love 2 people at once? Perhaps if you ponder long enough you might find that there is one you love more.
Zombie2019
July 18th, 2018 2:13pm
Choose the one you can't really live without! The one that helps you become a better person and the one you could see a future with.
allnaturalUnicorns70
July 20th, 2016 2:19pm
There is no limit to how much love a person can carry in himself, only how to express it appropriately. That's up to you. Being honest with your various loved ones about their mutual involvement in your life if critical. If you are hiding or lying to one or more, that isn't love.
XConsolingAngelX
November 22nd, 2016 3:33am
Breaking one heart is enough for breaking two hearts at once. Personally I do not believe that a person can love two people at once. A relationship should be between two people not between two people one day and then two people another day. You should sort out your feelings and realize that being greedy in a relationship does not take you far
Alexiadd
June 21st, 2019 11:56am
That's one of the toughest decisions. How do I choose between two people that I love ? Try imagining your life without them . Imagine how your life would be of you have never met them . Some of you may wont find it helpful as they love both equally but I think the most important trait tou have to look in your partner is who makes you feel okay do be yourself no matter how weird you can be . If you still cant choose you can let go of both because in the end you will all get hurt . Explain to them how things are and if someone still wants you and is willing to fight for you that's the one for you
Anonymous
September 13th, 2016 9:50am
I have been in the exact same position just recently. What I did was I took a break from both of them and then I thought of which one I missed more and reconnected with him and now we are happily in a relationship! Sometimes it just takes time and space and a clear head. Also, remember there is a difference between love and lust. I loved this person but it was more lust for the other person. Hope this helps xx
lovelypumpkin
April 11th, 2018 7:58pm
Follow your heart. That is the most helpful thing. You may even be polyamorous, and that is completely okay as long as everyone involved knows of the situation c:
Anonymous
October 15th, 2020 6:17pm
Well, when a person finds themselves in a dilemma such as this one I believe you must make a choice. I don't think anyone can truly love two people the exact same amount. It may seem like it, but in most cases that's not true. If you truly loved either of them, you wouldn't have enough room left in your heart to love them at the same time. If I was in this situation I would most likely choose the second person I fell in love with. I would choose the second one, because if I truly loved the first person I wouldn't have even pursued anything that could threaten the relationship.
thesocialbutterfly
February 16th, 2018 4:51pm
I make a toss. Person A is head and person B is tails. When I toss the coin, I'll either hope for heads or tails, and that way I'll know.
Anonymous
November 29th, 2020 9:20pm
A quick answer is, who do you love more? That is also a hard thing to know. You may love either person a lot and can't tell who you love more. Give it some time. Time is a great way of seeing if your love for that person grows or stays the same. And even just trying to get to know that person better or being with that person more can also grow or decrease your love for that person. Sometimes moving in, or being with that person for so many days or seeing that person constantly will show you if you truly love that person or not. You can do that for both people, and you'll see who you truly love
ASilentObserver
February 3rd, 2018 5:00pm
If both are drowning and don't know how to swim, whom you will save? It can reflect whom you love more over other. Secondly, if you would love one at first place, then you wouldn't be falling for second. You can't love two people with same intensity simultaneously.
radiantSoul65
July 26th, 2018 11:51pm
well i would forget about the one you fell in love with first because if you honestly loved him/her then you would not have fallen for the second person.
Anonymous
April 29th, 2017 5:05am
As Johnny Depp said, the 2nd person you fell in love with is the person you most love because if you really love the first person, you wouldn't have fallen for the other. It maybe hard to let go Either of the 2 but It is better not to be selfish and to have just one than lose both person you love.
TeaWithGee
February 5th, 2017 5:27pm
I feel there is some truth to the statement "if you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second." But when you're in the situation, it can still feel like a huge life decision. I think you should evaluate what it is about each person that makes you love them, and what flaws you dislike about them. Then weigh out which of those lists are better suited for your lifestyle, personal goals and future plans. It's not always about the butterflies, we must also think practically when it comes to choosing a partner.
alexrainbow
January 29th, 2017 5:02pm
Ask yourself who you think is most important to you, who is the one you can't live without, who is the one who make you feel better, laugh louder, the one you can trust. Try to make a list of each one flaws, you'll find that one has a particular flow: "not being the other". Give you some time to think and you'll figure out who you miss the most
Anonymous
May 17th, 2020 4:39pm
This is a hard one, but I've been through this situation. I'm basically polyamorous, so it's been a problem for me. Either way here goes. You need to evaluate what you think of both people. Flesh your feelings out, in detail. Try to imagine a relationship with both of them, and try to see which one makes you happier, but if I'm being honest. Just take a break, man. Such complications lead to everyone getting hurt. So, it really depends on the condition and situation. You also need to know your stand about relationships and the like. That's all I have to say. Hope this was helpful.
atiredsoul
November 15th, 2017 5:17am
Breathe, love. If two people love you, then you will be put in the mindset that you have to choose one or the other, bu you don't. I suggest that you think this through, see if you love either of them, or if you don't love them the way that they love you. You do not have to love someone just because they love you.
lyricalPillow74
July 31st, 2020 6:13am
You can love 2 or more than 2 people at once. It is absolutely okay. Love is not something that can be divided. Imagine a mother having 2 kids and a husband- don't you think she loves 3 people at the same time as well? But yes, if you are talking in terms of a romantic relationship, then yes- it often happens that we can miss two people at once. To be honest, I don't know what it means even though I have felt the same sometimes. It can be confusion, it can be unresolved conflicts or emotions, it could be lack of closure or anything. But what I do know is that it is very important to sort out our own feelings and understand what we really want and who we really wish to be with, because we alone know ourselves the best. But the most important thing of them all is to know ourselves and learn to love ourselves first :)
Anonymous
December 9th, 2017 6:38pm
be honest about my feelings, and make sure to choose one of them, instead of playing with thier feelings
airreeekuh
January 4th, 2018 6:06am
I’d say, weigh in who you love most. People would say pick to pick the second one, but since you also love the first one, you’re gonna have to think carefully who to choose and who you think you’d be with together better.
BassistBriar
June 15th, 2016 12:19pm
If you love two people at once, weigh out the pros and cons of each. Whomever has more pros, go after her. If it doesn't work out and option two is available, go after him or her! :)
Jadhar
July 29th, 2016 12:32am
There is nothing wrong with having love for two people. It is how you express that love that becomes an issue, especially if you've promised yourself to one. Keeping one's promises, one's priorities, and being loyal are important, but these things do not have to be mutually exclusive to love. In honesty, there are only a few differences between the loving relationships and promised-loving relationships: 1) physical propriety, 2) respectful emotional sharing boundaries, 3) respectful recognition and allowance of receipt of love and affection from others. It is hard to know that you love another person, perhaps even moreso than the one to whom you are pair-bonded, but it just as important to show that person that you are loyal, respectful, and honorable of your commitments.
infamousjan1
July 7th, 2018 8:02pm
I personally have never been in this position before but I would imagine that I would figure out which one I was more compatible with and individually date them to see who is more suitable for me. Although love is defined in many other ways and if I had to choose between two people I loved, I wouldn't. I would find ways for both of them to be in my life. That's only if one was a best friend and the other one was my boyfriend.
pisforpositive
August 9th, 2018 6:35am
When you love two people at once, it is a difficult situation. Someone told me that if you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you loved the first one, you would not have fallen for the second one.
Glazeyglaze
July 19th, 2018 11:03am
I will sort out my feelings and find out who I really love because if I really love someone I will choose someone I really love.
Anonymous
July 21st, 2018 7:35am
Well then it's time to take a step back and try to think through everything. Sometimes it could be different types of affection~
Athairnes
August 11th, 2018 3:25pm
Oh! That one i know too well! You love people in different ways, but almost always: "If you fall in love with 2 persons at the same time - choose the 2nd one. If you truly loved him/her you would not fall for the other" (P.s. It mostly happens in abusive/exploitative relationships, so be warned)
Anonymous
August 19th, 2016 5:31pm
If you are in a relationship with 2 people at the same time, you could measure how much do really love them and compare them to each other. Then, you won't be confused on who you should pick. You should be happy with the person you'll choose and not choose them for their physical appearance only.
Sunisshiningandsoareyou
February 4th, 2021 7:04am
It Is one tough situation to be in, when it feels like we are in love with two people at once, but what makes you think you are ? Do you feel the same kind of attraction for both of them ? Do you feel the same level of longing for both? When you try to picture your future, do you seee both of them in it? Or is there one of them that really calms your heart more? That makes you feel more secure,more in love with yourself and more likely to be your future ? How do you feel about spending time with both of ,and then trying to assess on the pros and cons, trying to figure out ,who makes you feel in love more. While it's possible to like more than one person at once, I think it's not really possible to fall in love with two, either of them has to stand out more and secure your love in a way, that you feel confident about it too . Give yourself enough time and space to figure out your feelings . It will be difficult and may take some time, but you will get through .
Anonymous
March 29th, 2019 6:50am
It depends on which type of love we’re talking about here, but given the question I will follow by assuming it’s romantic love accompanied by sexual desires, I believe you can love more than one person at once but never the same and equal amount of love, plus, if you’re looking forward to a long-term committed relationship which would probably follow into a marriage, keep in mind that love is only one of the important factors to sustain a healthy marriage, so I think if I were in your shoes, I’d probably search deep down on whom I truly love more, whom is more precious to me, whom I care about more, and most importantly, whom of which would be a better partner in the long run, and of course a better parent if you’re planning on having children. Good luck and I hope you live a great happy life full of loving and being loved!