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What do I do if I love 2 people at once?

171 Answers
Last Updated: 08/07/2021 at 3:08pm
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Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.

Top Rated Answers
June 27th, 2018 8:35pm
Love is complicated, you can love different people for different reasons. I fall a little bit in love with people I meet all the time, I can love someones kindness, their drive and the way they see the world but it doesn't mean I am IN love with them. I'd say imagine your life with both, how it would be...then imagine out either one of them- if the thought of losing one hurts more than the other I'd say you have an answer. Or perhaps polygamy is something you're more open to- don't force yourself to choose unless you're hurting someone in the process. Let these feelings unravel naturally, give it space and time. Answers will come.
June 29th, 2018 3:31am
It's very possible that while you do love both of those people, you love them for different reasons and/or in different ways. Basically the love you feel, and the reasons for that love, are probably different. After all, these two people are different people with different lives and different relationships to yourself. And while I understand that it is hard to imagine a life without them, even when your love for these people conflicts, you should try to understand what you love about those people, and make a decision based off that understanding. Also, consider the possibility that your love for both of them will cause the loss of both of them.
June 29th, 2018 7:56pm
You tell them. Let them know how you feel. Tell them you need time. Then work on yourself, see who helps you most. But always put yourself first.
July 1st, 2018 5:11am
You could be polyamorous! There's nothing wrong with pursuing relationships with both persons as long as your partners know and consent the relationship to avoid misunderstandings
July 19th, 2018 4:24am
I don't think there is any right or wrong answer to this question.. the way I would go about it is i would go with one that treats me better and genuinely cares about me and my well being. But that it's easier said than done.
July 25th, 2018 11:06pm
First take a big breath in and exhale. I'd suggest maybe write on paper on both of these folks you love. Do the pro's and con's. Then you can see which one supports all your needs and fits what you are looking for. Good luck with this.
July 27th, 2018 6:15am
Loving two people at once can be very stressful, especially if you fear hurting them because of it. If you are certain that you love both individuals, then the best thing to do is communicate with both of them so that you can all express your feelings/ concerns and come to better understand the situation you have all found yourselves in.
August 10th, 2018 6:42am
Ask yourself: which one of these people do I reach out to more often? What do each of them offer and bring to our relationship (eg. they're comforting, they're fun, they're always there for me, etc), and which of those traits are more important to you? What are your incompatibilities with each of them? Thinking about these and similar questions can help you make up your mind. Polyamory and staying friends/in touch with the person you choose not to pursue romantically are also possibilities to consider, if you want.
August 12th, 2018 6:14am
The feeling of love isn’t always mutual. First see if the feeling is mutual. Loving someone doesn’t always have to mean dating or being in a relationship.
November 9th, 2018 2:52am
through my own personal experience, I have found the I am completely capable of fully and honestly love in more than one person for different reasons, and he given time. The things that make us unique and special are also the things that bring love to us and when we find that we are attracted to more than one person in a sense that can actually be considered love, then regardless of what society says we are supposed to do, we really simply have to follow our heart. Not everybody is wired for monogamy and we have to be able to be comfortable with Who We Are exactly how we are, and not find fault in our cells for not wanting to settle for less than what actually sustains us and makes us feel whole.
November 18th, 2018 4:07pm
Find the one who makes you the best version of yourself, who brings out the best in you and who cares and tries to make you happier. Choose the person that would love you with the same intensity that you love them. We often forget that the person we choose now greatly impacts our mental and emotional stability later. Confusion is natural and love is never easy. However, love is beautiful when it is given back to you in a positive and healthy manner. Choose the person you see a future with not just your presence. Choose yourself and your happiness too.
November 21st, 2018 12:44am
Sometimes we don't really love two at once, sometimes we think we are in love but we are just kinda confused, the best thing is clarify our own mind so we can see what our heart really wants, try to see what you really want and then you can know if you are trully in love of any of them, also distract yourself and take your own time, don't take things too fast because you can loose the little details and sometimes the details are the things that solve everything and clarify your own mind, do what you really think is the best for yourself
November 29th, 2018 8:22pm
Take some time to figure out what you love about each person and see which person you think about when reading a book or taking a walk. One time I was told that you must not have loved the first person as much as you thought in order to fall in love with the second. Unfortunately I can’t really give you advice but those are some methods Ive picked up when it comes to relationships. Also remember to communicate with these people because they probably love you to. It won’t be easy but hopefully when you figure out who makes you the most happy you will feel much better.
January 21st, 2019 3:38pm
Sometimes this situation can be hard, The thing you need to work out is who do you love more, it is possible, very possible. Sometimes you are in love with someone for so long that when another person comes along they seem to b like the perfect person for you however you then find you only saw what you wanted, I would advise to keep both people close, however if you love them both you have to make a choice who you want to be with and who you need to let go a little so they can find their true love.
April 10th, 2019 10:17am
I think the important thing to do is to first of all accept that you. We live in a society where monogamy is the go-to option, and by many religious and conventional standards is the only acceptable one. But people's emotions cannot be placed in neat boxes like this, everyone is different. Perhaps, allowing yourself to feel the way you do will help you further examine -- do they ways i love these people the same? What is affecting my feelings for the first person, what is -- the second? If you decide, that you honestly love and yearn for both people equally, then why not explore whether it is something that can work out?
June 20th, 2019 9:18am
My honest opinion is that you should make a pro and con list! It is a very simple and easy way to see what qualities you are looking for in a person. If you notice you are very unsatisfied with the answer the list gave you then you will know your true answer for which person is “the one”. It is so important that when choosing between these people you make sure you understand that they are human beings, and to consider your own relationship priorities. Ask yourself if you love these two people because they love you, you sincerely love both of them for who they are, or if you want to be in any type of relationship as long as you get the love you are looking for.
August 5th, 2019 1:21am
The first and most important thing is to push any thoughts that something is wrong with you out of your mind. It is very possible to love more than one person! I would say to give it a lot of time and see who comes to you. Especially since you love both of them, it is probably hard to choose just one of them. Time heals all wounds, it's cheesy but it's true. So yeah time and space, don't go telling them both that you love them or anything yet, see who comes to you and has the guts to spill their feelings to you. I hope this helps :)
August 16th, 2019 6:32pm
There's a thing called polyamory, I recommend checking it out! It's about feelings love and passion towards multiple people at once, and being in crossed relationships. It a little different from the normal relationships we know, but for the people I know who are in polyamoric relationships, it works well!
August 23rd, 2019 5:13pm
If you love two people at once, it is completely your choice what you want to do. If you feel it is right for you to tell them both that you're also in love with the other, then go ahead, do that. If you feel that telling them would do more harm than good, then maybe give it some time and find a way to tell them when you think it's time. There is no right or wrong answer, what you choose to do is your choice and nobody should tell you what to do. Do what you want to do, what you think is right.
September 11th, 2019 8:52pm
Many people love, in different ways. In current days, we tend to love more than one person for different reasons. occasionally, there comes a time when you are torn between two people. You, of course, know that you cant be with 2 [people at the same time. You need to make a choice of who will make you, the happiest. You can still be friends with the other, which means you have 2 kind s of love., you keep your love and you have an amazing best friend and if the one you chose to be with, works out wrong. Then you have your friend to lean on
October 19th, 2019 7:02am
Hello. Love is such a beautiful and powerful thing that can be shared amongst many or few. Most cultures have convinced themselves that we can only deeply and rommantically love one person (I am assuming when you say love you mean, in a non-brother sister friend kind of way) and this belief in only one person is able to love only one person can be tracked to either judeo Christian biblical morality "God says so" or the social understanding that the less people we are intimate with the stronger our links to that one person we have. But then you meet people like "matt" (name changed) Matt is deeply empathetic, charismatic and seems to remember everything about everyone. He treats people with care and concern and has found that he can feel deeply and fall in love with many people at a time. Looking into polyamory and the modern expressions that that brings, communities all around the world have started looking and experimenting with how one communicates a deep love with multiple people and how that is communicated to and between the multiple people. So, then you have the choice - could you hold both humans you love respectfully whilst communicating to and between an honest depiction of your desires and hopes? And would those 2 people be willing to be apart of a love community? Now if you are more asking "What do I do if I love 2 people at once and I only want to love 1 person" Then thats different. way up the pros and cons and just choose. Love has a habit of becoming quiet and disapearing when it is ignored.
December 8th, 2019 9:44pm
Polyamory, or the love of several people, is a real thing. It’s not common in our modern societies, and generally frowned upon, and that’s why you only hear bad stories about it. But it can work, through communication. Are you in a relationship with either? Try to define what everyone wants from it, and what are your limits. You may need to define what kind of relationship there will be between your two lovers. Then again, it’s possible one or both of them do not love you. If you want to be really honest, you could declare your love for them at the same time, with both being present, and explaining the extent of your feelings. You must remember however that this is not the way most people see love, and it will take hard work, mostly through healthy communication, and you may face hard rejection
January 22nd, 2020 10:21am
Make sure the person you loved second is worth it, if not stay with the one you loved first. If you really loved the first person you wouldnt have looked to the second person, but it could be just a crush so make sure its actually love or a crush, if its love then definitely stay with the second one as this person could possibly have better qualities and gave you things you never saw from the person you loved at first, try to compare both of them and realise who you truly love and can imagine living your entire life with, its okay to have mixed emotions.
January 22nd, 2020 5:28pm
It is possible to have romantic feelings for more than 1 person at one point of time; but it is up to your choice whether you want to love 2 people at once. Assuming you are not in an open relationship, being in love with two people will definitely hurt at least one person in this love triangle (and possibly hurt both parties and yourself too eventually). Think about this : if you truly love a person, would you bear to hurt him/her? Ultimately, you may have to make a choice. And how you want to choose depends on what you are looking for. Looking for a marriage partner and a relationship with no goal of marriage will produce two different sets of criteria for selection. Some of us go by our gut instincts, shared chemistry and our feelings - nothing wrong with that too. It totally is up to you. All the best!
February 12th, 2020 12:12am
This sounds a lot like what I actually went through recently, and am still kind of dealing with. If you were as deep in love with the first person as you had originally thought, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second person as well. It is possible that you can love both of them equally and at the same time. The best decision would be to wait things out and see how things change over time. Don’t act on either person right away, try to wait and see if your feelings change for either person during about a one month period if possible.
February 14th, 2020 11:29am
We all are capable of loving many people at the same time like a parent loving her many children equally but that is not the same as loving two or more people in a romantic relationship. When you are involved in any relationship remember it relies on trust and being open and fair. People expect total commitment in terms of honesty and trust. By the norms of our society when you are in a relationship you are expected to be committed exclusively to one person. So can you be honest to both the people involved including yourself and do those people also endorse the same feelings? You need to have your own answer.
March 20th, 2020 5:40pm
Try to be honest in your communication and see who you can get to know the best and who truly deserves your trust love and affection. By being honest with yourself and others an issue becomes clear, but a lot of this relies on direct and clear communication. Instead of hiding your feelings and taking on too many dates at once, ask the other person how they feel and what they are looking for and be honest about where you are. You will be surprised by how many times people may be open to what you are saying, if they are not, or they try and it doesn't feel right to them, then you have an answer. Indecision while it can feel safe and rewarding to enjoy liking two people it actually adds a lot of stress and anxiety for everyone involved. Sometimes people may get hurt, but often times they respect you if you communicate and don't lead them on.
March 22nd, 2020 3:06am
Choose the second person you fell in love with. If you had genuinely loved the first, you would not have fallen for the second. Also, work to identify the love you are feeling. Is it platonic, the love of friendship? Or is it romantic? This is also important. But over all, love is oh so very complex. It may never make complete sense. In life, it's best to go with the flow of the sand in your hour glass, not question the forces of gravity. What feels right in your opinion matters more than anything. Have trust in yourself and live life freely.
April 2nd, 2020 2:12pm
I believe we can love many people at the same time, and that is totally natural. people are different and have many different qualities. That is ok !!! However when we are talking about having a relationship, we should choose one person. Society through the pass of the years has shown a history of many social, mental and physical healthy problems. I guess the beltway to diminish those problems is trying to concentrate in one person at the time. sometimes can be difficult to take care of ourselves, having another persons is wonderful but can be challenge, can image to commite to have two person to have a relationship with ? Good Luck !!!! GMC23
May 21st, 2020 5:03am
Firstly think about what you reallly want. Ask questions like WHY as many times as possible. Analyse the possible consequences. This is what we technically call 'critical thinking'. Analytical thinking helps you see through the problem clearly and helps in efficiently solving the problem. If you see yourself with both of them in the future, then try talking to both. If they consent, and if it's what you want, then go ahead. If you arrive at a conclusion that you are in love one person only, then go ahead and make yourself comfortable. But remember it's never late than never!