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What do I do if I'm in love with my ex?

25 Answers
Last Updated: 06/25/2019 at 12:32am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
adoredBlossom87
November 27th, 2014 2:38am
That depends on the circumstances. I'm still in love with my ex, and I think a lot of people have applied a very cookie cutter approach to my situation. I think there are a million scenarios. I can be healthy to move on if the breakup and the relationship was tumultuous. It can be difficult to let go if you were together for many years, or things were really incredible. It can be difficult to let go even if not. But I think you have take some time away from each other and give yourself time for you to cycle through all of the emotions that come with a breakup, and then you have to be honest with yourself about your feelings and the situation. When you do act make sure you are acting out of love for yourself and love for your ex, and ask yourself, "What would love do?" Would love let go for your ex's happiness or your own? Would love make positive changes to work on insecurities or mental health in order to rebuild the relationship on a healthier, solid foundation? Whatever you do, act out of kindness and patience for yourself and for your ex. Don't let the fear of losing love create a desperation that causes you to act brashly or try to force something that the timing is not right for. Be true to yourself and be patient.
IceQueen
December 31st, 2014 2:07am
If you really love you're ex boyfriend you should call him up, and talk to him, and tell him how you feel. You never know maybe things will workout after all. You just need to explain to him you're feelings, and I'm sure he would understand
Uniqueg
November 27th, 2014 3:47am
Maybe you can make a chart with the pros and cons of the relationship you had with your ex and if the good out weighs the bad maybe you can contact your ex and see if the feeling is mutual but if the bad out weighs the good maybe you guys ended for a reason
Anonymous
January 5th, 2015 5:35pm
You could tell her/him how you feel. The chances are that she/he might feel the same about you! If you don't get the answer that you wanted don't be upset. Atleast then you'd know. Keeping these feelings hidden within you will probably bother you even more!
Anonymous
December 8th, 2014 7:55am
It makes sense to sit down and sort out your feelings. There is a possibility that the love you feel might be because of a fear of being alone or not finding someone else. If you are sure that that is not the case, it might help to understand what went wrong in the first place. A friend would be helpful here because talking brings clarity to our own thoughts. You should also evaluate if there is any chance of you two getting back together. If after going through all of that, you feel like there is no way you could get back together, it may be time to seek help in the form of a support group or friends. Maybe just going out and meeting new people might make the difference.
Brok3nHeart
August 24th, 2015 2:28pm
This is POSSIBLY one of the worst situations to be in. When you have no control over the other person but all they would have to do is say a few words to make all the pain in you're heart go away. What you should do if you're in love with an ex is the most trivial question because at the end of the day who's emotions are on the line? Their you're emotions so do what you think is right regardless of what other people will say about you and regardless of what they will think about you.
DatGuy112
November 27th, 2014 5:11am
Acknowledge those feeling first and for most. Second understand, weather it forever or if its only for a little bit, you two are not together now for a reason. Give you self time to get right with your self and things will fall into place with or without them.
Anonymous
July 27th, 2015 9:15am
I would not carry any feeling of hurt or pain. I would be glad that he/she is happy in his/her life and move on ,still loving them and thinking good about them.coz love is all about giving and not having
Anonymous
October 26th, 2015 3:08pm
Being in love with an ex is very common but, I try to stay focused on my future. Everything is a learning experience.
kristinshere
November 30th, 2014 3:35pm
Well if he still loves you try and work on things but if he's over you respect that and try to place your mind on other things such as involving yourself in a food drive , volunteering or simply doing things that make you happy to keep your mind off of him/her
rayofhope11
December 2nd, 2014 8:11pm
Your ex Im sure is an ex for a reason, take a look at the bad times as hard as it may be. Reconnecting with friends or getting out and enjoying a hobby is a great way to try and separate yourself from the situation.
Arkelight
December 27th, 2014 9:38pm
There is plenty of research out there to suggest that completely ceasing contact with your EX is one of the best things you can do for yourself, of course it's easier said than done. Giving yourself some time to think about why the relationship ended, and being honest with yourself is good. Find some time with your friends or hobbies and try to enjoy yourself, find talk to talk about what happened but also find time to have other things on your mind. It will be hard, but time is the only real cure to this wound. The actions that you can take in-between decide how long it will take for you to get over your EX.
LittleMissy1994
November 10th, 2015 6:31am
This is actually a lot more common than people think. You just have to remember that, no matter what happened in said relationship, an ex is always an ex for a reason. Moving on can take time, so go at your own pace. If that includes sitting on the couch and eating ice cream until 3 in the morning, then that is what you do.
juanitod15
June 25th, 2019 12:32am
Ask if he feels the same way. And what can you do to get another chance, or at the least be friends and work your way up. To make things the way they used to be. Make sure that both of you guys are on the same page, and agree on where to start. Like for starters, listening helps a lot. To make sure for both of you guys to be in a happy and healthy relationship. Another way is to rebuild trust, and be open about everything. Not a secret to be kept, if so how can someone trust one another.
zoeyglee
April 3rd, 2015 5:25pm
Surround yourself with friends, and find other people you like. Find those qualities in other people that you're looking for, and give yourself reasons you like them. Then you can begin to get over your ex.
Anonymous
April 4th, 2015 3:12am
well 1st of all you need to move on... if your ex still cares for brings up good memories well you might give another chance but you need to move on and forget... cause there are alot of fishes in the sea.....(boys not only one)
heavenlySun21
May 3rd, 2015 3:10am
write him a letter? If you don't tell him will you still be asking yourself this question 6 months or 5 years from now?
beautifulCandy40
September 15th, 2015 1:20am
Think of why you broke up in the first place and if you are ready to go back and trying to start over with them.
courageousBeauty49
November 2nd, 2015 2:11pm
I wish there was a simple answer to this. I think for me, I may always love my ex. Who knows! I try to remind myself that I have a future of my own to look forward to! I try to keep hope that I will meet someone that I love even more! (and that loves me just as much)
Anonymous
November 3rd, 2015 2:37pm
i try to meet me other person to forget the old one and try to make my best not to think of him that a my answer
gloriousPresence60
November 7th, 2015 4:58pm
Thats happens usually a lot of people try to maintain their relationship... find any difference in the relationship that bothers u ... or make u happy with it ..... analysis what can hurt u again and what makes u better... then decided are you really want to be toghter....
Greatlistener87
June 28th, 2016 8:24am
He is your ex for a reason so that reason has to always remind you of why you guys are not together. If you love him you will want him to be happy. So if he is happy then just be happy for him.
piag860517
July 1st, 2016 9:52pm
You cant do nothing dear...I dont know the circunstances, but lifes move one people move one, love can remaind but when something is borken is jut broken, is called ex because is in the past let the past be where it should be in the past...second parts are never good!
Anonymous
July 26th, 2016 11:20pm
You can try to get your mind off it, or you can try to him/her back and tell him/her how much you love them and care about them.
SophiesSymphony00
February 12th, 2019 8:44pm
It depends... 1) If he is single right now and he/she was a good bf/gf for you I think you should ask him/her out again. You two should talk about everything that was bad and good during your relationship. If I were you I would see my ex personally (I mean: don't use text messages... See each other in real life! It's hard but gives better results.) 2)If he/she is dating someone else you just have to accept the fact, that there was something wrong between you two, so you broke up. Remember that the other person is a human too and has feelings. You should improve yourself. Ask yourself if you've done anything wrong that hurt your bf/gf. Remember: the whole life is just ahead of you! You are a teenager and I think you will find someone else who will be different but maybe better than your ex. After the break up you have more experience in dating : with your next gf/bf you can change some things that will improve your relationship. Take care and talk about love issues with your best friend. This always helps, believe me c: